Are you sick of reminding your kids about EVERYTHING?!
You may even find yourself doing the “things” for them that you know they can do for themselves.
And even though it feels sometimes like your life is not your own, you continue to do the “things” for them.
Because you’re tired.
Tired of reminding.
Tired of arguing.
Tired of power struggling.
Tired of them procrastinating.
I mean just take a FREAKING bath already and get ready for bed.
So you oversee and assist and it usually ends in a screaming match.
This is not what you envisioned.
This does NOT feel like a life filled with freedom and joy.
In honor of July 4th… let freedom ring more often in your home.
As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!
About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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Transcription
0 (0s):
Hey podcast listeners. I’m taking it a little pause from the podcast this summer, but I wanted to include some little short clips and have tips and tools that I’ve been sharing in my private groups as a way to stay in touch with the summer. Enjoy
1 (16s):
My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flow.
0 (29s):
Hi guys, this week, we are celebrating all about independence and freedom here in America, July forth. And so I want to talk to you guys a little bit about freedom and how is it something I’ve noticed within my, the moms that I talk to is that quite often it doesn’t feel like freedom in our homes when our kids are constantly procrastinating and not doing all the things, right? So it might look like the kid who they won’t get out of the shower and it’s like, come on, have you done your shampoo yet?
0 (1m 11s):
Have you come on, get out of the shower, come on, let’s go. Let’s go. Like they will not. And this mom she’s like, I can’t get him to like, get out of the shower and just get in there, wash himself and get out. And it’s like, I’ve tried letting them just be filthy and not shower. You know, not doing all of a sudden being up. I’ve tried, I’ve tried everything. I can’t get him to do the things. And, and it’s, you know, she also had noticed like that around homework and I’ve have seen this with a lot of my moms. Like there are a strong little kid who in the morning just like lays like a bedbug on the ground, waiting for mom to come and do all the things in a lot of times mom’s harried.
0 (1m 54s):
And she just gets some dressed real quick and he’s like eight a day. And she just does the things because she’s like, you know what? We just need to, I need to pick my battles of what you needed to get out, but it actually feels like she, she feels enslaved. She feels like she doesn’t have a sense of freedom. She feels that she can’t get out of the house unless she does all of the things for everyone. And that feels like a straight jacket. So I invite you guys to embrace more freedom in your life by doing the thing that I call following through. I say parenting is establishing set of rules, repeating it often following through consistently when you establish the rules with the kid about the nighttime routine and showering is a piece of it.
0 (2m 46s):
And you have to repeat the rules often. Hey, but five minutes, five minutes until the light’s out, you’ve been in the shower a long time, five minutes. You’re not going to have time for books is five minutes lights out at eight o’clock. You’re gonna have to repeat that often. Repeat it. And you walk out to the bathroom when you walk back in and all of a sudden it’s, you’re like, okay, it’s one minute tow lights out. So you can turn off the shower or all com and turn it off for you. And then you have to follow through with no books. And what I say is, do you have to lean into the second page? It’s going to be terrible. We can do hard things. This is how the people learn.
0 (3m 27s):
And NOT from a place of will. If you wouldn’t have to sit. And I told you a 27 times, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don’t do any of that. All you’re going to do is you’ve already established the rules. You had the conversation about what the bedtime routine is ahead of time. You repeated it often. And now you’ve got to follow it through consistently, which means we ran at a time and there are no books. You can try again tomorrow. Hopefully your brain will remember to do all the things in the shower so that you have plenty of time for books. Tonight is not gonna work out. And you have to follow through. You have to deal with the child. Who’s, you know, trying to a power struggle with you and is used to, and we don’t negotiate with terrorists.
0 (4m 8s):
We’re not doing it. We’re just going to follow the through to the agreement that we already had. And we’re not going to revisit it. We’re just going to follow through, follow through, follow through once you follow through and do that. And they, is it the little people or the big people start to learn that when they don’t plug them, you know, for the teenagers, when they don’t plug their technology in, at the agreed upon location, by a certain time, then whatever you set out in that conversation, which might of been, Oh, well, then the next night you’ll be turned. You’ll be plugging in an hour earlier. So so then the next night you have to follow it through at the hour earlier, you’ll go in and you’ll ask them and they’ll, they’ll be like, what are you talking about?
0 (4m 54s):
And be like, remember the last night, have you didn’t remember? Yeah. So we’re going to plug it in and now your brain will have no problem. Remembering the rules that help us to run smoothly. Keep your brain saved in the future. I love you too much. Not to follow it through. I love you to much not to follow it through. You have to follow through. When you follow through with that logical or natural consequence, that’s helped the people learn. That’s how they improve future behavior. And that’s how you get that sense of freedom where you don’t have to do all the things. They become responsible for the things, because they actually learn what it looks like and how the family runs so much more smoothly when we all step up to the plate and manage our lives in a responsible way.
0 (5m 42s):
So that’s what I’ve got for you this week. Hope it was helpful. Bye.
1 (5m 48s):
Have you read my book, the parent gap? Have you listened to my book? The parent gap? I doubt you’ve listed Because my publisher hasn’t released it yet on audible. However, I have the audio version of the parent gap that I would love to send to you. You, you can download it at Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com slash book for your free audio version of the parent. That you’re welcome. I.
