I think life has gotten a helluva lot more fun since I made a commitment to myself to start having as many honest, REAL convos as possible.
As I honor that commitment, I would like to happily admit to a change of opinion regarding Facebook and social media. In other words, I am eating crow today and want to share my new opinions and where they come from.
I wrote a blog post a while back where I referred to Facadebook and why other people’s posts seemed to illicit feelings of FOMO, (fear-of-missing-out) in many people. My post was not alone in describing the phenomenon of “comparing the FB perfect outsides of people to your, insides”…feels creepy and depressing and like everyone else’s life is a party and, well yours, isn’t.
However, I have peeled the onion back a few more layers and my opinion is-a-changin’.
I have started to interact on FB on a regular basis. I will admit that it was FAR from a love affair when I began.
I begrudgingly did it to connect with people about my life coaching work with moms.
Many of my mentors advised me to do so and frankly, I became convinced that it was a necessary tool for my business. I needed to make it easier for my people to “find” me if I was really going to do this work. So I have been trying to make it easier to “be found” and make it clear who I am and whom I’m meant to support. It is a work in progress and I LOVE my clients – so I know it is necessary.
Yes, I struggle with putting myself out there and feeling judged by the lurkers and people hanging in the cheap seats but not willing to get into the action in the arena (to “semi-quote” Brene’).
But something fantastic has happened as I’ve taken baby steps into the social media arena – I’ve connected with old friends and new and I’m getting to have more of those real conversations that I crave…the main reason I started my business. I LOVE connecting in a real and supportive way with other women and frankly, I was not experiencing a lot of that in my personal life before the onset of my coaching biz.
It is really fun to share little bits of my life with my virtual community. Is it bragging? I’m not sure to be honest. When I post pics of my kids, it is b/c I’m crazy about them and it feels fun to share that piece of my life with my virtual community. I’m proud of them and the family dynamic I have worked hard to create.
I want to help more families to be even happier. It doesn’t feel like bragging. It feels like a calling for me.
I want to surround myself with more families and people that are having a good time during our short time here. That feels like being of service to me but I could see how some would choose to see it as bragging. I am choosing to make those opinions – Not. My. Business.
I’ve noticed that when I post and I check the comments and “likes”, I get a little feel good high…a Dopamine hit. That quick high comes from fulfilling my connection and belonging needs; something we all have as humans. In fact, under the human hierarchy of needs, love/belonging comes right after safety, shelter and food.
I believe that many people are lonely in their daily lives. Some don’t even realize it and mask it by numbing out or escaping (emotional eating, alcohol, cigs, shopping, gossip, drama, etc…) People are longing for belonging and social media can help in that area.
Oprah says that there are 2 commonalities that she noticed within everyone she interviewed during her 25 years as a talk show host: everyone wants to feel seen and that they matter. This fulfills that sense of belonging – the desire to find your tribe or community. Every time someone takes the time to “like” or comment on your FB post or your Periscope video, it feels like you are seen and you matter.
(Download the Periscope app and follow Randi Rubenstein or @randicoach:),
So, I have changed my tune. I think it is easy to lurk and not post and possibly judge. It is an act of bravery to get into the FB arena and be seen. To admit that you are looking to connect by posting glimpses into your life feels like a real and honest way to connect with other people. So what if it sometimes feels a little braggy – after all, isn’t it normal to want to look good for your ex-boyfriend or that crush whom never asked you out 25 years ago?!?!
xx, Randi
