On the podcast this week, I’m talking about a recent convo I had with a pediatrician that I think you’ll find interesting. We talked about misunderstood kiddos and how the adults in their lives can support them to feel better and ultimately behave better. We talked about medication, behavior modification and more. Can’t wait to hear whatcha think. Enjoy!
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About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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Transcription
0 (0s):
I’m super excited to dive into today’s topic. But before we do, here’s a quick word from our sponsor for today’s episode is brought to you by the Mastermind Parenting membership, our exclusive private year-long Mastermind in the mastermind. You’re going to find a tribe of smart determinant and sometimes even slightly rebellious parents who all happened to have something in common. We all have at least one strong-willed kid. We’re a group of trailblazers. We believe that everything is figureoutable. We learn how to laugh more and yell way less. We solve problems. We have PRODUCTIVE combos instead of lectures that always fall on deaf ears. Anyway, as you guys know, we’re group of action takers, we don’t allow ourselves to stay stuck living in a home that feels like we’re walking on eggshells.
0 (47s):
Life’s too short for that. We dig in, we take action and we figure out what’s coming up for us. When our kids are pushing our buttons, we also learn to see our kids’ differently in how to speak to them in a way that they can actually hear without the constant fighting and dictator type behavior. We change patterns that have possibly been in our families for generations. We become the happy problem-solving parents and people. We hope our kids will grow up to be because you can’t teach what you don’t have. You got to do it first guys, the doors are officially open and we’re enrolling for the Mastermind Parenting membership, February cohort group.
0 (1m 27s):
So if you’re ready to get the coaching support, training resources and accountability, you deserve to finally take your family from surviving to thriving. I want you to join the mastermind, go to Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash Feb, and Apply for the mastermind. There’s an option to book, a free call with Lindsey, L I N D S E Y on my team. If you want all the deets to determine whether the Mastermind would be a good fit for you. It’s Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash February giant. Things are happening in the Mastermind. So if you’ve been a podcast listener for a while and you are ready to have some accountability and experience a community, like you have never, ever been involved in and come Apply for the Mastermind you’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode one Oh one,
1 (2m 26s):
My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flow.
0 (2m 39s):
Hi guys, it’s Randi with Mastermind Parenting and yesterday I was walking in my neighborhood and walk my dog like I do. And I wa I ran into a guy who’s sort of a neighbor in my neighborhood and we got to talking because that’s what you do, dog owners like to talk to each other. And it was a super friendly guy and we just start to kind of talking. And he said, you know, I am. And I said, you know, I’m Randy and he introduced himself. And he said, yeah, I know who you are. I actually want to know more about what you do. I see like your stuff around the neighborhood and on social media.
0 (3m 21s):
And, and I, I really have been super curious about what it is you do. And, and I said, okay, well, ask me anything you want. And he said, tell me, you know, he said, well, okay, full disclosure. I am I’m, I’m a pediatrician. And, and he said, and I just, I’m super curious, because I know parents or needing help. And a lot of times they turned to me for help. And I’ve liked some of the things I’ve read about you, but I just want to know more. So we got to talking and I said, you know, basically I help parents with communication tools.
0 (4m 6s):
I help parents talk to their kids in a way that especially their most challenging kids can actually hear them. And so it, we just got to talking and he said, you know, he said, it’s interesting in my practice. He said, my mentor was a doctor who is now in his eighties. And he was a fabulous doctor, but just there used to be a different way of doing things. And, you know, when I was a young doctor, he said, you know, I would go in with my patients and I would just sort of like talk at them. And I thought everybody was just coming to me just to know the doctor, all the doctor things you said.
0 (4m 47s):
But what I found, what I found over the years is that I actually need to listen way more than I talk. And when I listen and I hear people and I reflect back that I hear them like that really is sort of the key I. He goes in, in my practice. And I said, well, it’s funny that you say that because that’s actually empathy, hearing what somebody says, listening and knowing how to listen, hear what they say, and then let them know and convey that you get it. And you hear what they, what they’re trying to tell you. And then that builds trust. And then you can share all of the expertise and knowledge and, you know, the things that you feel like would benefit them in helping them figure out whatever, you know, whatever problems they’re trying to solve.
0 (5m 39s):
That’s when you can actually help them, because now they trust you because they know that your not just talking at them, you’ve heard them. And he’s like, exactly. And I said, that’s what I teach parents to do. And I said, you know, and I think that the kids that are most challenging kids are our kids, that they can only hear us when they feel like we hear them. But when they’re showing up in this place of super defensiveness and combativeness and digging their heels into every little thing, it’s hard to not just want to shut down their behavior.
0 (6m 20s):
Like this goes to, this really goes way beyond medication and behavior modification. Like this goes to this place of just human connection. Like if some, if a child’s not doing well, if their acting super challenging, they’re really trying to tell us that they need help, but they don’t know how to express it. And unless they trust us, there are not going to take whatever our recommendations or advice or guidance, you know, they’re not going to take it. They’re going to just shut down. Because especially these kids that are in this place of defensiveness, they, they feel misunderstood.
0 (7m 1s):
They don’t feel empathized with, and they don’t want to hear our suggestions because they are just so used to feeling like everyone wants to control them. And he was like, exactly, exactly. And then he kind of goes into a story about like, when he was a kid and he’s like, you know, and I realized at that moment why he became a doctor, he felt misunderstood as a kid. And so his goal really has been in being a pediatrician is to help and support kids from this place of like, I’m an adult that you can trust. I’m an adult that you can come too, that you don’t need to be scared of. I’m gonna help you. I’m here to help heal You you know?
0 (7m 43s):
And so the most tangible way to kill a child is through being a traditional Dr. But I could tell that there was more to it than him, especially when he started sharing a story from his own life. And I said, yeah, it’s argued, misunderstood kids that really need that our support. And so that’s really what I do. I said, I really teach a teacher a bunch of cool parenting tools, but I really, my, my goal is to help these kids that feel misunderstood a trust, the adults around them to guide them and to build, you know, better relationships so that we can help them to solve problems. We can help them to show up from a place where they feel better about themselves.
0 (8m 27s):
And they feel like they’re showing up as the best versions of themselves, but we have to be able to build trust to do that. And the only way to do it is to change the way we communicate with them. And, you know, using all of these strategies like time-out, and just constantly correcting them every time they’re acting out without doing what you do in your practice or doctor is without letting them know, like I’m going to listen to you first, I’m going to get to the root of what’s really underneath this behavior. And then I’ll let you know that I’m not just trying to control you or shut you down. I’m here to understand you so that I can help you and you have to be able to trust me so that I can help you.
0 (9m 15s):
So I said, I really teach communication tools and ways to help families strengthen their relationship. And I, I developed this, this recipe and I trademarked my method because it works in, especially with these most challenging kids, but it really, with all humans, children, everyone, it just strengthens every relationship. And so I have this, this really cool program that I’m, that I’ve created, and I have this tangible way of teaching people this recipe so that they can ultimately trust each other and help their kids to feel better and do better and show up as better versions of themselves.
0 (9m 58s):
So they can go on and to spread their wings and to be successful humans. So, umm, so he was like, Oh wow, this is a really cool, this is really cool. We need this, we need this everywhere. And I was like, I know let’s, you know, let’s do it. It’s a movement. So I thought that was fairly cool just to like run in to some random neighbor. And next thing you know, we really Get. We find this common denominator that both of us have the same underlying. Why were so passionate about the work that we do because it’s really about helping kids to feel better, supported more understood, and to realize that the adults in their lives, their doctors, their parents, their teachers are their soft place to land.
0 (10m 41s):
We are here to help them because as Dr. Ross green likes to say, kids do well, if they can. So if their not doing well, there is a reason there’s more to the story.
1 (10m 53s):
Have you read my book, a parent gap? Have you listened to my book? The parent gap? I doubt you’ve listened because my publisher hasn’t released it yet on audible. However, I have the audio version of the parent GAF that I would love to send to you. You can download it at Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book for your free audio version of the parent gap. Your welcome I.
