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131: Lagging Skills – Why your kid’s behavior isn’t improving

By September 8, 2020November 8th, 2023Mastermind Parenting Podcast
131: Lagging Skills - Why your kid’s behavior isn’t improving

This week and this month I’m focusing on how we can really help our strong-willed kids and what actually “works” with these kids.

We’ll delve into why your kid’s behavior isn’t significantly improving if you’ve tried the traditional approaches like play therapy or sticker charts.

We need to understand what’s really going on with these kids and how it’s more about “lagging skills” and less about being intentionally difficult.

As always, I don’t mince words and give it to you straight up from another mom (me) who has walked this path just a few steps before you. I’ve. Got. You. Xo

As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.

She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.

At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.

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Transcription

0 (2s):
My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flow, your listening

1 (15s):
To the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode one 31. Well, hi guys, today, I want to talk about why your kid’s behaviors and improving something referred to as Lagging Skills. And I’m going to find that for you and just sort of welcome you to September and the new school year. And I really am kind of putting themes on the months M these days. And so this month I really sorta want to delve into how were doing things a little differently.

1 (56s):
It Mastermind Parenting umm, when it comes to helping strong-willed kids and really all of our kids, I’m going to feature some different interviews this month of moms who have gone through Mastermind Parenting and even a pediatrician. I actually have several physician moms in my groups, which is interesting because you know, like I say it to all my physician moms, I love them. They are such action takers. I’m like, y’all wouldn’t have come to me first. You just came here ’cause you were trying all the traditional things and they weren’t working. And because you’re such an action takers, you were like, well, we’ll try something different.

1 (1m 40s):
I’m I’m not a therapist. I’m not a psychologist. My, we really are doing things differently here. I do believe in lots of different Western approaches and professionals and I’ve used many of them on my path and how I got here and how I helped my own family, my own strong-willed kid. And I’m a rebel tendency and M I’m a problem solver. And so I really kind of want to dig into how, you know, not really my story on how I got here, but just what we’re doing now, because the point of all of it is we’ve got these kids that are showing up with some pretty tricky behaviors and it can be really hard to parent these kids.

1 (2m 30s):
It’s like parenting is hard anyway. And, and when your given one of these kids who are not sort of, you know, in the box kids and they really push us to figure out a different way. And so I that’s, that’s really what I have done. And like, what I like to say is, is I am not, I’m a connector. And when I discover something, I want everyone else to know about it. Like I’m a person who went find a deal at Nordstrom rack. I want to, I call it. I’m like, okay, my brain immediately. Sometimes we have to remind myself to just be in the moment and lean into the joy because my brain always goes to who else would be interested in this amazing deal?

1 (3m 15s):
I’m like, I’m like the chocolate cake tastes much better when I give you a fork and you a fork and you a fork. So, so yeah, so, so I’m delving into how to actually help these strong-willed kids. What’s really going on with them as well as what’s what happens in families where you have a strong willed child, like how it affects the whole family dynamic. And one of the interviews I’m going to be doing this month is with a mom and her teenage daughter who really isn’t her strong willed kid. She was showing up with some strong-willed behaviors.

1 (3m 55s):
But the truth is, is she is what I call it, the, our other kids, air quotes or other kids. And, and so how it affects the whole family dynamic when you’re living with a child who quite often as acting like a dictator. And so, so it was interesting because this teen daughter that you’ll hear from in a few weeks, she was showing some really defiant behaviors. But when we dug in, it turns out that she was really, really like, like easygoing, temperament, super easy kid growing up. And it wasn’t until her younger sister was born, who is the strong strong-willed child in the family where she started displaying some of these behaviors too.

1 (4m 41s):
So, so sometimes our strong-willed kids are our other kids. And that’s why I like to say Mastermind Parenting really came about because of our strong-willed kids. However, a it’s an approach for all kids. Okay. So today to do it, that’s, what’s coming up with this month, but today we are going to discuss why your strong-willed kid ax. So, you know, strong willed and uncooperative and, and why their behavior isn’t improving and, and where you can kind of begin to start changing that dynamic. So to continue doing the things you’ve been doing right, and without any improvement is what I call living in this should.

1 (5m 30s):
It’s like they should be responding better to this. They should be making their bed. They should be putting on their shoes. They should be listening. The first time I tell them and living in the shades is not helpful. Okay? Its not helpful for you. Its not helpful for your kids. It’s like fighting with real reality. Like It is what it is. So now we’ve got this problem. How are we going to solve it? Living in the sheds does not solve problems. Okay. And, and living in a shift also, if we’re really honest, it causes you to just to get angry, right? When it’s like an injustice, they shouldn’t be doing all of these things. So every time your kid shows up with a defiant behavior, it’s really because you’re living your life by the definition of insanity.

1 (6m 18s):
Okay? So they’re there showing up with their defiant behavior. You’re doing angry about it. You’re living in the sheds. They should be better, but we’re not getting to the root of the defiance. So we’re expecting them to do things differently. To all of a sudden miraculously become more common operative. And yet we’re not giving them new skills to help them. Okay. So that is what I call the definite <inaudible>. I think it’s living in the insanity because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

1 (7m 0s):
You know, your anger shows that you’re really frustrated, that things aren’t improving. So we gotta learn new things, the things to do. And that’s why you’re here. Okay. So I want to talk about someone who has it. They have learned a lot from, I’ve learned a lot from a lot of different experts and a one of the experts that I quote it quite often is Dr. Ross green. And he teaches parents basically how to have a PRODUCTIVE conversation with your, with your kids to solve problems. He calls it something different. He’s got like this whole, he wrote this book called the book has great. Its called the explosive child, but he does this whole plan, a plan B plan C.

1 (7m 44s):
And I have a different way that I explain it. I love him. I love what he’s doing in the world. He’s basically a champion for kids that are the strong-willed kids who are quite often misunderstood and our society. And if you ever have an opportunity to hear him speak, I really encourage you to look of them up and go. He has a, he has a website look up Dr. Ross green with an E on the end green. And uhm, I think his website is called lives and the balance. And he’s got tons and tons of free resources. So, and lots of clips and weighs. You can hear him, but when you hear him speak, you can really feel his passion for, for finally helping these kids.

1 (8m 33s):
He knows these kids are really frustrated. And so I’m going to break down some of his concepts in my lingo for you today, he basically teaches you that you have to stop making their strong world or explosive behavior means something that is just frankly doesn’t. And one of his quotes that that many people often repeat as well as myself, I repeated it quite often is kids do well if they can. So if a kid isn’t doing well, right? If they’re not doing well, which that’s the case when we have these strong-willed defiant explosive chronic meltdown type behavior is going on.

1 (9m 18s):
We got to get curious to get to the root of why, why aren’t they doing well? And living in the sheds is just the definition of insanity. It will not change your reality cause there’s always a reason there not doing well. So he defines the root cause for the behavior as an unmet need or a Lagging skill. Okay. And on his website he has a list of Lagging Skills and some examples of unsolved problems. He’s got this assessment on his website, it’s called the ALSUP a L S U P a L S.

1 (9m 59s):
You can see. Okay. So he says a, a Lagging skill. Here are some of the Lagging Skills that he lists on his Allsup assessment, difficulty handling transitions and shifting from one mindset or task to another. Now most kids have a hard time transitioning from one thing to the next, because they’re like little Zen masters kids live in the present moment. So all of the little kids, you know, it’s like they’re watching their favorite Peppa pig, cartoon, and it’s time to get their shoes on, to go to preschool.

1 (10m 39s):
And you know, and, and, and you’re like, okay, term to term, Peppa, pig off. The next thing you know, you’ve got a meltdown, like that’s not uncommon. And we teach some really simple strategies that turns that around quickly, if you have a strong-willed kid, it, it’s not just one of those typical situations where they’re having a hard time transitioning. Like they literally like you can’t get out of bed in the morning or just can’t, it’s like the most simple tasks. They just can’t stop. What they’re doing. Everything seems like it’s a, it’s a big struggle and everything seems like it.

1 (11m 19s):
It’s like, anytime you gotta transition from one to the next to me, you know, a lot of times, by the time they get a little older and they found the screens, if it’s video games or even if there are a little while and they’ve got the iPad, it like, it goes beyond that typical difficulty transitioning. They just it’s like they, they can’t. I mean, I’ve had the stories of like kids who were, I don’t know, 11 years old, you know, by that time 11 years old and, and boys who are starting to develop and get strong and it’s like, they, they just could, they wouldn’t get us off the video game to the point that when the parents turned it off, the kid, like, you know, through the way through the video game, broke it unplugged, it freaked out.

1 (12m 5s):
Like they will really get explosive. So they have a hard time shifting from one mindset or task to another. If you’ve got a kid that goes above and beyond to a typical difficulty transitioning, you know, you know, I’m talking to you, okay. Another Lagging, Skills difficulty doing things in a logical sequence or prescribed order. You know, first we brush our teeth, then we do this or for homework, you know, first we get our supplies. Then we put, get everything set up and we take out our, our, our things. And we figure out how much homework we have for the day. And it’s like, they’re so overwhelmed. They just, they don’t even want to start their homework because they just have a real difficulty that goes above and beyond logical sequencing or prescribed order, difficulty persisting on challenging or tedious tasks.

1 (12m 59s):
So when they start to get frustrated, they either quit. They blame, they get real angry. They can’t stick with, you know, anything that, that is challenging. They can go to a place of overwhelm. And usually it there’s explosiveness poor sense of time. That’s a, Lagging Skills difficulty maintaining focus, difficulty considering the likely outcomes or consequences of actions like their super impulsive. Never think through things they might be, you know, quick to hit, no matter how many times you’ve gone over that, you know, there’s absolutely no violence allowed in your household.

1 (13m 42s):
Yada, yada, yada, every time they get frustrated, they hit. And then, you know, you have, if, you know, if you have one of these kids, cause later on a lot of times they’ll, they’ll beat themselves up about it. Or they’ll say, you know, everyone hates me. I’m so bad. And, and so they’re just super impulsive. There’s a lot of impulsivity, difficulty considering a range of solutions to a problem. You know, like they just, they can be super black and white and their thinking. They’re not in any way able to problem solve difficulty expressing concerns, needs, or thoughts and words. Like you can’t get them to use their words no matter what, they just go to that explosive place.

1 (14m 22s):
And nothing, no matter how many talks you have after the fact, they, they can’t even express themselves. There just like shut down on their anger, difficulty understanding of what’s being said. So you’re talking to them and they’re just not getting it a difficulty managing an emotional response to a frustration. So as to think rationally chronic irritability and or anxiety, significantly impedes capacity for problem-solving or heightens frustration. So I remember thinking this was like, that was kind of the main sign of my son when he was little, he would hold it together all day at school and then he’d come home and he’d just be like pissed.

1 (15m 4s):
It was like any little thing. He was just in a bad mood. And you know, my, I didn’t know it at the time cause I wasn’t on this whole path of self-awareness and I was young and I just, I, I, I wasn’t there yet. You know, it was just part of my own journey, but you know, secretly I didn’t have the happiest of childhoods. And so secretly I was going to be like the greatest mom and my kids are going to be so happy in life, have these joyful childhoods. And so, you know, I pick them up from school and I like, you know, I want to have to walk up. I wanted him to see me. I didn’t want him to have to wait for me. Like that was a big thing for me. It was that because I remember having to wait a lot from my parents to pick me up.

1 (15m 46s):
And I always, I remember one time when I was in like third or fourth grade and I was in a carpool and this one kid, he has such a bully and I’m he, I remember him. And we were like the last kid’s in the carpool line of my poor mom. She was working, she was trying to do it all. She had three kids and we were waiting for my mom and my mom was late and we were the last people in the carpool line. I remember this kid looking at me and he was like, why is your mom never here on time? We’re always the last ones that I remember feeling so much shame about that. So like, I was like, Oh wait. And I didn’t hadn’t connected the dots yet. But like even when my son was like in kindergarten or first grade, like I remember I didn’t want to go to the carpool line.

1 (16m 28s):
Like I wanted to walk up and I wanted to get there before the bell rang because I wondered when he came out for me to be right there, you know, waiting for him and happy to receive him. And you know, sometimes I mean it, most of the time, probably because I knew he was so irritable, I’d even have like a little snack with me and they would go to the park or we do whatever. And nothing I would do. He was just always pissed. He was just a bad mood. And every time that scale on his face was there, I was just, it was like, I took it so personally it felt like it felt like I was failing at this thing I promised I was going to do so well again, none of this was conscious for me, but I just remember it being super triggering.

1 (17m 11s):
Like I could see a bad mood and I tried and happy up in the mall. I have tried to happy I’m up. The more like, I think I kind of came across with that graspy energy. Like I wanted it too badly. And then it was just sort of put them in more of a meltdown. Cause the truth, the matter is, is that he was just like exhausted from school and had been over-stimulated and he needed to recharge. So nothing I was going to do. So the back that extra graspy energy, it’s almost like I put more pressure on them. So that constant irritability, that was one for me, difficulty seeing the grays. This was also for my son, concrete, literal black and white thinking. Yeah. Very hard time. Seeing the grace to difficulty deviating from rules or a routine.

1 (17m 52s):
So like if you have a ruler, a routine, but sometimes their needs to be some flexibility. Maybe, you know, you were going, you, you normally go out to dinner on Wednesday nights, but the favorite restaurant is closed, you know, for renovations. And you’re like, Oh, we’re gonna go to a different restaurant. And next thing you know, your kid has, has a meltdown because that’s not the way its supposed to be. We go to this restaurant, you know, they could be so stuck in a routine and the rules, difficulty handling unpredictability, ambiguity, uncertainty and novelty. Okay. All humans like, like uncertainty is our kryptonite that’s right. Why if you’re listening to this in real time during the COVID right.

1 (18m 35s):
Everybody’s you know, everybody’s in this state of sort of fear and uncertainty because we, we hate that all humans do, but kids that have Lagging Skills like, especially, it just like puts them. It just makes them all out of sorts, difficulty shifting from original ideas or plans or solution. Again like they lack flexibility, difficulty taking into account situational factors that would suggest to need to adjust to a plan of action and flexible everyone’s out to get me. Nobody likes me. It says inflexible, inaccurate interpretations and con cognitive distortions.

1 (19m 15s):
Everyone’s up to get me. Nobody likes me. You always blame me. It’s not there. I’m so stupid. A lot of negative self-talk difficulty attending to, or accurately interpreting social cues, poor perception of social nuances. A lot of times their space invaders, difficulty starting conversations, enter it in groups, connecting with people, lacking other basic social skill. So a lot of times like kids who are just like your, at the park and you see some kids who are just naturally always, they just next thing you know, they’ve got a friend, you know, and then I’m like, you know, like you have a kid who it just it’s. So they it’s almost like they’re always asking you or are there other parent to constantly play with them and in your life go play with another kid.

1 (19m 60s):
And they just there’s some that are like, I don’t want it to, I don’t want it to, they have a hard time sort of naturally ingratiating themselves into other kids, play difficulties, seeking attention in inappropriate ways. So they’re constantly acting out for negative attention, difficulty appreciating how his or her behavior is affecting. Other people have a hard time with perspective, taking a difficulty empathizing with the others, appreciating another’s perspective or point of view, difficulty appreciating how she or he is coming across or being perceived by others, maybe having sensory motor difficulties. Okay. So those are the Lagging Skills if your kid has any of those displays, any of those types of behavior it’s because they have Lagging Skills it’s literally because they, they would, they would do it differently if they could, but there are certain skills that are just lacking and in them.

1 (20m 58s):
And so they need really the grown-ups in their lives to help them with that. And then on the same assessment, he says unsolved problems, unsolved problems are, these are the specific expectations a child’s having difficulty meeting. So because of these Lagging Skills they can meet our expectations. So when we were living in the should, you should be able to follow, you know, your morning tasks, you get up, you make your bed, you go to the bathroom, you brushed your teeth, you come from, you know, and every day it’s time to leave. And it’s just been, you know, a struggle, every little thing.

1 (21m 39s):
And then you’re like, did you brush your teeth? And they didn’t brush their teeth and they’re refusing to brush their teeth. Okay. So there’s a way in there. They, and they’re not expressing why they refuse to brush their teeth are just refusing to brush their teeth. There’s a Lagging scale. There there’s more of this situation. So he explains an unsolved problems like at home, how they display. Here’s a, here’s some examples. He says, difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, in time to get to school on time, difficulty getting started on or completing homework, difficulty ending the video game to get ready for bed at night, difficulty coming in doors for dinner with him, playing outside, difficulty agreeing with brother about what television show to watch after school difficulty handling the feelings of seams in socks.

1 (22m 29s):
This is a big one. So sensory diff remember with my son when he was three and it was before there was any real sensory integration stuff on the scene because he’s 22. But I remember like he was it, he would itch the back of his neck all the time. We, and he went through this period where we would literally just cut all of the tags out of his shirts because there was something about those tags. It was just, it was like he would fixate on it. And it was, and I was kind of like, if I’m not a big deal of whatever will cut the tags out. But a lot of the times I’ve heard about this with seams in the Sox camp, they, they literally make special sensory socks, difficulty brushing teeth before bedtime difficulties staying out of older sister’s bedroom, difficulty keeping bedroom, clean difficulty clearing the table after dinner.

1 (23m 16s):
Now a lot of this stuff sounds typical, but you know, if you have a kid that goes beyond the typical and some of the difficulties at school difficulty moving from choice, time to math, difficulty sitting next to Kyle during circle time, difficulty raising hand during social studies discussions, difficulty getting started on a project on tectonic plates and geography, difficulty standing in line for lunch, difficulty getting along with Eduardo on the school bus difficulty when losing it when losing and basketball at resource or a recess, I’m like, you know, you know, if you have a kid that has the difficulty losing when you all play a board game at home, right?

1 (23m 57s):
So if you have a kid that’s presenting with any of these things, we have to shift from the shed’s and doing things. As we have been doing things, and we got to get curious, right? That’s how we start to help figure out how to solve these problems rather than accidentally making the problem worse. Okay? The Lagging skill is not developed or solved. It’s not solved. You know, you didn’t do anything to cause this Lagging the skill. It’s not ’cause you, you know, you did anything wrong.

1 (24m 37s):
You didn’t make them, you know, do X, Y, and Z. You know, if your kids have these leggings, Lagging, Skills, especially in a young age, there’s more to the story and they’re not solved through tough love approaches involving, you know, when you live in the sheds and it turns into anger, I promise you, there’s probably some shame threats, bribing, perhaps punishment, berating like those, those or the, that those tough love approaches will not solve the problems due to Lagging.

1 (25m 18s):
Skills Dr. Green says that if you sat in one of his talks, okay. So if you listen to it, one of his talks and then he ran in to you in a coffee shop, lets say, and you went up to them and you thanked them. You know that you saw it as a talk and it was so insightful. You learned so much, he says he would immediately ask you. Okay. So you learned so much. So tell me what your child’s lagging skills and unsolved problems. That’s what he would ask You. And he says, its the rare parent that would take the time to be able to really answer him because they hadn’t assessed or identified what those Lagging Skills and unsolved problems were.

1 (26m 3s):
He would say, the parents will say, Oh, you know, I don’t want to know. I haven’t gotten. He’s like, I’ll tell you what, why the talk is going to, it’s not going to benefit your life unless you go and print out this assessment and truly figure out and identify what are your child’s Lagging Skills like put this learning into action. You’ve got to assess and identify what the Lagging Skills are. Okay. Because what we typically do is we sit, we listen, we passively consume new information, but then we fall short. OK. We fall short.

1 (26m 43s):
We have to take the time to really assess and identify what are the kids are consistently having trouble with because only then can we actually help them develop, develop new skills? So those skills aren’t Lagging anymore. And when they develop new skills, then they can solve the problem and they can meet the expectations. So this is basically what I’m up to and the work that I had to do with families, right? We use lots of traditional and non-traditional approaches. I’m a huge fan of occupational therapy. We have a resident occupational therapist on the Mastermind Parenting team and she really helps us to understand what’s going on with these kids.

1 (27m 25s):
She’s a wealth of information. I call her the kid whisperer. She literally like translates to us why a kid is doing a certain behavior and, and how to understand it because I teach all of these amazing tools and communication strategies. But to be able to utilize those tools and communication strategies, you have to have, you have to be in the right head space to be able to do it. That’s what I call mine mastery. Like you can not make their behavior. It means something that it doesn’t so identifying what the Lagging Skills are when we’re moving into problem solving. It’s super important for us to like not to, to really get it so that we can communicate and use the tools and strategies.

1 (28m 12s):
And we don’t make it mean something that it doesn’t. So, you know, on this podcast, like the little intro it’s like w if, whenever it’s, it says like we want to be a family that can talk about anything and everything like that. It’s really kind of the crux of what I do. PRODUCTIVE conversations. We are all about problem-solving whatever life throws, our way problems, small problems seems in socks or explicit defiant behavior and teenager failing at a school or having, you know, having some pretty, you know, risky, serious things going on in their lives.

1 (28m 56s):
Like whatever it is, we have to be a family that can talk about things because how do we know how to solve problems if we’re not discussing it? And so I really stand for being a family that can talk about anything and everything, right? I mean, you know, these are hard conversations and I think, you know, many of us more than we realize, like we’re conflict avoidant and the reason why we’re conflict avoidant, it is because we are that we have Lagging Skills in effective communication in being people that can lean into a difficult conversation without bringing anger and being a true grown-up with full executive functioning and our brain to be able to problem solve, like, to be able to problem solve.

1 (29m 49s):
You really have to bring that executive, you know, those executive skills online. And so, you know, this is really what we’re up to. I’m like, what if we just had a whole society of calm people that solve problems? Like I’m not going to bring politics into it because my husband says these days, I’m a little obsessed. And even though I’m not politically informed by any anybody’s definition, but I’m just obsessed with who we have as a leader right now. And because I’m like, where’s the grownups, like we’ve got to be the calm grownups that solve problems without shaming and blaming and nastiness.

1 (30m 35s):
Like that’s how we’re going to make our world a better place. And these strong-willed kids that are put in to our life, you know, this is where it gets a little bit spiritual for me, where I’m like they were given to us for a reason, they are calling us to more. And there’s a reason why you feel like the days are endless with these kids because they’re literally, if they knew how, if they didn’t have the Lagging Skills, that would be shaking. You saying, please learn new methods. Please help me develop better skills. Because only when you helped me develop better skills than you’ll learn, you’ll develop better skills.

1 (31m 14s):
And this is how we make the world a better place. So if you worry, you know, about, if you worry about, I mean, I think most parents, we worry about our kids. Like, Hey, you know, worry about it. I mean, I, no, I do. I, we worried about the future. What’s going. I mean, a lot of times Bernay Brown calls it. What does she, she says that vulner that one of the most vulnerable emotions, if not the most vulnerable emotion, she may say it’s the most vulnerable emotion is joy because we do something called what’s the, how does she phrase it? She says, it’s called foreboding joy. So it’s like, when something really good happens and then your light, your brain goes to all my God, I love this child.

1 (32m 2s):
Some of, you know, maybe I have a kid that’s, that’s going away to college. Or, and they’re just getting to know such an amazing kid. And you’re like, Oh my God, I love my kids so much. And then you start to think about their future and you start to worry. And you’re like, Oh, I got, if anything ever happens, then I think I’ll di like what’s gonna happen. There are going to be they’re, they’re going to be a college all by themselves. And what are some of it hurts them. What if, you know? And so I think that it’s normal for many of us, especially maybe more so for the Jewish mothers, myself, and I’m speaking for myself, like I can do that for boating, joy and worry so much. And then I have to remind and bring myself back to just lean into the, now the only thing I have control over is this present moment and take a deep breath and lean into the now and celebrate and just experience the joy.

1 (32m 53s):
It’s a very hard, it’s very hard because we worry about their future and we want to keep them safe, you know? And so if you’ll have a strong-willed kid, you know, I think we worry about the future even more. Cause it’s like, it’s my kid going to be OK. You know, my kids showing up with some, even the kids and sometimes these kids go to the school and they share the whole world that, ya know what it’s like with them behind closed doors. But for many of these kids, I mean, I know it was the case for mine. And even to this day, like, I mean, this is probably normal where a lot of times we share our worst selves to the people we love the most, but you know, a lot of times these strong-willed kids they’re fine out in the world, but it’s, they save it for when they come home to us.

1 (33m 44s):
And so when we see this sort of, you know, less than awesome behavior behind closed doors, we’re like, what is it going to be like for them? How has anyone I’m going to ever? I mean, I used to go to this place, like, why are they going to be like, if somebody going to be able to live with them or are they going to be able to get married? Like what, what happens when it gets beyond first impressions? So, so if you really do worry like that, you have a hunch there, you know, there’s something more of the equation and the traditional approaches that haven’t necessarily been working. You know, then I really want you to stick with us this month because I think that you’re going to hear some stories and some real life accounts of what we’re up to here.

1 (34m 36s):
You know, what we’re up to here, because I mean, all I can say is that I was once in your shoes and sometimes I still am. Sometimes I still am. And you know, for me, it just feels wrong not to share what I’ve learned and what I continue to learn, because I am far from I’m Free, I’m far, I’m far from cooked. I’m far from developing my Lagging Skills and, you know, I think that’s just part of being a human, you know, I think we were supposed to constantly be growing and learning and, and you know, my, my goal is just it’s, you know, I’m passionate and just like Dr.

1 (35m 16s):
Green is passionate in. I want to help every human who feels misunderstood, to feel celebrated and to learn how to celebrate themselves. And to know that they have a family that is their soft place to land, that they can rely on, that will support them, that will lean into, you know, learning new skills themselves so that we can help them to develop the skills and we’ll stop it. Nothing, because I think we all deserve to have a family that gets along and to live a thriving life. I think every human deserves that.

1 (35m 58s):
So I love you for being here with me and for being the kind of parent that has really joined in, in this life changing. And I think world changing conversation, and I think we’re up to big things and I’m just so glad that you’re here with me. So until next week, have a good one. Kiss your babies for me and my dad

0 (36m 24s):
Bye-bye Hey, podcast listeners. I wanted to tell you about something really special. I am doing on September 19th from two to 5:00 PM central time, and it’s going to be a live Mastermind Parenting Masterclass to have a successful school year. So I’m going to be teaching brand new content. And if you love coming to my free stuff, this is a virtual half day retreat. My whole teams going to be there, including Amanda, who is a mastermind parenting coach, and a licensed occupational therapist. I call her as a kid whisper. She’s going to be there and I’m going to be teaching my five, a formula to help you help your strong-willed child and their siblings have an a plus school year.

0 (37m 15s):
So I hope you’re going to join us and it’s giving you a great time. We’re going to give it everything we’ve got and to sign up, go to Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash Masterclass all one word Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash Masterclass. Can’t wait to see you there.

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Creating A Happier Household

by Randi Rubenstein