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189: This Mom stopped yelling by 90%

By June 14, 2022November 7th, 2023Mastermind Parenting Podcast
189: This Mom stopped yelling by 90%

Today I am gonna give you a little preview of what we do inside of our Mastermind with what I call a live report card session. Now I explain why it’s really important to do these report card type assessments. And what I wanna tell you is anytime you’re trying to change a behavior, whether it’s in your parenting or exercise and food, there’s a real reason why most of us fall off of the wagon, because behavior changes hard. One thing I’ve studied over the years, along with parenting, is how do people actually change their behaviors?

How do we sustain new patterns and not fall back into the old destructive ones that aren’t serving us? And so if you listen to this podcast episode, I want you to sort of identify what we’re doing here, because you can apply this skillset to all the areas in your life that you’re trying to change some patterns.

As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.

She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.

At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.

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My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast At Mastermind Parenting, we’re on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them. You’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode 180 9. Well, hi guys, welcome to this week. Hopefully you guys enjoyed last week and listening to our setting limits series this week, I have a special treat. So we don’t always do a great job of explaining exactly what we do in our programs like in our private communities.

And all of us in the community are always talking about the mastermind magic and all of my members are always saying I had no clue it was going to be this. And so me and my coworkers were always like, we do a shitty job of explaining exactly how we help people. I think it’s just, I love teaching and coaching and I am not a slick business person or sales person that is not my zone of genius, like by a long shot. That is not what I want to spend my time doing. So we are enrolling right now for a brand new basics bootcamp group, which is sort of our, our program that we start every new person in.

(1m 36s):
And we’re enrolling a very small group. We have a small membership community. I like to call it a boutique coaching program. So it’s kind of like, there’s lots of different. There’s not lots, but there’s other programs out there where you can buy like a digital product and you can learn some great things. But the way I do things is I always had this dream, like, like it’s, it’s actually embarrassing, but like when my family used to go out to dinner, when I was a kid, when we were driving home and it was dark outside, I was always looking at all the houses. And I was just thinking, I wonder what’s going on in those houses.

(2m 16s):
Like, I always wanted to know what was going on behind the curtains. And so I basically have created work where I get to know what’s going on behind the curtains. And we’re all talking about what’s going on behind the curtains. And we do it in a way where we have fun doing it. I like, I just sort of feel like if it’s not fun, I don’t want to be doing it. I think learning new things should be fun. I think honest conversations are fun. I think I have a skewed version of what I think is fun. So I just, I like having real conversations. It annoys me to have small talk, bullshit. It annoys me cocktail parties are not my thing.

(2m 59s):
I just like to dig in and like, know who you really are. So, so we have this special private community and we are enrolling a new small group. And this is how it works. When we enrolled in small groups like, like you are going to know me, I am going to know you. I’m going to know your kids’ names. I’m in be coaching you as much as you will allow me. And so since we’ve done such a bad job, kind of letting those of you who are our podcast listeners and people who really don’t know that much about Mastermind, Parenting, you know, really allowing you to get you guys to know how we actually help you to change the dynamic of your family, to create a peaceful household, to create that family that maybe you’ve always wanted.

(3m 59s):
And so I’m doing it in a fun way. I am going to give you a little preview of what we do inside of our Mastermind. So on the podcast today is what I call a live report card session. And I explain in it what that means. And I really take This Mom who just finished basics bootcamp not long ago. And now she’s moved on to some of our more advanced programs, but I really took her through identifying where she was before she learned about Mastermind, Parenting, where she currently is and where she’s still going. Now I explain why it’s really important to do these report card type assessments.

(4m 45s):
And, And what I want to tell you is anytime you’re trying to, to change a behavior, whether it’s in your parenting or I don’t know, like exercising and food, you know, if you want to lose weight and then you lose weight or you start an exercise habit, and then all of a sudden you’re like, what happened? How did I gain back that weight? Or, or why am I not exercising anymore? I was enjoying it so much. There’s a real reason why most of us fall off of the wagon because behavior changes hard. So I, in my, the another fun thing, not normally defined as fun. Another fun thing that I’ve studied over the years is how do people actually change their behaviors?

(5m 29s):
How do we sustain new patterns and not fall back into the old destructive ones that aren’t serving us? And so I’ve studied a lot about this. And so if you listen to this podcast episode, I want you to sort of identify what we’re doing here, because you can apply this skillset to all the areas in your life that you’re trying to change some patterns. So I hope that you guys enjoy the episode. I think you will. It’s a real kind of inside look of what we do inside the mastermind. And I think you might learn a few things so enjoy.

(6m 16s):
Hi. Hi. So what I have learned is that a big part of behavior change is giving yourself a report card and checking in periodically, just to really assess where were you? Where are you? Where are you going? And when we don’t do that, what ends up happening? And there’s all kinds of research about this. It’s why people it’s like, I can’t remember the guy who was in that awesome. That was such an incredible actor. He was in almost famous. He was like the record. He was the guy that worked for rolling stone on what’s the name of that?

(6m 58s):
Actory. So last name is Seymour. Anyway, he was clean for like 20 years and he had been an addict, you know, but he had been clean and sober for 20 years. And then all of a sudden he like went on a drug bender and freaking ODed and died, Seymour Hoffman, Phillips. I always think of him and I always forget his name and you’re like 20 years sober. And then he just like, like just went on a bender. And the thing is, is like, it’s like, you know, it’s why in all those groups, they’re like one, you know, one day at a time, like don’t ever take your progress for granted.

(7m 39s):
So people are like addiction parenting. What does that have to do? But the truth is, is that all of those types of programs like getting clean and sober is all about behavior, change, creating new patterns. And that’s what we’re doing here. You know, we’re creating new patterns. And when we become parents, what we don’t realize is that we bring all that conditioning that not, it, it isn’t even just from the way we were raised. It’s from the way our parents were raised, where our grandparents raised, these are all invisible patterns. So when all of a sudden we’re learning that you don’t shame and blame and yell at yell at children and, and, and, and hit them to get them to do the thing.

(8m 29s):
It sounds like, okay, well, but why do I keep doing that thing? Like I know the thing to do, and why do I still find myself there doing the thing? And it’s because we’re literally reconditioning ourselves. And so when we are in those triggered moments, all that conditioning from all of those decades and decades and decades, even beyond our lives, that’s what comes online. And so I want to start doing these, you know, these live report card assessments are really just me saying, let’s hear, come have a little FaceTime with me. Of course, we’re always gonna have some fun in the process.

(9m 10s):
It’s not like, you know, report cards that we knew growing up. And we just want to assess where were we before we started this mastermind journey? Where are you now? And where are you going? Okay. So do you remember what really was the impetus to you saying we got to change something. I got to learn some new tools. We’ve gotta do something. What was the issue? I felt like we were like, I was strong in, like, I did not want to spank her anymore. We did spank, you know, and it was just one of those things. I’m like, I’m tired of fighting. It just got to that point where I was like, I’m tired of fighting with her.

(9m 51s):
I hate how this house feels. I feel like there’s tension. You know, I don’t feel like we’re communicating very well. I feel like I don’t understand her and I’m not getting through. And, you know, there’s just, there was just this block and it wasn’t a specific incident or anything, but it was, it was building, it goes, just kept building. And I was like, I’m not understanding, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to be my parents. And so that’s kind of where I was like, she’s not the problem. It’s me. I know that I’m the problem. You know, you knew That you knew that before you even get wow. Because I was looking for, I was looking for exactly this, you know, something that would tell me, I was like, I can’t sit here and be like, she has ADHD.

(10m 35s):
So, you know, she’s three years old or four years old at the time. And I were just going to write it off to that and just continue what we’re doing. Well, how are we going to solve our problems? You know, how are we going to change our mentality? And I was looking for the parent side of things and it was very difficult to find until like one day I was just Googling parents, you know, blah, blah, blah. And you popped up. And so it was like, great. You know, this is wonderful. So I just knew that like I needed parenting classes, but I didn’t know how to go about finding them. Did you, were you listening to the podcast? No. No, you weren’t even at first. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Cause I feel like you usually, there’s a, there’s something like I’ve had a mom who, who joined and she was like, I was like, what was the final straw?

(11m 23s):
And once she trusted me, she admitted, she was like, I was trying to get out the door for work and he was just acting out and he pulled my hair and I freaking pulled his hair back. And that was the, that was the straw for her. Like after what she felt, she felt terrible all day. Cause she was like, okay, just pull my kid’s hair. Like he’s three, you know? And so that was the impetus for her. I feel like there was maybe like some school issues or there was some that like, there usually is something that feels like, okay, can’t put this off any longer. This is immediate. I got to deal with it. Right. We were having school issues. I thank you for reminding me. I completely have forgotten about that.

(12m 4s):
But yes, there was issues with her behavior in the classroom where it was like, she was just disruptive and she’s gotten so much better with it, but she, you know, was walking around doing her own thing and yeah. School issues, how we were handling the school issues, you know, we were punishing because she was acting out at school. Okay. Well, you didn’t do well at school today, so you don’t get to play on the playground, you know? And it was just, it was things like that. And I’m like, I feel like we’re in the dark grasping straws at this point and throwing spaghetti at the wall, you know, seeing what works and what doesn’t. So she was getting in trouble at school, then she’d come home and you guys felt like, I think most parents do, which is I need to have the schools back.

(12m 49s):
I gotta like, I’ve got to let her know this. Behavior’s not okay at school. So then you were punishing her more. And I mean, was it like, were there a lot of tears was every night stress? Like what, how did that go down? It was pretty, it was pretty stressful. And plus we weren’t doing the bedtime thing. Like the bedtime changing the bedtime was like life-changing for all of us. I mean, telling her lights out by eight o’clock was really just changing for us period. I mean, that was one thing that I feel like that just turned around all of the behavior for the most part. Like there there’s still issues, you know, but we’re not, but we were yeah. Punishing her as soon as she got home and she was cranky, she was tired.

(13m 31s):
She wasn’t going to sleep till like nine o’clock or so. And that’s just kind of how things were going down. And so overall, like that night, when you were going to sleep after having working all day and then feeling like you needed to punish her for bad behavior at school and then, you know, bedtime not being easy. And finally she’s down by nine o’clock. How did it feel for you then the rest of the time during your evening, before you finally fell asleep? As soon as she goes to bed, I’m in bed. Like it’s like, I don’t take any extra time or anything like that. Cause it’s like, I’m tired. Like I I’m tired of fighting.

(14m 12s):
I know I’m going to have to get up the next morning and deal with getting her ready and trying to get her out the door. And she is just a number one piddler she just likes to doddle like nobody’s business. So it was just kind of like, I’m tired. I I’m stressed, I’m tired. I am tired of yelling. And then it was also like she was getting up in the middle of the night, you know, mom, this mom that, and then, you know, it was just, it was just a lot, you know, all at once. So like, you didn’t even have, I mean, self care. It’s like, when people talk about self care, it’s like, there’s no self care that’s going on because you’re just sort of in, you’re just sort of surviving. Right. Okay. So fast forward to once you completed basics boot camp, I know you’ve now moved on.

(14m 57s):
You stayed in the membership and you’ve now moved on to some of the other programs, but tell me, cause I was always so amazed at some people make faster progress than other people. You, you would get coached on things and then sometimes you would fight it a little bit. You know, you were a little bit in, you know, because it was like, because there was no, now I know there was no self care going on. So it was like, is this ever going to get easier? Like, can I catch a break? And so I did have to coach you on some mindset things and, but you were very receptive to it. And you quickly got out of that victim mode.

(15m 37s):
Like you snapped out of it and you would just implement change. Like you were just super coachable and you would implement it. So tell me, compared to what you just described, where were you at by the end of basics bootcamp? I feel like we had a really good handle on bedtime, bedtime. Like I said was just like, it was life-changing for us for that. And then I feel like I’m still struggling sometimes with the connecting before correcting and you know, seeing things from her point of view. An example of that was actually tonight, we went out to eat to Willy’s and she wanted to play in the sandbox and I threw out my back and I can’t sit in those chairs for very long.

(16m 20s):
So it was like, we have to go. I’m really sorry, but we can’t, we can’t tonight. And she threw a fit and I was like, all right, well, bye. And I started walking away and of course that’s probably not the right thing to do. I should have gone back and said, look, I understand. You’re very disappointed. And let’s talk about it before we left. And it turned into a little bit of a fight, but I felt like I redeemed myself because after she had calmed down, after we got the bath and everything, we sat down and we talked about it a little longer and then she was just totally fine. Like she was like, you know, it seemed like everything was good, but I, I do beat myself up whenever it’s like, dang it. I should have done this. Okay. Okay. So let me just stop you for a minute. Okay. So your back is out.

(17m 1s):
Like, again, it’s like as women, so often we’re like just skimming past this, like, oh, you know, so I was like, let’s go. And she’s like, no, and I didn’t have the chance to say empathize and whatever your back is killing you. I’m sure you can’t wait to get home. You’re walking around in pain. I mean, we’re human, you know, we’re not always going to, that’s the thing that, that I love to kind of reinforce for you guys is it doesn’t have to be perfect. We have this beautiful recovery method, which you use, which is the productive conversation.

(17m 42s):
So when we have human moments, like my back is killing me. I don’t have patients like, let’s go, my kid goes into a meltdown. We need to just get in the car, get home. You still got in the car, got home, got her in the bathtub and took a chance to recover and go back and then have a productive conversation, which, you know, you had a productive conversation because she was receptive to it. So, so, so this is, this is what I think. I mean, what I’ll say is in terms of what you need to continue working on, what I really would like you to focus on is you’re starting to see her perspective.

(18m 27s):
You are, you have been so coachable. You’ve made such amazing progress. You’ve shown up impact leadership. You’ve been assertive. You’ve implemented, you know, you got the information she used to be down by eight. O’clock like you put all these changes in action. And I know that it’s mostly you, right? Like, like you’re doing a lot of the parenting, especially the heavy lifting, having to enforce those boundaries. Right. As most of my moms do, I wish it wasn’t the case, but that is the norm still. And, and you’re not sitting around complaining about it. You’re just getting the job done.

(19m 9s):
You recovered from it. You came back, you did see her perspective and you did end up getting her down. Right. So things go sideways and then you use this beautiful recovery tool. I want you to continue working on the self-compassion piece. I’m so bad at It. I know like whatever you said, report card. And like immediately in my head, I’m like, I’m a solid C. Like I’ve got a C I’m, you know, I’m, I’m kind of half passing it. I feel like in some ways, you know, but when I do mess up, I hear your voice in my head. And I’m like, okay, well this is what I should be doing.

(19m 50s):
And this is what I feel like is the right thing to do with her. So, you know, there’s just points in my life right now where I just feel like I’m just, just trying to get by. And I feel like I’m half passing, literally everything in my life right now. But, but I am so hard on myself and I know it’s progress, not perfection. And I really need to, like, as my atomic habit need to write that down, like five times a day. Well, the self-compassion piece, I was just coaching another mom through that. And I was teaching her that method, that rain method that I’ve learned from, I love her Tara Brock, anybody watching this, anytime you’re having trouble sleeping, go on YouTube and just search Tara Brock B R a C H.

(20m 36s):
And she has amazing talks and amazing kind of these they’re like meditation talks. But if I can’t sleep in the middle of the night, she always puts me back to sleep. But I also like am engaged by her. So she, this process for self-compassion really called rain and, and it’s recognize, allow, investigate, nurture. Okay. So like when you were triggered, okay. In that moment of, I can’t sit in these chairs any longer, we need to go. She still wants to play and your nerves are shot and you’re like, let’s go.

(21m 15s):
Okay. So recognizing and allowing the fact that right now I need to go and my back is killing me. And it’s been a long day and there’s a lot on my plate. And of course my nerves are shot right now. And I did just sit here for however long, even though my back was killing me to give her a chance to play, you know, and to let her be a kid and to do something fun. And now I just want to go. And so when you investigate, when you want to look into why you got so triggered, I would look at, did I want to sit there?

(22m 1s):
Did I, was it, my back was hurt. Was your back hurting from the minute you sat down Uncomfortable? Like, I mean, I threw it out last Wednesday and I’m trying physical therapy like I did for session today. So I’m not comfortable at all right now. So it was like, okay, we sat down, we ate, she wanted to play. I was like, we’ve got to go. And it’s, you know, six o’clock at night, we got to get home. Let’s, you know, start the bedtime routine. I was going to put her down at 7 45 because of the call. But since she threw a fit, I was like seven 30. We’re done, like we’re leaving. So yeah. So I would investigate. And this is something that you can write in your daily, my manager, you know, what was it?

(22m 45s):
Was it that I wasn’t honoring my own boundaries. Maybe your own boundaries. Where did I want to go out to dinner? Could I have sent her out to dinner with her daddy and, and had them bring me something home? Did I not feel like I could say, Hey, I’m, I’m in pain here. I need you to handle. So w did I not, you know, was I kind of martyring myself in that moment? Could I have canceled with ranting? It’s a, it’s a hectic night. My back is killing me. It’s been a long day. Was it that I didn’t want to disappoint Randy? You know, when the truth of the matter is, you know, like back his out hectic night, got to reschedule, you know me, I’d be like, okay, I’m so I’m so happy listening to your body.

(23m 32s):
Right? I feel like I’d be pausing for a clause. You’re listening to your body. So like investigating, why am I not listening to my body? Where am I not feeling like I can ask other people for support. This is a big one for me. Like literally on my vision board for 20, 22 is like you can, what does it say? It says you can be blessed, AAF and still deserve support, because it’s hard for me a lot of times too. That’s why I’m sensing that maybe this, this is part of it. Yeah. So hard. Well, my husband’s not here. So there’s, he, he was in Dallas when I threw it out and then he’s left again. He’s in Atlanta and then Detroit and it’s, it’s just crazy, hectic.

(24m 14s):
And it is just me and her. Like, I don’t have a lot of support on this side of town. And I was really like proud of myself last week when I asked my neighbor to watch her for an hour. I’ve never asked anybody to watch her at all. Like, if that’s not a family member, I’m just, I dunno, just weirded out. But she’s a really good friend of mine. So she came in and watched her for an hour while I got a massage. Cause I was hoping that would just kind of make all of us go away. And yeah. So I mean it’s Yeah. So when you investigate, so it might be why didn’t I feel like I needed to take her out for dinner. Why did I, why was I trying when my body was clearly in pain? Like where did I feel like I had to ignore what was going on with my body?

(24m 59s):
You know, if, if my daughter, I mean, so often, like we’ll do things for our kids, but we won’t do it for ourselves. Like if you have a kid that isn’t feeling particularly great, you’re not shipping them out to a meal, but yet we feel we need to ignore our bodies and our self-care because it’s been a long day and she was whatever. And she, I had promised her, we were going to go here and I don’t want to disappoint her, whatever it is. So I want you to do a little bit more of that investigate piece. And then the end part of rain is nurture. And this is the self-compassion piece that when I was talking to This Mom earlier and I was walking her through what it looks like, and it’s like, understanding why you do martyr yourself, why you do ignore your body, how you were, you received messages when you were a kid, really you’re so upset.

(25m 53s):
You’re going to cry. I’ll give you something to cry about. All those little messages, basically say, ignore your body, your feelings, aren’t valid and do what other people want you to do. And so understanding, you know, oh, of course I ignored my body. My back, I’m going to physical therapy. And this has been going on for me for a long time. It would make sense that it’s going to take me a minute to remember, oh, I actually don’t feel well. We’re going to make a sandwich for dinner, where I’m going to, we’re going to make a grilled cheese sandwich. We’re going to order a pizza for you. We’re going to, we’re going to take it easy. We’re going to eat pizza in bed and all rules are out the window.

(26m 37s):
And I’m going to soak in an Epsom salt tub. And you can come and hop in with me, but mama needs your help tonight because I’m, my back is really hurting, you know, but really that self compassion piece of understanding what’s coming up for you and why it’s take, it’s gonna take a few minutes for you to start listening to your body and honoring your own self care. That’s really hard for me. It is. It’s hard. It’s hard. And you deserve it. I know. Yeah.

(27m 19s):
Are you ready to master practical strategies? That’ll support you in helping your strong-willed child and their siblings to feel better so that they can ultimately do better all at your own pace. Learn how to be a mastermind parent by joining our new self study and very affordable mini master’s program, you’ll get access to our basics. Bootcamp content with hundreds of trainings and resources to help you through any scenario, as well as access to our private podcast, where you’ll hear lots of live coaching by yours, truly, and where the juiciest juiciest conversations happen. Expect some colorful language on that private podcast.

(27m 59s):
Can’t wait to see you in Mastermind, Parenting mini master’s program. It’s Mastermind, Parenting dot com forward slash mini masters. All one word to join. I don’t know why, like the martyrdom comes in there. It’s just, I’m just, Yeah. I coached you on the people pleasing and you didn’t see it as people. Yes. Yeah. And I mean it’s, and I, I catch myself doing it all the time and it’s like, I’ve got to stop doing this. Like I was so proud of myself one day when a client was like, Hey, I want you to look up COVID restrictions in Italy, but I’m not traveling until September.

(28m 42s):
And I’m like, listen, I’m slammed. I’m there’s no way I’m going to stop everything to do this for you. You can look it up. It’s going to change. I can guarantee you. And so she was like, oh, I guess you’re too busy. I’m like, yeah. I am like, there’s nothing I can do for you right. At this moment. You’re not traveling. I’ve got clients that are stuck in Greece right now. So yeah. Like figure it out yourself for now. So, so it was actually kind of proud of myself. I actually said no, because old me would’ve been like, oh, I’ve got to drop everything and go look at this for her right away. Otherwise she won’t get off my back. And I’ll, you know, so she did. And I was like, I guess it’s that fighting of? Like, I don’t want people to be disappointed in my services or upset with me or not like me.

(29m 28s):
And I hate that sometimes about myself. Cause I obsess over it. And it’s just, it’s this anxiety that I get. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you haven’t moved on to the, my mastery fast program yet Still caught up. Yeah, You’ll get, you’re going to get there. You’re going to get there. But this is, this is what I would say is the mental piece and the awareness program boundaries and the my mastery program is going to help you to truly start doing more of this process and understanding why the boundaries are so hard. Why the people pleasing comes online. We’re going to find more of your puzzle pieces.

(30m 10s):
It’s a process. And you’ll get there. You’ll get there. I have no doubt. I have no doubt. You have already made such amazing progress. So, so that’s my recommendation in terms of what I’d like you to continue working on. If you had to say the one thing you feel proudest of the accomplishment that you have made in the mastermind from before you were, before, you know, where you were before to where you are now, I want to hear what it is. I’ve cut down my yelling by like 90%. Like I take a deep breath and I just try to walk away and take time for myself.

(30m 54s):
Like I shut my bedroom door and I’m like, okay. You know, just let her do her thing. And whenever she’s done, we’ll talk about it. So I, I feel like I’ve really cut my yelling down the, the punishment thing. Like I’ve, you know, I feel like I’ve knocked that off quite a bit where I’m like, okay, thinking about natural consequences, you know, you seem very tired. You know, this is why you’re acting out like this. I think we should go to bed at seven 15, whatever it is. So we’re trying to find new ways to do things. And I feel like it is working tonight. She asked me, she tells me whenever I am like frustrated or, you know, she’s like, I’m being mean, are you going to be nice to me now?

(31m 39s):
And I’m like, I’m not being mean, you know, I, we needed to leave and that’s what happened. I said, I’m not being mean. I said, I’m perfectly calm and you know, cool with you right now. Like, let’s just get in the bath and then we’ll talk about it. So, and she was very receptive to that. But her new thing now is like, all right, well, you’re going to bed at seven 15. She’s like, okay, that’s fine. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean, she, and I don’t even know, like, it was actually just kind of a random question. She’s reading books in bed and I don’t know if we should cut that out to where she’s not reading anymore. And she just goes straight to sleep, but she reads books in bed and until she gets sleepy, I, that was always my role with my kids was read until your eyes are tired and I’ll tell you something.

(32m 25s):
All my kids were readers. Yeah. So Big reader. I mean, and when they get older, so many people have said to me over the years, like, how’d you get your kids to read? I’m like, I don’t know. As part of their bedtime routine, they just read to their eyes were tired. So I actually that’s excellent. And if she’s, you know, and, and her saying, okay, it might be like, she’s, she’s relaxing. She’s unwinding. She’s getting in bed. She’s reading books. Like bedtime is not supposed to be a punishment. It’s supposed to be a place where we get to rest and recharge and rejuvenate ourselves. Right. So if you’re instilling that, I would consider that a, that a win as well. Perfect.

(33m 4s):
Okay, great. Yeah. Cause I mean, we even got her, her own little lamp that turns off after an hour, you know? And so she’s perfectly happy up there. I’m sure she’s probably still awake reading right now. So, but yeah. I feel like those are definitely positive changes and it’s a huge difference from where we were a year ago. I mean, it’s, it’s amazing, like just bedtime alone. And I’ve actually been telling my mother about my, my niece, you know, I’m like make her go to bed at eight o’clock, you know, she’s not, she doesn’t have consistency, so how is she supposed to know? And so I feel like I’m just regurgitating to other people, like all these lives that I’m learning. And, and I feel like it’s, it has been life-changing for us.

(33m 47s):
And I’m the one, of course it is taking the reins on it. But you know, when I see Eric kind of doing some things where I’m like, Hmm, I’m not okay with that. You know, I don’t like how you said that, or that’s not really cool. You know, I’m like, just walk away, just walk away, you know, and just, you know, That’s awesome. So he’s following your lead. You know what I mean? I hear moms all the time say like, well, you know, well, my husband will never do it, or my partner will never do it. And I’m like in a, in a perfect world, both mom and dad come and show up and engage in material. And that is not the case. A lot of the time you’ve got this, You Model, it just stay in your own lane, do the thing because before you know it, you’re going to turn your household around and this is contagious.

(34m 33s):
It feels good for everyone. Right. So I’m glad to hear that he’s receptive. He is, he’s very open to everything that we’ve learned. He’s listened to a lot of it. And I mean, he’s not really done completed the entire program, but we’ve talked a lot about it. We’ve sat down, we’ve looked at things together. And I continued on with like, I want to do awareness. I want to do boundaries. I want to do my mastery because I know it’s going to help me. And I mean, the atomic habits thing, like it has just been amazing as well too. And just learning these new tools and finding different things and trying to take them on, not all at the same time, but just like piece by piece. So yeah. Yeah.

(35m 13s):
And it’s things that I desperately want to do and just, you know, make, I know I’ll make my life easier and happier. So yeah. I thank you, honestly. No, you’re welcome. And I mean, it’s such a pleasure and a privilege when I have a mom, like you, who’s really taking it seriously and engaging and changing your life and changing your child’s life. And that, like, it doesn’t have to go perfectly. You’re allowed to be a human you’re allowed to have days where you’re exhausted and a bad back and have like a short feet. Like I’m not going to empathize right now. We need to get in the car and go, it’s fine. It’s fine. Because you have the recovery tool and you used it.

(35m 55s):
And so I want you pausing for applause for yourself. More often. I want you to every single night, when you go to bed, I want you to think about what is one thing that I did today as a mom that is different than the way I would have handled it before. And I know was a good thing and I’m moving in the right direction. I want you to find one little moment of celebration every single day before you close your eyes at night. Okay. I will definitely look for that. Yep. And if you want to take it a step further, Tom, that’s aligned with our atomic habits program.

(36m 40s):
If you share it with the group, whether it’s on one of your boxer threads or in the Facebook group, you could tag me, you can tag Lindsay. If you share it, you know, as you know, in the mastermind, there is no humble bragging, typical social media, it’s generous. And it just builds momentum for other people. You know, it’s contagious. People are like, oh, I never thought to do that. Oh, I actually did that to go me. And so anytime you share a celebration and you’re pausing for applause for yourself, other people will appreciate it. I definitely, yeah, definitely.

(37m 22s):
Definitely. And I, everybody that’s ever been like I’ve interacted with within the groups have just been amazing and I love hearing their stories because then it helps me think about my situation and how, you know, we would handle things and, you know, just, yeah. I mean, some of the things, especially in our basic bootcamps that we had, it was such a great thread. And just listening to everybody was just fantastic. And just Getting Back and listening. Yeah. I know we have a community I’ve never been in. I mean, I basically curated a community that I never could find anywhere because there’s no competition. There’s no cattiness.

(38m 2s):
There’s no nastiness. There’s no, there’s no bullshit. Yeah. I’m, you know, I’m a mama bear when it comes to Mastermind and I curated a beautiful sisterhood and I’m just glad you’re here. I’m glad to be a part of it. Honestly. It’s, it’s like I said, life changing. We’ve, we’ve really done a lot of positive changes here. And I think I, my proudest thing, I think I would say is that I don’t yell as much as I used to. And Yeah. I mean, I grew up in a house of yellers and every time I Go over to my mother’s house, I like anxiety because I know they’re just going to yell at each other constantly. And, and when I’m there, I shut it down.

(38m 43s):
Like, I’m like, I don’t want to hear it. You know, it’s, it’s just not productive at all. So yeah. I grew up in a house of yellers and Raiders and guilt trippers. So it was, you know, it’s definitely things that I saw that I did not want to do to my kid. Well, you know what, I think it’s kinda sad that yelling is such a social norm when the truth is, is that it’s verbal violence. And I mean, I don’t know very many adults who are walking around the world, just openly yelling at other people. Like if you’re somewhere in public and somebody starts yelling at like, you know, a service person or whatever, you’re like what a lunatic.

(39m 26s):
Yeah. Like get your shit together. But then behind the curtains of most households that’s going on and I’m like, really? We’ve got it. Like it’s verbal violence. It doesn’t feel good for any of us. That’s not what we, that’s not the way we want to live. So right. Go you. That’s awesome. Love it. Okay. Good night. Rest your back. Thank you. Bye. Thanks for listening today, guys. I hope you picked up some tips tools, maybe some baby steps for creating more balance and boundaries in your life. And I just wanted to let you know, if you want to continue moving the needle forward in creating this for yourself, having a happier household.

(40m 12s):
I want you to go to my website and check out Mastermind, Parenting dot com. We have three beginning programs, and if you need some accountability and more support, then please look for the one that would be a good fit for you. And as always, we’re on all the social channels under Mastermind Parenting on Instagram, it’s mastermind, underscore parenting. And you know, periodically I do pop up on different Instagram lives, Facebook lives, where I give you teaching and coaching. And I love engaging with you live to help you help your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better because when they feel better, they do better.

(40m 56s):
And I love, love, love, getting to know you guys. So thanks for listening. If you liked this podcast, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review super, super appreciative.

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Creating A Happier Household

by Randi Rubenstein