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147: Reparenting Part 1

By April 13, 2021November 8th, 2023Mastermind Parenting Podcast
147: Reparenting Part 1

“Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child.”

-Dr. Nicole Lapera, The Holistic Psychologist

In this month’s podcasts, I’m talking about the process of reparenting ourselves while parenting our kids. I dig into all that I’m learning from Dr. Nicole Lapera’s new book, How To Do The Work, and what she teaches about this topic of reparenting ourselves so that we can change habits not serving us.  This is how we can stop passing down some of these unhelpful patterns to our kids. This is a juicy juicy topic and I can’t wait to hear what ya’ll think about it!

As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.

She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.

At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.

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Links & Resources

Here’s the link to Dr. Nicole’s book, How To Do The Work

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Transcription

0 (1s):
My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast. At Mastermind Parenting, we were on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them. You’re listening to

1 (13s):
The Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode one 47. Hi guys, how are you this week? I’m really excited to talk to you about a book I’ve been reading. Several of us have been reading. I’m sort of obsessed with it. I think this should be required reading for all humans. And it’s a book by Dr. Nicole Lapera and it’s called how to do the Work, recognize your patterns healed from your past and create yourself. And I want to focus on a term she uses within the book and she has a whole chapter on it and it’s called Reparenting.

1 (56s):
And so what she says about Reparenting is she says Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn receive as a child. And, you know, I think this is an interesting topic. I I’ve heard this term lots of different times. I feel like I’ve experienced the Reparenting process. Like I like to see a lot of time. Like, I feel like I’ve grown up along with my kids and I didn’t really fully understand how to put it into words until I read this book. And she just explains so much, you know, a little backstory about Nicole Lapera. She is, she goes by the Holistic Psychologist and she’s got a really active following on Instagram.

1 (1m 42s):
Somebody turned me on to her and you know, I’ve, I’ve been in Instagram resistant sort of for a long time maybe because I don’t know, Instagram became popular when I already had a teenagers that were using it. And I, I don’t know. I think maybe I’ve put myself into a box, but I literally have like a brain lapse when it came to using Instagram. Like I could not remember how to use it, but when I started to see a doctor and Nicole, that’s what people call her. Dr. Nicole, quite often, when I started to see some of her posts, they just hit so close to home and they were so aligned with Mastermind Parenting. And what I’ve learned over the last 22, 23 years that I started going on Instagram periodically just to see her posts.

1 (2m 32s):
So when her book came out, I was really excited to get it. And I actually have the physical copy and the audible copy. I listened to it and now I’m going through it and dog hearing everything out of, you know, everything possible. But her history is that she was a traditionally trained psychotherapist. She was a high achieving person. She was in clinical practice. And she said that she was noticing with a lot of her clients that they were just stuck, no matter how often they come to therapy, week after week after week, they just really weren’t moving forward.

1 (3m 14s):
There was just this general feeling of stuckness. And she said, she looked at herself and she said, and I was stuck. And we were all kind of struggling from the same symptoms, lots of anxiety, lots of, sort of talking about things, talking about, talking about, talking about it, but not a lot of pattern changing. And so that caused her to kind of go on her own quest to seek some different resources than the one she was trained in. And that’s when she brought in some Holistic practices and she talks a lot about how she was a scientist.

1 (3m 57s):
She was a skeptic, she was a scientist. She was not a religious person. There wasn’t a sense of spirituality, but she had a lot of anxiety. She was on medication, just like a lot of her clients were. And, and she wasn’t feeling better. You know, she wasn’t feeling better. So she just was really like, there has to be more so she S she went on a journey to feel better. And now she has combined these holistic practices that she found many of which I use. And I incorporate in Mastermind Parenting, and she combined them, combined them with a lot of the things that she had learned, you know, as a scientist and I’m, and I’m kind of obsessed with the brain and science and neuroplasticity and how we can recondition ourselves, like we can retrain our brains.

1 (4m 56s):
So that has, has fascinated me for a long time. When I first start, it’s really a part of my story, which was when I found the program conscious discipline, which is a program for teachers when my oldest son was around seven. And I started learning about a discipline program, a program to understand kids behavior and why they do things. And it was taught from a perspective of this is what’s happening in the human brain during reactivity, right? Right. Like when a kid’s having a meltdown, this is what’s going on for them.

1 (5m 36s):
And here’s some tools that can help you reach them when they’re going through this. That’s just, there’s so much more of a conscious discipline, but I was sort of obsessed with conscious discipline from a, just all of the science that was included. All the learning I was doing about the brain, understanding why people are explosive and what’s happening inside their brain and body is when they’re, you know, whether they’re a little people or whether they’re a big people. Like when I was a kid and my dad was losing his temper, this is what was going on for him. And all the times where I found myself seeing read, this is what was going on. For me, there’s a chemical reaction happening in the body.

1 (6m 19s):
And so that was really fascinating to me. And so Dr. Nicole really incorporates those aspects as well. And then she talks about what to do about it, but she weaves her own story. She shares pretty generously. Mmm. So I really want to spend this month kind of going over some of, some of the things I’ve learned from Dr. Nicole book, I highly encourage you guys to grab a copy for yourself or listened to it on audible like I did. And there’s just so much to learn from it. But I also want to, I want a break down this Reparenting process and what it means to Reparenting yourself and, and just break it down for you guys in the way that I’m understanding it in hopes that it is going to help you.

1 (7m 16s):
Okay. So again, she says, Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn receive as a child. Okay. So what didn’t you receive? Right? Who remembers, who remembers? I mean, she says there’s a reason. Most of us don’t remember, okay, it’s called dissociation. And dissociation is the act of going in a spaceship as she describes, right? She describes that your brain is going into a spaceship like a metaphorical spaceship. Any time, something feels too difficult to process, too difficult to stay in the present moment and deal with based on your conditioning.

1 (8m 2s):
So we develop this conditioning when we were kids. Okay. Cause because kids, they are like little resilient beings and they are not meant to be in situations that don’t feel safe for them for a long, emotionally safe or physically safe. So what kids do is they have this coping mechanism where as she describes that your body is there, but your brain goes into a spaceship somewhere else. And so what we know is that kids have acted with imagination. So I’m imagining that when you’re a little kid, your brain naturally goes to this place in, you create this imaginary world, right?

1 (8m 42s):
So they didn’t have the capacity. Kids don’t have the capacity to stay, to stay in a moment that feels emotionally unsafe. So as a resilient little cumin, their bodies were there, but the brain leaves the room. Okay. And, and I have noticed so many times or so many people that say, like, I have very few memories from childhood. Very few, very, very few. I remember I was watching some reality show years ago, and I think it was called like Ruby. And it was a woman who was like Mormon.

1 (9m 23s):
She was morbidly obese. And it was, she had literally, her whole childhood was just empty. Like she had no memories. And so the whole show, I know I stopped watching it, but, and I don’t know exactly what turned out, but the whole show was sort of like her getting to a place of healing so that she could figure out what had gone on in her childhood that caused her to be such an emotional eater, to use food as a drug and, and literally like eat herself to death. You know, she knew she was going to die if she continued and she just couldn’t stop. So she had to go back and dig up the puzzle pieces.

1 (10m 5s):
And she couldn’t remember. So even though we developed this, this resilient coping mechanism of dissociating letting our, our body’s Here, but our brain goes on a spaceship. The thing is, is that your body has a memory. So it stayed in that scary moment your body does. And it absorbed this situation that felt too dangerous for the brain to process. Okay. So, so your body stayed there, but your brain went somewhere else. And AZ, there’s a book called the body, keeps the score brain, mind, and body and healing of trauma, right? So the body keeps the score brain, mind, and body and healing of trauma.

1 (10m 49s):
And what it says is that trauma lodges itself in the body and affects the nervous systems, fight flight, or freeze stress response. So Dr. Nicole says she has had many clients who spent childhood taking their brains away in spaceships, and it led to now they’re in her office and they’ve had these lifelong patterns of disengaging detaching and, and making, and they have very few memories. Okay. And the interesting thing about this is that the act of the association due to trauma includes a little T trauma. And you know, it’s not just the big T trauma.

1 (11m 29s):
OK. So trauma, let’s talk about the word trauma. Trauma is something that’s, that’s slowly becoming kind of more of a buzz word. Trauma trauma has, has historically been described as the result of a deeply catastrophic event. Okay. And it’s like child abuse. It’s like child abuse. If you went through, you know, a catastrophic event, you know, if you were physically or sexually abused as a child, all right, then that’s considered trauma. If you’ve gone, if you were in war and you had people die all around you, right.

1 (12m 12s):
You are, that’s going through trauma. We all identify it. But the most interesting thing to me in doctrine Nicole’s book is that she supports the case for little T traumas causing major collateral damage as well. And this is developmental trauma, and I’m going to go a little bit more into a little T traumas. Okay. So she describes her childhood as pretty typical. It’s a big Italian family. Mom stayed home dads home from work around five 30. They have family dinner around the table each night she’s loved. Like she was an overachieving student.

1 (12m 52s):
She was an amazing athlete. In fact, she only scored a one out of 10 on the ACEs test, which is the adverse childhood experience tests that a lot of mental health professionals you use to assess their clients. She only had a one, like she was a pretty damn good childhood, according to the ACEs. OK. So like when I took the ACEs test a couple of years ago, I scored an eight out of 10. So I’m reading her book initially. And I love her. I’ve been following her on Instagram. I’m totally resonating with all her messages. But even I, at first, when she started sharing her story and talking about her little T traumas and she doesn’t call them that, but I’ve learned that term from a couple other trauma teachers that have taught me about trauma.

1 (13m 41s):
Like I found myself while I was first learning about her trauma story to be going to sort of a place of judgment. Like, like, like almost like there’s like trauma privilege or something, you know, like really you’re so traumatized because your mom was anxious looking out the window when your dad was late from work one night and you absorbed her anxiety like that traumatized you so much. You know, like I felt myself kind of noticed myself going in to a place of judgment. And, and so, you know, if you’ve experienced big trauma in your life, big T trauma, like I did, you know, so I experienced a big T trauma when I was only four years old.

1 (14m 26s):
And, and I tried to, to tell people about it. I tried to tell my brother about a time. You tried to tell my mom about it and whatever happened. And now my adult brain only remembers what my four year old self took in, whatever happened. When I tried to ask for help, left me feeling it left me feeling not helped. And it left me feeling dismissed, right? Because little kids, you know, little kids are egocentric and they are not thinking, Oh, I’m telling my big brother about this thing. That’s happening to me. But he’s only like two years older than me, you know? So he’s only like six or seven and I’m not taking in his experience.

1 (15m 8s):
I’m not taking him whatever it was going on for my mom, the little kids are egocentric, you know, they’re, they’re, they’re, self-consumed, that’s developmentally appropriate. So whatever the response was when I asked for help, or I talked about it, I felt dismissed. So I receive the message at that time. My brain made it mean, Oh, okay, your, your here to do this thing alone in life, you got to solve your own problems. So that led me that, that trauma and that response led me to having this dismissed trigger. Right. So anytime now in my adult life, it’s interesting because I know where the roots of this trigger, you know, were they come from the ceiling dismissed because I ask for help.

1 (15m 57s):
And for whatever reason, I didn’t receive it now, any like my husband, if I’m trying to tell him something about some book I read or whatever, if he’s walks away from me when I’m talking or gets busy, you know, like you did the other day, when I was trying to tell him about Dr. Nicole book, he was like, you know, fidgeting and, and straightening pictures on the wall. I feel this bubbling up of anger in my chest, because it’s, it’s triggering that same feeling of feeling dismissed. Like I’m trying to tell you about something that’s really important. And I want it, you know, and I’m, I’m, I’m here, I’m confining.

1 (16m 37s):
I’m telling you and you something and you’re, you’re not interested, you know? So I felt that bubbling up as the anchor, because that’s what happens any time we’re triggered and we’re feeling the way we felt at another time in our life, that’s left unresolved in some way. Okay. So now I’m aware, I’m consciously aware of when that trigger is being activated. OK. So I’m sitting here going, Oh, you know, here’s the deal like you really, you, you, you dissociated because you were feeling anxious, you were absorbing your mom’s anxiety.

1 (17m 20s):
And you know, the interesting thing for me is that like I’ve spent the last 10 years or so since a lot of my old memories have resurfaced working on healing from my trauma. But Dr. Nicole, this is, what’s so interesting about her book. She’s telling us that she’s had a bunch of destructive habits in her life too. She struggled with chronic anxiety, digestive issues had a shitty memory, brain fog and have very few memories from her childhood. She took part in risky behaviors. Her childhood seemed relatively normal.

1 (18m 1s):
She only scored, y’all remember a one on the ACEs test. So it got me thinking about comparing big T trauma and little T trauma, right? Like, like Nicole experienced, she experienced the trauma two, not receiving the attachments and attunement from her parents that she craved to feel safe and connected as a little child. So, you know, you can’t compare, it’s like trauma is trauma, pain is pain and a child not receiving, or a feeling like they’re getting their emotional needs met. Like that was stored as trauma in her body. She was also stuck.

1 (18m 41s):
She also felt bad. A lot of the time in her body, she also experienced suffering. And she says in her book that this was pretty much the case with all those people and her clinical practice. So this is, this is what were saying, this is like an epidemic, right? So all everybody coming, who’s like, yeah, I barely remember my childhood. You know, and what I’ve noticed is, is that since I’ve started kind of talking more about my early trauma and the memories that resurface after sharing my story with, with people who have a few memories, a lot of times they’ll wonder whether they had abuse to, and they really repressed it.

1 (19m 23s):
Like my, like my brain had, right? Like my memories resurfaced a month before my 40th birthday. So even though my body was keeping score and I was feeling, I was actually numb a lot of the time, because I didn’t know how to process or deal with it. When I started feeling safe enough in the world. The memories from the early trauma came back to me when I was sleeping a month before my 40th birthday. Okay. So when I’ve told several people about this experience, they’ve said, well, I barely remember things from my childhood and I have a lot of anxiety and unprocessed emotion that I don’t know where it’s coming from.

1 (20m 11s):
I wonder what happened to me. I wonder what happened to me, but after reading Nicole, Dr. Nicole, this book, I think for most people, probably it’s not necessarily a repressed memory waiting until it feels safe to resurface. I think it’s the result of being raised by other like little T traumatized people who never healed themselves. You know? So if we were raised maybe a big tea to traumatize people to, so if we’re raised by people who haven’t dealt with their trauma, then ultimately we’re gonna not emotionally connected. And then we’re gonna feel that same trauma like Dr.

1 (20m 51s):
Nicole is that example. So I think that it’s just, it’s so interesting because it lets me know that there’s a collective healing that is needed. And I feel like it’s Here, you know, so that we can stop passing down all of these little T trauma patterns that caused all of us. When we were a little humans to feel disconnected, sad, angry, or left, to solve our own problems alone. Like I did right before our brains had developed enough to even really think critically. I mean, remember your brain doesn’t finish developing until your late twenties.

1 (21m 34s):
So of course, a little kids need to feel connected and, and, and taken care of by their grownups so that when they do bump up against the curve balls in life, they can turn to their grownups to help them, you know, to lend them their critical thinking skills to help them solve the problems. I mean, there’s a reason why little kids are minors. They’re not equipped to do life alone yet. So she talks about all this under the term Reparenting she says a big part of the healing is learning to repair in ourselves to finally give our wounded, inner children, the attunement and attachment that we need to thrive in life.

1 (22m 19s):
And again, her exact definition is Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn receive as a child. And in her book, she takes you through the steps. It takes to investigate yourself and identify your trauma bond classifications, like the role you took in your family, based on the dynamic where you, the care giver or the rescuer, or the life of the party, the hero worshiper, she has a bunch of these classifications is actually really fun. I was trading texts with my friend, Tracy, who is also reading and listening to it. And she’s like, I’m caregiver in such-and-such. I’m like, I’m rescuer in such and such. You know, it’s like looking at your family dynamic and being able to see what role you played, what role your siblings played ’em and getting kind of curious around it.

1 (23m 8s):
So based on what we didn’t receive. And so, and so then we step into these roles to cope with what we didn’t receive it and what we didn’t receive. OK. These make up our trauma bonds and based on those rules. And then we end up calling and partners that allow us to stay in these familiar rules. So what I realized is, is that dismissive trigger. I, that was a big one. That was a big trauma for me, was feeling dismissed. And I called in my husband unknowingly, of course, because he was quite often kind of dismissive and, and, you know, he’ll say it to me.

1 (23m 57s):
He was like, it, get to the point. I mean, he’s told me on these podcasts, which I hope you all do too. Cause I know I can ramble. He’s like, Oh God, I listened to it at two X M. And you know, he was, he, you know, that was, that was kind of our dynamic. So for many years when it came to Parenting, I really just put my head down and sort of boxed him out and just did what, you know, I was like, I’m taking care of my kids are in a certain way, but I sort of almost just like, didn’t even let him have a point of view, like that was so mama bear about it. But it, it, it, it was a disservice to him and to me, because I was so scared of sharing things with him, that I was learning of him reacting and a slightly what I perceived to be a slightly dismissive way.

1 (24m 45s):
So anytime I perceived it to be dismissive, I would just be like, nevermind. And I would just do what I wanted to do, but that actually wasn’t healthy for us or our relationship. And, you know, it’s interesting because it’s like, when you learn what your triggers are and then you learn the practices to overcome them like that day, or just the other day when I was telling him about Dr. Nicole in her book. And, and he was all of a sudden needing to look everywhere other than at me, and straighten the pictures on the walls. And I felt the bubbling up of anger. He left the room and then I heard some clanking and he was eating breakfast. Well, you know what?

1 (25m 25s):
It was Sunday morning. And he had actually been, I’ve been writing and my bed for like two hours. And he had been waiting to start his day and he wanted to hang out with me. I wanted to make me go for a walk, go to the garden center, probably have some breakfast, but he was, he was respecting the fact that I am most creative first thing in the morning. And I was writing. And every time he kind of came in and checking on me, I was like, I’m, you know, just a little bit, I’m still writing. I’m still writing. And, and so he had been really patient, but he really wanted to hang out with me. And so, and he comes in, he’s hungry. I think, you know, he, cause when he left the room after fidgeting, he immediately, I heard the clanking and I knew it was eating alone.

1 (26m 8s):
So he had been waiting and waiting and waiting. And so now all of a sudden I’ve stopped writing, but I want a launch in and tell them all about this book. Like my timing was bad. Like he gets to be a human To, you know, but when you’re in that triggered state, you and you’re, and your back to your four year old self, you can’t see that you can only see the world from your perspective. So it literally is a practice of like taking yourself out and identifying your triggers and understanding where they come from. Right. And then being able to sort of witness yourself and incorporating practices into your life that helped you to sort of study your own brain.

1 (26m 54s):
Like when I, when he left the room and I was bubbling up with the anger, I took three deep inhales and exhales. And then I did my daily, my manager, which is my morning journaling practice. And I use a certain tool, which is what is the sentence going through my head? I know the feeling I’m feeling is anger, sadness, embarrassment. I’m like all graspy trying to tell them about this book, trying to sell them about this, sell them on this book. You got to listen to it. This is what I’m learning a little bit, a little bit, a lot. And I’m kind of seeming sort of desperate. So I’m embarrassed and what’s the sentence going through my head. So I teach it tool and I do this practice called the daily, my manager, where I literally find those sentences swirling in my head, which represent thoughts.

1 (27m 45s):
And I identify what was I thinking? You know what I say, doesn’t matter. And then I have a practice where I ship the sentence and look at it differently. When I started to wiggle that sentence, all of a sudden I shifted into my adult perspective. And I’m now able to see it from maybe his point of view. He, I mean, not only had he been waiting patiently for two hours while I was writing, Oh, let me add this on. He had brought me two cups of coffee. Like he wasn’t even just waiting. He was like bringing me coffee in bed, being Mr. Patient husband wanting to go. And then, you know, so when I was in my four year old brain feeling triggered and reactive, I was seeing it as he’s so dismissive.

1 (28m 33s):
You know, he doesn’t even pay attention to me, but when I, but when I shifted in did this practice of studying my own brain and kind of helping myself snap out of reactivity, now, all of a sudden I’m like, okay, he was bringing me coffee in bed, you know, I can see his perspective, right? So, so, you know, it’s so interesting. We call in these partners based on these trauma bonds. But when we learn how to repair it ourselves and heal from those old hurts and we incorporate new practices like my daily by a manager, like the breath Work, which when you are in a reactive state, like I was with the anger bubbling up on your chest, you know, learning how to properly breathe.

1 (29m 20s):
Literally just, just recalibrate your nervous system. You know? So now you’re taking back control and your not just your not going into a place of fight or flight into reactivity. It’s really interesting. So she teaches practices in her book about reconditioning yourself and, and, and being able to, you know, change these unhelpful patterns. She says, you look, we went in the spaceships and we just associated. And we figured out coping mechanisms that served us as children, but they’re no longer supporting you in adulthood. They’re making you feel anxious and sick and disconnected from other people and probably take part in some numbing habits and they’re keeping you stuck.

1 (30m 9s):
And then you’re going to end up passing down these patterns to your kids that will leave them feeling sick and stuck as adults. So if we want to raise our kids, if we want more for our kids, right. Even if we aren’t ready to admit, we want more for ourselves yet, I wasn’t. When I started doing the work as Dr. Nicole says by Reparenting ourselves, I did it for my kids. I did it so that when I realized, and I learned this in conscious discipline that you pass down your buttons, that’s what they say in conscious discipline.

1 (30m 50s):
You pass down your triggers. So unless you, or you are willing to do the work to heal them with yourself within yourself, you’re going to pass it down. And one way or another, even when it looks super different, you’re going to pass it down to your kids. So initially I did do it for my kids because I sort of was telling myself, I’m fine. I’m a functioning, human being. I have a family, I got married. I, you know, like, I’m, I’m fine. So I was like, Oh, okay. I, I want my kids to be more than fine. So I really did do it initially for my kids.

1 (31m 30s):
And, and then ultimately I realized I deserve to do this work for me. Right. So even if you’re not there yet, and you have no interest in going within consider doing this for your kids, because Reparenting yourself is really how you put your own oxygen mask on first. I hate that metaphor. It’s so freaking overused, but it’s kind of perfect and true, right? Like on the airplane, you’re putting it on your own oxygen mask. Otherwise you have suffocated, you’re dead and there’s no way for your kids to get their oxygen masks on. So you’ve got to put it on yourself first.

1 (32m 10s):
Okay. And in the next episode, I’m going to break down what this Reparenting process looks like in terms of Dr. Nicole’s work. She teaches it within four pillars. I don’t disagree with her on her pillars, but I do have several things to add on because I feel like I have been Reparenting myself that been the process of Mastermind Parenting. And here’s the deal. You guys, she says this, and I agree with it, no matter how much we work to repairing ourselves, or if you’re still going to screw up, we’re still going to, our kids are still going to be left with some of our collateral damage.

1 (33m 0s):
I’m experiencing that right now. You know? And, but when you, you know, it, it’s part of the human experience. We’re not going to be perfect parents. We’re not going to not pass down any of our stuff. Even when we think we’re doing it so differently and saying just the right thing, you know, so much of communication is nonverbal. They pick up on our BS. You know, I never focused on external appearance with my daughter. I didn’t want her defining herself by, you know, beauty and LA LA, LA LA, but I was still struggling with so many vanity issues and still do myself.

1 (33m 42s):
Let me tell ya, it’s a real fun for somebody whose had a lot of their self-worth based on vanity to all of a sudden, you turn 50 years old. Yeah. That’s, that’s, that’s fun. But yeah, like I passed down plenty of shit to her and we’re taught. But you know, when you become a family that talks about anything and everything, it’s like, I don’t have to be scared of talking about it. I can just own it. We can talk about it. We can start the healing now with her at 19, she didn’t have to wait until she’s 40 and she doesn’t have to blame me. I’m blaming myself. I’m here saying crap. This is why you struggle with this. Cause it’s my shit.

1 (34m 23s):
You know, and we’re talking about it and we’re working on it together. And we’re finding the resources together and bringing in extra therapeutic resources, you know? So we don’t have to be scared that our kids are going to come and say, Hey mom, Hey dad, you screwed me up. It’s like, I’m definitely gonna screw you up. And this is a safe zone to talk about it. Like, like we’re being human is messy. We’re going to talk about this stuff. So that, I feel like this Reparenting topic is so important and critical. And I know its kind of heavy. I even the term, like I was like, Whoa, I was like, I really wanted to kind of name it something more catchy because it was like, Ugh, that sounds so freaking lame.

1 (35m 9s):
But I think it really is the term we’re Reparenting ourselves, along with our kids. We’re Reparenting ourselves while Parenting. So thanks for being here. Thanks for tuning in. And if you’ve been listening and getting something out of this, it really, you guys would mean the world to me. If you take the time to give me a five star rating and a review, really it it’s because when you do this, what it does is it moves the Podcast up and whatever the computer system is of the podcast world. And it allows more parents who are just like you looking for tools to help their family.

1 (35m 53s):
And it gets the Podcast in front of them so that they can listen and learn. And the more of us that do this work together, the more collective healing organ to have. And I truly believe this is a movement. This is how we create a better world for our kids, for our grandkids and so on. You know, this is how we bring more kindness and self-awareness, and I think how we evolve as humans and do it just a little bit better than the generation before. That’s the way it’s supposed to work. And then God willing our kids will do it better than we do. So I’ll have a beautiful week because you’re a beautiful parent willing to expand your mind and do the work bye for now.

0 (36m 41s):
Well, I hope you now have some new tips and tools and ways of looking at the Reparenting process, putting on your own oxygen mask first, remember a parent Reparenting is all about giving yourself what you didn’t receive. So it’s giving yourself the love. Karen understanding you wanted as a kid, because guess what? You deserve that to continue moving the needle forward and creating a happier household and life. I want you to go to my website, Mastermind, Parenting dot com and check out my three beginning programs. They’re very concise. It’s easy to follow. You’ll find the right program for you and get started.

0 (37m 25s):
Get started. Life’s too short. As always remember, we’re on all of the social channels on Instagram or Mastermind, underscore Parenting. And on Facebook, you can join my free group, the mastermind Parenting community, where we post tips and tools most multiple times weekly. We also, especially this month, we’re going to be doing a lot of pop-up Facebook lives in that coaching group where I’m going to do some extra teaching and coaching all about the Reparenting process and really honing in on your burning questions. Because remember, I want to help you support your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better and do better.

0 (38m 9s):
And we have to go through this Reparenting process because we can’t teach what we don’t have the link to the Facebook group. Mastermind Parenting community is on the show notes. We can’t wait to see you there.

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Creating A Happier Household

by Randi Rubenstein