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72: Teaching your kids about private vs. public behavior

By July 23, 2019November 9th, 2023Mastermind Parenting Podcast
72: Teaching your kids about private vs. public behavior

Recently I had a mom ask about her 6 year old’s penis touching “habit”.

When you’re a family that talks about EVERYTHING…

Sometimes touchy subjects arise.

In this summer VLOG, I combine some old school common sense with a newer age method to help this mama have a productive penis convo:)

I think you’re gonna find it helpful as you begin to tackle these things with your own kiddos…

AND yes, you’re allowed to have some fun with it!


As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.

She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.

At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.

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0 (0s):
Hey podcast listeners. I’m taking a little pause from the podcast this summer, but I wanted to include some little short clips as tips and tools that I have been sharing in my private groups as a way to stay in touch with this summer. Enjoy

1 (16s):
My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flow

0 (30s):
Guys, welcome to this week’s video blog. I’m I can not believe it is already the end of July and that we have a, many of us are wrapping up sorrow because school starts to fricking early, although maybe yay for a school school, school starts to regain or like whichever way you’re going to look at it. No judgment here. I wanted to read to you. I’m covering right now on the Mastermind mascot series, which is how do we raise kids that go out into the world and show up as their best selves who feel confident, kind of, and self-motivated. And so in this, in this series right now, I wanted to cover kind of some touchy subjects and how to handle it.

0 (1m 15s):
And the last week I talked about how we don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water or some of those old school values. Like we want to keep warm around and we’ve got a teach our kids the things, right? Because they are going out into the world. And there are certain behaviors that our public behaviors and that shouldn’t be behaviors that are private behaviors. And if you’re doing private behaviors out in public, you’re not really showing up as a little Mastermind mouth that because those private behaviors and make other people uncomfortable and frankly can even be downright creepy, especially as you get older. But even when you’re a little, I mean, for example, private behavior, picking your nose, not that anyone wants to admit it, although we see it for some reason that people think it’s invisible when they do so on their car.

0 (2m 7s):
So we know that everyone does it. And if you do it out in public, it’s creepy. It’s disgusting. Nobody wants to ask everyone does It. You know, so there are certain behaviors that are private behaviors and nobody else wants to see you doing that. It’s it. So, okay. So here’s a message from one of my moms. And she said, my son turned six this month. He’s definitely found his penis. And he plays with it a lot, even when he gets upset or when he is sick, which I think is interesting. He plays with it almost like a comfort mechanism, but it’s happening very often. Even outside the home, what’s the appropriate way to address this with him.

0 (2m 51s):
So what I want to say is, yeah, there’s certain behaviors that are private behaviors and there are certain behaviors that are public behaviors. And we don’t want, we don’t want our kids doing the private behaviors out in public, like touching their penis. And so that’s the old school mentality, right? And the new school, which is how can we teach our kids are the things without shaming them or humiliating them or giving them issues around this thing, this very normal thing. So I told the mom threw how to have a productive conversation, because remember, for those of you, who’ve been listening to my podcast for a long time.

0 (3m 39s):
You know, that the PRODUCTIVE conversation to have a productive conversation is the way we teach our kids, the things without lecturing them, berating them, shaming them, belittling them. It’s the way we affectively teach them the things. And if you want your kids showing up at their best self, they can have their hand down their pants, boy, or girl. So I said that have a productive conversation. And what we know is, is you’ve got to see his perspective and you’ve got to empathize. She had already started seeing his perspective, which I thought was interesting because she said he was doing it a lot when he was sick. And when he’s uncomfortable, I think she said, and so he’s using it as a, as a way to cope or soon, you know, that the body has a nerve endings and uhm, and the penis has a lot of nerve endings and it’s a pleasure source.

0 (4m 32s):
And so when you’re feeling some level of discomfort, your G you know, some people eat chocolate, some people touch their penises. I mean, come on. It’s like so many. If your looking for a quick way to feel better, it kind of make sense. And we want to teach our kids. Like you got to see his perspective, which is I have noticed it doesn’t involve you. So you’re just going to say something like I’ve noticed. I’ve noticed that you have been touching your penis a lot lately. I’m at home and out in the world and sometimes you and your sitting on the couch watching TV and you you’re touching your penis a lot because it feels good.

0 (5m 12s):
I mean, that’s the reason these touching it. It feels good. So by seeing his perspective, you’re basically just attaching work. So it feels good. And then you actively listen or whatever he says, like, if you have shamed him a lot or told him, get your hands out of your pants, get your hand out of your pants. Not to say that we’re not, I mean, I’m not a proponent of going around, out in the world with your hand down your pants. But if you have done it in a way that he has a key is sensed you feeling somewhat, you know, frustrated or annoyed or embarrassed, then he may argue when it’s time after you see as prescribed to you might feel. And like, I don’t know.

0 (5m 52s):
I don’t, I don’t do that. If he does that, you just have to see his perspective more. And it’s, it really comes down to guess what, buddy, there’s nothing wrong. You’re not in trouble. Everyone touches their parts that fall underneath your bathing suit. Girls touch there’s boys touch theirs. It’s something. Everyone does it. Doesn’t it’s not wrong. It’s not creepy. It’s not weird. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s totally normal. Only totally normal though, that, that those parts of our bodies have extra things called nerve endings and it feels extra good. Yeah. Am I getting this right? And once he starts talking to you, you just actively listen. Once you just mirror back, whatever he says, and you don’t teach, you don’t share words of wisdom.

0 (6m 37s):
You don’t teach him where he’s allowed to do it in where he’s not. You wait until you get to the problem solving part. It’s a dance. You know, we’re gonna mix the common sense of the old school values in the common sense, which is it’s not cold to walk around the world, touch it, touch it, and drink touching your junk. I mean, it just, not, nobody wants to see that. Nobody wants to see you picking your nose. Nobody wants to see you with your hand on your penis. So we’re gonna talk about this. That’s a common sense. Right? So when we moved to the problem solving part, we’re going to get to that place. And where is it? Okay. And where is it inappropriate and why is it an appropriate? Makes other people uncomfortable? There are certain things that our private, you know, it’s just like some people are your close friends and you tell them all your secrets.

0 (7m 25s):
And there are some people that aren’t your close friends. There are some people that are, or just, you know, just what we call acquaintances. And those are the people that we don’t tell all our secrets. It’s, you know, there’s, there’s things to learn. And so this is an opportunity, like when, you know, we’re, we’re like, Oh my gosh, my kid’s got his hand on this penis all the time. Know this, isn’t an opportunity to start having these conversations where we start Teaching, there’s a time in a place for things in the privacy of your own room. When you’re by yourself, touch your penis away, out on the couch, watching TV in the public spaces of the home. Not so much and out in the world.

0 (8m 7s):
I don’t think so little creepy, you know, and I, I always say, bring in a little humor, Intuity events, you know, like I would say to me, like, it would be like, what if you like to see him down for breakfast? And like, you know, I have my hand down my pants, Hey, you might be like, Oh mom, little weird. All right. So these are the, you know, this is just normal. This is all stuff that people do. And there’s a private place. There’s a, there’s private behaviors, there’s public behaviors. And so were just teaching the things were combining old and new. And that’s what I got for you guys this week. Hope you’re relishing the last moments of summer. Enjoy Hmm.

1 (8m 48s):
Have you read my book, a parent gap? Have you listened to my book? The parent gap? I doubt you’ve listened because my publisher hasn’t released it on audible. However, I had the audio version of the parent gap that I would love to send to you. You can download it at Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book for your free audio version of the parent. That your welcome bye.

2 (9m 16s):

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