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132: A Convo with a Pediatrician: Traditional Approaches vs. Mastermind Parenting

By September 15, 2020November 8th, 2023Mastermind Parenting Podcast
132: A Convo with a Pediatrician: Traditional Approaches vs. Mastermind Parenting

In this week’s podcast episode, I sat down with pediatrician and mom, Sarah Miller and Lindsey, mom and Mastermind Parenting member manager on my team.

Oh boy. We covered it all. From strong willed kids to laser hair removal we had a really fun and no holds barred convo. Wondering how we covered such an array of topics, well you’ll have to listen to find out!

And please let me know if you enjoyed this longer conversational format to spice things up???

As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.

She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.

At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.

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0 (2s):
My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind. Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts gro the conversations in your home flow

1 (15s):
And listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode one 32. Well, hi guys. I am here today with Dr. Sara Miller Mastermind mom and amazing doctor. Pediatrician an internist And Lindsey Sheinbein who is also a masters, my mom and a member of the Mastermind Parenting team. She switched over, became a part of the team. How long ago? A year and a half. Yes, a year and a half year and a half or a year and three months maybe. And in today’s episode is really just a conversation.

1 (56s):
And I was talking with Sarah and Sarah, you’ve been in the mastermind. We just talked about it. We, you think going on two years?

2 (1m 4s):
Yeah, I think so.

1 (1m 7s):
I going on too, just so everybody knows, we have a crazy high retention rate because,

2 (1m 13s):
You know, we don’t want to leave. We never,

1 (1m 16s):
And if we just went, you know what it’s like, it’s just ongoing and it just feels good. And it’s just that kind of support built-in but Sarah SIRA is a very supportive, wonderful mom and always takes part in like our extra experiences and has really dug into the work. And I’ve talked about this on the podcast a couple of times that I love my physician moms, which we have had several in the Mastermind I don’t know there. So I feel like I need to like, like blast all the physician, mom groups, because man, you guys are freaking action takers. Like y’all are not f-ing around you.

1 (1m 58s):
If you’re like, okay, I got things to do. I’m here. I paid for this program, I’m going to do the work and I’m gonna, I’m gonna get everything that I can go out of it. And so you are just like a complete example of that person. And, and Sarah started you just, will you just branched out on your own and started your own practice? Like, like how long ago?

2 (2m 22s):
I did like two months ago.

1 (2m 24s):
Two months ago. Yeah. That’s a big deal.

2 (2m 27s):
Yes. In the middle of our pandemic and then the middle of the homeschooling And but I just, I guess like everything I just forged ahead and did it

1 (2m 39s):
And you did it and you know, and, and it’s just, I mean, I know, I don’t think anybody ever thinks this when your becoming a doctor that you’re going to be also probably a business owner. And then you’ve got to learn all these things besides just besides doctoring. Right.

2 (2m 53s):
It’s been a steep learning curve, but it’s been the most excited to practice medicine than I’ve been in the last five years, for sure. Why I like being able to do things on my own terms finally, you know, provide the care that I want to provide without time limits without I don’t take insurance in the practice. And so without the confines of other arbitrary rules and regulations and just being able to connect with my patients.

1 (3m 26s):
Yeah. Tell me a little bit about this whole concierge way of practicing medicine. It’s very interesting to me.

2 (3m 33s):
No, no, it’s a concierge practice for adults or kids and by not accepting insurance, I don’t have, I don’t have a schedule to fill and have a schedule to keep. I CA I can just be accessible to my patients when and where they need me. So people can become a member and theirs, it’s a monthly membership. Be very similar to your model, really. And once you are a member, you get access to me by phone, email, text visits, home visits. So, and I’m just able to provide care, like, you know, like old fashioned, several patients have said, this reminds me of when I was, you know, my parents told me about it when they were growing up or when we grew up and there was a neighborhood, a family doctor.

2 (4m 26s):
And so its back to that feel as if somebody who knows you and your family.

1 (4m 31s):
Well, I think its sort of interesting, like right now everybody’s talking, obviously the pandemic is terrible and, and you know, there are some, some sort of like back to the basics, but I think positive things that are coming out of it. And so it’s interesting that you, you know, you launched your practice during this time. And so many of us are getting the memo and our lives that we it’s time to get back to some of the things that I think that we’ve lost in our society. And it’s just like basic connecting and, and even, you know, more intimacy with the people you love in your home, who you’re with all the time, but also like having that kind of intimate relationship with the doctor who really knows you.

1 (5m 23s):
And isn’t trying to rush you out. I mean, I think especially for parents who may be new parents, but even all parents, like when something’s going on with your kid and you go to the pediatrician and it’s like more than an, a sore throat or, you know, like, like you have a, let’s say you have a child that you’re worried about has some serious behavior problems that the teachers sort of hinting that they’re having their not focused and they have a hard time sitting in their seat or following directions or maybe somebody throughout the term there be some kind of delay or executive functioning issue. And it sounds super serious.

1 (6m 3s):
And, and so I think for parents, I mean, Sarah and I have talked about this where a lot of times parents think pediatricians are like the end all be all like you guys are the no words of everything that has to do with kids. And I was telling Sara that a friend of mine who is also a doctor who was sort of laughing and she is like, yeah, it’s like, when people come and ask me like, you know, nutrition questions, but there are a little babies she’s like, I want to say to them, dude, I have like eight hours of Nutrish of any kind of nutrition training when I was in med school. I don’t know, go call a nutritionist. But like you can’t do that as a doctor because you gotta be like the all knowing doctor.

1 (6m 45s):
And so, you know, w w I think it’s interesting that you’re starting this practice, your really knowing your patient. And also when you have one or a parent who starts to ask you about behavior problems or things that go beyond sort of like, you know, medicine that has to do with the physical body, like, how do you handle those types of scenarios? Like, like what do you do?

2 (7m 13s):
So, so true, everything that you said, and when those concerns are extremely, they come up all the time in a pediatrician’s office and they take time to flesh out. There’s no way to get in a 15 minute office visit really figure out what’s going on with the family. And so, and those are some of my favorite conversations to have, because a lot of times these parents haven’t had anyone else to open up to about what’s going on and someone who wants to help them find a solution. And so I love discussing it, but in a traditional office setting, the time is just so limited that what ends up happening is you farm it out to say, go talk to a psychiatrist, go talk to a therapist so that they can then flesh it out with that person.

2 (8m 5s):
And, and so the physician, even though I know that some of my other practice settings, I wanted to delve into it more, but I just physically couldn’t. And so I wind up referring out and then you end up going to a specialist after specialist or therapist up to a therapist. So the Pediatrician, those constraints are unfortunate. I what should happen as a parent has the ability to talk it out with Pediatrician and then come up with the plan together. Like the Pediatrician may not have all of the answers because it’s true. We don’t get much nutrition training.

2 (8m 46s):
We don’t get much behavioral training. We know the normal, typical development. We understand how do we identify when something maybe off-track, but as far as the next step, we don’t, you know, when your talking to your pediatrician and they’re giving you a parenting advice, they’re basically talking from their own personal experience, whatever that is from their life. And so your not getting your, not getting it advice really grounded. You don’t know where the advice is grounded in. And so what you want as a team member, as someone who can, you can listen to and can then help you come up with where to turn next and what to do next.

2 (9m 32s):
That’s what I love to do. Now.

1 (9m 34s):
I know it’s like when my friend was like, I want to say, dude, I have like eight hours of nutrition training. And I’m like, people need to know that. Why can’t you guys be humans? Like, why can’t, why, why are you supposed to have all the answers about things that you didn’t receive training? Like, what’s wrong with just saying, Hey, I have a resource network and I have some ideas and I’m going to, it doesn’t necessarily need to be a psychiatrist that I’m going to refer you out. Like, I, I love, there’s lots of different types of therapies that I love and that have helped me with my kids in our lives. But I always say like the first step should not be going to all of these different specialists.

1 (10m 20s):
What if the first step was learning some new tools and strategies yourself, you know, through something like Mastermind Parenting or a positive parenting program? What if you learned, what if, I mean, what if that just, that’s where I want there to be a paradigm shift where it’s a pediatrician’s understanding before we start making a mountain out of a molehill and go into diagnosis and labeling and And and immediately go there. You know, I feel like it’s like when a teacher has an issue with a kid, it’s almost like up this kid’s fidgeting, you know, they’re going to need medicine. They’re going to need, you know, and I’m not anti-medicine and I’m not anti, like ADHD is a real thing.

1 (11m 3s):
Avery Rubenstein has ADHD. She will tell you that she does it wasn’t diagnosed until she was in seventh or eighth grade. She totally coasted and got along in the middle school Hitt. And, you know, the work caught up with her and she really does. She really does have ADHD. So I’m not saying that’s a bogus diagnosis. I just feel like we go, we get there too quickly. And I think a lot of it is that we have overtaxed pediatricians who also are following this guideline where it’s just sort of this unspoken thing where you’re supposed to be the knower of all things, kids and M and not be able to offer a lot of different options.

2 (11m 45s):
I agree. And there’s pressure too, from the parent and as a pediatrician to come up with an answer, you know, and, and name a diagnosis because in other aspects of medicine, that’s the goal, you know, the Leave with an answer. And that’s why you came and saw your doctor. And to be able to change that mindset, I think is critical. And I often counsel my patients when we’re talking about behavioral issues or development issues, that it doesn’t really matter what we call it. And to the were just thinking about the, or whoever this child is, and that’s who we are dealing with, not a diagnosis or coming up, leaving with a, some kind of an answer.

2 (12m 32s):
It’s not going to change anything. We do. We are going to figure out what skills need to be built, what skills are lagging, how to help the kid become his best self and, and shift the focus away from diagnosis. I don’t know how it got so skewed over to that, but it’s definitely somehow become the goal of a visit in most pain and understandably too, because you think if I get a diagnosis, then I can get an answer and then we’ll be done. Right. And

1 (13m 6s):
Right. Well, let me just say this. I think it’s, it’s efficiency. It’s sort of like, it, it ties into kind of what we were saying. Like right now, during this time, we’re all sort of getting back to the basics, going more old-school on things, realizing that our society got. So we’ve all gotten addicted to efficiency and busy-ness, and look, I, I love, I love things about technology. I love efficient systems. I love working smarter, not harder. Like there’s so much about that, that I love. But I think like, it’s like, you know, when you only have 15 minutes with someone and they come in and they pay an office visit and they, you know, they have the, the school reading down their neck, they feel like because their kid can’t sit in their seat in their seven years or a seven year old boy, which everybody listening just know that’s normal.

1 (13m 56s):
And you think that your kid isn’t normal. And so I think we’re all just at, for the sake of efficiency, we just want to get answered and we want to have the problem solved. And we’ve got this diagnosis and this is going to be the end, all be all. And, and, you know, humans are not robots like our food that is not serving our kids to have that mindset.

2 (14m 15s):

1 (14m 17s):
It’s not. So I really wanted to invite Lindsey here because I think Lindsey story. It, it followed my story in a lot of ways where I was searching for answers. I knew when I had, when my son was young, I CA I always said like, he’s like, he, it was almost like he was a puzzle. I was trying to figure out. And that was just, there was just a mom that intuition that I knew of him. And he was my oldest that I knew. I was like, he’s in a bad mood a lot. And like, I’m out, there’s no, for him to be in such a bad mood, like he’s sleeping. Well, he’s eating well. Like I was reading all the child development books.

1 (14m 58s):
I was doing all of those things. And then, so I knew that it was just something to figure out. And so I went down that road of going to lots of different specialists and, and doing lots of diagnostic tests and diagnostician appointments and, and different, you know, there was, there were, so I went down that road and that was a long time ago and Lindsey is closer to it. And so when she, when she came to Mastermind really, you just stumbled upon us because one of your friends dragged you to a workshop I was throwing, but you are already under the care of, I mean, you didn’t even want to add another piece to the mix cause you had lots of people involved.

1 (15m 42s):
Right. So tell us a little bit about that.

3 (15m 44s):
My goal at the time and my mind, I don’t think I was aware of my thoughts like I am now, but I can remember thinking that the more times a week we could get him to therapy, but faster, like we would get results. So for three years, so that was the goal, like as many therapists as possible, like, because you know that a fixer mentality, I want to fix that there was a problem.

1 (16m 23s):
This is the pain point. Like what was, was, have, what, what was the issue that you were like, okay, I got to start going, you know, and did you just start with your Pediatrician?

3 (16m 35s):
I started with my Pediatrician. I knew that there was something wrong. I knew that the outbursts and the rage in the, going from zero to 10 being angered so easily, that there was something not right. And I’m the Pediatrician I remember handed me like a list of options at the time. I, it was my former Pediatrician and I didn’t end up going through that route, but I ended up finding a different psychology practice. And the main reason I was like, we were freaking out over everything, freaking out over touching these things and Escapers, and it was hoarding things in a little obsessed with things in his bedroom, just collecting things.

3 (17m 29s):
And yeah, I did get direction from the Pediatrician. It was, I got a list of contacts, but I ended up going private. And so I knew there was something wrong. I knew that there was a problem. I knew he was unhappy, but I didn’t know what to do. And so then, and so then, like that,

1 (17m 53s):
And what were some of the therapies that you went to And which ones did you find, you know, did you find to be helpful?

3 (18m 0s):
So we tried at all. We, I have learned some basic beginning concepts at our first practice and it was lovely people, nothing bad to say about it. And the way I think about that experience is that, you know, when my child and had all of these quirky little things, like why are we freaking out over papers, were touching and things going missing. And so we dealt with some of those little behaviors and she gave me some tools and she worked with him on some tools.

3 (18m 40s):
So in a little isolated moments, I have a couple little things that I could do. Like a, I don’t even remember what it was a perceived control. I learned what’s that map, like, which is kind of like our two positive choices where we are empowering them. Like it was working with him instead of saying what’s going on with him? What can I do to help my child feel better? So for the three years, between that therapist, between group therapy, between cognitive behavioral therapy, neurofeedback, umm, and knowing what I know now and how I was trying to fix him, it’s like, it’s like, you know, it was three years of all the different appointments.

3 (19m 36s):
And instead of learning why or why this was happening, the therapists, you know, my child went, I would sit on the couch and they would ask him questions. He would play with their pretty things in their beautiful offices that I was paying 250 bucks a session. They’re like, your kid’s amazing. Cause he’s like lighting on the couch. Like what’s up. He’s like, I’m in a good. And they’re like, you’ll have a great kid, but he’s quirky. Yeah. So, you know, they can’t see what it’s like at home. So there’s no. So I’m not faulting their work.

3 (20m 18s):
These were really smart, caring, professional people that I highly respect that I would love to Marshall in the office and say, well, I want you to know what we do because we can’t do it all. We can’t. And it takes all of us saying there’s a better way. It can’t just be you. It can’t just be me. So if we all work together, because if I had had, I have the chills, if I had had someone that could do the whole piece of like, not know, don’t get wrapped up and the name, the ADHD, the anxiety, the depression. Because if you focus on that, you’re just getting obsessed with the wrong things.

3 (21m 1s):
But if you can actually thank God for Mastermind in, Randi like figure out really why your child is hurting and understand that her people are hurting people and that your kids aren’t acting this way because they’re jerks. They’re acting this way because they’re in pain. And so when we can teach parents that then these children can go from anxiety or other specified ADHD with the side of depression, to confident, thriving, independent, independent kind of thing.

1 (21m 50s):
Wait, tell the story real quick. Tell the story real quick. Kind of confident, helpful helps is he’s helping his mom because Lindsey works with Mastermind Inns to show me like these little charts that we send new members like to help them with morning routine. And so they will laminate these things. So Lindsey has got her voice, all helping with all the things. And he, she had to get me the heads up the other day that her strong-willed one, which is her middle son. He really wanted it to hop on a call with me because he and I told Scott this my husband and he thought it was the cutest thing. Scott, as a business guy, he wanted to find out like, why I’m not paying him.

1 (22m 35s):
Like he is officially working for Mastermind too. And, and so he was ready to negotiate some pay. And I, so I said, I said it, okay, so Wednesday to seven, now it wants to hop on a call because you know, he he’s been doing it a lot of laminating on a lot of work. And he really feels like, you know, he deserves a paycheck and Scott Scott’s thinking, you know, a future business tycoon. He’s like, that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. And how much are you paying him? And what are you getting on that call security. And no, but I want you to tell this story about the, how the principal principle public school, really great public school in their neighborhood.

1 (23m 16s):
He reached out to the principal. Tell, tell us a little bit about that. My strong-willed child on it.

3 (23m 21s):
And as I saw a notification about the school wide meeting on zoom and that it was going to be in a few days, parents come, blah, blah, blah. So fast forward, I’m in the bathtub. He comes in and he’s smiling ear to ear because he’s won an award for being the first person call the principal. I’m like, tell me more. Cause in Mastermind we learned that like, do you have to be a safe place to land? If you want your kids to feel confident to tell you things. So in my mind, I was like, what you call it?

3 (24m 3s):
The principal. But I was like, you know, duct tape. He messaged her typing saying, well, can you send me the zip, the link for the call? And which wasn’t for kids. It was for the parents. And she responds tells them where it is. And then there’s a button where with a phone that you can push and he calls her and she answers and they talk

1 (24m 33s):
Principal of a public school. First of all, I love her. Okay, go ahead. Yeah.

3 (24m 37s):
And I guess after they got off the phone, he shows me their conversation. So they’ve gone to the chat now and he tells her that he loves school and that he’s sad that its not going to be in person. And she writes back saying that,

1 (24m 58s):
All right, let me interrupt for a second. This is as a kid that, that Lindsey was convinced because of all of the diagnoses that, you know, he was such a problem to get up, to go to school. And every day after school for a couple of years, like she was just like gonna have to like make, I, you know, make contact with the teacher, get a little report to him. How did he do in school? Today was Z. Okay. He wasn’t necessarily social making friends. Like it was a big effort to get him to school. And then what was the report going to be after school? And now fast forward to our little Mastermind

3 (25m 33s):
Picking them up early. This is, what’s like gut wrenching. Cause I know how uneffective and what will the freaking weighs two my time and many. But think about all of the times that I picked him up for school for a therapy. You have no idea.

1 (25m 49s):
All right. Taking ’em out and now fast forward, he’s calling the principal on his own saying he misses school. He loves school. He’s confident enough to reach out to her. Okay. Now go keep going on. I’ll tell it.

3 (26m 3s):
No. He said the school’s March and said, he says, my middle name is Mar it’s named after my dad’s dad, but he died. So he he’s like opening up a personal staff and telling her. And so on the call with the school to the whole, all K through five, I was near Daniel, but I was like on it with my earbuds that are misplaced. And she starts talking about how this kid calls her and I’m like run in the room. I want to put it on speaker. And I hand him on the phone. I’m let’s just talk more about you. And she’s like, I had this child call me.

3 (26m 44s):
It was so amazing. And she was saying how like, you know the community and like being there for each other, all of that good stuff. That’s what’s important. And when this child called her and how much it made our day and he, he is like kind of like, you know, starting with a smile. And he starts typing in the chat box. And I was like, well, I had to like lay down a boundary because he, our highly sensitive, nervous system kids need that. Like, Nope, we can’t actually call her and be chatting with the principal during her call now. So he was like, OK, but I didn’t have to tell you the end of it, which was I wrote her e-mail the next day saying, Oh, I told Daniel that I was impressed with his bravery.

3 (27m 36s):
And he said, why or why? It’s like, cause you didn’t know if she was going to answer the phone. I emailed this to Ms. Patton. He didn’t know she was going to answer the phone on you. You put yourself out there. If you didn’t know, she may have not even, she may sit down at a time to talk to kids and he did it anyway. That was brave. And he, he goes, you know, our highly sensitive, like, what do you say? Black and white fingers. He goes, I don’t want to sit down with a straight face that it wasn’t brave. I knew she was going to answer. And I’m like, Oh, I’ve got the chills. And I’m like, are you,

1 (28m 16s):
Yes. Was a kid that was, Sarah like how many kids, parents come in to your office? And it’s like, they’ve got a kid that shut down and angry. And in what we call defense zone, I mean, he wouldn’t even let Lindsey kiss him. He was like control. He felt so out of control in his body. So much anxiety. He wouldn’t, if you wanting to control everything right. And now,

2 (28m 43s):
Or this or that, it takes an incredible amount of work and for a parent or recognize that and take an active role in it. I mean, I see that happen. Like never in my practice,

3 (28m 57s):
We have to add one more tidbit that I find to be the most fascinating before, and then I’m going to be quiet. Cause I know that there’s a lot of more important things to say my most fascinating thing when I think of therapy life and what, which is like pre Mastermind a post Mastermind in my biggest takeaway that I, if any listeners who have, or having a hard time with their children are don’t know which way to turn is that my experience with the traditional model of therapy was that we worked on things. For example, when you’re anxious, you’re controlling when you anxious, when you feel stressed and, or, but to show up as a controlling.

3 (29m 45s):
Right? And so one of the things that he was working on when he was four, was this thing called a flexible stick. We got a little goody favors.

1 (29m 56s):
One of the therapists gave you the flexibility.

3 (29m 58s):
Yes. And it was so cool. You know, it’s more fun to be flexible. M when we are flexible with our thoughts, it feels better because he was so rigid. Like there was no changing as mine, because as I know now, it is just trying to protect herself. But so it was our homework, like flexible. Are we being flexible? Are we not? So my point in that story is when he was so strong-willed and so explosive and angry and depressed, the more he was hurting, because I didn’t understand that that’s what was going on.

3 (30m 38s):
The more I showed up with trying to shut it down, to trying to fix it, to try and, you know, I’m the mom, that’s going to do anything for my kids. I have to fix this now. And so I showed, have the chills and you know, like I tried to make it stop. And so when you try to control and you try to fix knew, try to stop and shut something down. What I’m on. Now, it doesn’t work. You can’t do that. So

1 (31m 6s):
Now it gives you, but would you like when he was in those moments where you showing up, here’s your flexible stick? Remember what Dr. So-and-so said,

3 (31m 13s):
You know, like when you’re a flexible, like sharing your cookie, when do you have 20? Cause he was hoarding on your flexibility to share things that feels better. Right. And no, that didn’t work. The shocking thing. And the whole story is that I was a rigid, I was controlling. I was anxious and stressed and like freaking out because my child was, I mean, the more he was freaking out, the more I was going to control it, like this can’t happen. And so here I am doing my homework, but I didn’t know how to show up as a flexible adult parent.

3 (31m 54s):
And so through the Mastermind program had to learn that and through not even the program and just through this work of, I am the pack leader and I am going to keep you safe and healthy. And it’s my job to do that. And I’m going to give you all this flexibility within that. Like that’s hard to do when you have a child that might March to a little different beat. So it, it, it, it, the homework, it was cute. It might work like as a conversation starter, but to have a flexible thinker and to be flexible with how you show up, we have to work on my cooking skills and the adults who you are, you had to work on your own.

3 (32m 39s):
I had to learn how to be flexible myself and say, wait, what do you think like that wasn’t an option. So, yeah, there’s a lot that goes into it all. But that’s my biggest, just if I’m thinking, like if I could have known then what I know now, if I had to learn how to be more flexible so that he, cause when he saw that I could listen to what he was thinking and his opinion was now important to me. And I had to learn how to do that. Then it was like, okay, you trust me.

3 (33m 21s):
I can trust you choose. So it just, it’s a process where these little kiddos have to feel safe. And unfortunately can’t be done in that isolated once a week, drop your kid off and everything is going to be okay. Like I said, these people are extremely talented. And I actually think that a collaboration with the medical world and this type of work would be so beautiful because if it takes a village, right.

1 (33m 54s):
Yep. I agree. I mean, that’s how I was telling Sarah. I said, you know, my real dream, I love occupational therapists. And I think that they understand these highly sensitive kids, so well, and I’m, and they can translate to parents what’s really going on with your kids and they build a rapport and they do that skill building piece, you know, where they help them learn how to balance their nervous system, you know? And they bring all like, I mean, I remember somebody recently was talking about, and I know you’ve had this issue. Lindsey I don’t know if you’ve had this Sarah or if you’ve seen in it where like a lot of sensitive kids have trouble with seams in socks.

1 (34m 34s):
Yeah. Right. And so like, you know, so for Amanda, who is our resident occupation, she’s a certified occupational therapist, but she’s also a Mastermind Parenting coach. You know, she’ll like, give us all these tips and tools on what, you know, some S you know, sensory, different sensory tools and hacks and things. And she, I mean, she puts swings inside peoples houses, and she’s like, you know, some kids really do well when they’re feeling, you know, and their nervous system is totally off balance. And then they have this swing, it can really recalibrate them. And then some kids, it does the opposite.

1 (35m 14s):
It makes them nauseous. And it’s terrible, you know? So it’s like, it’s not a one size fits all approach. My dream is that we would have occupational therapists who are trained in Mastermind Parenting and having them contract with different pediatrician’s office so that when you have parents come to you and they’re struggling with these issues, you can say, we have an occupational therapists we work with, and they, you know, there’s this amazing Parenting program, and it will hold your hand and walk you through it and, and get you back on track. And this works. I like the idea.

1 (35m 55s):
I would love it. I mean, I think it could also is, you know, look, all of our goal is to help the kids, like, just do the thing that works to help the kids. And, and I think that when a kid is shut down and they go to a play therapist office, or when they’re shut down teenager and they go to, you know, a psychologist’s office and there was a rapport and it’s finally a safe place that they can connect with another adult. I think that can be a beautiful, a beautiful piece of the, of the healing of equation.

1 (36m 37s):
And what a lot of my colleagues who are Traditional psychologists tell me an occupational therapist when they have one hour, a week or 45 minutes a week with a kid, but nothing’s changing at home. They’re being there. These professionals are beating their heads against the wall saying we have that. It takes a village. We have to all collaborate. All the professional’s, the parent’s all the grownups need to come and collaborate so that we can truly support this kid and help them get to a better place. And it can happen quickly if we just follow the right recipe. And we all work together.

2 (37m 15s):
And I think a pediatrician’s roll can, then we think of doctors as your medical home in coordinating specialist in the Pediatrician could actually bring those pieces together for the family in a way that right now there just many are not equipped to do when they don’t know the resources to even reach out too. And then having the time to sit and put all those pieces together with the parents. I think that just,

1 (37m 44s):
You know, it’s almost like when, when you have a family member go into the hospital and you hire a hospitalist isn’t I mean, right. Isn’t that like the coordinator of the care. Yes. I would love to see that dynamic shift. And you know, also the other piece that I would love to kind of cover is let’s go there and Lindsey about the laser chick. He keeps asking if I’m a psychologist. Yeah. So, yeah, I think so. So there’s this amazing, there’s this woman and she’s evidently amazing laser hair removal and she does incredible eyebrows.

1 (38m 29s):
And, and so she is a mom, I don’t know her butt, but she’s had a kid and one of my kid’s team. So she’s like another mom at my kid’s school. So we don’t know each other, but we know of each other and M and she keeps asking, Lindsey like, like, so what are her credentials? Is she a psychologist? And she says, she keeps asking this and is like, no, the company’s called Mastermind Parenting we have a program. So what would you say if somebody, as a doctor, you know, and look at, and this is the interesting thing, I’m a big fan of laser hair removal.

1 (39m 12s):
Like I, when laser hair removal started hitting the mainstream, like whatever, 15 years ago, barely, I was like, I am going and getting that shit done. And I remember I was that person who was like, I only want to go to a doctor. I need to go to a doctor. So I went to this doctors office and he said, well, I actually have somebody who works here in my practice and she’s our, you know, laser specialist, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I want to talk to her. I want you to do it. So anyway, I had him doing it and it was like awkward. And he was the man. And I was like, get in my bikini or, you know, like it was, it was a little uncomfortable and M and then once I got it comfortable enough for the practice, and I think the laser lady was in with not Lindsey is laser light.

1 (40m 2s):
This is another laser laser lady. And, and so she was in, I think a lot of times with me in the doctrines, she and I had built a rapport. And finally, I was like, you know what, Martha can just do it. And once I started going to Martha, I was like, Martha was so much better than the doctor. Martha does this all day long. Martha has just here because it’s the doctor’s practice. And we got to this, all the red tape with the doctor, but it’s really Martha, that’s the laser expert. So I think it’s funny that the laser chick is probably, you know, she’s not a doctor. She’s probably to do laser hair removal. She has to be sort of like, I guess, sponsored by doctor or whatever, but she’s the expert doing it. And she’s saying, Hey, wait, is she a psychologist?

1 (40m 45s):
That’s, she’s a psychologist. So I’m kind of like, no, I’m the Parenting laser check, you know? So what would you say Sarah when you have a parent that comes in and you’re like, you know, look, this would be the program that I recommend. And if they were like, gosh, she had a therapist, she had a doctor, like, how would you sort of sell them on why this method is legit? Well, I Mastermind is legit.

2 (41m 8s):
Sure. I think that’s a perfect example because most parents don’t, they don’t know what they don’t know. They don’t know what is out there. They don’t have the language up to understand the different resources. And so they’re thinking psychologist, psychiatrist, that’s, that’s what I need. That’s what we’ve got. And so I it’s really important for Pediatrician to be able to give people the understanding of what other resources you’re out there like yourself. And so I sell it as, you know, a Parenting a parenting program.

2 (41m 50s):
And in a lot of times I find parents have never really been offered that resource. They’ve never been told that their child is just a, a unique, special human, and there’s nothing wrong with them. They literally never been to that. They just think there’s something wrong. And where do I have to go to find out what’s wrong? And the first time that they Hear that, and I like to call it like Randy does that. You know, their kids just have it as a superpower. Their, their, their strong-willed nature is actually their super power.

2 (42m 33s):
And that Mastermind will help them to learn how to harness that, to understand it, to make your Parenting match their needs and to understand your child in a way you’ve never understood them before. And so I tell them that Mastermind is, and Randi, it’s a parenting program that’s going to help you really understand your child in yourself. And when you hear that, I generally, what I really am able to sit down and explain it. It’s a huge sigh of relief. And when they listen to the podcast or I refer them to a few resources and they hear their child in those words for the first time ever that sells them, I knew that, or if they’re done, they’re like, okay, I’m finally somewhere where somebody understands me for the first time ever first time.

1 (43m 27s):
Well, I think that’s an interesting way with my mom’s that our doctors and the Mastermind, cause I, I was joking with Brooke who is lived in California. And I remember joking with her and I say it because Oh, she was because I was like, I was talking about EFT tapping. And she’s like, listen, when you started going in to some of that stuff, you’re going to lose, you’re going to lose those of us who are just too Western for that kind of craziness. And I was like, I was like, you know, what, what have you got to lose? It’s like a guided meditation. You tap on a couple acupressure points. It’s no big deal private, but if it doesn’t work, then baggy, you know?

1 (44m 8s):
And, and so I said, and we were kind of chatting and I said, what brought you here in the first phase? Like, wow, like if you’re that Western, that you’re opposed to like tapping on some acupressure points in listening to a guided meditation, like, how did you end up here with me? And she’s like, honestly, I’ve tried all the Traditional Approaches I’d read countless books. I have so access to so many colleagues. I picked so many people’s brains. I have taken another parenting class that was taught by one of my colleagues who was a psychologist. She’s like, nothing worked. It just doesn’t work. And so she goes in and We, I had done all the assessment’s on her.

1 (44m 49s):
So I knew how she was, her brain was wired and she’s a major action taker. And sh and in her mind, she was like, these are my kids. Like, it’s not an option not to figure this out. So I’m going to step out of my Western box and I’m gonna, you know, explore a different resource. And she goes in, so I just decided to go for it. And then I joined the mastermind and I was like, Oh, this actually works. Okay. Yeah. More of this. And, and so I, I laughed because I’m always like, yeah, you guys, no, you’re not coming in here first. And I think the other piece is, is that because I don’t have the confines of, you know, meeting to be like the super professional button up my licenses on the line here.

1 (45m 33s):
Like I can put it in regular language. And I had a dad recently say, he said, he, he, one of our newest VIP families, I’m not going to name their names, but he was like, its fun. Listening to the trainings, you’ll drop an F bomb here or there. And I said, they’re is a little bit of showmanship in it because you know what, like in my mind, I’m thinking we’re helping these kids and it’s gotta be fun. And that’s part of why we put so much into the community too, because I’m like, it’s gotta be fun there. It’s gotta be entertaining. I want to tell stories and keep you engaged because what’s the point it’s like when Lindsey was going to all of the therapists and they’re talking about what was the lingo they

3 (46m 18s):
Use the pur,

1 (46m 20s):
I don’t even know what you’re muted, the flexible style, not the flexible STIC, but when they said the same,

3 (46m 27s):
Was it perceived understatement or perceived control?

1 (46m 32s):
Yeah. Or saved control. It’s like, even like you were saying, let’s just break it down and make it like when you confuse, you lose. So we, we, we want to learn new tools. This is not the way most of us were raised. Our conditioning is coming online. We’ve got a problem to solve. We’ve got a challenging child who needs our help time. The time, you know, the clock is ticking and I’m like, let’s make this fun. Let’s learn about it in real language. And let’s not over complicate this. And so I think having the freedom to just be able to do it, however, teach it however, is going to be the most effective.

1 (47m 13s):
I think that’s why people are getting such big results because I’m like, lets take the red tape out. I don’t really care what y’all think of me. Just hopefully the concepts we’ll get through. And then most importantly, you’re going to go home and you’re going to make shifts with your kid and it’s going to make sense to them and their gonna feel the difference. That’s what we’re going for. We just want to get to the outcome. Right? Think

3 (47m 35s):
That the, the reason why people are able to get results is because of the delivery method and the amount of material that is given out at a time because you’re not teaching everything in one sitting it’s not overwhelming. So I just think that that, that helped so much because when I’m a parent is in overwhelm because of their child’s is in pain and all this information is thrown at you at once. It’s like, Whoa, you just go in to kind of a shock. So when you joined the basics program and it just trickled out slowly for a parent, an overwhelm looks like I’m safe and calm.

3 (48m 22s):
I can handle this it’s okay. Right. Like I can do this. That makes it doable. That makes it, it makes the way that you describe it. It makes it learnable.

2 (48m 31s):
I agree. And it, it gives you the chance to have small victories and that really helps propel to help propel me forward.

1 (48m 41s):
Well, I know, you know, the, one of my favorite things about you, Sarah, Sarah was in the Mastermind for, I mean, over a year before your husband kind of joined in or how long, you know,

2 (48m 55s):
Probably, yeah. He was always supportive in the background, but he was never active at all. Probably for about a year.

1 (49m 2s):
And now he’s like our rock star dad. Who’s like, I mean, I know if I put anything out there in the group, he’s going to be right there. And I mean, I know y’all are like saying like, because I’ve been saying that since the beginning, which is like, you know, you guys, this is going to improve your marriage. Right. But I, I think the thing that people fight the most about is money and kids. And so if we can get you guys on the same page and also the other piece is, is I’m like Parenting is not women’s work. You know? And, and so I think that I am, I’m always like, just get the guy Hear and all, all convert him, all convert them because when we get him on board, he, you guys are just gonna have a better relationship and it’s going to be, it’s just going to be better for everyone, but it can be hard sometimes.

1 (49m 58s):
You know? And so a lot of my mom’s at the beginning, like, you’ll have your, you know, that’s my other thing is I’m like, don’t shove it down his throat, let him come to it in his own time. Hopefully at some point he’ll be open and then all I’ll sell them on it. But just, you know, but just let him kind of come to it. But don’t, don’t make him rebel against this information because you’re trying to shove it down your throat. So its kind of a tricky dance. But once I finally get a couple that is both all in the way you guys are, I have to just tell you like it is such a high for me. It is. I love it.

2 (50m 35s):
Amazing at dealing with the spouses. And it really is a gift sometimes when I have friends who are having marital issues and I don’t even know if it’s really related to the kids and I’m like maybe they should talk to Randi and just see if it is as a kid issue because I she’ll solve,

1 (50m 52s):
You know,

2 (50m 54s):
Don’t turn it into a marriage coach, but you probably would be really good.

1 (50m 58s):
I know I have, please. I had a Swan down the other day telling me he wants you to hire me as, as a business coach. And I was like, no, no, no. I was like, I get it. You know what? The skills, they translate to lots of different areas. But I swear to you, my passion is the kids. That’s. I mean, that’s why I get such a high over a couple of being all in because I know when you’re both, all in your home is not going to be a toxic environment and your kids are gonna feel safe. And mom and dad are on the same page and they’re growing together and it’s just like, it’s like, it’s such a high for me because I truly believe like this is how we change. The world is by, is like one family at a time, one home at a time.

2 (51m 42s):
I know you, you believe that fully, like you’re here for the kids and you say that a lot. And you know, you just know how deeply that you mean it. And that’s part of the reason why I I’m here. I re how or why I refer patients to you because I just trust you so completely that you’re doing this for the kids. It’s it’s really special. You know, you talked about how you may not have any certain credentials, but none of that really doesn’t matter if that’s not what it’s about or what gives you the skills that you have.

1 (52m 26s):
I moved about a place where I’m sort of out of place where I’m like, Oh, this is what I’m I have a really good friend. Who’s a psychologist. Who’s been along with me on this journey all along and years and years ago I was going to get a counseling degree and I actually started graduate school for like a hot second and M and she kept saying to me, Nope, you’ve already got it. You’ve already got it. Like, you know this. And she is a Traditional therapist, you know, a Dr. And of psychology. And she kept saying, Nope, Nope, Nope. And, and now I would say to her all the time, I’m like, you’re the person who believed in me before I believed in myself.

1 (53m 14s):
And I was never meant to have to have those Traditional credentials because if I did, I couldn’t do it my way and figure this recipe, which I don’t even want to say. It’s my way, because I kind of feel like we’re all building this ship together. Like every trailblazer that’s in the Mastermind like I learned so much from you guys and, and we’re all Guinea pigs here. So I feel like we’re creating this together and, and it’s not really the me show. Like I feel like there’s just, you know, there’s so much amazingness going on in it.

3 (53m 50s):
It’s a cool cause I’ve gotten to be the fly on the wall as she’s picked everyone’s brain and the mastermind over the past several years, as we, as you fine tune the program because the program is where it is today running, it’s just such an amazing program because of the way you picked everybody’s brain. It’s like, how are you learning? How are you learning this way? Like you study the, how people learned the material because of your dedication to making sure that the parents could learn this stuff so that we can help the kids. So we will just be the fly. So it was fun. It was fun. Now it’s a lot of work, but it was, it’s crazy to see just the progression of where it is now.

3 (54m 32s):
So cool.

1 (54m 33s):
Well, I don’t think it would be where it is now if I didn’t have, I mean, really I say it because I have a Lindsey, I mean, I needed somebody as committed as men, as Lindsey would say, we are committed to the mission. I needed some because there was a, it was lonely a long, a lot of the time. And I was working round the clock to try and figure things out. That really weren’t my zone of genius. Like, you know, some of the, like how people effectively learn and laying things out systematically, that is not my natural skillset. And so, and so I was exhausted, my brain hurt. And, and so having somebody else right here by my side, who’s as dedicated to the mission, as well as moms like you Sarah who, or like, you know, child development specialists, right?

1 (55m 25s):
Like we’re, I think that, that, that my mom’s like you who have been so committed to the process also had been very inspiring to me and helped me to believe in the mission more. And, and so I feel like we really are all building this together. It’s just, it’s amazing. And I’m okay. So let me say, I want to give a little plug for you, Sarah, and your new practice, because what you’re doing is unbelievable. And it’s the same. It’s like me. It’s like whenever I have a member who reaches out to me to tell me some when or something they’re struggling with and they can, and people are like, I can actually reach you.

1 (56m 6s):
And I’m like, yes, you can reach me. Yes. You listen to my podcast. And now you’re hearing the, like, this is a family. We were doing big things here and you are not a number and I’m not on a mission to like run some big, I’m not on a mission to be some big business mogul. I’m on a mission to help kids feel better. So I love what you’re doing and just bringing that humanness back into medicine. So tell people how they can find you if they live in Houston and all that good stuff.

2 (56m 38s):
Sure. You can go to my website. My practice is called simply medicine. The, the website’s You can call me seven one three to five to five, one nine Oh you know, Randi you have really been an inspiration to me, not only as my parenting coach, but as an entrepreneur and starting this practice, you know, this is all I started this as I went through the program. I, there’s no way that this has not been an integral part of my whole life and my ability to launch out on my own and do things my own way as well.

1 (57m 20s):
No, I love you. I love you guys. OK. I hear barking dogs. Thanks for listening and listeners. Thanks to Sarah in Lindsey for being here with me and until next week, have a good one. Bye.

0 (57m 35s):
Hey podcast, listeners. I wanted to tell you about something really special. I’m doing on September 19th from two to 5:00 PM central time, and it’s going to be a live Mastermind Parenting masterclass to have a successful school year. So I’m going to be teaching brand new content. If you love coming to my free stuff. This is a virtual half day retreat. My whole team is going to be there, including Amanda, who is a Mastermind Parenting coach and a licensed occupational therapist. I call her as a kid whisper. She is going to be there and I’m going to be teaching my five, a formula to help you help your strong-willed child and their siblings have an a plus school year.

0 (58m 25s):
So I hope you’re going to join us. And it’s going to be a great time. We’re going to give it everything we’ve got and to sign up, go to Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash masterclass, all one word Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash masterclass. Can’t wait to see you there.

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by Randi Rubenstein