This week I’m sharing a little secret bonus that happens in my private mastermind…a better marriage! This week it’s all about marriage and how to help “sell” the resistant dudes on why they should join our mastermind party.
The bottom line is that parenting is NOT women’s work. It’s 2020 People! You deserve to feel like you’re not parenting alone. Afterall, it took two of you to make those babies and I bet he was all in for that part;).
I got your back and wanted to share a window into how I provide my Mastermind families with the loving nudge many of us need to finally begin parenting as true partners.
As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!
About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flow,
The scene to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode one 34. Well, Hey guys, welcome to the Podcast this week, I’m going to be pretty short and sweet. I wanted to just share a few clips that I have, and you’re going to hear it from a couple of dads. I do something in my Mastermind, which I call the Voxer VIP, and it’s basically, I spend a couple of hours and It people, or a couples are allowed to com and we problem solve the three scenarios.
So three pain points, three things that you’re, that are just like, sort of driving you nuts that if you, and you’re like, OK, if these three issues could sort of like go away, my life would be way better. And so I offer these boxes or a VIP is that I do them in a number of different ways with different people, but secretly, and I don’t think they have a lot of dads that are listening to my podcast. So I can share this with you moms. One of the biggest struggles has been that I think in the world, not that anyone really admits this, I think Parenting is still sort of considered Womens work in most households. That’s why like the majority of the childcare tasks, even when both parents work outside the home, a majority seems like it still falls on mom.
1 (1m 47s):
And every once in a while you have a dad that is truly a 50% parent, and I know they exist. And if your, that dad, I love you. And I’m not talking about you. I’m celebrating you all freaking Gaye. So if your, that dad, or if you were a stay-at-home dad and you’re the main parent, I am not speaking to you. I wish that our world was filled with men who get it to the degree that you get it. And there’s lots of great guys out there who just haven’t gotten the memo. That the way to have a happy life is to invest in your family.
1 (2m 29s):
That, that the priority in life is relationships first. And when you invest in your family and in your relationships, and you create a peaceful household and you meet your partner halfway, and you guys are doing this together, it strengthens your marriage. It’s strengthened everything in your life. You know, everything. It’s kind of like if you built a house and you have like a, you had a crappy foundation like that house is, I live in Houston. And right now it’s hurricane season. And you know, you’re not going to have a whole lot of confidence that that house is going to hold up when the next hurricane rolls in or a flood or whatever.
1 (3m 17s):
Can you tell me a Houston, Houston, Houston receives lots of different weather scenarios, but you have to have a solid foundation. And so when you invest in your family and when we realized like, like Parenting is NOT, Womens Work, we live in the year 2020 and beyond, and, and the AR world is different. And umm, and our relationships are evolving and we are evolving. And what we know is that the majority of people that live unhappy lives and unhappy adulthoods it’s because of some of that went down in your childhood that you never recovered from, right?
1 (4m 6s):
Like you never recovered. So there is nothing more important than investing in your family, investing your time, investing your energy, investing the desire to learn new tools, being open-minded investing in your relationships in your marriage. And I’m not talking like waiting till shit’s going bad. And then going to marriage therapy, I’m talking about like doing it proactive. You know, when people say, Oh my husband, he doesn’t have time. Or he worked so hard. I’m like, like I’m biting my lip because I don’t want to be on a soap box berating or making anyone feel judged.
1 (4m 47s):
Cause that certainly not helpful. But secretly I’m thinking we got to build your confidence mamma and help you, you know, really model why this is not Womens work a little kid issues or not just a little kid issues. We are raising human beings. And when we strengthen our households, we strengthen ourselves. We strengthen our most important relationships. We build our own confidence. We build our own skillset. We have healthy, happy marriages and a peaceful household. Damn like we take that shit out into the world. We accomplish big things.
1 (5m 28s):
It helps us at work. It helps us that life. It helps us in every single area and life is more fun, right? Like life is just more fun when you don’t have a, an out-of-control household. And it’s really hard to do it all alone. It’s not impossible because the majority of my moms do it all alone at first. But my eye, I sorted like to tell them, I’m your secret weapon and we just have to just have to don’t shove it down. Your guys’ throw it at the beginning if he’s not open to it, but invite them to the party again and again and again.
1 (6m 8s):
And once he finally decides to come on, I’ll do the rest. I’ll help. I’ll help really sell them on why this is so worth his time and not from a place of guilty him or shaming him or berating him or emasculating him from a place of this is fun stuff. I mean, I do. I love my work. So anyway, these Voxer VIP’s that I do with people where I really spend some intense time workshopping different scenarios and it always goes in different areas, you know? And so, and I always want to, I always want to bring it sort of back to the person that I’m trying to connect to it, where it doesn’t have to be all about kids, stuff like we can, we can bring other elements.
1 (6m 55s):
And I know for a lot of guys, a lot of people, but I would say stereotypically, a lot of guys when I can connect the dots sometimes in ways where I bring it back to like an example in their career or at work, I know all of a sudden the learning becomes more relevant, right? And so we usually have just a really impactful <inaudible> together and it’s super fun. It’s super bonding. So I thought it would be fun to hear from a couple of the people who’ve gone through this experience and just to sort of a Hear what their takeaway was. And I just want you all to know that like, if your they’re going, Oh my gosh, my husband would never agree to come to something like this.
1 (7m 40s):
These were both resistant dads to, and, and the main thing is an in my kind of thing is this kind of like, okay, if you’re not ready to invest to the degree that your, your wife is yet. Okay. But at least just get on board and have her back. Right. At least don’t make a lot. Oh, I have more difficult because I hear that a lot for moms where they are like, you know, my husband’s not learning the things. And so I’m trying out these tools and then he comes behind me and yeah. Yeah. And it goes old school. And, and so it’s, it’s making life more and it’s making life harder and I’m like, well, we can’t have that happening because not only is going to lead to resentment frustration, it’s going to do the opposite of strengthen your marriage, but we don’t want that to happen.
1 (8m 27s):
And we want this to be a tool to strengthen your relationship. So that’s what I’ve got. I’ve got a couple of, I’ve got one mom and two dads that I’m going to splice in their recordings. And just to have them kind of talking about their experience and maybe a takeaway or to write and brought you guys might to my enjoy hearing from them. So have a great week and enjoy, I have three boys agent’s five or three and two months old. I quit working where my second child was won. And I started to becoming overwhelmed that the behavior of my oldest child. And I knew that I needed to change. I signed up for the year long Mastermind Parenting program and recently completed the six weeks BASICS course.
1 (9m 13s):
I learned so much our house already had so much less yelling. I still have my moments where I yelled, but that was my natural reaction where my child yelled at me. It was just a yell back louder. I was in such a horrible place. And I couldn’t say that the light at the end of the tunnel. And I thought this is just going to be my life with them, with the constant battling. And it broke my heart and we’re still having some battles. And I know we have a long way to go, but I feel like I have the tools and support available to get me where I want to be. My husband. And I recently took a two hour Voxer VIP session with Randy. It was so helpful to dig deeper into what was going on with our son and what he needs. And it was great for my husband to participate as well. So we can get on the same page, we’re getting ready to go on a family vacation and then kindergarten will be starting.
1 (9m 56s):
And it was really good timing for us to talk about how we can prepare and handle certain situations and what we need to work on together with both plan on taking BASICS again, what it’s offered this fall. It, hopefully it will be able to work together and support each other on the tools that we learn.
2 (10m 9s):
Hey Randy, this is John. I just wanted to drop you a quick message and say, thank you for the VIP session. I found it incredibly helpful. You know, since we started this process, I’ve really been relying on Allie to sort of, at the end of my day, when I get home, she’s been giving me the cliff notes version of the podcast and the social media Exchange’s and you know, this is my first opportunity is to actually speak with you directly. And, you know, I kept promising to make time to sorta get more involved, but the VIP session sort of forced me to do that.
2 (10m 51s):
And I’m glad it did. And that was helpful to you. No, talk to you directly raise my own concerns, tell you what I think’s has been working and try to figure out why certain things may not be working. So again, it was extremely productive and it couldn’t have come at a better time as we were preparing for a big family trip or a summer vacation. And we were concerned on how our HSP would react with so many people in one house and a lot of little cousins around. So you’re able to give us some ideas and tools on how to get through that week and make it as enjoyable as possible.
2 (11m 32s):
We just got back and it was an excellent trip and he did, you know, very well, but again, will continue to focus on the long-term plan. And I can’t thank you very much. That was actually fantastic. And just took me a few minutes to really digest everything. And Samantha, I started talking, which is I, what you’ve really, you know, I don’t think it’s bait and switch, I think is just the way that what you do ends up manifesting and like PRODUCTIVE thoughts. Like we’d been talking about how, like, from the first part of our conversation, we really do, you know, we are going to make sure that that we’re communicating and this is a part of our, our overarching kind of couples therapy that we engage in and talk, even if it’s not comfortable to your point on the second topic, I’m that, you know, its the right way to make sure that we’re both on the same page.
2 (12m 28s):
Even if Samantha’s primary, I don’t want to, you know, abdicate all the Parenting responsibility to her. Its not fair. And then simultaneously I do want to engage will be a part of the kids’ upbringing, the strategy. And, and so I think that we definitely appreciate your feedback there. And then the second piece I have actually really I agree with everything you said and that, you know yeah, you’re, you’re pretty smart in your husband’s, right? Like if I could just hire you to run HR or is you can be my business coach and are a parenting coach, you could do both.
2 (13m 10s):
And I’ve actually mentioned it before to Samantha that a lot of the strategies she tells me about what she’s doing with line is I deal with people that work and they don’t realize it. And that yeah, I think that there’s two things. They’re two it’s about listening and understanding and being empathetic before you react. But then when you react being consistent. And so I really do, I appreciate your feedback today has been really valuable and you know, I’ll be in the background, but I am engaged with what you guys are doing to help with the kids and I do sincerely appreciate it. So thank you for today and thanks.
2 (13m 51s):
All right, bye.
0 (13m 52s):
Well, I hope you enjoyed hearing from a couple of people who have worked directly with me. I thought that it might be helpful to hear directly from the people and especially in the last dad, that was actually a clip that I act I asked to use from our VIP session. And he was just so much fun that to get to know and to work with an eye on a door, a door, a door, his wife, so super, super fun. He wanted to let you guys be a little fly on the wall. And if you haven’t heard, we are currently enrolling a new group in our Mastermind.
0 (14m 32s):
We open up group enrollment twice a year off Tobar first and April 1st. So you are just in time. If you’ve been listening to the podcast, you are our favorite members because you come to us sort of pre qualified you’re already well on your way. And you just need that extra support and accountability. And we have all of it, all of it for you and more in the Mastermind were doing a really big things in there. And if you can imagine if the free stuff is as good as just imagine how great the private membership is, I get to know everyone. I believe in you. I support you. I coach you. I hold you accountable.
0 (15m 13s):
And I have a whole team behind me that helps. So it would love to have you, if you’re feeling called to take this further, just go to Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash and roll that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash and roll. I would love to have you.