In this week’s episode, you’ll hear from Mastermind moms and dads about their biggest a-ha’s after becoming a Mastermind parent. I think you’ll be surprised about some of their takeaways. Hint: Not a single one of them is feeling like their kid needs to be fixed or changed. They all realize that perfection is NOT the goal. Enjoy!
As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!
About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
Randi’s Social Links
Links & Resources
For more help, reach out to me for support: http://Randirubenstein.com/discovery
Get my Free Guide!
This guide contains the condensed nuggets of my mind mastering parenting recipe. I’ve been developing my signature Mastermind Parenting method for over twenty years and I’m BEEEyond thrilled to share it with you. It has the power not to just improve the conversations and relationships in your family but digging in and doing this work will change your life. I can’t wait for you to get started so I can teach you everything! Head over here to get your copy https://mastermindparenting.com/freeguide
Apply for Free Coaching!
Thank you so much for listening and being an amazing mama that listens to parenting podcasts! I absolutely love connecting with other moms during the Real Coaching with Randi monthly segment and share their story. If you would like to get some free coaching on a future episode, head over to https://mastermindparenting.com/freecoaching/ and hit the Apply button.
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Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It’s my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy https://mastermindparenting.com/book
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Transcription
0 (0s):
I’m super excited to dive into today’s topic. But before we do, here’s a quick word from our sponsor. So today’s episode is brought to you by the Mastermind Parenting membership, our exclusive private year-long mastermind and the mastermind. You’re going to find a tribe of smart determinant and sometimes even slightly rebellious parents who all happen have something in common. We all have at least one strong-willed kit. We’re a group of Trailblazer’s. We believe that everything is figureoutable. We learn how to laugh more and yell way less. We solve problems. We have PRODUCTIVE combos instead of lectures that always fall on deaf ears. Anyway, as you guys know, we’re a group of action takers.
0 (42s):
We don’t allow ourselves to stay stuck living in a home that feels like we’re walking on eggshells. Life’s too short for that. We dig in, we take action and we figure out what’s coming up for us. When our kids are pushing our buttons, we also learn to see our kids differently and how to speak to them in a way that they can actually hear without the constant fighting and dictator type behavior. We change patterns that have possibly been in our families for generations. We’ve become the happy problem solving parents and people. We hope our kids will grow up to be because you can’t teach what you don’t have. You’ve got to do it first. Guys, the doors are officially open and we’re enrolling for the Mastermind Parenting membership, February cohort group.
0 (1m 27s):
So if you’re ready to get the coaching support, training resources and accountability, you deserve to finally take your family from surviving to thriving. I want you to join the mastermind, go to Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash February, and apply for the Mastermind. There is an option to book, a free call with Lindsey, L I N D S E Y on my team. If you want all the deets to determine whether the Mastermind would be a good fit for you. It’s Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash February giant. Things are happening in the Mastermind. So if you’ve been a podcast listener for a while, and you are ready to have some accountability and experience a community, like you have never, ever been involved in and come apply for the Mastermind, you’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode 99.
1 (2m 25s):
My name is Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast where we believe when your thoughts grow the conversations in your home flow.
0 (2m 39s):
Wow. I can’t believe that we have almost recorded a a hundred episodes today’s episode is really, for those of you who have been listening to the podcast and thinking about joining the private Mastermind and wondering what’s really going on in their, like, is this for real Kim? I believer whose in it, what are they seeing? What kind of results are they getting? And so my team put together just They you just, we have lots of people from the program that raise their hand and we’re happy to just sort of share some pieces of their experience.
0 (3m 25s):
Some people that are in the program, some people that have graduated actually, and just before they left the program and they just sort of where, like, I think I’ve gotten what I need and, and I, you know, Thanks, I’m ready to go. I’m ready to just spread my wings and fly. And so before they left, we just kind of talked about like, what, what did you like, what worked for you? What did you see? And I know for many of you guys who like, can be kind of natural skeptics, it’s always more impactful to hear from real life people that went through the experience that you’re considering. And so that’s why we made this episode.
0 (4m 7s):
So Enjoy, I have to start with gratitude first. ’cause I’m just amazed at what you and Randy Do and the dedication that you guys have, because I, I just, I mean, this is such important work that you guys do, and I’m just so thankful to first know about you guys. And then be part of the Mastermind bold, I’m more, PRODUCTIVE, I’m seeing results. Like he is sitting down and eating food, like real through that makes you grow. And then he’s like, now I get some trees and he knows like, you know, he knows to get the small bowl for ice cream. He knows that he can’t ha you know, just keep asking and asking and asking for more.
0 (4m 50s):
I mean, that is a major win in our household. The next time he’s going to like, kind of freak out, because then I’m like, okay, this is what we have to tackle next. Let’s do it. You know, like, does that sound weird? But let’s, let’s tackle the next thing. Let’s figure it out. And I have a support system, which I didn’t feel like I had before. And you and Randy has been that support system. So that if I know I can’t tackle it, I know I can get resources for you guys. I can just get you on boxer real quick and be like, Hey, this is what’s appearing. And I, and confused, or, or if that’s my typical mode, right?
0 (5m 30s):
But now I’m matching, I’m matching what I want. I was doing up the worm’s and spitting in his mouth. But I was saying, I didn’t want to do, you know, it’s hard work, but life changing,
2 (5m 48s):
I have seen the effects. I’ve seen what we call wins. Right. We’ll get some wins. And when you get some of those wins, like getting your kids to on time
0 (5m 58s):
And having that downtime together, then that’s a wonderful thing is it’s good. It’s good for the family. It’s good for the, the, the relationship. And I, and I, I truly believe that not only is our home improving, but the relationship with my wife is getting stronger and stronger. So that’s, that’s been the biggest thing. It’s, it’s, it’s a work in progress, but we’re making that progress. I finally feel like I’m in the right hands.
3 (6m 28s):
And what I’ve learned over the past couple of months is more than what I’ve learned in two years of it
0 (6m 35s):
Therapy. And I think that I have a lightness to myself that people can pick up on, because I feel like I’m giving myself permission to slow down. I’m giving myself permission to just already striving for the next thing, because like you’ve said, we kind of agreed that I am in a good place and I can recognize that. And I think that’s a gift within itself. So my family has definitely seen that I am a little bit calmer and I would just say lighter, like the monkey on my shoulder is gone in a way I don’t feel like I need to apologize or that I need to explain myself, like, I’m me. And it feels good. And I don’t think that it’s changed our kids, but I think that it’s changed us.
0 (7m 20s):
And, you know, I think because it’s changed us in and changed the way that we parent it just made everything work better. It’s been incredibly accessible to us as a community, you know, with questions or, you know, when life comes up. So I found that it’s worked really well and technology has not been scary at all at all. I mean, we make it super simple because my mom’s usually at school. So being able to even facilitate conversations back and forth with the teachers around things, having a different vocabulary has helped even just bring that conversation back to the teacher is if I’m picking up on something and it’s allowed us just as a team to work together with just, you know, some of the nuances of kids like the overall program has just given me the opportunity to really like, you know, dig deep.
0 (8m 15s):
And like Randi said, like focus on, on what I wanna grow this like pack leadership without fear of judgment that I’m doing it wrong, but then like a thought shifting experience and the program, and almost just like finding my identity as a mom and feeling empowered, you know, to, to be a pack leader. And to like internally, I know that I’m doing it right. So it might just be more about the discovery of like me and the, in our work of me. And it’s like a effects that
4 (8m 56s):
Translates back to your children. And I don’t think you find that. So that’s what makes it so special is that it’s like that empowerment movement, like for a bad-ass moms. And I don’t know, it’s just like, it feels so good. It, it helps you have a manual. It helps to have some tools. They’re teachable skills. It’s just like a, you know, I always said that about baseball, that, you know, baseball was a very teachable sport, you know, and, and the more practice you have, the better you get it. And I feel like Parenting is the same way you can try and just get out there and swing the bat and, and pitch. But if you’re taught and you, and you, and you have somebody coaching you, you’re, you’re going to be better at it.
4 (9m 36s):
And, and your dog’s you’ll be better. And you can bond with your kids when you walk your dogs. So lets just bring it all back together.
3 (9m 49s):
It was a privilege to be there. And so I think that they’re, they’re really working with him. I’m really working with him and we’re starting to see some positive results. I’m still riding high from that. And when I drop him off at school every morning and then the vice head of school is at the carpool line and gives them a high five, I just feel encouraged. And because we don’t always have, we don’t always have all good moments like, but they’re fewer and fewer. I never have been more fearful at the beginning of a message ’cause but yes, it was awesome. That’s yeah. So I think that the most mind blowing part of this whole Parenting experience has been, you know, I think back to the beginning of the summer, which was what were in November, this was in June when I was ready to medicate my child for having all of these problems.
3 (10m 46s):
And I basically just had to learn how to see the world through his eyes. And once I did that, that’s when everything started to change. And I think that the vocabulary that I had prior to my knowledge was there, but my body language didn’t match due to stress and anxiety and just not knowing his, I didn’t understand why he was behaving that way. So my frustrations were all over me. So when I would say, I love you and I’m here for you. You know, he would hit me or bite me because he, because I was angry, he like You, he didn’t trust me.
3 (11m 29s):
So over the course of several months when I just stopped the anger and I forced breathing, he slowly learned that I was going to be there to support him and that I wasn’t there to micromanage him and tell him what to do. That I was actually there to help him through whatever hard problems we’re going on with him. And once he truly believed that and truly trusted that everything changed. And so that’s just been a lot of learning and I feel like the learning has just become, but with all of these tools and now I know how I can relate to him.
3 (12m 12s):
It’s my mind is blown because I know that I now know that it’s not that I have a child who’s all messed up. He’s just somebody that needs a whole lot of empathy and patience.
0 (12m 27s):
Yeah. You just ended up with better the best version of your kids because yeah, I guess you just don’t do as much damage.
5 (12m 37s):
The few things that really locked down in my core now that has fundamentally changed. My Parenting was I needed to be reminded that kids have a point of view and kids hurt and everyone talks about how kids are resilient and they can bounce back. Well, the fact of the matter is I’m sure that they can, but at the moment that they need to be understood and, and, and listened to the other thing was something that she said to me on a really terrible day after a very nasty encounter with the school. And I said, well, what, what would I do? I Do. And she said, you need to be his soft place to land.
5 (13m 21s):
And I think about that every day, there’s a moment For solving problems and there’s a moment for listening to problems. And there’s a moment for just being there. And that has fundamentally changed the way that we parent at my house. So I came to her pretty much a train wreck and things are so much better now. And these are the nuggets that make Randi Different
0 (13m 52s):
That Josh and I have the shift, not only because we feel so supported, but also because the tools are so easy to implement there, not easy and that you do it right the first time and at all. So there are a common sense. And so we have a shift in our house that’s more glass, half full than empty. Yeah. You gave us the, the neurological, a definition of where these kids are in their, in their development. And I had never looked at them before. And that really helps to understand neurologically where you were a kid is and how to development really helps because it is not, it, it just gives you a frame of reference of, of what they understand to what they don’t understand.
0 (14m 46s):
Umm, and you know, that the other thing that was really as you gave
1 (14m 52s):
Us permission to fail.
0 (14m 55s):
So I just think that I’m barking orders to much and just, you know, all of the things that you teach in the, in the course when I’m doing that, I just forgive myself and I say, sorry to them, or just acknowledge it. And, and knowing that you always say that like we’re human. And I think that just that phrase in and of itself I’ve fully taken in and embraced and it’s made, it’s definitely made me a better mom because I think I’ve taught my kids that now, like I think that they get that they’re allowed to have human moments too. And the way that he and I communicate now is so great. Like I feel a lot less scared about the teen years knowing that like, you know, we can have the PRODUCTIVE conversation, I’ve gotten a lot better at that.
0 (15m 41s):
My confidence and the journey that I’ve been on has helped. I think it inspires other parents, you know, to say like It because that’s the first thing I do is to, is to help, help them not feel guilty about whatever their sleep struggle is, you know? And, and to say like, we’ve all been through this, you’re doing the best you can do to survive. I was doing the best I could do to survive, but that, that wasn’t enough. You know, I needed something I needed to wake up and be happy about being a mom and facing the day. And I don’t think that I, I had that before. So I think it’s given me confidence in myself. And of course, I mean, whenever you feel confident and happy, it, it emanates from you and I think affects every aspect of your friendships, you know, and just all of my relationships.
0 (16m 32s):
I do not think that I would appreciate where we are right now. I think I would just think I would still be in the gap. I think I would still be resentful. I think that everything that the kids did would frustrate me and I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t look at myself and, and sort of be content or proud or happy about the choices that I’ve made and now, and, and just be like an ungrateful, you know, for, for what I really have. You know, my oldest has been having some issues with his peers and I feel like I’ve really handled that. You know, that’s reflective of what I learned in Mastermind.
0 (17m 14s):
And so he’s handled it I’ve coached him or I needed to, but I didn’t step in and solve the problem for him. And we, we literally, he just had a, you know, conflict resolution kind of meeting with the councilor and some of his friends and it’s all good. And I didn’t need to be in the meeting. I didn’t need to call the counselor. Like he managed it.
1 (17m 37s):
Have you read my book, the parent gap, have you listened to my book? The parent gap? I doubt you’ve listened because my publisher hasn’t released it yet on audible. However, I had the audio version of a parent GAF that I would love to send to you. You can download it at Mastermind Parenting dot com For slash book that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com for slash book for your free audio version of the parent that your welcome I.
