Dear “Bad (Ass) Moms”,
Have you seen that movie yet? If not, go with a few of your Mama friends…it won’t disappoint.
The movie inspired my new favorite saying or as some of my friends say,
“Randi-ism”: “Super Mom is SO yesterday!”
The movie is not a cinematic masterpiece and even though I kinda thought Mila Kunis was not the best casting choice, she is so darn beautiful, likeable and fun to watch that it worked.
Christina Applegate is one of my faves and she is freaking hilarious in this movie. The character she plays is a parody of “That PTO President” type of mom, we have all felt judged by at some point or another.
The support and resources that I offer parents is really about celebrating the “bad mom” in all of us unapologetically.
My passion is about creating more connection – within our families, friendships and community.
Perfect parents don’t exist.
When we try to be perfect, we keep other people at arms length.
If they get too close or we share our truths – the jig is up.
“Perfection is the enemy of connection.”
Whatever you secretly feel angst or guilt about regarding your parenting may just be a sign that it’s time to shift and grow.
It may be about learning how to shift your thinking about yourself more than actually changing yourself.
At the beginning of the movie, Bad Moms, Mila’s character was running herself ragged trying to keep up with the super mom pressure – feeding everyone nutritious meals, overseeing school work and even doing the projects herself, volunteering in ways that sucked the life out of her, shuttling kids to activities they had no interest in attending…
You get it.
When she shifts and starts making real Mama friends, allows her kids to take some ownership of their own lives and even begins to sometimes put herself first, that’s when she actually becomes a good mom in my opinion.
As moms, we often do sh!t we don’t wanna do.
It feels depleting to do sh!t you don’t wanna do.
I’m here to tell you that if it feels depleting then that’s your sign that something must shift.
For your health.
Otherwise, you will end up physically drained, exhausted and possibly sick resulting in yelling at the people you love the most.
So, for all you “Bad (Ass) Moms” out there that are ready to begin listening to your body and not doing sh!t you don’t wanna do, here is an excerpt from my book I thought you might like to remind you that you are SO not alone:
“Your dream about your fantasy family may have involved a life of hugs and memory-making moments arranged beautifully in well-organized and catalogued scrapbooks. In your fantasy, life feels more like a joyous party than that never-ending Passover Seder where Aunt Hilda continues to grow drunker, louder, and less enjoyable as the hours go by at a snail’s pace. Currently, your days feel unfortunately “Seder” similar. Instead, this is the way it typically plays out when “life gets real”: you have cranky, hungry people expecting you to feed them at six p.m. and your busy day didn’t involve mapping out a dinner plan; you just remembered the science fair is tomorrow and your eight-year-old is panicking; soccer practice shuttling needs to happen exactly at the time that “connected families” should be eating dinner together; and, of course, there is a crucial work deadline hanging over your head — all while incessant whining plays as the soundtrack in the background. And on top of all that, the tension between you and your spouse is palpable.
Maybe your kids should consider themselves fortunate that all you did was raise your voice for a second or two accompanied by a few scary popping-out veiny things on your temple. I mean seriously, it could have been so much worse, right? Unfortunately, it is the rare mom who sees her stress from a compassionate point of view and decides to give herself a hall pass when she displays her “humanness” while the sh!t hits the fan for a sec. In fact, these are the guilt-consumed moments we wish we could take back. These are the memories we swore would never occur on our watch. These are the moments when we secretly think to ourselves that we are repeating what was done for us and, therefore, it is determined that yes, it’s true… I am screwing up my kids and they will probably end up on a therapist’s couch for many years. Decades actually… talking about me and trying to recover from the terrible choices I am making right now. As. Their. Mom.”
~Randi Rubenstein, Am I Screwing Up My Kids
Striving to be super mom or secretly beating yourself up for not even coming close, causes you to feel badly and take out those self destructive feelings on the people you love the most.
If you are ready to stop doing sh!t you don’t wanna do without worrying that not being super mom will negatively affect your people, drop me a line.
I will welcome you with open arms and I have TONS of resources and support for ya!