100: My Favorite Hack to Slow Down Time

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I’m super excited to dive into today’s topic. But before we do, here’s a quick word from our sponsor. Today’s episode is brought to you by the Mastermind Parenting membership, our exclusive private year-long mastermind in the mastermind. You’re going to find a tribe of smart determinant and sometimes even slightly rebellious parents who all happened to have something in common. We all have at least one strong-willed Kidd. We’re a group of trail blazers. We believe that everything is figureoutable. We learned how to laugh more and yell way less. We solve problems. We have PRODUCTIVE combos instead of lectures that always fall on deaf ears. Anyway, as you guys know, we’re group of action takers, we don’t allow ourselves to stay stuck living in a home that feels like we’re walking on eggshells.

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Life’s too short for that. We dig in, we take action and we figure out what’s coming up for us. When our kids are pushing our buttons, we also learned to see our kids differently and how to speak to them in a way that they can actually hear without the constant fighting and dictator type behavior. We change patterns that have possibly been in our families for generations. We become the happy problem-solving parents and people. We hope our kids will grow up to be because you can’t teach what you don’t have. You gotta do it first. Guys, the doors are officially open and we’re enrolling for the Mastermind Parenting membership, February cohort group.

0 (1m 29s):
So if you’re ready to get the coaching support, training resources and accountability, you deserve to finally take your family from surviving to thriving. I want you to join the mastermind, go to Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash February, and apply for the Mastermind. There’s an option to book, a free call with Lindsey, L I N D S E Y on my team. If you want all of the deeds to determine whether the Mastermind would be a good fit for you. It’s Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash February giant. Things are happening in the masterminds. So if you’ve been on a podcast listener for a while and you are ready to have some accountability and experience a community, like you have never, ever been involved in and come apply for the Mastermind, you’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode a hundred,

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My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flow.

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Okay, guys, we’re here it’s episode a hundred. I can’t believe I’ve made a hundred episodes. What? It can sort of believe that it made a hundred episodes, but it hasn’t, it’s a, a, a a hundred sounds like a lot, right? So it was really thinking about what do I to share with you guys, what’s going to shift and change now that we’ve made a hundred episodes. And I think I just want to share more stories of my life. And, and so there is something that I’m doing and a new practice that I’ve put into my life and the thought it might be kind of cool to share with you guys. And you have to let me know what you think.

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So I learned a method recently about how to take back Time okay. And, and if you think about it, like, I know me and my husband, we like will look at each other when its, you know, the new year’s is coming up and we’re like, I can not believe 2019 already went by. I can’t believe it’s already 2020. Like, we’ve become those old people where we’re like, remember why two K? I was like, I knew we should have invested in an Apple stock. He’s like, no, you didn’t, you don’t even know anything about this stuff. I was like, I did, I did. I had like a, I had like a crystal ball moment. I knew it. He was like, whatever.

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So we, I just can’t believe that it’s already 2020. And so I find myself, like, it seems like the older I get the faster time goes, like I remember being a kid and it seemed like you were in the same grade for so long. I don’t know if you all feel it that way. But as I get older, I’m like, what happened to that decade? What happened? And, and, and I felt this when my kids, when my all throughout my kids’ childhood, I have always made a big deal about their birthday. And I know it came from a place of, I have a, I have a birthday that’s just a few days before Christmas.

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So I had that winter birthday. We were usually not in school. It ran into other holidays. My family didn’t celebrate Christmas, but we celebrated Hanukkah. And there was always like a joint present. So I always felt a little, like, I don’t know, like my birthday, it was sort of a wild. And, and I know because of that, I made a big deal out of my kids’ birthdays too. And all holidays, you know, like when I was growing up, it was like Veronica. We got like Sox and those life saver books do y’all remember, there was a life saver books. We didn’t get a whole lot of stuff. So we, I go a little bit overboard and also believe in not just buying and buying and buying and getting all the time.

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So one of the tools that I teach in that I’ve used in raising my own kids, especially when they were little was they want something and I’m like, Oh, put it on your birthday list, put on your Christmas list, put it on your Hanukkah list. So when it comes to birthday and Hanukkah, I sorta felt like I need to blow it out. Well, that was the justification. Right. I need to blow it out. Cause we’re making, we’re keeping lists, like are not just getting in buying all year long. And so let’s blow it out when it’s birthday and Hanukkah. It’s OK. Like life doesn’t have to be so serious. And, and, you know, are you gonna, are you going to earn that money to buy that? I was like, no, I want to, I want to spoil my kids rotten on their birthday and Hanukkah.

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And I knew where it came from. And my husband and I have talked about it many times over the years, especially when it’s the holidays, it’s a birthday or Hanukkah and there’s my closet’s filled with presents. And I’ve got all of these wrap, this wrapping, and he’s coming in there with me as we’ve gotten older, he will like, he’ll come in there with me. And we’re like, we have, you know, a wrapping party. He and I, and it’s just part of what we do. And he just allows it and doesn’t fight it anymore. But for many years he did fight It. So I know where it comes from. And I knew I always made a big deal about birthday, but it also dreaded their birthdays. And, and I thought it was because I knew there was going to be a lot of work around their birthdays because I made such a big deal about blowing it out.

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But really, I, it wasn’t that it wasn’t the w it was that time was moving too fast. And there was some, there was some pressure, it felt like a time crunch. I didn’t stop to think really what the pressure was. I know now what it was, but there was some kind of a time crunch. And I just wanted to slow down time, even though when they were little, somebody just said to me, the other day we were sitting at a game and there was a little cutest little three, or four-year-old by us in one of the mom’s. I was like, Oh, what do you trade places? And go back in time. And I’m like, I loved that age, parts of that age. But overall, I love that age when it was my own children.

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And it’s tiring. It’s exhausting. Like, like I’m no, I’m happy at the stage that I’m at now. And I was happy when I was there, but I wouldn’t trade and go back. And I have a niece that I’m crazy about. So I can borrow a four year old when I want to I’m, which is delightful. But, but there was this, this, this pressure and this, and this let’s slow time down. There was something like a little bit of a gun to the head. So I would dread when it was my kid’s birthdays coming up. I can’t believe he’s already turning seven. I can’t believe she’s already turning 16. I mean, it’s crazy to me that I have a, almost 22 year old, an 18 year old and an almost 14 year-old like, that is nuts to me.

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And I, I don’t dread their birthdays anymore. Like I don’t drive their birthdays. I love them getting older. I don’t have that same pressure that I have. So the, you, if you feel like the years run together, where did all the time go? I don’t even know what 2018 was, you know, it just feels like everything’s going way too fast. There’s this practice that I learned about from the author and speaker, his name is Matthew Dicks and he wrote a book called what’s the name of the book it’s called, Story worthy Anne in the book, he talks about finding, like, he calls it, he calls it something different, but I’m calling it the Story of the Day.

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So like, what was the thing that happened during your day? That is just your story of the day. And it’s interesting because he said, you know what this does is it slows down Time and he actually keeps a spreadsheet where, which I’m not a spreadsheet person. I’m just, I keep it a little journal that I write it in every day. I have a practice that I do in, in my, I call it my daily mind, a manager and its something as a tool that we use in my Mastermind. But I just have a, a part that says Story of the Day at the end of the day, you think back to the Day and you think of, what’s the one story that I really, really want to, or the moment that I want to remember from today.

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And so it causes you actually to bring more mindfulness into your day because it’s almost like you’re starting to, like when something happens, you’re like, Hmm. I wonder if this is going to be my story of the day and his theory, he keeps a spreadsheet so that he can only write like five words or something. So you can’t really elaborate on it. It’s just like a little tiny way to kind of trigger your brain, to remember a moment from your day and impactful moment. And his theory is that it’s not it, you know, your most story, worthy moments of your life. Quite often, aren’t like the biggest event that feel story worthy. And he has in his book, he writes it, you know, he’s got, had a lot of big things happen and his life, a lot of hard things, he was homeless for awhile and there was a whole bunch of different traumatic things that have happened.

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And he said, but actually my, my best stories that I’ve told and he’s, he’s won like all of these awards for being in this incredible storyteller. This is all of my best stories. He says, I really feel like coming from these little moments in my life that don’t actually feel story worthy. And I thought that is so cool. Me and my husband are both doing it where we have. So we’ve been doing this for probably like a month now. And so at the end of every day or the beginning of the next day, I think what was my Story of the Day yesterday. And I have noticed that it does slow down time because now when you think back on your year or your last month, and even if you look through, you can look, he is like, I look through my spreadsheet or maybe I look through my journals, but even just writing down, what was the one moment I’ve noticed?

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Like I have so many stories to tell. And so I was like, I’m going to start telling more stories on the podcast, although they’re based on all of these sorts of like non exciting moments. So it might boar the everliving shit out of you all. And if so, you’ll have to tell me, but I’m just kind of like using you guys as my Guinea pigs to see if any of these stories that you feel impactful to me in some way, resonate or feel impactful to you. So I’m going to be doing some cool storytelling. I don’t know. Podcast where it just tell different random stories. I also received a really interesting request recently.

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I just want you all to know kind of what’s coming up in the new season of Podcast I’m a mom in my Mastermind. She said, have you ever thought about doing a podcast just for kids? And I was like, no, no, not really. She was like, well, so often in, you know, when you’re, she said, when you’re going over a problem solving you’re coaching someone and walking them through how to have a productive conversation about a particular topic. She says a lot of times, I think God, I would love for my kids just to hear this directly from Randy. And she said, so I was thinking, it will be so cool if you had even just a collection of podcasts where you speak directly to the kids.

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And this got me thinking that I think as I tell these stories, I’m going to have certain episodes that are a kid issues. I really wanted to call multi-generation multi-generational in a episodes where you can listen to it too, but I’m going to be telling the story as if I’m talking to your child, I’m going to be talking directly to them. So I think it could be impactful for you guys to, and you’ll have to tell me if your kids are like, Whoa, who is this lady? And what is she talking about it? And I don’t care about that. That could happen. My kids certainly feel that way about me sometimes more often than I’d like, but if I tell stories directly to your kids about another kid that I interacted with or something that I think could be interesting to them or help them feel less alone or learn something I, I was thinking that might be cool because also as you hear me tell the story, I think y’all will also notice because I was picking up on this recently, some thing happened and I think I was around, I was like, Oh, I was having conversation with my daughter about certain parents who, I don’t know, they don’t, they, they think they have to show up with their kids constantly like playing a role and not being their real self.

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So there always like the responsible parent, like they don’t really like let their personality come through quite as much because they think that like, you know, that I’m a, I’m the mom, not a friend. So I need to like have my mom hat on and sound really Mohnish all the time. And so that it it’s like my kids have noticed when they’re around adults, that, that they knew they didn’t pin-point that the adult does it, but they’re like, yeah, she is kind of a weird, and that’s just their way of saying, like, I don’t know who she is. Like she doesn’t allow people or children to see who she really is because they’re so used to sharing our real personalities, but it feels sort of weird to my kids.

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So I was thinking, you know, maybe if I tell these stories to your kids and you guys listen with them, it you’ll also hear how I’m directing at you’re children, but I’m also a, still a a hundred percent me. And I’m not pretending to be anybody that I’m not a I might change the language a little bit just to be on their level. But, but anyway, I thought it could be kind of a cool thing. So you all have to let me know when we have our kid episodes, how that lands with you and your family. I want to hear from you guys there. Another thing that we’re doing is we’re going to do like every, maybe once every six or eight episodes, I’m going to do a sleep asleep segment.

0 (16m 11s):
So it might be the whole episode. It might just be like a little piece of the episode, but I collaborate with a sleep consultant that I love named Corey Greenberg. And I’ve had, there was an episode on a podcast. It’s a lot of people’s favorite episode. She has a wealth of knowledge and, and totally aligned with Mastermind Parenting. And, and so I’m going to start featuring her a in terms of answering some listener questions. So be looking out for that. And if sleep is the, you know, the warn in your side and your family just know we’re bringing that resource to help you guys out there.

0 (16m 51s):
So, so Story of the Day slowing downtime, looking for the one story of the day, the one pivotal moment that happened. And also that it doesn’t have to be a big deal in the moment. So let me share one recently that happened in my life. So my daughter, my daughter, my son’s girlfriend, Jamie, this is his girlfriend that he’s had for a couple of years. They’re now seniors in college. They actually live next door to each other. Their apartments are literally like, you know, next door, the next, their next door neighbors.

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And so Jamie is, is very much in all of our lives and we’re crazy about her. And she was FaceTiming with me and my husband because Alex birthday’s coming up and she, and so somehow Alec ended up choosing a girlfriend that also makes a very big deal out of birthdays. Hmm. Is it funny how that happens? Subconscious programming always playing in the background. So Jamie FaceTimes, Scott, and the other night, and we’re talking, she’s talking about Alex birthday and she wants us to plan something and her roommate’s in a room and it’s super cute. She’s like, they’re like laying on the bed and they’re talking about what are we going to do?

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And we’re putting all the details together and, and she is really managing most of it. It just kind of like were just basically like will pay for that will pay you for that, you know, loving that. She’s just doing it. And as we, as we continue talking, the roommate’s like, Whoa, wow. Like who all should we extend the invitation to? We really could include a lot of people. And Jamie says, Hmm, I don’t know. I think 20 people will be our max, if that she’s like Alex, pretty chill and Jamie is very social. Okay, Jamie, this is Alex, pretty chill.

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Less people is always better for him. And I’m like, Hm. Less is more for him. Huh? She’s like, yeah, I think so. She is like, don’t you think? And I said, yeah, I think, I think it’s pretty amazing that you know that about that, about him an honor, that I said, considering like, you mean like when he was seven and we ran it up a whole West You pool and invited the whole grade and like, you know, halfway through it, he’s looking at me with this look of misery on his face going, how much longer till it’s over. I said, do you know how many birthday parties we had like that?

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Where I went overboard. And it was just a case of too much birthday. Like there was an old bear Bernstein bears book that sister there was too much birthday. The sister was acting like a total brat on our birthday. And then my mom was like, yeah, I think we have a case of too much birthday. And I was like, yes, I had a case of too much birthday. So many times, especially with Alec we’re, like Jamie said less is more. So I felt all of this pressure to, to create these fabulous birthday memories. And I thought it was about that. I thought it was about, you know, giving them what maybe I didn’t have growing up.

0 (20m 21s):
But it, the real pressure you guys was that I knew that every year that went by quickly was, was a year closer to me, like, like needing to get this right. And I think the real pressure was that I knew at some point I was going to have to like face my own demons and figure my own stuff out. And, and I didn’t really wanna, and so I wanted to just make it all about like, Oh, I’m going to get them fabulous birthday parties because that’s not what I had. And I wished I would have had it. And so I felt all the pressure to make all these amazing memories with the pressure really, really, really was.

0 (21m 6s):
Hmm. Okay. Another year went by and I still am not feeling a hundred percent like my best self. I’m not sure I’m getting this right. I’m not feeling like I’m not feeling that great inside my body. I’m not, you know, I would, I knew I was still having like a lots of areas of my life, that I was distracting and numbing and checking out to feel better. And I knew that at some point a probably it was going to have to deal with that stuff and probably deal with some deeper things. But I didn’t want to, like, I’m a distractor, a number of avoider. I didn’t want it too.

0 (21m 47s):
And so I think that was the pressure of another year. I better figure this out quickly because if I don’t, what I know is that generational patterns exist and I will pass down all of the things about myself that I wish I didn’t have, and I will pass those down to my children. And I know I studied enough to know that that would happen and I yet I wasn’t really ready to face myself yet. So that was the pressure, which I think is interesting. So just her saying that piece about, yeah, he’s pretty chill. Usually less people is more and her planning, the birthday and me sort of like taking, you know, laughing about that West You pool memory amongst many others, how much longer til it’s over.

0 (22m 36s):
And I’m like, Oh, like, all I wanted was for him to be like joyful and having the best time of his life. And like, thanks mom. That was the greatest birthday ever. Like I wanted to see joy exuding from his pores. And instead he is like, how much longer til it’s over it. It brought up. That was my Story of the Day. It brought up that memory and, and it just was impactful. So this is a practice I’m doing. I invite you guys to do it too. I would love to know how it works out for you, if you all, if you do it. And if it’s making time go a little slower, that’s what Matthew, Dicks said. He said that he, he teaches workshops on this and that he had some guy that said, I’ve been read your book and I’d been doing the Story of the Day exercise, which I can’t remember exactly what Matthew calls it, but he calls it something.

0 (23m 27s):
And he said, and I didn’t do the Story of the Day three days last year. And he goes, and I can’t stop, like ruminating on that. And, and Matthew was like, what are you talking about it? And he’s like three days I have every other day accounted for, but I lost three days last year because when I don’t do the story of the day, the day’s just run together. I don’t have a specific memory to attach to that date. And I was like, well, that’s cool. So, so I thought that was pretty cool. All right, guys, that’s what I have for you looking forward to sharing more stories and lush I’ll reach out and tell me that that don’t stop.

0 (24m 10s):
This is not helpful. And, and I’m really excited to, to have the, the kid in the sleep episodes. I think that’s going to be a fun addition to the podcast and make sure you guys make sure if you’re listening every week, please take the time to leave us a five star review. It really does help us like how, I don’t know. It helps something in terms of the podcast being seen by more people. I’m not going to talk technical because I’m not that techie. So please, please, please. If you are enjoying the podcast, just go ahead and, and do that extra effort and leave us a review and, and let us know that you like it.

1 (24m 51s):
Have you read my book, a parent gap? Have you listened to my book? The parent gap? I doubt you’ve listened because my publisher hasn’t released it yet on audible. However, I had the audio version of a parent gaff that I would love to send to you. You can download it at Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book that’s Mastermind care team.com/book for your free audio version of the parents that your welcome I.