On the podcast this week I have part 2 with fellow coach, Amy Pearson. We discuss that feeling of being stuck and figuring out what “you wanna be when you grow up”. Many parents talk themselves into a life of complacency and may not realize that you can do something to create shifts even when things are “fine”. My motto is eff “fine”…YOU deserve fan-freakin-tastic!
As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!
About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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My name is Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts, Grow the conversations in your home flow.
You’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode one 36. Well, this week guys, I have part two of my conversation with Amy Pearson and I titled it. What do you wanna be when you grow up? And what I mean by that is I want you guys to just, I don’t know, listen in with me and Amy and here we are, we’re having a conversation. We both run coaching businesses and we’re both moms with three kids spending a lot of time driving the people, doing things, feeding the people, doing all the things that you’re going to do, that you know, that in your day-to-day life, we’re all doing those things.
1 (1m 1s):
And Amy and I are both kind of entered this entrepreneurial journey. And I guess I just want to encourage more, more people that are like us possibly with unfulfilled dreams. I find that so often it seems like the parents who are like so obsessed with our kids’ lives it’s because they think it’s too late for them. So like they’re going to put all their eggs and the kid basket versus betting on themselves. And what I want to say is, is we did it, you know, I didn’t do it till I was in my early forties. And I I’m hoping that by being a fly on the wall of us and our conversation and just talking about some real things like, like Amy talks about, I said, I asked her, are you a business coach?
1 (1m 56s):
Because I have thought of her as a person who does some really high level coaching with lots of different entrepreneurs coaches. And she says that she doesn’t really call herself a business coach because she really works with people on like where your stuck. And I think that that is such a common theme was so many people, so many of us, I know I used to feel that way. I wouldn’t have necessarily use those words, but that area of stuckness is just like where your sort of, you sort of feel like you’re just like, like things are just sorta fine. Like it’s an it’s living in complacency.
1 (2m 36s):
Where are you? You know, life is not terrible and it’s not like it’s not wonderful. You know, its fine. Like it’s fine. There is some good moments where we’re, but whatever. But are you spending more time bingeing, you know, Netflix then using your brain and thinking about that thing that just gets you all energized and excited. So I want, I want to put this conversation out there. Cause I think that there are so many people that just don’t even realize that there’s resources out there that there’s opportunities out there that we live in a day and age where you can start a business like on almost anything, anything, you know, if your, if your obsessed with underwater basket weaving and next thing you know, you may have a thriving underwater basket weaving business.
1 (3m 34s):
There’s just so many resources available. And I don’t think that that moms are necessarily talking about it the way sometimes maybe our kids or our millennials are talking about it. Like they’re just so aware. And so I wanted to bring this conversation here because I personally feel like when you got to a happy, healthy minded mama, the family thrives. And I, I don’t know my hunches is that there’s more of you guys out there then maybe you’re even willing to admit to yourself who think it’s too late for you. And when you feel like it’s too late or when you feel like you have to push your kids to, to accomplish all the things that it’s too late for you to do.
1 (4m 23s):
I think that’s where we fall into a lot of, of negative or unhelpful patterned. And it pushes our kids away from us because they feel like they feel that graspy energy from us that were just like so invested in what they’re science, what they’ve got on their science tests or whether they meet that blah blah blah team or whether they were voted as such-and-such captain. Now look is that to say that when my daughter was hoping that she was going to get voted, The whatever captain of the, I’m not very athletic, you know, whatever sports team she was on. And she was, I knew she really wanted it, that I wasn’t like nervous the night that they were announcing it.
1 (5m 7s):
Yes, I was nervous because I knew that she was going to be so happy if she got it. And I knew she was going to be disappointed if she didn’t get it. And I think that’s normal, right? I think that’s normal. Of course we want, we want things to work out for the people that we love. And it’s a different than, you know, you know, those parents that are just so crazy and invested in what their kids’ accomplishments are, that just something is not passing the smell test. And we may find ourselves in that place, but this might be You. I might be striking a chord. And what I’m inviting you to look at is why, why are you so invested?
1 (5m 49s):
Do you feel stuck in your life? Do you have unfulfilled dreams that it feels too vulnerable to even say out loud or admit to yourself? So I’m hoping that this conversation with Amy will open you up to the possibility that it’s not too late. You like you’re 40 something years younger, you know? I mean, seriously, I would say the majority of moms that come to me, our late thirties, early forties. And it’s just like, I mean, if you think about, I don’t know if you guys know hay house, a publishing company, but Louise hay.
1 (6m 29s):
She started hay house when she was 57, I believe 57, 57. And she lived to be 91, I think. So she had an amazing third chapter of her life. And it’s not, if you’re in your early forties or late thirties, you’re hardly on your third chapter of your life. You’ve got tons and tons of time, but it’s never too late. So that’s what I’m kind of hoping this conversation. If you’re like, well, how does this, what does this have to do with parenting? I’m like the family, the family team has to have everybody strong. And if you’ve got the team leaders, the pack leaders, the mom and the dad, or the mom and the mom or the dad in the dad, if you have any of the team leaders feeling like it’s too late for them to truly live their life, then you’re going to have things kind of off-kilter and out of whack and out of balance.
1 (7m 27s):
And I see a lot of negative patterns happen because that dynamic is going on. And so I want, you know, look, the Mastermind Parenting Podcast is all about being a family that can talk about anything and everything. And so if we’re going to be that family, if we’re going to lead that family, we got to walk our walk and we have to get honest with ourselves and, you know, look in the mirror, look in the mirror. So I think this is a great conversation and enjoy the, the conference
2 (8m 2s):
It was from this week. And that’s really what I’ve learned is that, you know, I can fail in front of other people. I can tell the truth, I can make mistakes and I can be amazing. I can be shiny and sparkly and I, you know, no one can touch me, you know, with what they say or what they think. And, and it’s interesting to, and I’ll just say one more thing. Cause I know I’m I’m this has been a monologue is that I think a lot of people, these haters that we talk about, I think that they believe that they have power over you by saying something mean, or by shaming you, they, they, they believe that they have power, that they can shut you down.
2 (8m 43s):
And a lot of us allow people to shut us down that way. And a lot, a lot of us don’t even speak up because we fear that. So when you can develop relationship with yourself, you can accept yourself as a whole human being. You are untouchable, you are unstoppable and no one can fuck with you.
1 (9m 6s):
It’s true. I mean, I would agree that I, I define being a whole human as the same, like you, except that you have the shadow side and the light, it’s also back to those assessments. I was, I was texting with a friend yesterday and who kind of, she like is inside my free public Facebook group. And she’s an old friend of mine and she’s super, super smart. And, and so to show like when she see she’s a detail person and so she’ll send me like, Hey, I noticed blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, thanks. I didn’t notice that. Okay. And, and so I said something, yeah.
1 (9m 46s):
When it comes to building a business, I’m a little bit special ed or something like that. I said, I’m a little at special ed. And she, and she like, she was like, no, no, you’re not. You don’t, you, you have accomplished so much. But I’m like, now I have the assessment’s to prove it I. I was like, I, I have done the StrengthsFinder se that I have zero executions strengths. Like when she was like, she was like, what? You put so much out there, you’ve accomplished a lot. And I’m like, I have to support. I have to surround myself with people that have that skillset, because I literally do not, I am all big picture, visionary activator, but, but execution strengths or not, you know that.
1 (10m 30s):
And when I say that, I’m like, I’m like, it’s okay. Like, it’s like, like I’ve accomplished
2 (10m 38s):
So much. And,
1 (10m 40s):
And I have to, I know that I have to make sure that people that work with me and they’re on my team, they’ve got to take these assessments and I’m looking for certain, for certain strengths and certain, a certain skillset that I don’t have. And I don’t feel like I’m not a perfectionist. I’m like, I don’t need to be at all. I don’t need to have it all. I want to be surrounded with people that bring other things to the table.
2 (11m 6s):
Yeah. This is another example. I, I’ve had a friend in town visiting and the other day she was here and I had to take a nap. I was like, I went and took, took a nap. And you know, she had said, Amy, why are you so tired? You know, sort of like, not as if it wasn’t like a criticism and if it wasn’t like it, it doesn’t feel like that. But in my inside, you know, my first reaction was like, Oh my gosh, you know, why am I so tired? You know, why what’s wrong with me? But then, you know, I, I, I was, I was, I was thinking of when I was like, you know, I I’m tired because I get up early, early to get stuff done.
2 (11m 48s):
And, you know, I, it’s draining for me to have a lot of people around and be visiting and, you know, its just something I just require a Nat, you know, during the day. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But you know, my first instinct was to, but it’s, it’s just interesting to, to, to w to observe that, but it was just, it was a great feeling for me when I did get to that. Oh, you know, that’s just what, that’s just how it is, you know, that it’s like, yeah,
1 (12m 18s):
Like I it’s OK. You know, like this is who I am. I, I listened to my body, I need a nap I recharge, I need to do well in the middle of the day. And, and, and I think it’s so powerful to own that, those things about yourself and like also about the people in your family and that you love, like my husband years ago, he’s a totally an HSP and he, didn’t neither one of us really love hosting and entertaining. And I just don’t think we’re very good at it. And, and so I would put all this pressure because it was just like, Oh, if you’re one of your kids has a birthday or whatever, you have all of the members of the family over it.
1 (13m 2s):
And you’ve got to feed all the people and entertain in a certain way and do it. And so I would run myself ragged doing that, and it was exhausting. And then like in the middle of having everyone over, I’d be like, where are the F and Scott and I go and I find them like in our freaking bedroom laying down and I’m like, what the hell are you doing? And he’s like, I just needed a minute. But look, he’s a male, male privilege is real. He listened to his body. I actually learned some things from him. I used to make him wrong for that. And I used to think that he thought that I was like the little woman busy, entertaining, but really he was, he was modeling, listening to your body and in the middle of all of that, Jen and all of those people in his face, he was like, I just need 10 minutes.
1 (13m 50s):
Nobody will notice if I’m gone. I’m just going to go lay down and have a breather. And then I can come back fresh. And I was like, I used to make him wrong for that. Now I know differently, you know, but I want to say something else that I think kind of segues into how I also wanted to introduce you to my audience is that I think that there’s many, many women and this used to be me, for sure. And probably why I love the work that I do so much to the point that I have an addictive personality that like, I can go into a little bit of workaholism and I can call it self-actualization in a state of flow, but really it’s just work addiction.
1 (14m 32s):
So, but like, I think I was always like, I wonder what I want to be when I grow up. And, and then, you know, a whole series of events, I don’t even know exactly how it happened, brought me to here. And I know what I want to be when I grow up, cause I’m doing it. And I sort feel grown up, which at almost 50 years old, I think that’s a good thing. Sort of. Sometimes I don’t feel growing up, but for the most part I feel grown up. And so I had noticed that I think there’s a decent number of people like of mine that are in my personal life that are haters neutrals or haters, maybe used to be neutrals now haters because secretly they are trying to figure out what they wanna be when they grow up.
1 (15m 20s):
And when you haven’t realized your thing yet to see someone else who you use to see exactly on the same playing field is you go and figure out what they wanna be when they grow up. When you haven’t yet, it can leave you feeling bitter and resentful and looking for lots of flaws in them to make yourself feel better. Right. And so I do think that there’s many of us that our probably in that category or you’re in a job and you hate your job, but you see other people who seem to love their job. And you’re like, well, what, what must that be like?
1 (16m 2s):
So I would love for that for us to kind of segue into how you help women figure out what they wanna be when they grow up and then do the thing.
2 (16m 15s):
Well, I mean, it’s really just kind of unpacking all of that programming, isn’t it, it, it sort of, like I said, you know, it, for me, it always starts with getting clear about what we’re believing and where is, where are the boundaries that we’ve created on our own mind? You know, what are the fences that we put up? And, you know, a lot of it has to do with kind of our own self identity. It’s like what the programming is so deep, you know, that we really have to return. I do a lot of I do with my clients. We do a lot of sort of awareness building first that starts with writing because I have had, you know, I’ve done a lot of work using a lot of modalities, but the work that I have done writing my own stories, a in the process of writing this memoir has, has been just mind altering.
2 (17m 18s):
I mean it, life altering. So now I’ve started to bring that into my work. My client’s. And so it’s, it’s some awareness building around, you know, what do you believe about yourself? What, what are you telling yourself about what you’re capable of or what your, what you can choose, what you can have? So a lot of it is that awareness piece. That’s one, one Part, and then you can talk about how you actually get started. How do you take action? You know, that’s another piece of it. And I think that, you know, the, the, the most powerful tool that I have in my toolbox is really just forgiveness work. And what I mean about that is kind of back to this idea of being a whole human being.
2 (18m 2s):
It’s like, you know, going back and looking at what are some of the mistakes that you’ve made w this, and, you know, my, my memoir is called forgiving Amy. So it’s really this process. I’ve, I I’ve, this has been my path, but it’s really about going back and revisiting the shame. You know, whether that’s a mistake that you made, whether that’s part of your personality, things that you believe about yourself, that you were told as the child, you know, we, we, we unpackage that and then we integrate it. We do, we do work to integrate it, and we do work to allow ourselves to just be a whole person and accept that.
2 (18m 41s):
And what I have found is that when you carry shame, and so, you know, we all can We, unless we’re doing this kind of work, we’re carrying shame, and what happens is it sorta like your holding balloons under water, you know, or a beach balls, you know, you’re going through your life, holding all these beach balls underwater, it takes a tremendous amount of energy, right? It, it takes a lot of work to, to, to keep that shamed out. And the way that we do it is we, we just hide it
1 (19m 12s):
On the spot, it and other people, you know, we do it
2 (19m 15s):
And blaming. So we tried to, to push it away and we criticize, we judge. And then we do, we do a lot of self-medicating Are we do other kinds of behaviors to try and avoid thinking about it or witnessing it. And then we just beat, we, we beat ourselves up. There’s just no upside to carrying the shame. It just, it takes zaps. All of our energy is zaps our creativity, and it causes us to do a lot of things that create more shame, which then creates that shame spiral. And so the, the forgiveness and integration work is a way to drop all of that. And what happens is when you do that, it opens up so much energy, so much creativity, so much resilience.
2 (20m 1s):
And that’s how I help. I I’ve been called a courage infuser. And I really do think that that’s one of my super powers is to help people feel quote, unquote, more courage to really take action. And, you know, it’s not just a simple thing. I mean, it is a deep work, but once you do the work, then you’re able to be resilient, to be brave, to take action and to learn from the, the actions that you take.
1 (20m 32s):
So do you call yourself a business coach? I
2 (20m 36s):
Emma. I mean, I, you know, it’s like I do business coaching. I work with coaches and other service providers, and I, I have more and more, I work with really writers and people who find that they get stuck in fear, frozen sort of, you know, whether that’s because they’re afraid because they’re saying they’re procrastinating. Whether they say they’re perfectionist, just people who find that their just maybe their whole, they have a dream, or maybe they’re wanting to have a dream, but there are just not able to move forward and they can’t figure out why. And so a lot of them are entrepreneurs. They are coaches just because I’m a coach and I’ve worked in my own business and I have enough experience and know how to help health coaches specifically.
2 (21m 25s):
But you know, more and more, I’m also working with other types of folks who want to make progress and they’re just encountering a lot of resistance.
1 (21m 33s):
So they’re just, I mean, I think that like really good coaching, like I know so many people sort of in the mainstream world that aren’t in the coaching world when they’re feeling stuck or are there, if they don’t really know what resources are out there, maybe they might listen to a podcast or maybe they’ll go to a therapist, but maybe they’re like, eh, but it nothing’s terrible is happening. So I probably don’t need a therapist’s like, what should I do? But I’m finding myself being super, you know, like if you start to notice that your YOU are being judgy, you are being critical.
1 (22m 14s):
You are being a little bit hateridge, even if you don’t want to admit it, but you’re finding yourself, looking at people who are doing things that maybe you secretly wish you could do, but you haven’t done it. And so you just notice that you’re in this kind of negativity spiral, I’m like, that’s a sign that really good coaching could help you. Like it could help you not even just unpack it, like, understand it, get curious about it, and then use it as fuel to propel you into action and doing the thing that you secretly really want to do.
2 (22m 53s):
Yeah. I mean, I think there are a lot of business coaches and obviously, and sometimes they hesitate to call myself a business coach because I really see that it’s about taking action as a way to heal. And someone once said, I think it was still at orange when said being an entrepreneur is one of the most lucrative forms of therapy available. So, and so the way that I see it as that sure. It’s, I’ve helped a lot of coaches make money, but I don’t see it. That’s not the, the, that’s not the, what is it? And that’s not the end goal that I’m looking at. I mean, I, I would love to help coaches an entrepreneur’s make money, but what I’m really helping them to do is to learn how to take action and be resilient so that you can grow, you know, and so sure I’ll give you the strategy.
2 (23m 47s):
I love the strategy. That’s what my number one for the StrengthsFinder, but it’s deeper than that. So I still haven’t quite found a way to package that will help you.
1 (23m 58s):
You mean, personally, I kind of think even for my audience, like the business coaching thing, it’s, there’s an interesting aspect to the business coaching because if your thinking, well, I do that is sort of me. I sort of want to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, but a business coach that sounds so serious. And isn’t that something that like you do if you work for a big corporation, and this is a form of coaching that could help you figure out if you want to have a business, if you aren’t pursuing things that you want to pursue, and it doesn’t have to be all buttoned up and talking about, you know, marketing strategies, it, it, it, it really is what Stella said.
1 (24m 41s):
It’s, it’s an opp, I have found, you mean, first parenting was the ultimate self-help journey for me, shining a mirror up to all of the issues that I never wanted to face. And I was figuring out ways to avoid facing. And then second to that, it’s been, you know, creating Mastermind Parenting because there’s been so many things that I wasn’t even aware. There were things I needed to work through. I’m from, you know, starting a podcast, making a video, finding my voice, figuring out at 40, you know, two years old that I actually like to write.
1 (25m 25s):
I never, and like my brother, his, the creative won he’s the writer. It, it never even occurred to me, but all of a sudden, when I was like, Oh, I think I have to write articles to let people know that I’ve started a business. And then I started writing articles. And then I was like, Oh my gosh, it’s already been an hour. It, it feels like it was five minutes. I think this is fun. Like what? And then people were starting to reach out to me saying like, kind of what I said to you, that they connected with my words. And I was really enjoying myself. And so finding all of these pieces of myself and then going through a lot of struggle. And a lot of days, like yesterday, where I went to bed with like a crazy hard, you know, a terrible headache because my brain had been thinking way too much.
1 (26m 12s):
And so all of those things has been such an incredible journey and growing and struggle and all of the things for me, I guess, it’s that I just want my audience to know if you’re feeling stuck, if you’re feeling wondering what you wanna be when you grow up, like somebody like Amy would be a perfect person for you to reach out to, because it’s, yes, it could be helping you create a business and it could also be helping you figure out what are all these pieces that of yourself that you’re ready to forgive.
2 (26m 47s):
Yeah. Thank you.
1 (26m 49s):
Yeah. I mean, like I said, I think that when you’re a gifted Coach like I went through coach training and I learned a lot of cool tools. However, everyone brings their own specific magic to each coaching relationships and each coaching session. And every time I’ve ever heard you coach someone, like it’s never exactly the same. And I always feel like you’re tapping into probably that intuitive part of you. That is the part of you that knows when you need a nap, even when you’re hanging out with one of your best friends, you know, like you just like feel into exactly the person that you’re with.
1 (27m 32s):
And, and I just think you’re really gifted.
2 (27m 35s):
So thank you. Randi you’re
1 (27m 36s):
Welcome. Okay. So how do people get in touch with you? Yes, they can. We are going to have a, the, the link for people to take The Approval Quiz, but what if somebody, like, I want to be coached by Amy? How do they reach you?
2 (27m 49s):
You send me an email Pearson dot Amy at gmail.com is the email that I check the most, but I also have an email at Amy at being Amy, the blog.com. This is a little longer as a URL, but yet people can e-mail me. You can also check out my website, its being Amy, the blog, and you can kind of read some of my stuff and definitely take The Approval Quiz it’s a great assessment to give you lots of insight into how this is showing up for you.
1 (28m 20s):
Awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I can talk to you all day. I love getting that.
2 (28m 24s):
You do. Likewise. I love and I love what you’re putting out in the world and I’m so grateful that we’re friends.
1 (28m 30s):
I’m so grateful that we’re friends. Okay guys, you guys have a great week. Bye. I know. Hey, Thanks for listening this weight, for those of you, who’ve been listening to the podcast for a while and would like more accountability or are interested in working with me as your coach, learning more about Mastermind Parenting and seeing what we’ve got going on inside our private programs. I’d love for you to book a call with my team at Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash call that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash call. So we can hear all of that. What’s going on in your house.