178: Are you looking for tips on how “not to” parent?

By March 21, 2022September 20th, 2022Mastermind Parenting Podcast
178: Are you looking for tips on how “not to” parent?

Many of you are searching for tips on how “not to” parent. This doesn’t surprise me because I’ve talked about this on the podcast before. Asking for the “not to’s” instead of the “how to’s” is part of our human condition. It’s much easier and more natural to focus on what not to do rather than what to do.

I’ve heard this referred to as the human negativity bias, and it’s something that we’ve carried over, it’s part of our primal wiring. We’re always scanning our environment for things that might feel unsafe or dangerous. So, we’re always kind of looking for the negative, looking how we can keep ourselves safe and healthy, what we need to avoid and “Not do.”

That’s why when our kids are running by a pool, and we might say, “Don’t run, don’t run.” Instead of saying, “Walking feet, walking feet.” It’s so much easier and instinctive to say what not to do rather than what to do. Searching for, “What am I not supposed to be doing?” is somewhat of a natural question. Because even though you don’t know exactly what to do, you want to make sure that you’re not doing the “terrible” things, something wrong.

The way to counteract that human negativity bias is through awareness and a lot of learning and positive psychology, which I incorporate into Mastermind Parenting. I’m a bit obsessed with neuroscience and I have been for a very long time. I think it’s just so amazing that we can actually create new habits that retrain the way that we communicate, retrain the way that we think, and retrain ourselves. It’s that old adage, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

But you can. You just have to practice a lot. And when you start to practice little things like focusing on what the behaviors you want, rather than the behaviors you don’t want, it doesn’t come naturally. It seems so simple, but it doesn’t come naturally. So you have to practice it.

In today’s episode, I’m going to use some simple examples and scenarios which will help you begin to practice this shift from the more authoritarian style of parenting which tends to focus on telling our kids what “not to do,” and move toward some more positive approaches found in Mastermind Parenting. It’s about practicing these skills that let you communicate expectations before things go sideways. It’s figuring out what you want, not what you don’t want.

Listen to this episode for more of my thoughts and strategies on how you can move toward being a Mastermind Parent!

As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein helps parents with strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.

She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.

At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.

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Transcription

(1s):
My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast At Mastermind Parenting, we’re on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them. You’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode 1 78. Well, hi guys, how are you this week? This week’s topic is a common Google search that we found, and it seems like many of you are Googling tips on how not to parent. This doesn’t surprise me because I’ve talked about this on the podcast before. And I just want everyone to realize it doesn’t mean Asking for the not twos instead of the, how tos is really like it’s part of our human condition, where it’s much easier to focus on what not to do rather than what to do.

(54s):
And I’ve heard this referred to as the human negativity bias and it’s something that we’ve carried over. It’s part of our primal wiring. So we’re always scanning our environment for things that might feel unsafe or dangerous. And so we’re always kind of looking for the negative looking what we need to keep ourselves safe from. So that’s why when our kids are running by a pool and we’re like, don’t run, don’t run instead of Walking feet, walking feet, walking feet, it’s so much easier to say what not to do rather than what to do. So I just wanted to kind of point out that you searching for, What am I not supposed to be doing?

(1m 34s):
Cause at least if, even though I don’t know exactly what to do, like let me just make sure that I’m not doing the terrible things. And The way to counteract that human negativity bias is through a lot of the learnings, positive psychology, which I incorporate into Mastermind Parenting, which I just think is so cool. I’m kind of obsessed with neuroscience. And I have been for a very long time because I think it’s just so amazing that we can actually create new habits that retrain the way that we communicate retrain the way that we think and retraining ourselves.

(2m 14s):
Is that old adage of like, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. It’s like, yeah, you can, You just have to practice a whole lot. So when you start to practice little things like focusing on what the behaviors you want, rather than the behaviors you don’t want. It doesn’t come naturally. It seems so simple, right? Like it seems so simple and it doesn’t come naturally. So you have to practice it. You have to practice, Hey, Walking feet, Walking feet, instead of don’t talk over me, listening ears, you know, which might sound kind of hokey. And the more that you practice in these sort of teeny tiny ways, the better you’ll get at it.

(2m 55s):
And you’ll start to focus on what do I want, what behavior do I actually want to? So, so often what happens is, is we wait for things to go sideways. And one of my favorite examples was like a mom of an 18 month old. And she said, we’re brushing his teeth. And then he wants to take the toothbrush with him all over the house. And it’s dangerous. You know, it’s dangerous. I mean, he’s gonna like run and he’s just learning how to run and he’s going to run and fall and stab his eye out. And every time we try to take the toothbrush away from him, it’s like this huge meltdown. And so I love that simple example because I’m like, well, yeah, it’s like, y’all brush his teeth.

(3m 38s):
And he’s like, oh, this is a cool thing. This is a cool little weapon. Why do I have to only use it for teeth brushing? I want to use it all the time. And so I said, you know, what you really have to do is before it becomes the power struggle of after the toothbrushing and he’s trying to hold onto it, you got to focus on the behavior you want when you’re not in toothbrushing mode, right? Like you’re in the bathroom and your little teeny tiny one is in there and you’re like, there’s the toothbrush? What do we use the toothbrush for brushing teeth? Right? Where does the toothbrush live? That’s right, right there. It’s like, it’s this proactive way of anything.

(4m 18s):
That’s become a problem. Well, now we just need to use when we’re not in the heat of the moment times to reinforce the behavior, we do want the behavior we do want in that simple scenario is we want the toothbrush to just be used for toothbrushing and to live next to the sink or in the drawer or whatever, the two brushes and go all around the house. So we put the energy on that. And another simple example was like, when my niece was 18 months old and her parents were saying that I had a bunch of dogs and she was constantly playing in the dog food. And so one day when she was over, I had like dog food. Don’t ask, you know, anybody that there’s look that if you’re watching the video of this podcast, I have a sleeping dog behind me.

(5m 1s):
I always have dogs around. So I had dog food, like a little bowl of dog food in my bathroom. And of course we were in my bathroom and she goes, and she goes to start playing with the dog food. And so we’re naturally, I wanted to say, no, no, no, don’t play with the dog food. Don’t play with the dog food or don’t touch the dog. Food dogs might bite you if you’re touching their food. And plus it’s gross. Right. So I had to kind of like stop myself. And I saw her going towards the dog food. And I’m like, where does the dog food stay? Where’s the dog, but what does the dog food for? That’s right. Feeding the dog eat. Let’s get the doggy and come and show the dog, eat the food. Do you touch the food? Now the dog food is for the dogs to eat.

(5m 43s):
And so anyway, I gave her that little lesson and then of course, like I turned my back and I see her going again over to the dog food or actually playing in it. And I was like, oh, you forgot. Where does the dog food stay? That’s right in the dog food. Do you touch the dog? No foods yucky it’s for the doggies to eat. That’s right. Let’s tell the doggy, here’s your food point to it? Show the doggy where the food is. And so we did this a couple of times and she got it. That’s the beauty of it. 18 month old. And what happens though, when we didn’t know to do these things, we were just constantly like whack-a-mole putting out problems, putting it. Don’t do that, stop doing that. And then all of a sudden we have a 10 year old or a 12 year old or a 14 year old.

(6m 27s):
And they’re just sort of doing whatever and waiting for us to admonish them. And we haven’t practiced this skill, right? We haven’t practiced this skill. We haven’t practiced letting them know what our expectations are before things go sideways. So becoming a mastermind parent is, you know, in the simplest way, it’s figuring out what do I want? Not just what don’t I want, what do I want? Like if I have kids that are coming towards the teenage years and I want them not to take part in risky behaviors, I have kids that are now going to get cell phones and they’re going into middle school or whatever age you give your kids a cell phone and they’re going to want social media.

(7m 16s):
Well, what do I want to happen? What am I scared of? And how do I want them to engage in these activities? And then putting your energy on the front end and talking about these things, right? That’s becoming a family that can talk about all the things is, well, I’m going to give my kid this phone and how do I want them to engage with this phone? Right? Like what are the rules? And so we put our energy on the front end, but first and foremost, we have to figure out what do we want to happen? What is the behavior we’re hoping for? So then we have to take it a step further and communicate that with the people.

(7m 56s):
And I know that this is like brick to the head, like, okay, that makes sense. But then why aren’t we doing it? And we’re not doing it. You guys, because of the human negativity bias, because we just don’t think to, until we start to practice this skill of focusing on the behaviors we want and then communicating it. So tips on how not to parent. Okay. I want to remind you, if you haven’t listened to last week’s episode, it’s a really good one. And it talks about three different styles of parenting authoritarian parenting, which is what I refer to as old school parenting, which is because I said so, right? Why can’t I, because I said, so it’s done stop like your child.

(8m 42s):
When they question what the reasons are behind a rule. You’re not really interested in explaining the why behind it. The kids are really, I mean, they’re actually so smart. They can get behind something. But when it just seems like some arbitrary rule and they don’t really understand the why behind it, right? Like we want them not to engage on technology all the time or be on the screen all day, every day. Why, why? It’s really simple because not healthy, right? It’s like, it’s not healthy to eat only cookies and ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Like, we want them to be healthy.

(9m 22s):
We want them to be safe and healthy. It’s not healthy for their brains to be on screens all the time. So when we have a rule of only this much time, when they’re little on the iPad, or when you get a phone, this is the time the phone goes to sleep at night. And this is our rule of people come before technology. So when we’re with other people, we’re not going to have our faces in a screen. We’re not going to have phones at the dinner table. We’re not going to be on the phone for hours on end during the day because the phone can be a beautiful thing. I love my phone and it’s just like too much junk food, too much phone, not healthy.

(10m 3s):
So we’ve got to have some parameters around it, and there’s nothing wrong with you that you’re going to want to be on this thing all the time. They’re super fun. And they feel lots of moments of boredom and they can be addictive. I mean, for a reason, okay. They, they can be the source of a lot of pleasure or taking away a lot of bored moments in your life. And too much of it is not safe and healthy for you. And when you’re wanting to be on it all the time, there’s nothing wrong with you because you’re a teen, you’re a twin, you’re a teen you’re in the most impulsive stage of your whole life. And so of course, you’re going to want to be on it all the time.

(10m 44s):
It’s my job as your parent to make sure that we have some parameters around that so that we can keep it in check. And it doesn’t, you know, become an addiction for you. You don’t, you know, your schoolwork doesn’t suffer your relationships. Don’t suffer because all you want to be on is your phone. That’s not healthy. Right? When we explain the why behind a rule, that’s the difference between authoritarian and authority, Tatum parenting. Okay. So with authoritarian, parenting is just, but why can’t I do that? Because I said, so, are you the parent in this family? I didn’t think so. When you’re putting a roof over your head and paying the bills, then you can come up with your own rules.

(11m 24s):
But for right now, I’m the one doing that. So stop asking me questions and just follow the rules. That’s very authoritarian. Authoritative explains the why. Okay. So authoritarian focuses on obedience, you know, raising good little soldiers. And here’s the thing. When you have a strong-willed one authoritarian, they fight you every which way, right? Like they’re strong spirit wants to understand the why they want you to take the time to set them up for success and just explain your reasoning behind a rule.

(12m 9s):
That’s all. And so the strong-willed ones, they’re not going to just do it because you said, so they’re going to dig their heels in. And so then you get louder and scarier and there’s a lot of power struggles and it gets ugly. Okay. That’s what our strong-willed ones do are, as I like to say, our other children are easier. Temperaments. They make us look like really good parents. They’re like good little soldiers. You know, other people might say, gosh, I wish my kids would listen like yours. Do, how could they just do all the things, right? Or they’re thinking that, you know, we look really good, but I promise you, everyone who is raised with authoritarian parenting will have to, well, they’ll read the rebel when they become teenagers or they’ll wait til they’re grown people and then have to undo the damage of that.

(13m 9s):
No choice, no explanation. Because I said so parenting, and it might be that they don’t even know what’s going on with them, but they just are addicted to this or addicted to that because they were never encouraged to ask questions. They were never encouraged to express big feelings or dissent when something wasn’t okay with them or they didn’t understand something. And so they bottled it up and they bottled it up and they bottled it up. And then all of a sudden they find themselves needing to drink a bottle of wine every night or smoke that thing or overwork or overshop or over, over, over.

(13m 50s):
See. So when we are authoritarian parents, we leave our kids with that damage to undo later. And that being said, I think most of us were raised with authoritarian parenting or many of us were, and our parents had the best of intentions. It’s just that old school way was it’s your job as a parent to teach your kids right from wrong. If you’re not their friend, you’re their parent. You don’t have to explain things. So I think many authoritarian parents wasn’t as mainstream to learn a different way. It was kids are going to screw up and do the wrong thing.

(14m 32s):
And it’s your job to punish them and basically inflict pain and suffering on them in some way, either emotional or physical to teach them right from wrong. So most authoritarian parents, I think just want to be good parents. And they think that’s the way. But what we’re saying here is, is there’s a new way. This authoritative way still understands. Yes. You’ve got to set expectations. Yes. You’ve got to have rules in place and boundaries. And you got to have consequences. When humans make mistakes, the little humans are going to make lots of mistakes. That’s how we learn.

(15m 12s):
That’s how we learn. We are going to hold them accountable. Absolutely. We’re just not going to be jerks about it. We’re not going to shame them, blame them and do all the things. Send them the messages that there’s something wrong with them. They get to be imperfect, little humans who are going to make mistakes and then need to be held accountable and they can try again tomorrow. See? So it’s a different way, but we have to take the time to learn how to do those things. How to be that authoritative parent. Because if you weren’t raised that way, that’s not, what’s going to come online for you naturally.

(15m 57s):
I’m Randi Rubenstein. And this is the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where I share tips on how to solve any parenting problem. If you’re in an absolute parenting shit storm right now, I got ya. Do this. Now go to our website at Mastermind, Parenting dot com and click on the Live assessment button, where you can schedule a live call to discuss your issue. My team is going to point you in the right direction, match you up with the best resource because we’ve been where you are and know that you want the tools that work ASAP. Don’t worry. We got, you can also go to Mastermind, Parenting dot com for slash live dash assessment. That’s live dash assessment.

(16m 40s):
Get on our calendar right away. You will hook up with a live person to begin helping you immediately. I want y’all to remember that authority Tarion parenting. Actually it does kids in disservice in many ways. And the biggest disservice I think it does is that it doesn’t get kids involved in the problem solving. If kids are never explained the why behind a rule. And if there’s not this open dialogue, if they’re constantly sent the messages that they’re screwing up and they really disappointed you and all kids want to please their parents, especially, you know, before the teenage years.

(17m 30s):
So if you’re constantly disappointed in them and hurts me more than it hurts you to have to do this, but this is the only way you’re going to learn it. Doesn’t allow them to come to you and feel safe enough to come to you. And to say, I screwed up. I don’t know to do what do you think? What do you think I should do? And then you be the parent. That’s like, okay. Yep. You see it screw up. Right. You did screw up. And what do you think? What do you think is the best way to fix this? Let me hear your thoughts. I don’t know. What do you think?

(18m 10s):
Well, what do you think first? And then I’ll share some thoughts with you, but what do you think? And just let me say this. You’re a good kid and I’ve been where you are. I’ve screwed up too. I get it. And everything’s figureoutable so we’ll, we’ll figure this out. You know, I appreciate that. You’re you know that you’re a stand up girl. You’re a stand up guy and you’re facing the fact that you made a mistake. That can be a really hard thing to do. It takes a lot of courage. And so I hope you feel proud of yourself and, and we’ll figure this out.

(18m 50s):
I’ll help you see. So then we’re lending them, our thinking brain, they feel safe to come to us. They don’t have to be perfect. And then ultimately they learn the skills of problem solving. And some of us are, I think, showing up, wanting to be authoritative parents, wanting to know how to have those conversations, but we don’t. And we just know we don’t want to be the authoritarian parents. So quite often what I see the most is permissive parenting, which is I set the rules, but then I don’t actually enforce them. Right. So people come and they’re like, oh yeah, I, yeah, I should probably be more consistent.

(19m 33s):
That lack of consistency is permissive parenting. So you may just be like, they’re good kids. You know what? I’m going to let it slide. I’m going to let it slide. I’m going to let it slide. So you may just kind of talk a lot about things, but you never get to the actually enforcing consequences part, which is not punishment, but it’s consequences. So when your kid, you know, makes a mistake and it’s a mistake they’ve continuously made, like, let’s say not getting up when their alarm goes off in the morning or not every single day, you know, you’ve set them up for success of what they need to do to get out the door on time for school.

(20m 22s):
And every single day, they don’t have their stuff together. Or they’re busy playing. They’re busy doing something else. Well, guess what? It’s time for a consequence. It might be a natural consequence. Like if your kid’s not ready to, to leave the house, I mean, the natural consequence might just be that you don’t yell at them. They’re just late. And when they’re elementary age, you’re like, I’ll drive you to school. You’re going to have to go to the principal’s office and get your tardy note. And that’s what happens when we’re late, right? So the natural consequence might be going getting the tardy slip.

(21m 3s):
They have to do all that going in and suffering the consequences at school for being tardy. Maybe your kid who is a teenager who is not getting up day after day, when their alarm goes off, the consequence actually needs to be imposed by you. I mean, maybe they’re going to be late to school, but who knows if they even care about that. And so you might need to take it a step further and put a consequence in to hold them accountable, which is you’ve been having a hard time getting up in the morning. So therefore you’re turning your technology in 30 minutes earlier for the rest of the week, or until further notice until mornings run more smoothly again.

(21m 44s):
And you’re able to be responsible. I think you’re not getting enough sleep. I think you’re staying up too late. So that’s what we’re going to do. And when you put that in place, because what happens, your kids, they’re never going to be happy about it, but we don’t have to shame them. We don’t have to blame them. We just show up loving and firm. And I love you too much. Not to, to help you be successful. You’re a teenager. Of course, you want to be on chatting with your friends and doing whatever, playing games online until whatever time I get it. And that’s not the way we roll, we gotta try harder. We gotta, we gotta do better. So I’m going to help you. I’m going to help hold you accountable for that.

(22m 26s):
Love you too much not to, right? So we got to learn some of these new, this new terminology, this new way to communicate with our kids, which is like, I believe in you and you’re human and we’ll do better. We’ll do better. I think so often people want to be that authoritative parent, that mastermind parent in charge of your own mind, right? Not making your kids responsible for how you feel. Here’s a spoiler alert. They’re never pushing your buttons. Never. They’re not. You’re in charge of your emotions. Kids are never in charge of an adult emotion. So when you master your mind and you stay in your own lane and you deal with your own, whatever’s coming up for you, right?

(23m 11s):
That’s how kids actually, you set them up for success and you help hold them accountable. And then they do better. Okay? So if you fall into that permissive parenting where you just are super lenient, you’re not really good about the consistency. You’re not holding them accountable. You’re doing all the things for them. You have a case of being too good, a parent air quotes, because you just don’t know how to handle a situation or what to do. There’s nothing wrong with you. It just wasn’t done this way for you. So it’s going to take a minute to learn some new tools and practice this new way of communicating and you’ll get there.

(23m 55s):
So what do you actually do to be a good parent to set your kids up for success? Look, you have to be willing to look in the mirror like your kids are holding up a mirror. So my biggest piece of advice for you guys is to master your own mind, which takes a lot of bravery to look in that mirror, to see what is coming up for you when they didn’t listen, when they didn’t do the thing and you take it as disrespect and you make it into all these, you know, you feel ignored. You feel dismissed and saying, okay, my kid’s a kid and they’re living in the present moment and they’re not responsible for how I’m feeling right now.

(24m 38s):
Where did I receive the messages where I felt ignored, dismissed? I didn’t have a voice. I was shut down. Right? Cause it’s really about that. And it’s not fair for me to now take that. All those old wounds out on my kid, it’s really not fair. So I got to face myself. So your kids are holding a mirror and having the courage to look in it and see your truth is really what your kids are here to help you see. It’s hard. It’s hard work. I say like parenting, I think is the ultimate self-help program because every single thing that drives us nuts that they’re doing is just a puzzle piece of somewhere.

(25m 25s):
When we have the courage to get curious about it, some unhealed hurt from our own lives and that’s what they’re here to teach us. So here’s a scenario of a parent of a strong-willed kid that we grabbed off social media, my seven year old throwing a complete screaming fit right now because she wants me to sleep with her. We have a big early day tomorrow. I need to get up early and she always hears me and won’t go back to sleep. If I sleep with her and I just don’t want to, I feel bad. And so guilty. She does have a cold and she’s not feeling a hundred percent. I tried to compromise and tell her that I’ll stay with her until she falls asleep. And if she wakes and needs me in the night, I’ll come and stay.

(26m 7s):
But she just keeps screaming until she gets her way. We believe our daughter has attachment issues too. So I have so much guilt. And sometimes I feel like she just needs me. And I just don’t know if I should give in or stick to my boundary. What do you do with sleep issues like this? See, so this is just a case of a whole lot of permissive parenting permissive. And guess what? The child, because it’s like, is this going to be a day mom’s going to sleep with me? Or is this going to be a day? She’s not, I don’t know. So it causes the kid to feel uncertain and a little dysregulated, because of course this child is used to being soothed by mom, which sounds sweet and beautiful.

(26m 55s):
And unfortunately at seven years old, this child is like, but I don’t feel well. I need you. I need you to soothe me back to sleep. I need you to be here all night. And this poor mom is like, I just don’t want to, like, I want to have that boundary. I want to get a good night’s sleep. I have to get up early, have a big day tomorrow. I have a big presentation, whatever it is. And this mom can’t even get a break. I mean like really? I like to say from 8:00 PM to 7:00 AM, that’s adult time. That’s when we recharge and replenish. So if you can’t even get a good night’s sleep because you don’t know how to set that boundary and then follow through and ultimately help the child develop their own self-soothing strategies, which it seven developmentally it’s time.

(27m 46s):
It’s time because you know, what’s going to happen in the next couple of years. Like what if all of a sudden, all of this child’s friends are going to sleep away camp, and this child’s never learned how to fully sleep through the night because mom was always close by to be that human pacifier. Right? So by constantly giving in and giving in and being so permissive because we waffled here and there, this child now doesn’t have the skills. And now they’re like, well, I want to go, but I’m scared. And I can’t. And that undermines their confidence. So this is a child that’s going to suffer for having low self-confidence because they don’t even think they can go off and do certain things.

(28m 26s):
Because what if, what if, what if I wake up in the middle of the night? What if I’m scared? What if I need you? How I get back to sleep? This child now is going to have lagging skills, not, they don’t have the skill to Sue themselves back to sleep. So we ultimately handicap our kids when we’re not consistent. So how would a mastermind parent handle this situation? We sleep, train our kids, even a seven-year-old and we’d understand it’s going to take some time. And if you’ve been super inconsistent, the time to do it is not. When you’ve got a sick kid in the heat of the moment, it’s not to do it.

(29m 9s):
Now you got to do it on the front end. So what I would tell this mom is, is until your kid really understands why you’re helping them to be able to sleep the whole night through sick or not in their own bed. I mean, you know, it’d be different if we have a child that’s like definitely definitely ill, but with a little bit of a cold, not feeling a hundred percent, there’s always a sniffle or this, or I had a long day or somebody hurt my feelings. There’s always going to be a reason. They’re not a hundred percent, but it’s never going to work out when we try to just, you know, start something brand new when we’re in that specific moment.

(29m 50s):
So what I would say to this mom is no tonight sleep with her, you know, sleep with your child tonight and start setting the tone for this conversation, this productive conversation you’re going to be having about everyone, learning how to sleep in their own bed the whole night through that’s how your family is going to run smoothly. So yeah, I’m going to sleep with you tonight. And I just want you to know we’re gonna be having conversations starting tomorrow. We’re we’re gonna come up with a plan. That’s going to help you and everyone in our family get a full night’s sleep in their own beds. And so I just wanted to give you a little forewarning that that’s coming and tonight, yes.

(30m 32s):
I’m going to sleep with you. Okay? Which sounds, oh, well it sounds like more inconsistency, but now we have to show up respectfully. If we’ve trained our child for seven years, that we’re going to sleep with them a lot of the time and we’ve become their human pacifier. We can’t just spring it on them tonight for the first time. This is the new deal you’re in your bed all night period. End of story. It’s just going to be a whole lot of drama. No, no, no, no. We have to slow it down and take some baby steps and establish what the new routine is going to be. And then it’s going to be a series of steps and we’re going to set them up for success. And we have to have a productive conversation at a non-relevant time, not at the moment for the first time when we’re going to bed.

(31m 17s):
So that’s what I’ve got today. I hope you got some good tips on not only how not to parent, but also how to become a mastermind parent. Okay. Have a great week. Thanks for listening today, guys. I hope you picked up some tips tools, maybe some baby steps for creating more balance and boundaries in your life. And I just wanted to let you know, if you want to continue moving the needle forward in creating this for yourself, having a happier household. I want you to go to my website and check out Mastermind, Parenting dot com. We have three beginning programs, and if you need some accountability and more support, then please look for the one that would be a good fit for you.

(32m 8s):
And as always, we’re on all the social channels under Mastermind Parenting on Instagram, it’s mastermind, underscore parenting, and you know, periodically I do pop up on different Instagram lives, Facebook lives, where I give you teaching and coaching. And I love engaging with you live to help you help your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better because when they feel better, they do better. And I love, love, love, getting to know you guys. So thanks for listening. If you liked this podcast, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review super, super appreciative.

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Creating A Happier Household

by Randi Rubenstein