Lying drives us nuts for obvious reasons. I want you to ask yourself the simple question, “Is your goal to be right or to be happy?” In this short and sweet episode, I discuss that you may be fighting unnecessary battles? My thoughts may leave you with a few aha’s.
- Pick your battles
- Parenting and playfulness
- Little kids create their own reality
- Little kids live in the present moment
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About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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You’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode 76,
My name’s Randy Rubenstein. And welcome to the Mastermind. Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flood.
Well, hi guys. Hope you’re having a good week. I want to talk today about Mastermind moms. Mastermind Parenting moms that we there’s a difference between being right. Always and being happy. Right? So sometimes to be happy, you may not always need to be right. And what I’m talking about in this context is when our kids lie to us, so kids lie. Okay. So let’s say that, that you’re a little tiny child.
0 (1m 2s):
I usually teach in my course, I have this picture of a child with a red Popsicle all over their face that I don’t have a three. And the mom says, you’ve read, pop, squall over your face here. Let me wipe it off. And the child says, no, I don’t. And we’re like, yes, you do. You have red Popsicle. And then we start arguing because we, we just we’re like, you have red Popsicle. Why are you? Yes, I see it. Hear and then we make the whole mountain out of a molehill. And there’s a reason why we do that. It’s because we don’t want to raise liars. Right? Like we get worried. We’re like, we’re like, don’t tell, I see it here with my eyes. And then you get into this power struggle with your little tiny child.
0 (1m 43s):
And the truth of the matter is, is that little tiny children, actually the age of three, they constantly live in a state of imaginary play. And they, they really will believe whatever they want to believe. So in that moment, that little tiny child being in red Popsicle is in his thinking about the enjoyment in this present moment of this red Popsicle. And they don’t want to be taken out of it. So when you all of a sudden like disrupt they’re, you know, a state of flow enjoying that red Popsicle, they’re like, like, no, they create their own reality. Like, are you kidding? I’m sitting here. I don’t have red stuff all over my face. And that child they’ll deal with the red stuff all over their face, in the present moment when they’re done with the possible.
0 (2m 27s):
And all of a sudden they feel sticky and gooey and maybe they need to deal with it. But when you sit there and argue with them, it’s like, Your, you’re disrupting their, their, you are disrupting they’re Zen, right? And so on. So we could be right and continue arguing about that. Or we could be happy and just kinda go with the flow in that moment and kind of follow their lead. Oh, you don’t have a Popsicle over your face. Hm. My, that there were must be something wrong with my eyes right now. I don’t know what’s going on. Like swore I saw or read pops, got all over your face. And then you’re like, is there something wrong with my eyes here? And looking at the camera, you see a red Popsicle over all of your face? Oh no, you still don’t see it.
0 (3m 7s):
All right. Hmm. I think I need to go get my eyes check. Right? Like you just bring it a little playfulness to it. I promise you. You’re going to get to the place of them being like my mom and I were a pop squam sticky, you know, or there’s going to be a little bit later. You’re going to be like, like, look at this, look at this. This can’t feel comfortable. You don’t have to argue. Don’t argue with me. I see the red Popsicle all over your face. It’s like, why, why do we need to do that? No, one’s going to be happy because we stand on ceremony. And we, we really, in that moment, our actually our subconscious brain is future tripping and going to that place of, I can’t raise a liar. I can, I have to nip this in the bud.
0 (3m 47s):
Now, you know, it’s like, we’ve got like a good parent agenda, check a bucket list, check, check, check, not raising a liar, not raising a jerk. And so we stand on ceremony and these little instigates or insignificant moments, it’s just not necessary. I promise you when you do things, the mastermind parenting way and you are empathetic and it’s, you’re a family team. And you guys are that kind of a family that can talk about anything in everything. And you don’t have to just stand on ceremony on every little thing. I promise you, your kids are not going to grow up to be liars. However, what we focus on grows. So when you focus on, don’t tell me that you don’t have it all over your face.
0 (4m 29s):
I see it with my very own eyes. You need to look in the mirror Do and when you go to that place, we on opposing teams. And when that happens, kids quite often learn. The world is not safe to tell the truth. And then they’re the kid that at 16 backs up into a car three or three days after getting their driver’s license, like somebody very close to me that I know I won’t name any names, Avery Rubenstein. And if you raise that kid where they’ve learned that it’s not safe, right. Where it’s not necessarily a safe place, because they’ve constantly are feeling disconnected and not on the same team, which makes them not trust you, then you won’t have the kid that leaves the note and calls their parents immediately and said, I just, I, I just did something and I’m okay.
0 (5m 26s):
I’m okay. I’m safe. But I backed up into a car and owns it and leaves the note. You have the hit and run Kidd, which I think is more often the case than not, unfortunately. So yeah. So do you want a hit and run kit? Or do you want the kid that leaves the note? So my, my message to you guys today is don’t make a mountain out of a molehill, right? You don’t have to always be right. And you can be playful. And if it’s some little insignificant moment where it’s like, you know, all my, you know, your kids bringing out and you’re like, Oh, you sound really mad <inaudible> and you’re like, Oh my bad, okay.
0 (6m 11s):
Thought I heard anger, go, just roll with it. Because think about it. It’s like when we don’t stand on ceremony and we’re not constantly like, well, you sound really mad. Are you saying that, you know, we make it into something like that. We’re not going to be on the same team. And if we want our kids to truly grow up to be Mastermind mascots and go out into the world, make the world a better place by just being confident, kind of awesome people. Then we can’t stand on ceremony and always insist that we’re right in it. It’s just not life is just not that literal.
0 (6m 52s):
So that’s what I have for you guys this week. I hope it was helpful again. Right.
1 (7m 0s):
Have you read my book, the parent gap, have you listened to my book for the parent gap? I doubt you’ve listened because my publisher hasn’t released it yet on audible. However, I have the audio version of the parent gaff that I would love to send to you, or you can download it at Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book for your free audio version of the parents, or your welcome. Hi.