In this episode, I talk about the mindset that will help you begin the school year from a place of self-awareness and pack leadership. Our kids are going back to school and the last year and a half has been hard and stressful for all of us.
I included a coaching clip where I model how to gain more self-awareness in a practical and fun way. I’m here for and with you during this crazy time. I believe in you.
As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!
About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast and Mastermind Parenting were on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them. You are listening to the Mastermind Parenting
Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode 1 54. Well, hi guys, I full disclosure. I’m recording this podcast, not from my normal spot with my fancy microphone and all the, all the things I am actually in Colorado. I’m on vacation with my family and I was planning to be off these two weeks, but I took a week, a little over a week off before we came to Colorado because my mom unexpectedly passed away. So I have had a pretty tumultuous summer, as you can imagine, for those of you who have gone through this, you know, it’s like a club and several of you have left me messages saying, this is a club.
1 (1m 0s):
No one wants to be a part of, but as I’ve said to my husband and my children, we sort of had death privilege. Meaning like privilege is basically not under fully understanding someone else’s point of view because you’ve never experienced it. And my kids had grown up with all four of their grandparents, all four of their grandparents, healthy and active. And this has been, you know, the first death in our family kind of unexpectedly and, you know, a person who still had plenty of life left to live and really was not ready to go by. I don’t know if anyone’s ever fully ready to go, but yeah, it’s been a pretty crazy time. So I am getting back to work this week.
1 (1m 41s):
I took a full two weeks off and it’s weird. It’s like the last two weeks. I love what I do. And I love recording podcasts. I love coaching. I love teaching. I like to say quite often I’m a content creating core. Like we’ve so much content in our private mastermind because that’s my happy place. That’s my life. I didn’t realize I was a creative person until I was 40 years old. So I guess I have a lot of time to make up for, because I must have stopped playing when I was younger than most people stopped playing. And now I feel like for the last 10 years, all I’ve been doing is playing and creating. And I really haven’t felt like doing anything for the last two weeks. Like I just have been cocooning and grieving and just kind of hunkering down.
1 (2m 24s):
And all of a sudden it was exactly two weeks since my mom passed away. And I was like, Hm, I need to get back to work. But actually I sort of want to get back to work. So I’m still on vacation and I’m going to post a picture when we put this podcast out. So if you don’t follow me on social, go to Mastermind, Parenting Instagram on Instagram, we’re Mastermind Parenting, and on Facebook or Mastermind Parenting. And if you’re not in my private Facebook group, Google Mastermind, Parenting free group, and we’re going to post a picture of me recording this in the closet, which I think y’all will get a kick out of. So this month, the theme is back to school because it’s August and most of us and have some people that live like, and the, you know, maybe a New York and, and, and the Northern states.
1 (3m 11s):
Sometimes you don’t start school till September. Your kids don’t start school til September, but down south way to start school and mid August. And, you know, I always remember dreading like it, it was, it was sort of one of those bittersweet moments when my kids went back to school, like, oh my God, from eight to three, like I have, I know they’re somewhere where their safe and to being taken care of. And nothing really is required of me for seven to eight hours of the day. But also it was like, oh, I gotta get my shit together. And as a person who doesn’t naturally have an organized brain or have my shit together and struggled with procrastination and adulting and paperwork and detail oriented things, all the things that the new school year requires.
1 (3m 55s):
I was always good at getting the people outfitted shopping. Yes. And my wheelhouse, but, and all the other stuff, like the health forms and all that other shit like, Ugh. So I was always kind of like dreading it and what I w what my intention with this podcast and this month for you guys is just to help you feel like you’re starting the school year with your kids, from a place of being, you know, a pack leader. Like you got it. And there’s, you know, and nothing’s that big of deal. And we don’t have to do it perfectly. And we’ve all been through like last school year was super crazy. Like the last year and a half it’s like the last three semesters were super crazy because of the pandemic.
1 (4m 36s):
And many of us are dealing with the aftermath of that as life is supposed to be getting somewhat back to normal. And our kids are more addicted than ever to technology. And maybe we’re more addictive than ever to technology. Many of us have fallen off the health bandwagon. We stopped working out. We started eating more crap. I’ve heard from person after person where they’re like, yeah, COVID pounds. And it was due to drinking. Like I just had somebody and it was interesting to me recently was saying, you know, when you stop eating sugar or you stop smoking and people are like, oh, that’s awesome. But when you pass on that glass of wine, when you’re now getting together with people, everybody questioned you about it.
1 (5m 19s):
Do you have a problem? What’s the deal? And this particular friend of mine was saying, you know, I just, I put on like 20 pounds because we were enjoying drinks at night. And it’s like enough. Like now I’m like looking at myself and I’m feeling like shit, and I’m just going to go. I’m just not going to be drinking for a while. And he’s like, the people a question you want it, like, are you an alcoholic? What’s the deal. That was interesting. So anyway, our kids also are, many of them are feeling unsettled and unsure, and there’s so much going on in terms of masks or no masks. And I think that there’s a lot of people that, you know, it’s like, where do you fall on vaccinations? There’s, there’s a lot of divisiveness where it was almost like during the pandemic, we were all kind of on the same team.
1 (6m 2s):
Like it was the pandemic against us. And now it’s like, okay, we’re, it’s really divisive. And, and so I think our kids are feeling the repercussions of that. And I think, you know, what they need from us is for us to do our part in terms of just like not doing what I did years ago, which is not getting our shit together and just trying to get our shit together just a little bit, even just a little bit. So this first podcast episode, I’m actually going to include a coaching clip where I was coaching a new member in my private 12 week program. And she just started the program. And probably, I think she’s a week for and in week for, and every week when somebody starts a program, we have them do a homework assignment, their, you know, they’re learning, they’re following our curriculum.
1 (6m 43s):
And then they are asked to do a homework assignment and, and they submit their homework assignment to our team. And either me or Amanda, who is a coach and a child development expert on our team, one of us ways in and gives feedback about the homework. Well, this week, her homework was all about taking these assessments. And the two assessments that I have people take are the four tendencies and the love languages. And it’s really about, self-awareness like, I don’t, I think most of us just haven’t taken the time to figure out exactly how we’re wired. And I think it’s super helpful to know how you’re wired, because once you know how you’re not wired, like how you tend to meet expectations, like for instance, if you have the 20 pounds that you are realizing shit and pandemics kind of, you know, it’s slowing down and we’re getting back to real life and I’m going to start going out in public, or I’ve been going out in public and these extra 20 pounds are making me feel self-conscious and, and, and making me feel less confident about myself.
1 (7m 42s):
And I gotta, I gotta take off those 20 pounds. Okay. So there’s this expectation of this inner expectation of, I want to take off the 20 pounds because I’m gonna be more confident. Okay. And maybe let’s say you have a kid who is brutally honest as they are. And their like, mommy, you looked different. You know, you, you look different. Why can’t you, why don’t you ever want to play with me outside? Or what are you breathing so heavy or whatever it is they notice that maybe you’ve fallen off the bandwagon exercise wise and they notice. And so then you’re feeling this outer expectation from your child that they want you to be a healthier version of you. Okay. So the inner expectations of, I wanna be more confident and, and take off his way, you got an outer expectation.
1 (8m 23s):
So how do you meet expectations? How are you wired? And the test by Gretchen Rubin, which I think is a great one called the four tendencies. I have people take because it’s really all about how do we meet inner and outer expectations. And the other one is the love languages, because I think it’s important to understand how you like to be loved. You know, are you a words of affirmation person? Are you a quality time person or UNF service person? Are you a gift giving person and knowing how you like to be loved is really important. You know, I always say you got to connect before you, correct, but we can’t give what we don’t have. So we got to do it with ourselves first, and then we can focus on the people in our lives. Right. Because if we don’t focus on ourselves first, then it’s like, we’re just kind of, we don’t really get it.
1 (9m 6s):
We don’t really understand it. So, so put your own oxygen mask on first and focus on yourself first. So anyway, I had this new member take these assessments, and then I wait in and I thought, Hmm, this might be a really good podcast for August. Because if we start the year off from a place of self-awareness like, how am I wired? How are the people that I live with wired? How do we meet expectations? Last school year was a shit show. And I want my kids to be more successful this school year. And you want to support them from a place of positive pack leaders, leadership. I want to be able to set them up for success, but how do I do that? Exactly. With like all change and all new habits and new patterns start with awareness self-awareness first, and then a curiosity about the other people in our lives, so that we’re not trying to fix or solve.
1 (9m 58s):
We’re just understanding how to properly support them so they can feel like they’ve got it right. So we connect before we correct. If you start the year from a place of, I understand you, I get you, we’re going to look at the last year, not from a place of beating you up, but from a place of love and empathy and understanding, it was a super hard year. All that virtual learning was crazy, and it wasn’t really the way your brain was meant to learn. You know? And so what we’re going to do is we’re going to just learn from last year, and then that will help us to improve upon things this year. And we’ve got this, and guess what? You’re only, you know, you’re only seven years old. You’re only 11 years old.
1 (10m 38s):
You’re only 16 years old. Like, you know, you’re 16 years young, you’re seven years young, but you got plenty of time. This is what we’re supposed to do. As people we’re supposed to go through hard things and then learn from those hard things. And then, you know, see what we can move the needle forward, how we can move the needle forward based on those experiences. And when we talk about it and we’ve not feeling embarrassed or shamed, we’re like, okay, I’m the human. And, and this has been a messy time and it’s messy being a human. It’s fine. It’s all good. And we’re the kind of family that, that leans on each other and we don’t beat each other up. We turn to each other for support and love and understanding. And that’s what we’re going to do this whole year. Right? And when you go to school, you may notice that there’s some kids that aren’t wearing their masks properly, or there’s some kids that are insisting on wearing masks, even though you’re in a nomad school, or, you know, there’s going to be people who are doing things differently and it might feel confusing at times.
1 (11m 33s):
And I want you to know that you can come home and, you know, and, and, and ask me whatever questions were, or let me know that something was difficult that day. Like, I want you to know that this is your safe place, hear this home and is family. And so that’s how we start the year from a place of awareness and connection so that when they do have a, maybe they do, you have it, look, teachers are coming back to school and they’re human too. So I am going to have an episode later this month on teaching and teachers and how to have productive conversations with teachers. But I think it’s important to understand that teachers or human, and there are going to be some days where your kid is affected by a teacher. That’s having a human moment and maybe they do get a pop quiz or test, and that your child there wasn’t clear communication and your child, you know, didn’t realize that there was going to be a pop quiz or found the questions on the tests and confusing.
1 (12m 26s):
And there’s gotta be, you know, grades that your child doesn’t feel proud of, or maybe he feels ashamed of it. And so understanding that when those correction times come, which is, you know, a 71, okay. Do you feel, you feel good about that grade? How do you tell me how you feel about that? You feel like you were able to bring your best effort forward there? Yeah. Why not? Well, we’ve all anyone I’ve, I’ve had plenty of times in my life where I got a 71, maybe it was actual schoolwork, or maybe it was just, you know, when I was playing kickball, cause I was never great. I would think I was like a C minus kickball player, you know? And we, and so when we have those moments where we want to help our kids learn from something that they, they maybe didn’t put their best effort forward, or they don’t feel particularly proud of, we have to have that connection piece first, if we want to be able to impact them and help them and support them.
1 (13m 17s):
Right? So this coaching scenario where I helped this woman, this new member understand this is how you’re wired, and this is how your partner’s wired. And isn’t this interesting what your child said to you. So something that she said was, she said, you know, she said, I asked Riley how I show her, I love her. And she said, you don’t get mad at me. You help me do puzzles. Okay. So I’m going to, I’m going to respond to that piece of it based on this woman’s assessments. And I want you all to remember that when kids, you know, in this day and age where we’re just coming off of this pandemic and we’re still seeing surges, it’s really, really important to notice when your kids are begging you for emotional safety.
1 (13m 60s):
Like that’s all we crave as humans is. Do I feel safe? Do I feel safe? I want to feel safe. And when a child is behaving in a way that is not so awesome, right? They’re basically saying, I feel unsafe inside and I need you to help me. I need you to show up and be the grounded grownup in my life. That’s, what’s going to help me to be able to, you know, kind of vibe off of you and start to do better. Right. And that’s how I’m going to be able to co-regulate with you. So often when our kids show up in these less than ideal ways, we co-regulate with them, they push our buttons, they’re behaving in these ways. Then we start yelling at them. And so we’re co-regulating and that negative way we’re meeting them where they are.
1 (14m 40s):
And then it just exacerbates the issue. So in this day and age where we’ve got a lot of situations that don’t feel so safe, right? How do we start to create more safety? Because when people feel safe, that’s when they’re in their thinking brain. That’s where they’re in a relaxed and calm state. That’s where they were able to show up as their best selves. And, and we can’t give what, we don’t have some got to do this first and foremost for ourselves to be able to help our kids with this. And so this is really mindset work. You know, all those forms that I put off signing way back when you know, those weren’t really the big issue. The really big issue was how do I help my kids start the school year from a place of feeling like we’re going to seize the day we’re going to take it right?
1 (15m 22s):
We’ve got this. We just had a nice, long break, relaxing break. We had lots of free time. And now it’s time to go into the structured part of our year and to grow and learn and get excited about the school year. And it’s going to be good and really excited about the school year. Wonder who’s going to be in your class. I wonder your teacher’s going to be, you know, and, and really coming to it from a place of that, that mindset, where you got competent mindset, right. That calm and confident mindset. So we got a, we got a model in it, and I know it’s hard to do. I know many of us are not feeling like our best selves right now. And I don’t want anyone putting pressure on yourselves to be perfect. You know, it didn’t fucking matter. And then I didn’t have those forms filled out until the 11th hour and I to get three reminders and it got done.
1 (16m 5s):
It’s fine. Right. It got done. And it was fine. It didn’t need to happen. So ahead of time, it was fine. Okay. So we’re all going to be fine. Perfection is not what we need here. Nobody needs to be going to school with the perfect bows in their hair. And you know, if we’re a little over addicted to technology, it’s going to be okay, we’ll all acclimate and adjust, right. So everybody makes sure to have like, hold some space for yourself, have some grace and let go of that perfectionism because perfectionism causes everyone to feel unsafe. It’s just an unrealistic, it’s an, it’s an unrealistic thing to grasp and to try and, and go for it. And nobody’s ever perfect.
1 (16m 45s):
And frankly, if you’re the kind of person who is always striving to be perfect, I hate to break it to you. But other people notice and it makes them feel judged. And nobody really likes those people. Right? Like, like stop, stop it. Just stop it. You’re better than that. Okay. So enjoy this coaching scenario and hope you found this helpful. Well, no wonder you’re such an action taker or you little upholder, the life of an upholder must be nice. My husband as an upholder. So yeah. You know, it’s good to know that I think it’s helpful, you know, to know kind of what your tendency is, how you meet expectations.
1 (17m 27s):
It doesn’t, I think you said you lost a whole bunch of weight. I’m kind of curious. Did you follow a program? Did you have any accountability partners? You know, upholders are the kind of people that like run a marathon without a running partner. They’re like, well, I just did it because I set my mind on goal. And so I accomplished that goal. Upholders very much are able to just accomplish a whole lot of things. And when they see a problem and then they research and find a solution and they, you know, it makes sense that they kind of build an argument. They’re like, alright, then like, this is what we’re going to do. I researched it. Like, it’s a kind of like a nation sherlocking like, I researched it.
1 (18m 11s):
And then I found how to accomplish the thing I wanted to accomplish and overcome the challenge, you know, lose the hundred pounds and I’m, and then I just did that. What are you talking about? And so, so upholders are just really good at getting shit done and solving problems. The shadow side of the upholder is that they don’t always realize that they don’t have to follow every rule and they can think outside the box and you don’t have to do the thing just because I was trying to think of something. My husband told him you were traveling right now. And I’m like, what did he like? You won’t think outside the box.
1 (18m 51s):
Sometimes you’d stay, you know, there’s several things like I go and the first day of vacation, he’s usually pretty grumpy because you know, you’re getting settled and your doing thing, and there’s a lot of balls in the air. And you know, you just won’t think outside the box where I’m at at the time and we’ll just do this instead. Or we’ll just, okay, well, what about this? He’s like, no, that’s not the way you do it. I’m like, yeah, it is. There’s like, it’s fine. You know? So as an upholder, you need your questioners and your rebels in their life. That sometimes they’re like, wait a minute. Why aren’t you still eating? You know, you’ve lost all your weight. Like, why are you still eating the things if you like, that gives you a stomachache and or whatever.
1 (19m 32s):
I’m, you know, it just a question. What are you still doing that exercise. If your knees are hurting, like there’s a million other types of exercises. Have you ever tried qualities? And sometimes I had been upholder and pregnant right now and she said, she’d been doing like the same hot yoga, like be crumb type, hot yoga for 20 years. I thought routine, like, you just works for her. It’s very meditative. Well, I’ve gone to those Vic from yoga and back in the day, that was the only time of hot yoga. And it smells like stinky feet and they’re, they this like nasty carpet. And, and I was like, you know, as an upholder, like, it makes sense. And she’s like, this is my yoga. This is what I’ve been doing. This is comfortable. This is familiar. This is what, you know, helps my body to feel yada, yada, yada or whatever.
1 (20m 12s):
And then I’m like, yeah, guess what? I lost 10 years. A lot of other places have popped up that also give your body that benefits. And it doesn’t need to be a 105 and it can be 95. And you, you don’t have to go somewhere where they’re sticky, gross carpet. Do you know these new studios that actually don’t have carpet and smell good? You know? And so sometimes as an apple that you really do need your questioners and rebels to kind of point out to, you know, you were allowed to break the rules. You’re allowed to think outside the box. You know, it’s important to understand if your husband is a obliger, you know, obligers do well without our accountability, they need that. Like, they’re never going to run a marathon unless they have a running partner or running group and program and the system, and there’s maybe a social aspect connected to it, or just an accountability measure, leave and be very careful with, with obligers because they can tend to be people pleasers or martyrs or not speak up for themselves.
1 (21m 9s):
And then they, and if you’re like as an upholder and you’re like, just do it because I told you what needed to be done. Like if they feel a bunch of pressure and they’re, you know, they feel like they’re martyring themselves and they’re not speaking up for themselves, they can go into what’s called obliger rebellion. And, and then they’re like, yeah, I used to just do everything you told me to do and now fuck off. Like, I’m not doing any of it. So, so obligers, it’s really important to have that accountability, but also to, you know, just understand, like, make sure that your speak, your, get your speaking, their love language, you know, because if you’re as an upholder, like I told you the things I needed to fill my love cup, why aren’t you doing those things?
1 (21m 51s):
But yet the obliger isn’t actually getting their love cup filled in the way that works for them. And you’re like, well, sorry, you should have just told me, and I’m not going to read your mind. You’re not gonna tell me what you’re going to take the assessment. You’re not going to tell me how to, how to fill your love cup. And how would you expect me to do it? You know, that is going to be a relationship that is filled with lots of miscommunication and martyrdom and probably obliger rebellion. So you gotta make sure that you’re like, you know, I’ve taught you how to fill my love cup, but it’s important for me to know how to fill yours. Like, I can assume that yours is the same as me, but is it really like, you deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved, not the way I want to be loved.
1 (22m 31s):
You know, that’s just going to backfire on us. So I need you to take this assessment because I want to know, I love you the way you like to be loved, you know? And, and so sometimes no pleasure really needs just extra reassurance. Have you deserve this? You’re worthy to, I know I’ve told you what I need, but what do you need? You know? And, and, and just to help the obligers, do you know, they can quickly fall into martyrdom of people-pleasing and then they get pissed about it. And you’re like, what the fuck just happened? I didn’t even know. I didn’t even know. You’re like, you gotta tell you these things and they’ve just been sitting and like silent, like, you know, resentment. Okay. I think it’s interesting what Riley said.
1 (23m 11s):
I want presence. I want, you know, like, I want you to be with me and I want you to, to help me do puzzles. I think that might mean Riley might have acts of service, actually help me, help me, help me fix the puzzle, be with me and be like, let’s just be mommy. Just be with me, help me do the puzzles, how we solve the problems. I mean, that’s really puddles are really totally for, I mean, you know, it’s so interesting because kids love puzzles, but puzzles are all about solving problems. How does this piece go with that piece? Mommy, sit with me and help me solve the problems in life that makes me feel really loved. Just sit and be with me. Oh, and don’t get mad, but oh mommy, they also don’t yell at me. Don’t get mad at me because when I’m behaving in a way that’s not exactly ideal and I’m pushing all your buttons.
1 (23m 54s):
That’s me telling you. I thought a puzzle to figure out inside my body. And I just want you to be this grounded grownup that helps me solve all the problems, solve all the puzzles. Can you be that for me? It, can you help me? Because that makes me feel safe in the world. Can you not add to the problem by being mad at me? Can you just be there for me? Because when I’m acting like a little lunatic, it means I got big puzzle. I got a big problem to solve. And if I knew how to solve it on myself, did to behave in ways that were more loving and co-operative, I would do that. And I’m only a little kid and I’m, I don’t know how to do that yet.
1 (24m 35s):
So I need you to step in and, and, and co-regulate with me and do that with me and kind of lead the way. And that helps me to feel safe. So I know kids are so freaking smart. It’s so amazing. It is. It’s so amazing. And when we get out of the way and we start to eat, when we start to, you know, even when you, like, when you find yourself getting triggered and you need to walk away and calm yourself down and do all the things to, you know, not exacerbate the issue, you, even, if you could just add like 1% curiosity to, why am I so pissed right now? Like what, she’s five or I can’t remember exactly how old she is. She’s four, she’s five. I’m like, what the fuck is coming up for me?
1 (25m 16s):
Like, that’s usually what I’m saying to myself, when that 1% of curiosity comes in, when I start to get triggered, like, why was I just so pissed? What puzzle piece for my life was, you know, what was that? And I explained this to my sister recently, and I said, you know, most of us don’t want to look back at the puzzle pieces, but the truth is, is only just bring in a tiny bit of curiosity. And we realize that every time we get scared or kiss, you know, anytime there’s fear on the scene, because underneath all anger is fear. It’s actually this incredibly interesting novel. It’s the story of Cassie. It’s the story of Randi. It’s the story of whoever it is.
1 (25m 56s):
It’s a story of you are, which most of us, and it’s why people can be super addicted to therapy. Most of us love hearing our own stories, right. And having somebody that’s like an active listener wants to hear our story. It’s like, oh my God, this is so fun to talk to all about my story myself and analyze it, figure it out. It’s actually quite interesting. Once we start to get out of the fear and into the curiosity, you know, we don’t have to be scared. Here’s a puzzle piece that I haven’t thought about in a million years. And I didn’t think I remember, but it was right here in my brain the whole time. And now I get to read a, you know, a section of the story of my life.
1 (26m 36s):
So every time we’re we get triggered, it really is. It’s a puzzle piece. It’s a section of that incredibly interesting novel saying here, read me, read me, read me. And we get to get curious about what that is. You’re to tell us what was unresolved, you know, what happened? You know? And so it’s really interesting. My sister got really she’s and she told me recently, and she’s got this major fear of addicts, like addict’s and houses, you know, and in spaces like the ladders that come down from the addict, and she had a neighbor in her attic that was fixing something and he was getting frustrated and she turned to the neighbor’s wife and she says, oh, is Tom about to get really mad? And her neighbor, Beth was like, who doesn’t get mad about like, when he’s stressed or, you know, you get mad.
1 (27m 17s):
And my sister’s and she was having like, like, like anxiety and like heart palpitations. And, and she said, you had a major phobia of these like ladders from addict’s. And to the point that she’s building a new house right now. And she said, she put little stairs to go up to her attic space. And I said, you know, you, I remember because I’m six years older than her. I said, I literally remember when the lamp fell on your head. When dad was trying to hand a lamp down to mom, she was the bottom of the ladder. He was up in the attic and he was handing it down and it fell on your head and you had to get stitches. I went and I explained the whole scenario. So she knew there had been an accident, but she didn’t know all the details and her, the puzzle piece that was popping up from the anxiety and fear and nervousness. She felt when this neighbor was up in the attic and it went anything that has to do with an attic ladder.
1 (28m 2s):
She was the bottom of the ladder of my mom. He handed the lamp down to my mom, and then he exploded when my mom, when my mom missed it and it hit my stone head, I think, I feel like he yelled at me and my sister, but he was like, damn and Barbara, anyway, that left a fear in my sister’s head and her subconscious. And, and so it was like this phobia of these ladders, there’s a puzzle piece. And like, we just, and she’s like, I’m like, God, I was like, please like, we’re so scared to look back. But when we start to connect the dots, we started to clear up that unfinished business and dissolve these triggers. So when we shift into curiosity, even just a little bit, our story starts to become interesting and guess what?
1 (28m 42s):
It diffuses that anger. And that’s how we start to work through these triggers. Anyway, let me know if you have any questions about
0 (28m 49s):
That. Thanks for listening today, guys. I hope you picked up some tips tools, maybe some baby steps for creating more balance and boundaries in your life. And I just wanted to let you know, if you want to continue moving the needle forward in creating this for yourself, having a happier household. I want you to go to my website and check out Mastermind, Parenting dot com. We have three beginning programs, and if you need some accountability and more support than please look for the one that would be a good fit for you. And as always, we’re on all the social channels under Mastermind Parenting on Instagram, it’s Mastermind, underscore parenting.
0 (29m 35s):
And you know, periodically I do pop up on different Instagram lives, Facebook lives, where I give you teaching and coaching. And I love engaging with you live to help you help your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better because when they feel better, they do better. And I love, love, love, getting to know you guys. So thanks for listening. If you liked this podcast, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review super, super appreciative.