In this episode, I walk you through how to manifest the life and family you deeply crave beginning now…in 2019. I have a different spin on New Year’s resolutions and I share my process for changing patterns and stepping into simple consistent action. Enjoy!
- Why humans resist change
- Why most of us fail at New Year’s Resolutions by about day 10
- 30 days of consistent action creates a new pattern
- Accountability combined with community and ongoing support and continuous learning is the recipe once you’ve stepped into consistent action for 30 days
- How to create a different reality very quickly
- Family Vision Board – many apps available https://www.hayhouse.com/the-
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About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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You’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode 44 Creating A Happier Household in 2019. Hey, podcast listeners. If you happen to have a strong-willed kid who is kind of pushing everyone of your buttons lately, I’ve a resource for you. I made you guys a free guide where you’re going to get some tools and tips and strategies too quickly. Get on the road to creating a Happier Household. I know you’re pulling your hair out. I want it to make you something. So you could start getting some quick wins in building some momentum. If you want to grab your copy, just go to Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash Free Guide and I hope you enjoyed it.
My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversation’s in your home flow. Well, we are starting a whole new chapter. It is 2019, and I want to talk to you about Creating A Happier Household in 2019. I want to give you some action steps and some thoughts on how to do it. I want to talk about new year’s resolutions. I want to talk about change and transitions and, and really stepping into some tangible action.
0 (1m 31s):
As you guys know these years time’s flying. And I know if you’re still in a little kid years, it’s like the days are long, but the years are short. It’s just like, boom, boom, boom. As we get older, it’s hard to remember when you were a kid, how long a day could seem, because as an adult, it’s like, I, the link and I’m like, it’s Thursday, it’s Friday. It’s the weekend again? What happened to Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? Like this is not just seems like time is moving so much more quickly. I don’t know if you guys feel like so before, you know, it, it will be 2020.
0 (2m 15s):
And what I want to do in this episode is really kind of talk about how to create the Year that you want. And I’d been doing a certain practice for the lat. I think since 2015, we’ve been doing new year’s resolutions differently. And, and it’s really more of a manifestation exercise. And its really amazing when you drop the old way of doing new year’s resolutions and you adopt this new way of manifesting, what time of year you want and visualizing it because there is a science behind this.
0 (2m 56s):
When you see something, when you go a quiet space and you’re able to truly see and envision the life that you want, like really C it down to the tiniest details it’s implanted in your brain and your much more likely to create that reality. And when I looked, I just did it. It’s now it’s in December. So December of 2018 right now, and I just looked back at my exercise from the last couple of years. And I remember sitting down to write it and it seems like some of the things I was riding was like nutso and its amazing to see how much of it has come to fruition without me.
0 (3m 42s):
Like I never pull the exercise back out all year long, but it just implants this vision. And then you just subconsciously move towards these goals in the little baby steps, all Year it’s so powerful. So I want to share a little bit about this process with you guys today because I know you are listening to this podcast. Chances are you have a strong-willed child in your life. You want to create a Happier Household you know, time is of the essence and this is your Year. This is your year to start creating some new patterns and stepping into action.
0 (4m 21s):
So I want, first of all, let’s understand as humans we resist transitions, we do. That’s why our in our kids are just more honest about it. That’s why they don’t want to put their shoes on. That’s why they don’t always want, they don’t want to get dressed to go to an activity. They want to sign up for baseball. But now it’s time to go to baseball practice and they are very busy doing whatever they’re doing and they don’t want to change. They don’t want a transition. They don’t want to Get go from home to school. They don’t want to leave the playground after school to come home. They, you know, they’re present in the moment we resist transition because as humans we seek the familiar, our brains seek the familiar because it’s like when you drive from, you know, somewhere that you know, let’s say you’re driving to your kid’s school somewhere that you go all the time and all of a sudden you’re there.
0 (5m 12s):
And you’re like, okay, that’s kind of scary. I don’t even remember getting hair you’re on autopilot. Well it’s because you’ve gone so many times your brain has been programmed. Your neural pathways have been programmed with that route. So you don’t even have to consciously think about it. It’s familiar. You expend less calories doing the familiar. That’s why we repeat patterns. And when we alter and change patterns, it’s unfamiliar. So we’re creating those new neural pathways and it takes more calories and energy to do so. And so whenever there’s a new chapter with a new year, it represents something unfamiliar.
0 (5m 52s):
You’ve never been a person in year, 2019 before today. Okay. It’s unfamiliar. So writing those dates on, you know, your check’s or whatever, when you have to sign things for a little while you may side, you may have to cross out the ADE or turn on the eight and two or a nine because you’re not used to writing that right. It’s unfamiliar. So the unfamiliar and the creating change, this is why we naturally fall off the bandwagon and we fail at new year’s resolutions. Usually by then, you know, 10, 14 days In we just, we get we’re all gung ho once that momentum dies down, we go back to the neuropathways.
0 (6m 40s):
We know we fought off the bandwagon. We go back to the familiar. So 30 days of consistent action creates a new pattern. I know many of you have heard that there’s there’s a long, long scientific evidence. Why 30 days have passed action will create change. Okay? So you can see, so you take 30 days of consistent action. You choose whatever that pattern is and it creates change and you have to stop. You can’t do that. So super big. It has to be in small ways. So let’s say, you know, AZ, there’s a reason why we have a multi-billion dollar diet industry.
0 (7m 23s):
You know, you want to start, you want to get into better shape or whatever. Pick one thing to start on for those 30 days, maybe it’s cutting out sugar or maybe it’s, you know, I would say alter your food before you all, before you bring on exercise, if you haven’t been an exercise room or have been an exerciser and you’re, you know, then I keep doing that and alter your food. Like just do something that’s a baby step. This equals a chain. But then after those 30 days, you’re going to follow up with some Accountability combined with community and ongoing support and continuous learning.
0 (8m 3s):
Like that’s the point? That’s it that’s really honestly how I run my parenting programs. I have like an initial 30 day brain read PR retraining program where we, you know, I’m in your ear for 30 days. It’s kind of like pledgeship. And then afterwards it’s all about integration and for integration to make sure that those 30 days of consistent action in that new pattern that you started to create these kind of new neural pathways while they’re not deeply embedded yet. Now as we integrate and we have some Accountability built and we have community, we have ongoing support in it. All of those things just help those neuropathways to become more embedded.
0 (8m 46s):
And then it starts to become like autopilot, like you driving to your kid’s school and its just the way you live your life. And you’re like, well, when did you know, it’s March and spring break and you have a new normal. And you’re like, Hey that, how did that happen? It’s the only, it’s only been a couple months and things are different, right? And, and this is how we create change. So if you think about it, if by March by spring break, if you can have a decent amount of change going on in your life, in a new pattern that’s been created, think about what’s going to happen a year from now like that Happier Household and frankly, a better life.
0 (9m 31s):
It really is. So within reach because as you know, the beginning of 2018 fel, it feels like a minute ago at the beginning of 2019 is going to be here before you know it. So here’s your action step. Okay. I want you to sit down with yourself. It’s really powerful. If you do this with your partner and you could even incorporate your kid’s if their five or older and kind of talk about the new year and you can kind of say, you know, this is super exciting. Are you pump them up? Look, there’s always a little salesmanship in anything because the kids learn when they’re having fun, when they are curious and when things are done and kind of a lighthearted fun and engaging way.
0 (10m 15s):
So you might want to sit down and you might say, well, you know, let’s talk about what our family is going to look like at this time next year. And they’re going to kind of look at you at the cockeyed poppy look. And if you have teenagers, they might roll their eyes and whatever. But you might say, you know, to your little, our kids, like you’re going to be in second grade this time, next year, your shoe size, like what does shoe size or are you going to wear ’em and what sport will you be playing? Like what team? You know, what league will you be in? And what about books? You’ll be able to read, like, you can read this and last year you were just learning how to read, what are you, are you going to already next year be reading.
0 (10m 56s):
You’ll be in, you know, second grade. What, you know, what books to second graders read? Like maybe we got to get some of those books just so that, you know, year from now, you’re going to be reading those books. And when you sit down with your partner and you can do this, it’s really helpful to write just because like I just, I said at the beginning, it’s fun to look back on it later. So even if it’s just in the note section of your phone, like, what does your dream look like a year from now? Think about snapping your fingers and having like those niggly challenges resolved, really see it, whatever that thing or those couple of things that constantly stress you out in your day.
0 (11m 40s):
And you’re like, Oh, this thing can be fixed. If I can just get them to take a flip and bath without it being a challenge every time, or if I could just have my teenagers do their homework and I don’t have to sit there and constantly remind her if we can just have this technology thing figured out. If we could be having a family, family dinners, where everyone wasn’t complaining about the, all the things that I took the time to make them like, whatever those challenges that just kinda zap you of your energy and the day I want you to imagine them resolved. Maybe there’s some body issues you’ve got where you’re like, okay, if I was this size or if I could do this type of exercise or if I can go into a yoga class and not feel self-conscious like, what would it look like if I was the person doing a headstand?
0 (12m 34s):
If I was the person that felt comfortable walking into the class in exercise, clothes, not being self-conscious like, what would that look like at that person was me? What if I was a person who did not crave sugar and fat, like didn’t drink, you know, didn’t, didn’t look forward to it drinking that if I’m really honest with myself, that bottle of wine a night or, or it was a person who absolutely didn’t have whatever vise or maybe there is a money thing, ah, you know what, If a year from now, your planning, your dream vacation are you just book your dream vacation and you paid for it.
0 (13m 15s):
No problem. Because you came into some money or not, you were able to figure that out, that thing out, or you chose to start taking some class at like what? I don’t know what it is, but I want you to dream and to dream what your normal could look like. And also like don’t fall short, have one wildly impossible goal. We call it a wig, have one wig. Like, what’s that like when I was going to run, I was like, I wrote a book and I go and speak about it. That sounded out Landish to me, you guys like write that thing down.
0 (13m 55s):
Even if you’re like hoping that nobody else is ever going to see it because it feels too audacious to even write right. It right. It C it right. It own it. No one else needs to know what you want to do. Are you with your family? Is that right? I want to kind of solidify some kind of ritual and, and you know, really amazing way to do this. Exercise is through vision boards. So with little kids, you kind of do a little Family craft project where y’all can cut out some pictures, you know, fine on the internet or a magazine or whatever, and create a kind of a Family Vision Board what are we want our family to look like?
0 (14m 37s):
Maybe it’s that we want, we want to have more fun. We want to have more ice cream, you know, like, and do that together and have that vision board up. If you’re doing it with the older kids, like everyone can have their own vision board. And there is some amazing apps. Vision Board apps. I think hay house has a vision board app where bring the technology. And even though I’m, you know, I’m constantly talking about the evils of technology and putting parameters around the technology, meet your teenagers, where they are, everyone download a vision board app, lets make our individual vision boards. No one has to show it to each other. Let’s just have it. Let’s see it let’s own what we want our lives to look like a year from now.
0 (15m 19s):
And so once you’ve seen your Happier Household in life, it just, you know, gotta think, is it time to create it? And I’m here to tell you 30 days of consistent action followed up with some accountability, some community ongoing learning and support the way that you create it. It’s a way you create it. And a year from now you will have a different reality. You can absolutely do this for yourself and continue listening to the podcast, seeking resources. There’s so many great resources. Podcast wise YouTube wise create a little Accountability to have an accountability, buddy.
0 (16m 5s):
It’s a, it’s a body thing. How have a workout, buddy? You can have an accountability buddy, but create that support and ongoing community. And if you want my support, if you’d like to be a member of my community on a deeper level, I, you know, come reach out to me. I can help you make this dream a reality because I have a beautiful, beautiful community and this is what we’re doing in it. And I want it for all of you. So happy, happy 2019. I want you guys to create the exact life that you dream of. You deserve it. It’s within reach and I’m here to support you in any way I can.
0 (16m 46s):
Hey, podcast listeners, if you identify with having a strong willed kid and your ready to start taking action, because enough, this is not enough walking around on eggshells, constantly getting all those mumbled one word answers based on their irritable mood every day in the car after school, go ahead and download the free resource that I made for you to start taking action immediately and creating a Happier Household it’s Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash free guide to start taking action today.