In this bonus episode, I’m including a coaching clip where a mom was dealing with an explosive situation involving her son and virtual school. You’ll hear from Amanda, a Mastermind Parenting Coach who is also a seasoned Occupational Therapist.
I call Amanda, “The Kid Whisperer”, because she has a magical way of really uncovering the root of the explosive behavior and shares practical tips to help our most challenging kiddos. You will love her and her guidance. Enjoy!
As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!
About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast at Mastermind Parenting, we’re on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them. You’re listening to them, Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein, and we have another bonus episode four. You, hi guys. I am M including a coaching clip, a it’s actually not me. Coaching it is Amanda, who is a Mastermind Parenting Coach and coaches within our private membership. And Amanda is I’m like I fan girl over Amanda. She, she worked as an occupational therapist with some of the most challenging kids that, I mean, like literally she’s been hit bit kicked, spat on seeing kids at school.
And she is just one of the most committed people I’ve ever met to really helping, you know, our most challenging kids. And she’s seen it all. I always say, she’s like the kid whisper. She just has this magical way about her. And she just always knows what’s going on. And she, her brain goes to this place of curiosity just, and she thinks of things that just, she blows me away. So anyway, I wanted to include a clip of her coaching and, and it was a, in terms of, of, she was responding to a mom’s homework assignment where basically she was talking about a scenario where her son whose doing a lot better is still having these explosive moments.
0 (1m 50s):
And she just, you know, she was, this is a mom who is working part time as a pediatrician. And when she’s home, she’s trying to get work behind the scenes done. And then she’s trying to run a virtual school for her kid’s and, you know, doing what a lot of you guys have been doing all year long and part of last year. And she said, you know, it just came out of nowhere. It was like, it was like, she, he, you know, his brother shut the door. He was doing a virtual school. And the next thing you know, his brother shut the door and he just lost his shit and, and just kind of went nuts.
0 (2m 32s):
And so anyway, so Amanda’s coaching her on this scenario and she gives so many practical, great tips for what what’s really going on with him. And I also love her perspective because, you know, she worked with explosive children for so long in a school setting. So she’s really seen these kids when they’re in this state of dysregulation from having to sit in a classroom. Now, like they’re having to sit in front of a computer screen and she just it’s like, she’s, she paints a realistic picture of, it’s almost like Rome wasn’t built in a day.
0 (3m 11s):
Like we, we have to dig into what was really going on for him. And, and I just always love how Amanda approaches these situations. So I wanted to include this to pier, and I think you guys are gonna find it really helpful.
1 (3m 28s):
I love how you saw his perspective and the hallmark. And I do think that he is probably, I don’t want to say always, but I would say probably close to always be in a state, a dysregulation. And so when these instances come up, his threshold is so low for anything else that he probably just goes instantly into fight or flight. And, you know, his reaction is to hit punch, kick, whatever. And I’m not sure that he can help that right now. He may be able to, but I don’t know if he’s in a state of fight or flight most of the time, you probably can not.
1 (4m 14s):
And I know that doesn’t make it easier to parent, but it does make sometimes the perk a when we change our perspective and our mindset a little bit, it does make it a little bit easier to understand like, exactly, like you said, like he has a hard time verbalizing. He was probably a frustrated that the door got closed. I didn’t know that he wasn’t able to verbalize that to me. So you could know who kids who have a dysregulated nervous central nervous system are not great. There’s especially in the moment of fight or flight, that’s going to be, you know, they also get in a freezer, which is, you know, a shutdown you can’t verbalize. All I can do is impulse reactions, which are hitting, punching, kicking, spitting, running, you know, whatever.
1 (4m 58s):
So I am, I am actually curious if you’ve gone back to him and ask him why he wanted the door open a wa one of the best central nervous system decompressors is being outside. So I’m curious if it was during school hours and he was already frustrated. So I know that has been a great thing for him, if he just senses feeling calmer with the door open. I’m curious about that. So I would, if you haven’t yet, I would do some investigations like, Hey buddy, like the other day, when you were like really angry and frustrated and you wanted the door open. I didn’t know that I’m really sorry. I didn’t know that.
1 (5m 38s):
Like, why, you know, tell me why you wanted the door opened. What was M you know, what were your thoughts about that? And I really wouldn’t say anything more than that. I would just say, you know, what were your thoughts about that? And let him describe it and see, you know, I don’t know. I’m always curious when things like that happen, because clearly it was super important to him, but like you said, maybe it was just the competition that his brother, you know, if you want it open or whatever, you know, you may of been nothing, but I am curious if he’s going to say anything about that, because it’s just that powerful outdoors is just that powerful for kids with sensory issues and these a highly sensitive, nervous system.
1 (6m 19s):
So I would get curious about that. And then, you know, this probably isn’t the answer you want to hear, but I do think until we can get him a little bit more regulated, kind of what we talked about last week during the session is he’s probably still going to be an impulsive hit or a kicker punch or whatever, but I would, you know, try to get him more of like to start relabeling those emotions even more, which will help get him out of overstimulation. And so like when he’s calmed down from the event, you know, it could be 10 minutes later, it may be an hour later. It may be 24 hours later.
1 (6m 59s):
You know, I don’t know where he is on a M dysregulation spectrum, but you know, if he’s a kid who is really a dysregulated, he made need a full day or full six hours or something to calm down and be able to talk about it. But, you know, go back to now and there’s a lot of the door and be like, I could tell it made you, you know, if you tell it made me not feel good, like, where are you feeling angry? Where are you feeling frustrated? Where are you feeling sad where your feelings hurt, give him if he’s not able to label the emotions, give him options. Because like he may not be angry. He might have got his feelings hurt may of been like, oh man, mom does what mother wants instead of what I want. That hurts my feelings. Yeah. We don’t really know, but where are you going to just be like, yeah, I just wanted a door open and it made me angry that you said, you know, whatever, but helping him outside of the, you know, incidents outside of the meltdowns or whatever, that will help him that eventually that will help him end the moment, because it would be easier, easier for him to label those emotions.
1 (7m 60s):
And once he can label and be aware of those emotions, it helps him to be more in control of those emotions, if that makes sense. And that’s how we get them out, a fight or flight. And that’s how we get like the hitting and, you know, impulse reactions to, to stop. So then, you know, I still think probably starting him on living a good sensory diet, this brain works cards, or, you know, whatever else would be super helpful for him, a really, for all of you, but I’m just because I think it would be a make your life easier once you get it set up and going and all of that. And then, you know, if it’s an option, I haven’t taken breaks outdoors during the school day, you know, or, I mean, my early ADHD daughter, I just set up her laptop on a table outside and she tells like, I don’t even know.
1 (8m 50s):
It’s just so much better. It’s much easier for her when she’s sitting outside doing her schoolwork versus inside a, she just improves her focus, her attention, her wiggles, it just helps so much. So that that’s an option for him. That might be something that you consider too. Not sure of what the weather is like for y’all, but if it’s working right now or if it’s a good weather right now, that might be something that would kind of work right now for school. So just some, just some thoughts. And I know we have a call this week, it’s Wednesday, so
0 (9m 23s):
I we’ll see you this week. Looking forward to it. It’s for listening today, guys. I hope you picked up some tips tools, maybe some baby steps for creating more balance and boundaries in your life. And I just wanted to let you know, if you want to continue moving the needle forward in creating this for yourself, having a happier household. I want you to go to my website and check out Mastermind, Parenting dot com. We have three beginning programs, and if you need some accountability and more support, then please look for the one that would be a good fit for you. And as always, we’re on all the social channels under Mastermind Parenting on Instagram, it’s Mastermind, underscore parenting, uhm, and you know, periodically I do pop up on different Instagram lives, Facebook lives.
0 (10m 16s):
Where are you teaching and coaching. And I love engaging with you live to help you help your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better because when they feel better, they do better. And I love, love, love, getting to know you guys. So thanks for listening. If you liked this podcast, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review super, super appreciative.