Most of us want our kids to have good manners.
We want them to grow up to be responsible citizens of the world.
We want them to NOT embarrass us in front of grandparents.
I consider these old school basics.
Unfortunately, many of the old school values were taught in a way that ended up shaming, berating and belittling kids.
So how do we support our kiddos in learning all the “things”?
I believe it’s a dance that combines these old school values with new age methods that don’t mutilate their spirit.
In the coming weeks, I’ll be covering the Mastermind Parenting choreography to effectively accomplish this.
I’ll be discussing a few touchy subjects we don’t normally talk about.
Like how to handle potty talk, penis and vagina touching and whether to force or not to force grandparent affection.
My message today is that when it comes to manners and some of the old school values, we wanna use common sense.
Essentially, we don’t want to…
“Throw the baby out with the bathwater”
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About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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Hey podcast listeners. I’m taking a little pause from the podcast this summer, but I wanted to include some little short clips and have tips and tools that I’ve been sharing in my private groups as a way to stay in touch with the Summer enjoy it. My name is Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flow. Hey guys, it’s Randy. Welcome to today’s Summer vlog series, where I’m kind of helping you guys to raise what I’m calling Mastermind Mascot kids that are being raised in a mastermind Parenting way and go out into the world, show up as their best selves, help solve problems, and just basically make the world a better place.
That’s what the visionary and me, but my husband heard me saying, he’ll be like, Oh God, they’re so much drama today’s today. I want to talk though about something that I’ve been thinking about, and it’s really about kind of not throwing the baby out with the bath water when it comes to parenting. So a lot of the things that I, that I stand for it and I teach are definitely progressive. And as I tell anyone who comes to me, you know, everything that I’m going to teach you and show you, it’s going to be common sense. You’re going to say like, it has the Duff factor. You’re going to say it like, of course, like, why am I needing to have this lady come and tell me these things?
0 (1m 41s):
Cause this is all common sense. And it’s the way all humans should have been raised. So nothing I’m teaching you is rocket scientists. And it takes a minute to learn because it’s just not the way most of us were raised. So I I’ve said that more times than I can count. And there are things from the way we were raised that we don’t want to get rid of it. And so I want us to spend the next couple of weeks talking about some common scenarios of, we want to keep some of the old school values around while combining them with the whole kind of progressive honor, the child approach and not be all, you know, authoritarian about everything.
0 (2m 26s):
Like our kids are humans. They are people we don’t own them. Owning people is called slavery, not childhood. So we don’t own them. We want them to be valuable, independent little humans. And we want to raise them where they get to have a say and they have a voice and, and they, and they feel confident and they, and they really feel respected and honored and therefore show us so much respect as well. Like it all feeds upon itself. And sometimes we’d have to combine NOT sometimes there’s plenty of things that our old school values like respect and respecting your elders and social decorum and civility and certain behaviors that our private behaviors and certain behaviors that our public behaviors and having good manners and why that’s important and being a responsible citizen like at home, out in the world, like there’s so many values that we don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water.
0 (3m 41s):
I think many of us would say like, yeah, I want my kids to be respectful and to have good manners and to respect their elders. And it makes me, I mean, I’ve, I had a mom recently who shared a post with our private group where her child’s a at the summer camp, the counselor set her a message saying, wow, what a difference from last year, this year, she’s got this glowing report about her child and what a good friend and an amazing manners in just how he shows up with so much respect and he’s making friends easily. And it, she was beaming beaming with pride ’cause it does make us feel good.
0 (4m 21s):
We want to raise great humans. Yeah. So
1 (4m 25s):
M so we don’t want to throw the baby out
0 (4m 27s):
With the Bathwater and, and I’ll just share a quick story about my niece. Who’s almost four. And when kids are so as many of us know between the ages of three and five, they start to, they start to think the potty humor is real funny, and I’ve had lots of moms asking you about it. And then, you know, three, three year olds and 13 year olds have lots in common, developmentally, three nature’s and teenagers. And the brain kind of goes through a similar stage of development, just, you know, it, it looks, it looks different at 13. And, and so 13 year olds, a lot of times they’re version of the potty humor is they start to play around with some curse words.
0 (5m 9s):
And by that time they usually know that those are some things they’re trying out with their friends, but not necessarily talking about in front of most adults or using that language in front of the most adults. Like they are learning the nuances of read your audience. Like that’s an old school value, read your audience, but three, and four-year-olds, don’t always know so that they start with the PPN, poopoo language and tushy and all of, you know, all the, all the words. And quite often we accidentally add fuel to that fire and make it into more of a thing that it needs to be. And so we had my niece recently and she started with some of that language and she was hanging out with me and my husband and we were outside.
0 (5m 53s):
We were visiting my in-laws when she was, you know, cracking up laughing, using the PPM piece of language. And we were just like, you know, I think you think that’s funny and we just did. We just kind of, didn’t give it any airtime. And, and then she really quickly realized that like, maybe that language is funny with other three and four-year-olds, but the, you know, 50 and 48 year old, not so much. So when we went back in with my in-laws, so we blew it off the, when we went back in with my in-laws, if she would have continued that language, of course, grandma and grandpa, I probably would have had more of a reaction than we did and I’m, and we would have, and I would have addressed it with her.
0 (6m 38s):
I would’ve addressed it with her. I would have pulled her aside. I would have talked to her about those words are not words to be used in public. People don’t think they are so funny may be a little kids. Think they are funny. We don’t think they’re funny, Nan. And pop, certainly don’t think they’re funny or not. Okay. So it would have brought some of the old school values in and I would have pulled her aside. So that’s what I’m going to talk about. Our some scenario’s about like what, like public and private behaviors and teaching our kids some of these social skills and just so common areas that I’ve heard, like people ask me, like, do I make them a kiss and hug the grandparents? What if they don’t want to kiss him a hug?
0 (7m 19s):
The grandparents. Umm, and you know, what about I had mom recently asking what about my son? And like he’s like found his penis and he wants to touch it all the time, no matter where he is, like, how do we handle these tattoos situation? So I’m going to kind of go over this old and new combination. You know, we don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water. Cause they’re certain things that we want to keep around that are old school values that are important. And we don’t need to shame and humiliate and beat down a child to teach them that things are. In fact it doesn’t teach them the things. So those are some of the things that are some of the topics I’m going to be covering in the next couple of weeks.
0 (8m 1s):
Hope this was helpful and hope you’re having a great summer. Bye-bye have you read my book, the parent gap, or have you listened to my book? The parent gap? I doubt you’ve listened because my publisher hasn’t released it yet on audible. However, I have the audio version of a parent gap that I would love to send to you. You, you can download it at Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com slash book for your free audio version of the parent that your welcome I.