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133: A Brave Mom & Daughter’s Path to Healing Their Relationship

By September 22, 2020November 8th, 2023Mastermind Parenting Podcast
133: A Brave Mom & Daughter’s Path to Healing Their Relationship

Wow. We have an intimate conversation this week on the podcast. Recently, I connected with a mom and her young teen daughter and wait till you hear their story.

Grab your tissues because this one definitely involves some tender moments and topics. This pair holds a special place in my heart forever after our time together. Amazing. Brave. Female. Humans.

As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.

She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.

At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.

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Transcription

0 (2s):
My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind. Parenting Podcast where we believe. When your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flood.

1 (15s):
Same to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode one 33. Well, hi guys. Welcome to this week’s episode. I have a very special treat. I have mom and daughter, Rebecca and Madison here with me who are kind enough to you. I want to hop on in and have a conversation and welcome you guys. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. Thanks for having us. I pleasure. Okay. So Rebecca is a model in my mastermind and you’ve been here for, it will be a year in October. And Rebecca has two daughters, Madison and Britton and Madison.

1 (59s):
You’re a 14. Yeah, it would be 14 in a week. 14 in a week. Happy early birthday. How have you started in ninth grade yet? Or your about to I’m about to high school. It’s the big time. Yeah, I’m scared. And Brittany is starting second grade. She is in first grade. Okay. And, and she’s six. Six? Yes. Yes. Okay. How do you feel about starting high school? I’m very nervous. I’m just very nervous all in all it can. So I really want that you guys to come on really mostly, because I think so many people will relate to your story.

1 (1m 46s):
I wish you all to be perfectly honest. I wasn’t sure Madison was going to hop on with me because I don’t, I would say I was feeling like I probably wasn’t my favorite person in the entire world because when her mom joined the mastermind, all of a sudden, you know, you’d had things a certain way for 13 years. And then all of a sudden to have your mom, like, it probably felt a little bit like the Twilight zone. She was right. Like, like a whole new world. Yeah. Doing different things, saying different things. And you’re old enough that you’re on tour and you’re like, who are you? And where’s my mom. And that’s not the way we do things around here, like yeah. For the first three months. So I was like, Oh, what do you think?

1 (2m 31s):
Sort nice to me that it sort of also make you like, like, it wasn’t like, you were like, Oh, why are you being so nice to me? This is great. Like you were a belt. I mean, would you say you were a belt? I was honestly pissed off. I was like, I do not like to change. I want it to go back. I was just so used to things, being my way for,

2 (3m 0s):
For as long as I can remember. Like when, when she had Britain, it was just like a shock for me because I was very bossy, a rude, I mean, I still kind of get up, get up.

1 (3m 16s):
You are not rude. You don’t, you feel like when your mom had, so you were seven when Britain was born? Yeah. Okay. You were seven in Britain was born. And when Britain was born, you think that’s when you shifted and you started to get Bossie and kind of rude. And now, now that you’re almost 14 and your mom has been a mastermind for a while and it’s not so brand new and it’s getting a little more familiar. Why do you think at seven, you were rude and bossy?

2 (3m 49s):
I just, I was, I was a seven acre.

1 (3m 52s):
Okay. So she was, she was following you around you at a crying baby, all of a sudden. So now if you can look back at seven year old, you like, what would you, what would you say to seven year old year?

2 (4m 6s):
Yeah, I would say stop being a brat. Feel good, but it could be look at,

1 (4m 19s):
So let me ask you this. Can we look at seven year old you and understand that for seven years, you’re a little kid. And for seven years you had your mom and dad to yourself, and then you’re a certain way that you did things. And your mom tells me that you were easy. Like your sister has been was, was born strong-willed your sister was born with a different temperament. Right. And it was more to figure out.

2 (4m 48s):
So it was more of like my dad got it.

1 (4m 51s):
And so you were more like your mom and, and in the first seven years, yod kind of an easy gig going like you, you did, you were just a pretty easy kid. And then bam, they becomes the long and everything changes for your little seven year old self. You know, I teach parents that kids who are acting out, acting on the outside, like you just described yourself, rude, bratty, all of the things they’re not doing that. They’re not doing that just because they’re doing it for a reason. They’re doing it to show us that this is I’m feeling I’m hurting on the inside.

1 (5m 35s):
And my little seven-year-old self doesn’t know how to tell you guys. I don’t like all these changes. There’s a hell of a sudden, a lot of stress and chaos. It was so peaceful. Our family was working. Why did we have to change? This? Doesn’t feel familiar to me anymore. And frankly, it feels a little chaotic, which makes me feel unsafe as a human inside. And I don’t know how to express it to you guys because I’m only seven. So the way I’m going to express it is to act rude and digging in to be bratty and do all these things. But really you guys, what I’m wanting is I’m wanting the peace back.

1 (6m 15s):
I’m wanting my family back and everything feels like it has changed it. So like now, do you understand, like, I don’t want you to carry any shame from seven year old. You like, can we understand seven-year-old use perspective?

2 (6m 38s):
I think looking back then it was, I was like, I could, I could understand what it meant, but I just couldn’t. My little brain can process it didn’t work properly. Yeah. Articulate. I just crammed in a little ball inside of me. So, you know, ball GRU and growing, and it just led to more critical things farther down in my life.

1 (7m 19s):
Yeah. And the anger just grew and the resentment just grew. And the, the, those feelings, because you didn’t know how to get ’em out and you didn’t know how to release it. And mom and dad didn’t know how to help you release it. Didn’t know how to, to, you know, be able to talk about these things. Because I think it’s just look, this Mastermind way. This is what I tell people all the time. It takes a minute to learn it because it’s not the way we were conditioned. So we don’t know how to do it differently. And so by the time your mom joined the mastermind, you know, your sister was born and you were already seven.

1 (8m 3s):
And you have, when the little babies are born, it’s stressful. Even if you have an easy baby, cause there’s a lot of crime and we’re not used to that. And then you’ve got mom and dad were now sleep deprived. Like that’s like a form of torture. So when they’re, you know, when they’re sleep deprived in your seven and your used to them playing with you or having a lot of patience for you and they’re tired and they don’t want to, like, it’s very normal for a seven-year-old to, to feel angry and, and to have all of that bottled up. And so then on top of it, you have a, a sister who Mom, my mom thought it was going to be, she was going to have another year.

1 (8m 48s):
You know, mom thought my mom was probably a little cocky. Like I can write, like

2 (8m 54s):
I was, I was an easy baby on a train, like toilets, if you don’t like, you were easy, your mom was probably kind of cocky. And she probably heard other ones,

1 (9m 6s):
Moms talking about their difficult kids. And mom was like, yeah, it’s not that hard.

2 (9m 12s):
Yeah. And then, you know, and then Mom

1 (9m 18s):
Go for a loop and, and, and, and has, you know, but look, this is where I say, and I’m not going to discount the six years of you, you guys living with the anger and why did everything change so much? And I thought all babies were gonna be as easy as Maddison. And now we have it. It’s not going according to plan. That’s not going according to the plan. And I don’t discount how difficult those years were. And I always tell everyone if we didn’t, if we weren’t, if our families weren’t blessed with a strong-willed child, we wouldn’t come to this information.

1 (9m 59s):
Like I teach them the Mastermind, where we learn how to be a family that can talk and talk. And we learn how to deal with anxiety and understand what’s going on in our bodies and, and just communicate and a different way. You know, we wouldn’t learn these tools and these methods, you wouldn’t have probably been such a mature almost 14 year old. To writes a freaking book about anxiety. I mean, let me just finish. Let me just tell you.

2 (10m 35s):
Right, right. Another one just about the story of my life. But I hope that it is

1 (10m 41s):
You you don’t stop writing. ’cause that’s really why I’m fighting you guys. Because I remember when your mom first joined a mastermind, I knew she was drawn to the messaging because she’s like, Oh, I got one of these strong-willed kids, but then she joined the mastermind and you were the one slamming doors and angry. And he, and really fighting against these, this new method in these new ways. And so fast forward to, you know, six months from then, and you’re writing a book about anxiety. I mean, you To, I, I really think you guys are earning example of what is possible.

1 (11m 29s):
And I have so many parents who come to me and they’re like, Oh, I wish I would’ve found this information when my kids are a little, or my kids are now going to be teenagers. It’s too late. It’s too late. And I’m like, no, it’s not too late. So I really want y’all to give people hope that it’s a relatively short amount of time for you guys to have come this far. Really? Yeah.

3 (11m 55s):
I would have never of thought that we’d be here. I, I remember those early calls with you just terrified and just not knowing how in the world I can get. This strong young woman for me. Not that I, I can’t, I can’t just scoop up and put her in her room anymore. I can’t just say stop talking, you know, and the old school methods were working. And when you were talking about, I know you call it a nice model now, but I can remember what it was then, but that nice framework and just listening and, and having empathy.

3 (12m 40s):
That was the stuff that was the secret for a lot of, it was just me, duct taping, and then just listening because I’m a fixer and I just wanted to fix it all. And I couldn’t fix that. And when you said I can fix that, but it’s going to take these steps. It was really hard to see that it was possible, but obviously, you know, me,

1 (13m 6s):
Madison, I want to hear like, in those first couple of months, when your mom was learning some new methods and learning some new tools and you’re like not having it,

3 (13m 22s):
I was, yeah. I thought somebody came, some other worldly creatures came, abducted my mom, then it shifted into another or another, another Rebecca. Hello. And it just, it was not what I have the time, so what, I just need it.

1 (13m 49s):
Okay. So what do you, so she wasn’t giving you what you needed. What did you feel like you needed?

3 (13m 58s):
I’ve felt like I needed just to be alone all the time and just, and just, just not be here. And the Mo like be in the moment, like,

1 (14m 13s):
So you want me to isolate, you wanted to be wet, like in your room, on your own, in thinking on social media or with your friends. Like, and so when she, like, what made you just the most pissed? Like, what was she, what was she trying to do that you were like really digging in a, it

3 (14m 36s):
Check in on me. I was like, get out of my room. Okay. So she would say, get out, get out, get out. She would, and then I would ask you to how in the world can I just, I, I think it were telling us we had to come

1 (14m 52s):
In with some pack leadership and say, just so you know, I want you to come to me or want you to talk to me when you are ready. We will talk about this. Just trying to say anything, to let her know and realize that I’m on your side and I’m here when you’re ready. And I remember she would just shut me out, get out and get out and get out and get out and get out. And I couldn’t even speak over her to get, get that message across. But yeah, those were, those were those, those harder days. And I can’t remember what eventually worked. I think it was just wait, don’t gloss over those yet. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. So the card days, you start learning these tools and you’re like, I need to get in there and to have a productive conversation.

1 (15m 35s):
And one of the big things, Madison, just so you know that me and your mom worked on early on was just like how I just helped you understand the perspective of seven year old year. You weren’t a brand, you weren’t a rude brat. Your behavior maybe can be classified that way, but to classify a child that is acting out on the outside of the way they feel on the inside and just label them as a rude brat is actually not getting to the root of the behavior. And, and which can only solve a problem when we get to the root of the behavior. Like why, what is your perspective? Oh, well, you were seven. Your whole world was rocked.

1 (16m 15s):
And not only was your whole world rocked, everything changed. And you were given a strong-willed sister on top of it. And so you sorta had a right to be pissed and frustrated and all the things. Right. And so, you know, one of the things I was helping your mom with early on, and I think why she was so excited to have those productive conversations with you, it was, you know, she’s, she’s pissed, you know, she shut down. And I was basically saying about you. She has had to deal with strong-willed behavior from a sibling. And you guys not knowing how to navigate that for a lot of years now.

1 (17m 0s):
And at this point she doesn’t believe y’all, she doesn’t trust you. And you’ve got to earn her trust back. And the way we earn trust back is through having these productive conversations, through her, being able to come and say to you, I am sorry. We didn’t know what we didn’t know. And you’ve been beaten in your head against the wall for the last six years. And I get it. If you don’t want to hang around with me right now, you just want to isolate and being in your room, but I am committed to earning your trust back. I’m committed to learning tools to do it differently. You deserve a family that isn’t living intention and yelling and all of the things that we have been living with it for the last six years and going to figure this out and fix it and solve it.

1 (17m 53s):
And so we worked on that a lot. And so I think, you know, your mom who is a little action taker, that’s why she’s y’all have had it. I think such big results is your mom was like, must have a productive conversation. Must have it immediately.

3 (18m 8s):
Yes. And it was not the time this night in the moment

1 (18m 14s):
Because Madison, you know what, she needed times you needed space. You need to come to it. And so that get out, get out, get out was, yeah, you can just say one, one thing one time or two times or three times, and think that I’m all of a sudden going to trust you. Like, like let’s give it a minute. And so I think it’s very normal that you were, you were continuing to shut her out and shut her out and shut her out. So you would say you were depressed during that time when you were wanting to just isolate in your room, get out, get out and get it out or taking part in it a little bit of a risky teenage behavior.

1 (18m 56s):
Hm. Did you like tell me, like, did you know you were depressed when you were going through that or just now looking back?

3 (19m 4s):
Oh, I like my friends would tell me that a side thing that you’re depressed. I think that you need to get some help. And I was like, I’m not, I’m not depressed. I don’t want to be depressed. I’m not like I just kept refusing, but I, like, there was a part of me, like deep down my soul. I knew that I was depressed in some way, shape or form. I just didn’t want to admit it.

1 (19m 29s):
You didn’t want to admit it. And so what was your way of managing that depression?

3 (19m 36s):
I, I’m an artist. So a lot of times I drew, I, I drew.

1 (19m 46s):
Okay, so you drew, that was your outlet.

3 (19m 48s):
And I talked to my dog.

1 (19m 51s):
So you talked to your dog, you drew. And do you remember, like, what were the thoughts that were going through your head when you were going through that period?

3 (19m 60s):
Yeah, I, I was saying I don’t need to be alive. I was cutting myself. I kept telling myself it’s just easier. If you’re not here,

4 (20m 14s):
That’s a long way

1 (20m 26s):
You have come such a long way. Did you just, did you feel, was it that you were lonely? It was it that you felt alone?

3 (20m 41s):
It was, I felt very, very lonely.

1 (20m 44s):
So do you feel like when you were going through that period of such deep loneliness, that you were even going to those thoughts of maybe the world, it would be better without me, which please tell me that those, that that period has done because

3 (21m 2s):
Yeah. Okay. This is probably the first time I’ve cried in a week.

1 (21m 7s):
Well, Bryan, I think crime is a beautiful thing. Crying is a hot track to the truth. So I’m all about, I liked, I’m like crying as good as crying is good crying means that we’re sharing truth and honesty. And it’s it. It’s a beautiful thing, but you’re so amazing that I’m just like sitting here looking at you, going you’re an artist, you’ve written a book. You. I mean, I could just tell you it just so beautiful inside and now I’m like, please tell me you have your whole world ahead of you, right?

3 (21m 40s):
Yeah. I have, I have a high school planned out. I have a college planned out. I have my career planned out. I’ve I’m just rolling, but

1 (21m 51s):
You are well, I mean, and your smile is just like, I mean, it’s contagious, like tell me, so when you were going through, when you were in that darkness and you would have, like, what could your, what could you have heard? Would it have been helpful to here that I don’t know, like, you know, would it have been helpful for you to hear from somebody like, or another teenager? I was where you are. I felt just like you, I get it with that have been like, would that have felt like a life raft for you at that time?

1 (22m 32s):
I don’t know. Tell me that

3 (22m 33s):
It would really like one an adult says It I would be like, they’re just trying to make me feel better. But when like somebody who has went through at Recently as a teenager who is going through this or went through, it says that to me, I would, I would think about it for a while and it would make me feel better. Then make me feel, it makes me feel not so lonely. But then at the time it would only last for like a day or two, if I’m lucky. But if I were to have that low depressive stage right now with all the M all of what you’ve taught my mom and how we have both grown mentally and emotionally together, I’m I would have, it would have definitely helped me snap, snap out of that phase,

1 (23m 38s):
If you get upset,

3 (23m 39s):
I think every now and then, like once or twice, every like three months where human and

1 (23m 46s):
That happens and you’re hormonal teenager like it to happen. Right.

3 (23m 51s):
My therapist called them hormones. So for like horror movies, horror modes.

1 (23m 59s):
And, and did you, and so are you still talking with your therapist?

3 (24m 3s):
No. No, I’m not sure.

1 (24m 6s):
What did she, was she able to help support you when you were going through those dark times?

3 (24m 11s):
Yeah. I had somebody to talk to and it was just nice to have somebody to talk to who didn’t say, well, I like compared, and I know I’m not, I know I don’t have the worst life ever, but I know, I also know I don’t have the best life ever. I just don’t like people can pairing me to them or them to me in that they’re the therapist got me that she was there. She was, she actually listened. She listened to all my problems without judgment.

1 (24m 52s):
That’s so beautiful. I mean, just to have that outlet and yeah, it wasn’t enough. Like, it was a nice, it was a nice thing to have, but at the end of the day, you needed your Mom to be able to learn how to truly listen and allow you to truly feel heard. Am I getting that

3 (25m 16s):
Right? Yeah.

1 (25m 18s):
Like what do you think made the shift where you started to trust your mom Moore and you guys started to grow more together and it’s in you and it wasn’t a get out. It was more like, okay, I guess you can come in because I’m sure it wasn’t like, Oh my mother, you know, like, I’m sure it was like slow baby steps where it was probably like, you just stopped kicking her out. Maybe you just kind of allowed her to be there a little bit of how was your family and your mom, you know, and, or your dad, how were they able to, to support you during that time?

3 (25m 56s):
They just, they were just there. I was, I was able to talk to them and this is when I really opened up to my mom. I was like, it was just, but other than that, it is what I describe it. I just couldn’t hold the ball of anger, depression, sadness, anxiety. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I had to just let it out.

1 (26m 24s):
And what made you trust your Mom to be able to tell her these things?

3 (26m 29s):
It just, it was like a childlike instinct. I would go to my aisle. I go to my mom. I feel like my world just got flipped upside down and I was always just, do you think you had more trust in me versus Mom? I’m trying to describe it as much as I can. Yeah, I don’t, I don’t really know. I’m just trying to make a big word. So I, so yes.

1 (27m 1s):
Do you feel like when you, when you started telling your mom all these things, how did she respond? What did she do?

3 (27m 10s):
She, she came at me with open arms and it was like, finally my child. Cause it was just like, I peered out of the shadows. I’m just like, hello

1 (27m 24s):
A letter and let her into what was really happening inside. Like you, you were willing to like, you trust her enough to say, if you’re wondering why I’m so angry and why I’ve been like, this is what’s really been going on with me. And now I’m gonna let you know, you know what I have been bottling up and keeping inside. Do you feel like, you know, my mom, like maybe Mom pre Mastermind M if you would have told her these things, would she have responded the same way she responded or would she have been like, what would she have done?

1 (28m 5s):
Would she have called the other parent? Why would she have tried to fight the battles for you? She would she have been validated? Do you like, what would she have done differently then versus now

3 (28m 14s):
She would probably post on Facebook asking, asking, asking me for help, put it on Facebook, asking for help connect those dots. So pre-master my mom.

1 (28m 35s):
I have less confidence. And you would of been in, she would end. You couldn’t necessarily feel well, like she was your go-to person because chances are, she would just go and try and find other resources to help versus Rebecca. Who’s the mom now. And she just opened her arms and welcomed you in and welcomed you home and didn’t need to go and, you know, try to find all the resources she had the confidence to make you feel safe in this moment where you have in the letter to him. And I, am I putting words in your mouth or does that,

3 (29m 12s):
It sounds some of everything. Yeah. Yeah.

1 (29m 20s):
So how did it feel for you to have like a confident mom who was like, I got you my baby’s back to them here. We’re right here. I’m right here with you. Like, how did that feel?

3 (29m 30s):
It felt very comforting. Like I come to her for everything that I come to her. If I have a problem, I come to her. If my anxiety is getting bad, I come to her. If I’m hungry and I come, I actually, I don’t go to her. If I have a math problem,

1 (29m 54s):
My kids would say the same thing as

3 (29m 57s):
I go to Google. If I have a math problem.

1 (30m 2s):
It’s so great. And so, so tell me how your mom just wanted to share this book that you wrote about anxiety, because she knew I would celebrate you and I would celebrate like, and I would be, you know, odd, frankly, odd buy this level of growth. I mean, early on in the Mastermind when your mom was trying to figure all this stuff out, you know, she was worried about you and she was worried about you and here, you know, your dad works nights and he’s sleeping during the day a lot.

1 (30m 44s):
And your mom has got two kids, you know, far apart in age in two very different stages. She’s got a strong-willed little one, she’s got a rebellious teenager taking part in some things that are, that are scary, that you know, that it’s, mom’s fear when your kids start to be shut down and take part in risky behaviors. So you can sense that there’s depression, like this is sort of our biggest fear, right? So your mom had a lot on her plate. And I remember in some of those early Coaching calls and she would say, you know, she literally was like, whispering, cause you didn’t want to make your data. And then she just like going outside, away from you and your sister. And she’s like trying to get a minute to herself.

1 (31m 27s):
And, and she was worried. And you know, she got, I remember a call from the counselor one day who was worried about you at school? Maybe she needed to come pick you. I don’t know. Maybe it was a day where she had to come pick you up or something. I’m like some pretty scary, intense stuff. And now fast forward, Oh, Madison just wrote a book about anxiety. I thought you might appreciate it. I’m like, what the, what? Like, what is happening? How did this happen? Like what, what made you write that book? How did you, how did you gain this much growth and clarity so quickly?

3 (32m 8s):
I honestly read a book and then, Oh, and then I looked at it, I was just like skimmed over it. And I looked at the end. It was like, how can you remember what it said? It was like, how, like, it was my anxiety, survival kit. That’s, that’s what the title of the chapter was called. And so I basically copied and pasted the questions and just answered them myself. And it just it’s from my anxiety handbook. Yeah. And I just, and paste the questions and I put it into power point presentation. And I was like, that’s my anxiety, survival guide. And I wrote down what I would like people to do just for like future reference.

3 (32m 54s):
And for people who know somebody who has anxiety or doesn’t know anybody, but we’ll probably come across. Cause everybody has to come across somebody who has a bad anxiety or anxiety in general, just to like help them. If if it, if they’re having a nervous breakdown or if their, if they’re just exploding

1 (33m 22s):
And, and now when you start to feel that anxiety bubble up in your body, because look, it’s, I say anxiety is the body’s way of whispering to you and trying to send you messages and signals. When you start to have an anxiety, what do you, where do you, first of all, where do you mostly feel it in your body when you, when you notice?

3 (33m 49s):
So my, my chest, like, I feel like somebody it’s just like pressing down on my chest and just pressing all of the air out of my lungs. So I can’t breathe and you know, my hands, my head. So I do this. I, I just, I, I just in wiggle, I wiggle, I tapped my foot. I bounced my knee. I bounced my knee on like anything, like, I’ll be at school in the debt. And like, it would feel like an earthquake is going on because yeah, that’s the main anxiety.

3 (34m 29s):
I’m a place like I would walk and I’ll walk into math class and I would just, at least three times a week out, we’d have a panic attack. And that class and the same with science, I, I didn’t like the subject. I didn’t like the teacher, but I just kinda had to just relax. I had a good outlet. My band teacher, I loved her. I loved her very much. It makes me sad that I’ve moved. And I just, she helped me a lot through my anxiety and just getting through the first semester and a half hour and a half of it.

3 (35m 20s):
And just give you a place to go. He would, he or she gave me a place to go with that. It was feeling very anxious in, it was just like, I could just spill out all my worries to her. And she, she didn’t, she really didn’t judge me. She didn’t judge me.

1 (35m 44s):
Okay. So there’s some themes. There’s some themes of, you know, it’s like in our world where life can be so busy and we’re also connected to our technology. Me included. It’s a lot, you know, there’s a lot that there was a lot happening. And then we have this anxiety in our bodies, but what’s the remedy. The remedy is a teacher that shows up for you without judgment and hold space. And as a safe container of, I got you, you have a safe space come to me.

1 (36m 25s):
You know, that connection with another human, you know, that’s, it’s like right now, I think during a pandemic where we’re spending so much time alone, even though we’re also like for kids, we’re connected virtually, but we’re spending more time at home with our families than ever. There’s this message. I think, where it’s like, we got to get back to some of the, like, we’ve got to find a balance between this tech technological world and future. And we cannot forget that basic human connection, like you were in your school day feeling panic attacks because the anxiety was so big.

1 (37m 9s):
You know, you noticed it in class. I don’t know about your math teacher, but your science teacher. It was like when you were in a classroom and you didn’t find the subject. Interesting. And it was one thing for a subject, not to be interesting, but to have a teacher that you don’t like, which to me, it just says its an adult that it doesn’t hurt her space. She didn’t feel safe to you emotionally. There was something right. I mean,

3 (37m 39s):
I think it just did not his classroom. Just, I did not like the kids in there. I don’t like kids in general. I did not like the teacher. I did not like the classroom and in like in general and everybody was like, Oh yeah, he’s such a great teacher. He’s one of my favorite teachers. And I’m like, well I’m lonely. You’re alone.

1 (38m 4s):
You are not connected to the teacher. It doesn’t feel like in an emotionally safe space for you. You’re not connecting with the kids. You’re not connecting with the teacher. You’re feeling isolated, you’re feeling alone. And that’s causing you to have all of this anxiety in your body. You’re fidgety your moving, your twitchy, you’re feeling unsettled. And then you go to, you felt you have your safe space, your band teacher, that Andy ger welcomes you with open arms and non no judgement to the point that there was so much emotional safety and love that you felt in that room that like now even thinking about that person, you miss them, you, you, you know, he brings tears to you because there was a lot of, there was a lot of connection.

1 (38m 56s):
There was a lot of love. And, and you know, when you’re in a place of feeling isolated and alone and not emotionally safe and I don’t matter, and here’s all these other kids in this classroom and they feel connected to the teacher and they think he’s so great. He’s acting like I’m invisible and I don’t matter. So I feel like I’m the other, the other one I don’t belong. So it feels terrible and it feels lonely. And so your safe space is with somebody that you’ve connected with. And then to be able to, you know, to be a kid and to go through that day, have go, you know, going back and forth between all of those emotions and then to come home.

1 (39m 43s):
You know, that’s why I am so passionate about what I do here because I’m like these kids and what they’re dealing with out in the world and all of these feelings, we have got to be their soft place to land. Like we have got to receive you guys just like your mom received you when you were finally felt safe enough to trust her mom, this is what I’ve been going through. This is what I’ve been bottling up inside. And Mom you trusted mom and mom had the confidence and what I call the Path leadership to let you know, Hey, little Path member, mom was here. I got you. Come on, bring it in.

1 (40m 23s):
I got you. You’re safe. Like that’s what you needed to start to feel whole again. Am I getting this right? Yeah. I mean, shouldn’t every kid get to have that.

3 (40m 39s):
Yeah. Yeah.

1 (40m 41s):
Mean what if every kid got to have that? Like, don’t you feel like with all that you’ve been through all of that you’ve been through like one day far, far, far away in the future when you’re the Mom like don’t you already know what kind of Mom you’re going to and to be okay.

3 (41m 4s):
Yeah. Yeah. I want to, I want to be the mom that I want to adopt a kid. I don’t, I don’t want to give back to the kids.

1 (41m 13s):
I don’t blame you

3 (41m 17s):
Because like, there’s just, there’s so many children out there who don’t have parents and a loving family. And I just want to give them the chance to have a loving family.

1 (41m 29s):
I want to be that band teacher, but like full time. Yeah. You are going to be the band teacher. You’re going to be like, I got you. You come here. This house is safe. Mom was going to take care of you. It’s okay. I didn’t need to give birth to you. I’m still gonna, I’m still going to make you feel safe. And I’m good at I’m going to have a dog and cat and my adopted kid and my dog we’ll get along. It’s got to be a happy family that I have gave you a happy family. Well, your Amazing and I am so happy that you were willing.

1 (42m 10s):
I mean, I can’t believe your courage and your bravery. Like my kid’s kind of we’ll come, you know, they go on in the mastermind and they talk to other kids and I will take part, but like the sort of feel like you have to, like, it’s a family thing. So for you to be willing to come on and talk with me, I D I understand why you would want to adopt a child because you are a generous, loving kind of Sol. You really are in your wise, beyond your years. You really are. You are. I, I just, I feel, I feel like it’s a privilege.

1 (42m 51s):
I tell my moms this, when they, when they, when they still want it on the, you know, and they come in and then the first three months you have, door’s being slammed on your face. And she, and mom’s like, Oh, I just wanna have a productive conversation going to get better at this. And most of them in the practice and the doors are slammed and the doors are slammed and I can be pretty defeating for moms. And I’m like, you guys just stick with it. It so worth it. It’s so worth it. So to get to like witness such a success story and just to feel the chemistry between the two of you, you guys like it’s inspiring, it feels like such a privilege to get to witness that.

1 (43m 33s):
So I just appreciate y’all and I appreciate you guys doing this because it’s, you know, it’s, Amazing, if it’s inspiring me, it is going to inspire a lot of other people too.

0 (43m 46s):
That’s it. Awesome. Hi guys, if you have been listening to the podcast for a while, I have good news for you. We are enrolling, we do this twice a year in to our private Mastermind membership, and you can read all about it and decide if it’s right for you. If you’ve been listening for a while, you know how good the free stuff is, if the free stuff is as good, imagine how awesome the private membership is. We just take it further. We can do the accountability and support. Our mission is always to surprise, delight and overdeliver the same way we do on this podcast, where we just go deeper and take it further and amazing or happening in our Mastermind.

0 (44m 33s):
If your feeling called that the time is now you’re right on time. Just go to Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash enroll that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash enroll. We’d love

5 (44m 46s):
To have you.

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Creating A Happier Household

by Randi Rubenstein