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148: Reparenting Part 2

By April 27, 2021November 8th, 2023Mastermind Parenting Podcast
148: Reparenting Part 2

“Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child.”

Dr. Nicole Lapera, The Holistic Psychologist

We dig into Dr. Nicole’s 4 pillars of reparenting and some simple steps to take to begin this critical process. Reparenting yourself is how you become unstuck in your life and change unhealthy habits so that you FEEL better and this allows you to DO better. And in turn, your kids FEEL and DO better too. Enjoy!

As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.

She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.

At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.

Randi’s Social Links

Links & Resources

Here’s the link to Dr. Nicole’s book, How To Do The Work

Join our Free Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/mastermindparenting

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Transcription

0 (1s):
My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast at Mastermind Parenting, we’re on a mission to support strong-willed kids and families that love them. You’re listening to

1 (13s):
The Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode one 48. Hi guys, how are you today? We are digging in this month to the topic of Reparenting and that’s what we talked about in the last episode. And so I’m going to be adding on to that and talking about what Dr. Nicole, the holistic Psychologist described in her newest book, How To Do The Work. I think it’s actually her first book, How To Do The Work, recognize your patterns heal from your past and create yourself a, she goes by the Holistic Psychologist on Instagram. And so I’m going to go through what she defines as the process to Reparenting yourself and how it consists of four pillars.

1 (59s):
And then I’m going to add on my insight and the Mastermind Parenting Reparenting process. And hopefully it’ll give you a lot of juicy bits to take away and to start, you know, using in your own life. So, as a reminder, Dr. Nicole defines Reparenting as the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child. She says it consists of four pillars, and it looks different for everyone. And the process is not necessarily linear. Okay. So pillar one is emotional regulation. And what is emotional regulation?

1 (1m 41s):
What is it really means is like not, not freaking out and acting like a lunatic or leaving the premises, you know, like, like fight or flight when something triggers You. Okay. So I gave in it a little story of my own life from last week when I was trying to tell my husband about Dr. Nicole’s book and he all of a sudden needed to fidget and straighten the picture frames in my bedroom and it triggered my feeling dismissed. Okay. So even though it’s like, wow, this is such a good example. I think, cause it’s like, it’s like the stupid little moments that all of a sudden we’re just like so mad and we don’t know why it was just like, so like these little ordinary moments in our life, and we have this reaction inside our body and we have to start kind of noticing, even when we’re feeling reactive, it’s like separating yourself from, you know, I felt myself going there.

1 (2m 44s):
So I was aware. So when you bring more conscious awareness to what’s actually happening in your body, which I didn’t do for so many years, I had no clue what was happening. So this is a process and this is a, it’s like a muscle you’re strengthening. When you start to sort of your own behavior while you’re in the moment, it doesn’t mean that you’re not going to ever feel triggered. It just means that you are at least aware when it’s happening. Okay. So I’m feeling that anger bubbling up in that moment now in, even though him not being interested in this topic, I want to talk to him about, and at that particular time, and it’s like, not in any way, the same thing as when I first, when my four year old self first experienced that feeling of being dismissed, you know, there’s the two, the two situations are not the same at all.

1 (3m 41s):
But because as that book says, the body keeps score. My body remembers feeling dismissed. And so all of the sudden I like re-experience that same feeling. Okay. So it’s very interesting when you just start to become aware of that that’s happening. Okay. So what is a trigger? Let’s just, you know, I know I use this term a lot and so I just want to take it back a step and just even explain what does that even mean? So when a situation reminds your body of a time, you felt the same emotion you feel in this case current moment, and that current moment of hymn, all of a sudden strengthening the picture frames.

1 (4m 23s):
I start to feel the same emotion, which was really, it was that, you know, anger, but anger is the secondary emotion. So what was beneath the anger, it was actually sadness and maybe even embarrassment vulnerability. I I’m trusting somebody with something that I want to tell them about, and they’re not they’re disinterested or they’re dismissive in some way. Okay. So there’s something about this moment that that triggers the same thing that you felt at another time in your life. So this situation actually triggers your nervous system.

1 (5m 3s):
Your nervous system becomes reactive and you find yourself in fight flight or freeze. Okay. I want to focus for a sec on the freeze response, because this is something that I’ve learned very recently. I went really bad things happen. I actually go into a freeze response and, and one of the things I felt super guilty about for a long time is when my daughter was two, she had a terrible accident. Where is she like fell off of a bar stool and it was a metal, it was an iron bar stool. And it had these little exes and they, they embedded like in her head, in her forehead.

1 (5m 43s):
I mean, she looked like she was like in the same satanic cult, there was like two little exes on her forehead. And, and it was like, blood was gushing out. I mean, emergency room, you know, you like one, one of them, we could actually see all the way through to our school. It was extremely traumatizing for all of us. And I w I had, I was changing in my closet and, and my son who was only, you know, five at the time, she was two, he was five. He comes up to my closet, which, you know, I guess it was like at the far, most far, this point in my house. And

2 (6m 23s):
He’s like, mom, we have been yelling for you. We’re in the car. Dad says, let’s go, Avery hurt herself. We’d have to go to the hospital now.

1 (6m 31s):
And I literally was like naked in my closet. And I couldn’t figure out how to get dressed. Like I was frozen to the point that Scott had to come upstairs and I’m usually a pretty take charge kind of person. So it was like really out of character, Scott, Scott comes all the way upstairs. My husband comes all the way upstairs leaves the bleeding child in the car and our car seat and, you know, giant X holes in her head. And he comes upstairs and he’s like, you know, what the fuck are you doing? What is happening? And I mean, literally he like pretty much had to get me dressed. So I, I just recently learned about the freeze response.

1 (7m 11s):
Okay. And, and I learned it from Peter Levine. And I can’t remember the exact name of his book right now, but he’s pretty much one of the forefront experts on trauma. And he’s a therapist. Who’s created something called S E the se model of healing, which is somatic experience healing from trauma. And he explains the freeze response. And what do you know? What I took from him was that he says the freeze response in particular has to do with a trauma from your facts from your past, that felt too painful to stay in your body. So you literally go into a catatonic state and the way he explains a lot about how we react to trauma in terms of our survival instincts, fight flight or freeze, he compares it to animals in the wild.

1 (8m 1s):
In fact, his book is called something about waking the sleeping tiger. I should know the name of the book I can remember, but he says, it’s like, I’m in that category. That catatonic state is like, when an animal goes limp to send the predator, to send the predator away by playing dead. You know, its kind of like a possum playing possum. And so you know that animal when faced with the tiger and the younger with when faced with a tiger tiger in the jungle that gazelle will try and escape by going flight running super fast. Or if there’s other Gazelles around, they will gather together and fight hard to try and, you know, protect themselves against the tiger and fight the tiger, you know, which they can do.

1 (8m 52s):
And in a group or it will limp, it’ll go limp to make the tiger. Maybe think it’s dead. Okay. And what he says about animals in the wild, when they go through a traumatic experience because you know, obviously animals in the wild don’t have the developed brains that humans do after they’ve had a super scary situation that put them into a state of survival after it’s over, they literally begin to shake all over their body. Like, you’ll see an animal after all of this. Like you, you know, the adrenaline is so high, the cortisol levels are also high.

1 (9m 33s):
And then the animal literally shakes uncontrollably all over and then it’s, and then it’s done. So the animal like animals don’t have PTSD. They allow the emotions to move through their body and then they literally shake it off. And that’s their way that they allow their nervous system to recalibrate and become balanced again. But unfortunately we don’t know how we don’t typically do this when we’re little humans being conditioned. Like we don’t typically shake off a scary situation and, and allow and learn how to allow the emotions to move through us and shake it off.

1 (10m 19s):
We don’t, we don’t do that. I mean, if you think about it, like if your kid falls on the ground, you know, it’s not, it’s not typical for us to go and just sit with them and allow them to experience all the emotions of being scared, feeling the pain and then, you know, ultimately determining when they’re ready to get up and go resume whatever activity you’re usually we scoop them up and it’s instinct, you know, we scoop them up, we shake them off. We maybe tell them you’re okay. You’re okay. Or hopefully we say, Oh, well that seems like it really hurts.

1 (10m 59s):
What can I get you? What can I get you rather than just sort of being with them in the moment and allowing them to move through all of the emotions. Like we just don’t do that. So we’re not conditioned with that ability to shake it off. And, and as a result, what happens is, is that our, when we go through something that triggers a survival response, the emotions become trapped in our body and the nervous system stays activated. I thought it was interesting to learn about the freeze response because it helped me to understand like unresolved trauma, you know, and having a lot of unresolved trauma when you’re a little tiny person quite often, it’s just too much.

1 (11m 42s):
And you know, when you don’t know how to process it, you just go in to this catatonic state and it is literally, it’s always been so out of character for me. Cause you know, like I said, I’m like a pretty take charge person. And, and so the fact that I do that, it’s always, I’ve always been like, what is wrong with me? Why do I do that? You know? And I always tease my husband that he’s the opposite. Like he’s kind of an alarmist. And he S you know, I’m pretty relaxed normally in life where I don’t make a huge deal about little things, whereas he can, you know, make, you know, a mountain out of a molehill and, and make it into a big deal. And then when something actually scary happens like Avery, you know, having her accident, he’ll, he’ll kind of be calm and collected, like, you know how to drive so he can use this critical thinking.

1 (12m 35s):
He’s really, he’s a really good nurse. He’s really good with first aid. He becomes like this calm, grounded, centered person that just is like that up that you want to have around, if shit goes South and I’m kind of the opposite. And I’m like, yeah, I think you’re good in a state of disaster because its sort of like, life is a dress rehearsal for you with all your alarmist tendencies. So like when it really does go South, you’re like, I’ve been preparing for this. I’m ready, let’s do this. You know? And he’s like shut up, but yeah, I’ve beat myself up about it. So it really helped me to kind of understand it. So,

3 (13m 14s):
So when we

1 (13m 15s):
Experienced scary emotions, you know, because we have like in the future, right? So when we’ve had all these emotions and processed emotions, we didn’t know how to shake them off and they’re trapped on our body. When we have a situation that triggers that same emotion in the future. We quickly go back into that reactive state. And this is essentially what a trigger is. It’s an indication of an unhealed trauma from your past or from a trauma from your past. It is just, it’s like a window. Okay. So when we become reactive, when our kids trigger us, we in turn create a future triggered state of reactivity in them, right?

1 (13m 56s):
Because when the grownups get reactive, it’s scary for kids. Like they want us to be like my husband is in those, in those situations. They, they, when they’re scared, when there are in a sort of a state of survival, they need us to stay calm and grounded so that they can what’s called co-regulate and, and it can help them to feel calmer and more grounded. So when we get reactive, it’s scary for them. And then that creates a trigger within them. That’s going to cause them to be reactive. So that’s how the cycle of unhealed trauma passes. As we say in Judaism, <inaudible> from generation to generation and it literally just gets PA pass it down.

1 (14m 41s):
So Reparenting pillar one is emotional regulation and healing from those old triggers so that we can take control of our reactivity and have the ability balance our own nervous systems. So like when I was from last week’s episode, when I was feeling angry inside, because my dismissed trigger was bubbling up for me. When my husband left the room, I took three deep inhales and exhales. That’s my immediate way. I’m starting to recalibrate my nervous system and take back control. Okay. So the best way to begin is really through doing the breath work.

1 (15m 23s):
That doesn’t mean you need to go read a whole book on it. You certainly can. You can take a class on it. You can read a book on it. You can take a yoga class, you can practice ujjayi breath, but it’s literally learning how to take a deep belly breath and hold it in and then slow exhales and truly learn how to go to productively breathed to start to balance those hormones that are raging inside of you. Okay. So that’s pillar one pillar, two of Reparenting is as Dr. Nicole would call it, she calls it loving discipline. And the way I define this is, you know, discipline, the word discipline actually means to teach.

1 (16m 10s):
Okay. And when we include loving teaching, we begin learning from our mistakes and improving our habits. So, so loving discipline is very different than punishment. It’s a very different than that punishment model. It means we’re meant to learn. We’re meant to, we’re meant to learn new things and we want to be taught things in a loving way. That feels good. And so, because we’re all messy humans, we’re gonna screw up. We’re going to make mistakes, right? We’re gonna have a negative habits and patterns in our lives.

1 (16m 50s):
But every time we scrub, for instance, every time you are learning these kinds of tools here, you’re trying to repair it yourself. And then you find yourself repeating scripts that you heard as a kid from your grownups that felt terrible. And then you find those words coming out of your mouth, or you find yourself going into reactive state and yelling or shaming and blaming and handling the whole situation. You know, the opposite way of the way that you were intending. If afterwards, you then beat yourself up and tell yourself how awful you are and how you’re a hypocrite and a fraud. And you listen to Parenting podcasts, but then you don’t actually do it.

1 (17m 32s):
You’re just acting, you know, explosive. You’re screwing up your kids, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you go in to that place of guilt and shame for yourself, well, that’s you punishing yourself? That is not loving discipline vs. Loving discipline. I would say I’m going to learn from my mistakes and improve my habits. Of course, I just did that because that’s how I was conditioned. So that’s what comes online. When I’m feeling triggered. There is more for me to heal from, but I did notice right before I yelled, I noticed how it felt in my body. I knew that I was about to yell. I knew I shouldn’t yell in that moment.

1 (18m 12s):
And I was actually aware of that rather than just on my, on autopilot. You know, like I was aware of it in the moment. Like I had some awareness and so you’re like, like, hold it up some space for yourself. And I call it co pausing for applause over all of those little noticing moments. Okay. So taking the time afterwards to be like, of course I resorted back to that. You know what Rome wasn’t built in a freaking day. Can I give myself a minute? I am here. I am learning. I am proud. And I wish I wouldn’t have handled it that way. It was a mistake.

1 (18m 53s):
What can I do right now to, to repair the damage? Oh, I think I’m going to go and talk to my kid about it. I think I’m going to own that. I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m think I’m going to own why it’s not okay to handle situations the way I just handled it. I’m going to go and own why I don’t want to be that mom and I’m going to have a conversation with them about it. Okay. So when you take the time to look at it and to love yourself, as you’re learning something new we’ll, then you learn from your mistakes and you go and you start to improve. Are your habits by going and having a conversation with your kid and just owning it. So Dr. Nicole suggests begin with, with making small promises to yourself, by setting boundaries.

1 (19m 37s):
And she has a whole chapter on boundaries. I have a whole program on boundaries. Boundaries are a big one and we’re not going to dig in to boundaries because that’s how I’ve had multiple podcast episodes on boundaries. And there’s a lot that has to do with boundaries. But what she says is, is when you teach yourself the way to hold yourself accountable is to intentionally set boundaries. What’s okay with you and what’s not okay with you and your life. And you start to, you know, teach you the self new practices and new habits by just keeping small promises. Like what’s one thing I’m going to do next time I become reactive.

1 (20m 20s):
What’s the one thing I’m going to do. I’m not going to let myself off the hook. I mean, this could be your, your one small promise. I’m not going to let myself off the hook. I don’t have to get it right every single time and I’m not going to. And when I have those oops moments, I’m going to hold myself accountable. By going back to my kids kid and saying, that’s not who I want to be. I made it into a whole big deal. And it was probably a pretty scary when I started yelling and you all don’t go into, but you shouldn’t have been blah, blah, blah. If you do this, you can’t start teaching your kids in that moment. Cause loving discipline is for you and for them. So if you show up from keeping from a place of keeping this promise, that I’m just going to own my mistake and I’m not going to try and teach them something in the process.

1 (21m 10s):
I’m just going to model what it looks like to make a mistake and be a human that hold yourself accountable. That’s what I’m going to do. That’s a damn awesome promise to keep to yourself. So pillar number three of Reparenting is self care. And she says that true self care is about identifying your wants and needs. Like it’s not getting your nails done guys. Although I love getting a good manicure, but she says true self care is identifying your wants and needs. How to care for yourself, both physically and emotionally, especially in ways that they weren’t met in childhood, like feeling seen, heard, and enjoyed right by yourself, feeling seen, heard, and Enjoy.

1 (21m 58s):
So part of self care, a big part, she talks a lot about sleep and she says, taking care of, you know, well, I say this taking care of your basic needs, right? Like sleep and food and learning to nourish yourself. Like you would have a child. That’s a great place to start. You care for yourself. Like you do your kids, you put yourself to bed. Like you put your kids to bed, not at the same time, but how about bath books in bed? What is it look like for you to say, I’m going to, I’m going to wash the day off of myself. I’m going to soak. I’m going to be clean. I’m going to invest in pajamas that I love.

1 (22m 39s):
And it was a great sheets. I’m going to read, I’m going to turn off screens. I’m going to make sure that I get eight hours a night so that I can start tomorrow with my tank full. I’m going to actually cook a meal for myself. Like even if my kids complain about everything and all they want is, you know, the most basic things I’m going to cook a decent meal for myself or pick up a decent meal for myself because I deserve to be nourished properly. Okay. So taking care of your own basic needs, I think it’s a great place to start. And I think it’s the number one place that most parents ignore, but just no, like you can’t be your best self if your basic needs aren’t being met.

1 (23m 24s):
And so her, the pillar for, from Dr to co from doctrine, Nicole is to rediscover joy. She, this is a hard one for me. She says she has a whole long explanation of this. You have to get her a book and read about it. That essentially she says that most of, for most of us, that childhood magic Enjoy was turned off. Like we were sent messages that we needed to do things that were way more per PRODUCTIVE than, you know, things that involved creativity, you know, like do your math homework, put down the paint brush. So you got to learn how to get curious, curious about things.

1 (24m 4s):
What do you actually want to learn about like, what would be fun to read about, to learn about, to listen to a podcast on, I mean, Scott and I took a walk the other day and we listened to a Tim Ferriss Vince Vaughn podcast. There is really, there was no major intention other than we just wanted to listen to a podcast with Vince Vaughn because we love him. We think he is hilarious. So what are you curious about, right. What feels creative for you now? The creativity can involve listening to music with your kids and just, you know, especially I found this with little kids, like they’re too young to judge you, you can kind of let your hair down and sing as loud and as a attitude as you want to, like, what does it look like to just let your hair down and let, I mean, I think music is one of the greatest ways to bring more creativity and to your day or a more fun.

1 (24m 60s):
And it’s especially, I mean, it’s like those witching hours for four to seven, you turn music on, you got those soundtracks playing in the background and all of a sudden your house just became a whole different vibe. So how do you include more play in your life? How do you cultivate that childlike sense of wonder? She’s real big. Dr. Nicole is real big about incorporating more music and singing and nature and doing things like just cause just cause you wanna, it doesn’t even have to serve a purpose just because you want to, including more of those things in your life. So doctrinal Cole says that this Reparenting process is hard, consistent work, and it can bring up intense feelings of anger and loneliness, you know, is she really, she is she and I, I, I know I related to this part, she says, you know, you’re going to start going through this process and guess what the people closest to you like maybe your family of origin, your closest friends, maybe even your spouse, they’re not necessarily going to feel supportive like their, you know, you’re the one who chose to change.

1 (26m 13s):
They haven’t joined you yet if ever. So it can be a lonely process. It can also ignite a lot of anger within you. Like why, why wasn’t this done for me? Why we should have been different? It should, it should. It should. So just know that it can definitely bring up those feelings of anger and loneliness. And I just want you guys to be aware of that because when those things come up, please make sure to surround with support, whether it’s hiring a therapist who also incorporate some Holistic practices or at least is supportive of Holistic practices, you know, on top of traditional therapy, finding like-minded people.

1 (27m 1s):
I mean, Dr. Dr. Nicole was talking about her process that she felt really lonely and she actually was able to find community online. Like that’s how she built her online community because so much of her former life didn’t really fit in with this Reparenting she was doing. And so she really connected a lot online with people. So fine. Do not go at this alone, find like-minded people to do this work with you. It really can feel daunting when you’re attempting to meet your true self. When you’ve been conditioned to put her in a box and stuff for a way like it can feel daunting if you don’t even know where to begin.

1 (27m 45s):
So, you know, I just want you all to be gentle with yourself with this find people you can. It’s like right now, I feel like I’m in the five book clubs talking about this book, because I know from being on this path alone for so long that it feels terrible to feel lonely. So when I started reading it, I found my people who wanted to read it alongside. So we, I could, cause I know myself from a dweller and I wanted to talk about it and talk about it and talk about it and talk about it. So I wanted to have lots of people to talk about it with. So find those like-minded people, whether they’re in real life or in your virtual world, but don’t go at this alone.

1 (28m 27s):
And if you’re having a hard time processing your own story and finding your own puzzle pieces, I know that like you don’t have to be a lone Wolf. Like I was for so many years thinking that I needed to solve all my problems by myself. Like there are amazing therapists out there and coaches and healers and, and lots of avenues of support. So please, please find them. I thought this was interesting. She, she says in her book that she often receives the question, how can we make sure we don’t do this to our children? And I found myself as I was reading it, being like shit. I thought it was doing it so differently, but I pass this down and I pass that down in that feels terrible.

1 (29m 10s):
And that makes it, that I noticed myself kind of wanting to then start skimming through the book and dissociating because it felt too painful to sort of face where have I not done things as well as I want it to believe I had. Okay. So, you know, we can go into this place of so much worry and so much fear. And what she says is this. She says, you know, you can’t, you can’t be sure, you know, parenting is difficult and emotionally activating and you’re going to screw up am. What I want to add on to that is that I believe that Reparenting yourself while parenting your children is the perfect recipe to recondition yourself alongside them.

1 (29m 60s):
Right? Because as we, as we reparent ourselves, it really puts it at the forefront of all of the things that we want. We don’t want to repeat, you know? So, so it’s like, we’re, we’re, we’re growing up alongside our kids and that’s how we raise them differently because it’s this open honest conversation. And I also like to think of it in this way. If any of you are familiar with Malcolm Gladwell’s book outliers in that book, he talks about how essentially it takes 10,000 hours of practice to achieve expert status.

1 (30m 43s):
So like the difference between becoming a music teacher and a professional musician is a music teacher has 6,000 hours of practice or something like that. And a professional musician has 10,000 hours of practice. So when you’re trying to learn new skills, you need to have opportunities for those 10,000 hours of practice to get your 10,000 hours in. Right? So if you’re doing trauma healing and you’re, and you’re reconditioning, or you know yourself, you’re really working hard to recondition yourself to reparent yourself. If you’re doing that work outside of Parenthood, if you’re not a parent and you’re doing that work to repair it yourself, I don’t think you have near as many opportunities to become triggered.

1 (31m 31s):
You become activated to, to meet yourself, to find all those, those old puzzle pieces, those old unfinished, you know, unhealed wounds from your past. So if you think about it, right, like our kids trigger sometimes every hour, if not every 10 minutes. Okay. And a, and all of these moments in our day when you’re given a triggered moment, it’s an opportunity to witness, huh? What’s coming up for me. Which puzzle pieces? This, what, why did I just get so activated? Because he was straightening the stupid picture on that, on the wall.

1 (32m 13s):
What was that? You know, when he left the room, I’m sitting there going. Yeah. Okay. I feel so, like I thought the anger bubbling. Okay. What’s underneath the anger. Okay. Sadness. What else? Embarrassment. Yeah, I got real graspy. Read this book, read this book. She is so great. Let me tell you why a little, a lot embarrassment. Right? So here, now I’m able to find that hidden puzzle piece. I had a triggered moment. It’s like experiential learning. So if you’re a dissociative and you can’t remember a lot from your childhood, okay, but you find yourself getting triggered like on the rug with your kids, these moments or windows into all those forgotten memories, because remember the body keeps score.

1 (33m 2s):
So every time you’re triggered, you can literally begin asking yourself, what was that about? What was coming up for me? How did that make me feel? Like, what is the emotion? If I had to name it, where were the sensations in my body for me, y’all have heard me say many times in this situation I’ve been using. As an example, I felt the anger bumbling in my chest, like literally taking a minute and saying, where do I feel this in my body? You know, if your body has been numb, if your brain has been dissociated set, noticing where you even feel the sensations in your body is a really big deal and asking yourself, like, when did I first feel that way in my life?

1 (33m 49s):
You know, after you started to do that, you were like, when was the first time I felt this way? Because the more curious you get, the more easily, the memories will become available for you to begin looking at. And this is how you build self-awareness and uncover and uncover those puzzle pieces of your life so that you can heal from your unfinished business and get unstuck and feel better. Because remember all change begins with awareness. You have to know what to change, why it’s there, what you wanted instead to change the patterns, right? Like what did you want instead? And this is how we change those patterns in our life too.

1 (34m 30s):
Once that will serve us and our kids in ways that allow us to feel better and ultimately do better. My Angelou said, when you know, better, you do better. I think its when you feel better, you do better. This is how we break unhealthy generational patterns. And I think that this is how we change the world by raising kids in the future. Generations’ a little bit better so they can grow up to feel healthy and whole and do it even better than we can’t have a beautiful,

0 (35m 5s):
Well, I hope you now have some new tips and tools and ways of looking at the Reparenting process, putting on your own oxygen mask first, remember a parent Reparenting is all about giving yourself what you didn’t receive. So it’s giving yourself the love. Karen understanding you wanted as a kid, because guess what? You deserve that to continue moving the needle forward and creating a happier household and life. I want you to go to my website, Mastermind, Parenting dot com and check out my three beginning programs that are very concise. It’s easy to follow. You’ll find the right program for you and get started.

0 (35m 48s):
Get started. Life’s too short. As always remember, we’re on all the social channels on Instagram or Mastermind, underscore Parenting. And on Facebook you can join my free group. Fastermind Parenting community, where we post tips and tools most multiple times weekly, which also especially this month, we’re going to be doing a lot of pop-up Facebook lives in that coaching group where I’m going to do some extra teaching and coaching. It’s all about the Reparenting process and really honing in on your burning questions because remember I want to help you support your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better and do better.

0 (36m 33s):
And we have to go through this Reparenting process because we can’t teach what we don’t have the money on the Facebook group, Mastermind, Parenting community. The is in the show notes. Can’t wait to see you there.

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Creating A Happier Household

by Randi Rubenstein