On the podcast this week, I talk about getting into the driver’s seat of your life and what I’ve found to be the most effective way to change behaviors and get different results. Isn’t it time for you and your family to truly THRIVE. Enough already. You want more. You deserve more.
It’s the beginning of a new decade. Just think, where will you be in 2030 if you stop waiting and take real action steps today to create the life you crave? What. Are. You. Waiting. For. 54321 GO! (Thanks Mel Robbins for creating the 5 second rule:)
As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!
About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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You’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode 95.
Hi, my name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flow,
And I’m super excited to dive into today’s topic. But before we do, here’s a quick word from our sponsor. Today’s episode is brought to you by the Mastermind Parenting membership, our exclusive private long Mastermind in the mastermind. You’re going to find a tribe of smart determinant and sometimes even slightly rebellious parents who all happen to have something in common. We all have at least one strong-willed kid. We’re a group of trailblazers. We believe that everything is figureoutable. We learn how to laugh more and yell way less. We solve problems. We have PRODUCTIVE combos instead of lectures that always fall on deaf ears. Anyway, as you guys know, we’re a group of action takers.
0 (1m 2s):
We don’t allow ourselves to stay stuck living in a home that feels like we’re walking on eggshells. Life’s too short for that. We dig in, we take action and we figure out what’s coming up for us. When our kids are pushing our buttons, we also learn to see our kids differently in how to speak to them in a way that they can actually hear without the constant fighting and dictator type behavior. We change patterns that have possibly been in our families for generations. We become the happy problem-solving parents and people. We hope our kids will grow up to be because you can’t teach what you don’t have. You’ve got to do it first. Guys, the doors are officially open and we’re enrolling for the Mastermind Parenting membership, February cohort group.
0 (1m 48s):
So if you’re ready to get the coaching support, training resources and accountability, you deserve to finally take your family from surviving to thriving. I want you to join the mastermind, go to Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash Feb and apply for the mastermind. There’s an option, a book, a free call with Lindsey, L I N D S E Y on my team. If you want all the deets to determine whether the Mastermind would be a good fit for you. It’s Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash February giant. Things are happening in the masterminds. So if you have been a podcast listener for a while, and you are ready to have some accountability and experience a community, like you have never, ever been involved in and come apply for the Mastermind.
0 (2m 38s):
Well guys, it’s almost 2020. We are wrapping it up, wrapping it up. So I am naming. This episode is 20, 20 YOUR Year to THRIVE. So the word that seems to be the word for 2020 in our Mastermind is THRIVE M I have a bunch of different programs, plans, and basically I have spent the last year, like really digging in and studying what makes, like, what creates behavior change?
0 (3m 18s):
Like, why is it so hard for people to change their behavior? So I have done a ton of things, kind of behind the scenes, in my Mastermind. And I have it run a lot of new groups and I’ve kept my groups small and I’ve been piloting things. And I’ve been reading like ridiculous amounts of books in doing trainings and working with PhDs in course, design and, and doing all kinds of things because of the truth is, is I was just thinking, what do I have to do to help people actually step into action to move from passive consumption?
0 (3m 59s):
Which is you guys like listening to a podcast, you know, I run into people in their life and they’re like, Oh, I listened to your podcast. I love your podcast. And then very quickly, most, most often they’ll say, so what do I do when? And when I started getting those questions, I know that this is a person that most, and I’ve been there too, before you guys, like, I get it, who is sitting in passive consumption, like you’re listening to things and they’re entertaining and they make sense, and they’re helping you to think differently. But when your, in those real life moment, you cannot recall the things you actually learned from listening to the podcast.
0 (4m 43s):
You just go back to the way you’ve been doing things. And it almost leaves you like worse off because when you’re in, you’re in your conscious brain, your thinking brain moments, you’re like, Oh yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I’m gonna do that. And then you find yourself in the real life moments and you don’t do it. You do that. Or, you know, you, you yell or you blame you shame and do whatever it is that you swore you weren’t gonna do. So then you feel super guilty later because you’re like, I know what to do and I’m not doing it. And, and so it’s like, it, that’s the rub.
0 (5m 25s):
Like you learn, you’re learning this new Mastermind way of thinking and it makes sense. And then you’re not necessarily finding yourself really utilizing these new tools. And so I really have dug into why or why that is. And what I’ve learned is that behavior change is hard. I mean, it’s really, honestly, that’s the bottom line. It’s hard. It’s the reason why, right? Like, we’re about to start a brand new year, brand new decade, like exciting. There’s lots of possibilities. There’s lots of things. I know I’ve been getting a lot of emails about, you know, new year’s resolutions and planning your Year.
0 (6m 9s):
And I’m doing a year planning workshop for my mastermind as well. But I do it a little differently because what mostly happens is you have all of these big goals. And then usually by about three weeks in, they have fallen by the wayside, even if you’ve started and you have some good momentum, most people like a ridiculously high percentage of people abandon their new year’s resolutions by around, I don’t know, the third week of January. And, and there’s a brain science behind This, there’s a lot of brain science behind why it is so hard to create behavior change.
0 (6m 51s):
And so I’ve experimented with a lot of different tools in the Mastermind and, and really what the brain science is telling us in terms of how you create a new habit, like why you fall back into old habits. Okay. Okay. I understand it. Like the brain seeks the familiar, there’s a primal reason that we do that. We seek the familiar, we do those familiar patterns, honestly, because those are the S the deepest neuro-pathways pathways in our brain. And it, you know, the way we’re designed as humans is to hold on to as many of our calories as we can add, in case we come in to a moment where we go into a fight or flight, like we’re going to need those calories to like, fight the tiger in the jungle, which in modern life might just mean, you know, the email that comes, that gets you all ruffled, whatever it is, and our modern life, but our, our primal that primal part of our brain, the oldest part of our brain, a lot of people refer to it as the lizard brain.
0 (7m 60s):
It is naturally always trying to, to be stingy with its calories. Like, Oh, I’m not going to expend calories to, to not eating that thing. Cause just because you promise that you want it to eat, you know, not to eat that thing. Like I want to eat that thing now and to not eat that thing or to not yell at my kid or to do or whatever the behavior change is to, to not hit snooze on my alarm. Like those, those, those old patterns are what come naturally to us. So to not do those things will take actually more calories, more energy from our body to resist doing those old things.
0 (8m 44s):
Does that make sense? You guys, so, so when you’re creating
2 (8m 48s):
A new habit, you have a new years resolution.
0 (8m 51s):
Yeah. And it might be that you want to be more PRODUCTIVE in your day. You wanna get up earlier. You want to start exercising. I mean, a lot of times people it’s about health and fitness. You want to start exercising, you want to eat healthier. And in order to do that, you have to create behavior change and to create behavior change. It means instead of hitting the snooze button, you pop up and you get up early and you go exercise. That means you take the time on Sunday to do some meal planning, and you do some food prep, and you, you have to expend those calories, creating those new habits and doing all kinds of the behind the scenes work to make them a reality.
0 (9m 33s):
And that takes effort. It takes energy. And so you start off all gung ho, but when push comes to shove and it Sunday afternoon and it’s meal prep and all that, you’re like, screw this. I want to go lay on my bed and watch Netflix. I’m going to stay in the cave where it’s nice and cozy. That’s that lizard part of your brain that comes up with all the excuses. It’s fine. You’ll eat healthy. You don’t need to do all the meal planning. And you’re not that kind of person. I, there’s all of this stuff that comes online, that key. And it’s because our brain is always trying to kind of sabotage us to keep us in the same habits that we’ve always been in because of the brain Sikhs, the familiar it’s the way that we hold on to as much of our energy and calories as possible.
0 (10m 21s):
So that when we have that time tiger in the jungle moment will be able to fight hard or run fast. We’ll have our reserves all built up because we didn’t expend it doing, you know, whatever that thing was, what that, that is not a new neural pathway or a habit that’s been formed in our brain that comes naturally. So, so the creating behavior change, it’s interesting, you know, it, yes, there’s brain science behind it. And yes, it’s really important for us to have like systems in place and to be organized, which is not a strength for me.
0 (11m 7s):
And to do things like listen to this podcast, to expose your mind to new learning and new information and new tools, hopefully presented in a somewhat engaging way. ’cause if it’s presented on a way that puts you at a freaking sleep, that doesn’t do anybody any good, right? So all of that is important, but hands down the most important tactic I have discovered over the last year as I’ve been using my Mastermind as my little Guinea pigs, is that behavior change comes from consistent practice and implementation.
0 (11m 49s):
And that’s what it takes to create a new habit. And w and this is the interesting thing I can talk about taking action all day. I can talk about the importance of practice and implementation. I can teach you tools, right? So for one of the tools that we’ve been using in the Mastermind for anybody, who’s heard it, hasn’t heard of the five, four, three, two, one the five second rule by Mel Robbins. I encourage you to, to learn about that, watch her Ted talk or pick up her book. It’s an interesting, it’s an interesting tool, and there’s a lot of brain science behind it, and we’ve been using it in the mastermind in terms of using that and taking a deep breath as a way to just sort of like disrupt an old pattern and throw our brain for a loop.
0 (12m 40s):
So that’s been a super helpful tool for us in a mastermind. And the biggest thing, I, you know, the systems, the organization, the tools like the five second, all of that stuff is super important for most people. Like I would say 95% of the people who have been getting the biggest results in my Mastermind, it’s been in the community piece, the community piece where, and we’ve been playing around with a lot of different, interesting ways for us to have all these ongoing conversations in done in sort of this intimate way, where, when we have these groups of like five people who really get to know each other, and then we have bigger, larger conversations within the mastermind, but it’s the community piece.
0 (13m 25s):
And y’all, don’t have to join my mastermind to get this. You actually could do this by just like, like, you know, how like book clubs pop up. If you, if you created a book club, let’s say a five people, and you read things like my book or a Mel Robbins book, different books that really talk about creating behavior change in, let’s say you called it the behavior. You know, the, the, the new habit book club, I’m just coming up with that right now, the new habit book club. And it had five people. What we’ve noticed in the mastermind is that these little groups, these intimate groups having real conversation, like sharing vulnerability, sharing the truth, encouraging each other, propelling, each other, giving honest feedback, like just these ongoing conversations is the thing that seems to be moving the needle toward creating these amazing lives.
0 (14m 26s):
And that’s what we’ve noticed in the mastermind as we’ve been playing around with things over the last year. So it’s interesting because what you notice is, is, so for us, you know, for us in the Mastermind, the whole idea is, is we want, like, we don’t want to live lives that are just fine. Like, you know, like, I’m, I, I always say like F fine. We don’t like fine, really fine as like the knit, like my grandmother used to give one of them, my grandmother, my Nan, she took us to Bascom. Robbins when I was a kid, I had this friend named Ashley and M and we go to a bathroom. Robbins when we’re so excited, I would love, I still love Baskin Robins to this day.
0 (15m 8s):
And, and Ashley ordered vanilla. And my Nan had a conniption fit that with all of these flavors to order vanilla, it was like a travesty to her. She was like, there is no way. And to me, like, when you, like, when you’re like, I’m fine things fine, it’s fine. It’s like ordering vanilla ice cream at Baskin Robbins. I actually think vanilla ice cream sort of delicious, but I got what she, I got where she was going. There’s so much more out there that so much more interesting. Like how about living a life?
0 (15m 48s):
That’s been freaking tastic. How about that? Like who, who aspires to live a life of fine? So I say, we’re starting a new decade. 2020 is a new decade. Don’t you want to live a life where you feel like you’re thriving, Enough feeling like you’re just surviving enough of that. And we, you start to achieve or, you know, results and, and really learn how you can create a new habit that create more positive results in your life. Right? So let’s say you do it, you stick to that healthy eating or exercise regimen, and you start to shed those pounds that was extra 10 pounds of however many pounds that you have been carrying that, you know, you know, you know that your outside doesn’t define you.
0 (16m 44s):
And like, the way I think about it, it’s, it’s like annoying to expend any of your bandwidth toward that BS all day. Like when those extra pounds are there, I like, how much of your day are you sitting there thinking, Oh, my pants are digging into my stomach. That used to be mine. I’m like, it would be driving. And I would just expend bandwidth, like thinking about like my jeans, digging into my stomach or my stomach hanging out, or my jeans. Like, I don’t like, I want to live a life better than that. I don’t want to waste energy thinking about that. I’d rather think about more important things than my fat roll, hanging over my jeans. Like really? And so what you started to notice is if you created some behavior changed and it feels good, I like that positive momentum.
0 (17m 30s):
It propels more, you know, more of the same to come. So you start to notice that You, it happens in your body, start to feel better and your body, it starts to change how you feel in general. You start to have more patients with your kids. Your family starts to get along better before you know, it, there is something that happens, you know, career wise, and the opportunity comes your way. You’re showing up differently. Like it’s this like domino effect, it’s contagious, but not like, not like a contagious disease in a bad way. It’s contagious in a good way. So as you start to learn what it takes for you to create behavior change, and I’m telling you guys community is a pivotal piece, you can not do this by yourself.
0 (18m 18s):
Most likely it’s not sustainable. So when you have that small intimate group where you’re working together, that’s why I think a lot of times like running groups and exercise groups or CrossFit groups become so connected and so bonded because it’s more than just like showing up to work out or showing up to run together. There’s, you know, it Tai it taps into that primal need of belonging that we all have as humans. And it just feels better. It feels better not to go out it alone. So, so that’s what I want to say to you guys that are 2020.
0 (18m 59s):
I want it to be YOUR Year to THRIVE to whether you’re in the mastermind or not. You’re here, you’re in the Mastermind Parenting tribe. You’re listening. This is making sense to you. And I’m here to say like, like you deserve to have
3 (19m 17s):
A life where you feel like
0 (19m 19s):
You’re thriving. It is entirely possible. It is, it is entirely possible. And it makes me crazy. Like when I meet miserable, people just like just people that just like, want to just complain all the time. And I’m not saying like, also the sugary sweet, like, Oh, everything’s perfect. Like, that’s so freaking annoying to me. But like people that are just like bond over just a bond over BS all the time, they’re complaining all the time. It’s like living in that victims story and they don’t know how to create a new habit. Like their habit loop is the habit of misery.
0 (20m 1s):
The habit of, I don’t have to take action because life happened to me and I’m like, no, you can, everything’s figure. Out-able like, you absolutely can do something different. And you’ve got to take action. You’ve got to find resources. You’ve got to build in support. It takes some planning, like all good things come with some hard work. And the hard work involved is finding the way that the support system that you need to thrive. So I want y’all to step into action. If you need my help, we are enrolling. We have a February new group starting.
0 (20m 45s):
We keep the group small. So the spots are limited. It’s important to me to know each and every member of my Mastermind. So we do keep the groups small last year. I didn’t enroll lot of new groups because it was really just really set on figuring this out and helping my current members to get the results that they wanted and really figuring out what it takes for people to get behavior change and to make a behavior change. I feel like we’ve sorta figured it out. So if you feel like it’s your time, it’s honestly like we’ve made it super affordable. And, and if you are feeling called to join, I want you to go to Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash February, and you can read more about it and you’ll have the application there to apply.
0 (21m 38s):
We have a team member. If you want to know, there’s a link on that page. If you want to talk to someone on our team to find out more, but more than anything, I want you to step into this new decade, knowing that you deserve the exact life that you want. I doubt it’s a life of fine. Like we’re doing more than that. We’re going to THRIVE and 20 and 28, and we’re going to THRIVE in 20, 20 and beyond. And I hope you guys have a fabulous new year’s. Okay. Take care. Bye bye.
1 (22m 13s):
Have you read my book, the parent gap. Have you listened to my book? The parent gap? I doubt you’ve listened because my publisher hasn’t released it yet on audible. However, I have the audio version of the parent gap that I would love to send to you. You, you can download it at Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com slash book for your free audio version of the parent gap. You’re welcome. I.