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About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast at Mastermind Parenting, we’re on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them. You’re listening to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein Bonus Episode conversation with Nancy Perry, my yoga teacher. So today I have a conversation you’ll have to excuse the sound because I had some technology issues after my computer was dead. And I thought it was fried because we had a hurricane Nicholas w I don’t know if it was a tropical storm or hurricane the other night and our power went out.
And anyway, so when I went to, to sign on my computer, wasn’t working, you know, always, always fun around here. So I sat down with Nancy Perry, who is the owner of Big Power Yoga in Houston. And I wanted to have a conversation with Nancy because I really feel like there’s so many misconceptions about yoga. And when I found this studio in Houston, I started going here probably seven or eight years ago. I want you all to know that years ago I was the most unlikely person to do yoga.
0 (1m 26s):
I didn’t know, like, I didn’t know how to listen to my body. I didn’t know how to take a deep breath. I didn’t grow up athletic. I didn’t grow up exercising. I did a lot of sitting on the couch. And then when I became a teenager, I did a lot of partying. The last thing I ever really wanted to do was exercise. So years ago I started running and I ran for probably like 10 years and I ran some half marathons and I hated every second of it, except for I would. And the reason you might be like, why did you do it? And really, I just did it. Cause I knew that like, if you wanted to be somewhat healthy or, oh, no, just responsible, you have to exercise, you have to do something.
0 (2m 15s):
So I was just like, sucking it up and I would make it better. I would, I had a running partner for many years and we would meet early in the morning before I even got my kids ready for school. And it was, you know, it was my time with my friend and we talked the whole time and I did feel a dopamine hit when we would do like the races or when I was driving home. After just knowing at 6 45 that I had, I had already run four miles. I’d got my exercise in for the day and I felt good. So, so I did like aspects of running after the run.
0 (2m 55s):
But finally, one day I, my knee started hurting. And after my third child, like my bladder was always, I always felt like I had to pee all the time. And, and so then all of a sudden, I just was like, I don’t know. Maybe I could figure out some other form of exercise. So I started doing yoga, not at big where I do it with Nancy. I actually went to a little teeny tiny studio and the lady had to teach me how to breathe. Like I had no clue how to take the deep inhales and the slow exhales, which really you guys I’ve noticed that like a lot of us don’t know how to properly breathe, to calm our bodies down, right. Or to gain access to more strength.
0 (3m 39s):
And so I really learned how to breathe in yoga. And then I started looking for studios. I went to some different studios and when I found big, it was not close to my house. It was just, there was nothing about it. That was convenient at the time. I think Nancy, she was probably still in her twenties and it was, she opened the studio with another young woman. They didn’t have children yet. It was a much younger crowd. And I started going there and like, it was just the special, magical place. Like I know where nowhere else had. I done yoga that I felt like it was like, I don’t know, it was like a movement.
0 (4m 20s):
And I knew she stood for things that were more than yoga, but I just knew this was a fun place to go. And there was so much diversity. There was tons of there’s different ages. There’s there was different skill levels. There was different body sizes. I also like, many of you was like, I’m not flexible. I can’t even touch my toes. I had chronic neck pain. Now I people say to me all the time, like you have such great posture. You’re always so upright. And I, for many years just walked around, like with my shoulders slumped forward. I, and so when I started going here, I just felt like it was just this loving place.
0 (5m 2s):
And it wasn’t just like a bunch of yoga show offs who I was really like, I would go to these classes and, you know, the vibe was just so good. And Nancy just had this magical quality. So she’s a studio owner, one of the studio owners. And she, you know, she really she’s the one who trains the teachers and it wasn’t, it’s not like she’s teaching the classes all day long. So I would go to the classes that were by teachers that she had trained. And she just was this super cool person that I just could tell. She was somebody who was delightful to work for.
0 (5m 44s):
Like I could tell her teachers all felt empowered. She also really picked great teachers. And I don’t know, I think maybe I was just like attracted to her, to who she was as a person, as a business owner, which is sort of a super fan. And so I found this great place. And I remember my cousins came in one holiday, maybe for Thanksgiving, from Portland and, and they, you know, my cousins are like all kinds of cool and kind of grungy and kind of into all, you know, I’ve been always like the mainstream lame one, like the least likely person to probably be into yoga for them. And I remember, I think it was Thanksgiving morning.
0 (6m 24s):
They do this special Thanksgiving morning class and I went to it and I took my cousins and they were all like, wow, you are so lucky to have this studio here. That was the coolest experience because there’s just this community in this sweating and, and it’s rigorous, you know, it’s rigorous, but like there’s people at all skill levels. Cause they run. These programs were very, you know, people who are total beginners come and it’s just this inclusive. They truly stand for inclusivity. And so I’ve just been a member of the studio, just loved it and appreciated it and specifically been a super fan of Nancy.
0 (7m 12s):
And I just have always felt like she brings the magic. And she’s way more than what you would think of as a typical yoga teacher. She’s just it’s if anybody remembers that you remember that lady stopped the insanity Susan power from, or is it power powders, maybe Susan powder from years and years ago, who was like this little blonde pixie lady with all this energy and she was on tents. Nancy’s almost like the, like the new age version of that. Like she’s, she’s like good, intense, like in only the most loving way that she’s charismatic. And she, and she does all these cool moves, but she also like invites you to listen to your own body.
0 (7m 57s):
And every single class is like a coaching session, basically. So I just was talking, I was like, I want to bring Nancy on the podcast because I want more people who are like, oh, I’m not a yoga person. I want more people to know that yoga is this very practical method for like ultimately learning how to listen to your body, learning how to control your anger, learning how to, I even talk about it on the, excuse me, let me take a little sip, even talk about it on the podcast with her, it helped me to stop smoking.
0 (8m 45s):
It just has brought a lot into my life and it helped with cured my chronic neck problems. It helped me learn how to put my body into alignment and what you know, my thought was was I think so many of us have unhealed stuff swirling in our body. Whether you struggle with chronic anxiety, you tend to get explosive towards your kids or your partner. You have a lot of tension and anger in your household. You’ve got this little person that seems to be living in this very reactive explosive place. But then if you get really honest with yourself, so are you, and I feel like this is this healing modality, and it’s here.
0 (9m 32s):
And it’s like, every city seems to have yoga studios, but now because of COVID, what big yoga has done is it’s gone virtual. And so they have like every time we do a class, she’s got a camera up there or whoever the instructor is. And they’re talking to the online community. They have people from around the world practicing. So they’ve like started here in Houston, Texas, but they have this global community that does yoga with them multiple times a day. And I was just like, this is such a, an affordable option that really has provided intense healing for me in my life. And it’s just so practical.
0 (10m 14s):
Like, everybody’s like, oh, I should go to therapy. I should do like therapy is great. And what I have learned is that if you stay, if you only, if you only try to heal through talk therapy and in using your brain and what you’re thinking about, and you don’t include your body, it really, you really can only go so far. You have to include the body. And so yoga to me is a modality for healing. So I wanted to invite Nancy on so we could just have a good conversation and, you know, look listening back to the replay. I think because I was a little star struck because I love her so much.
0 (10m 56s):
And I just feel like she’s going to be on, I don’t even know she’s going to be on Oprah one day. She’s definitely got a magical presence about her and many gifts that I sort of have a celebrity crush on her, even though maybe she’s not a celebrity yet, but I really feel it’s like, if you, my husband used to say, if people were stocks, I’d invest in that person. Like if people were stocks, I’d invest in Nancy. So I was a little bit fan girling. And you know, I think when like your fan girling, you nervous talk. So I talk a little too much in this and I’m hoping that we’ll have a follow-up conversation at some point where I can really give her the floor to share her gifts more.
0 (11m 38s):
And I would say go directly to big power yoga.com and, and learn from her directly like do one of her yoga programs because she is a magical presence. So that’s what I’ve got for you guys week. I know many of us are sick of all this pandemic, everything it’s messy out there, people are stressed and struggling and, and I really just wanted to bring you all this tip bonus episode as a tool to support you and, and help all of you deal with these tough times. So enjoy. Okay. Hi Nancy. Hi Rhea.
0 (12m 18s):
Okay. So thanks for being here. We were just kind of chatting before we got started about what our intentions are. And I really just want us to have a conversation and I invited you specifically because I have, I’ve a really high standard of excellence. I just like, I believe that life is a collaboration of amazing people and learning from amazing people. And so I, when I find the amazing people that are, that have powerful gifts for teaching and helping people to feel better, just feel better in their lives, feel better in their bodies.
0 (13m 4s):
I love to kind of bring that forward and introduce people to things that they may not have known about. And so I invited you because I’m a super fan of you. I am, and, and I have been learning and coming to your yoga classes and your studio for a lot of years and, and really just it’s been your yoga studio has been something. I did yoga several other places before I found big yoga and I’m in Houston and, and I was introduced to it through other teachers and they were lovely, but it wasn’t until I came to you and your studio, that it really made a powerful impact in my life.
0 (13m 58s):
And so I wanted to just introduce you to my listeners and let you share your magic.
1 (14m 4s):
Wow. Where do you want an amazing introduction? Thank you. Thank you for those amazingly kind words. Thank you. And I’m so grateful to get to be here with you. And yeah, it’s been a long time since you’ve been coming to big. It has like a long time. So
0 (14m 21s):
Seven or eight year. I don’t know how long y’all been open.
1 (14m 24s):
Yeah. We’ve been open. It will be 10 years this coming February. So yeah, that’s, I mean, that’s when I was thinking like seven or eight years you’ve been coming, so
0 (14m 33s):
Coming along well,
1 (14m 35s):
Thank you for those kind words. I feel the same way about you. And I’m very grateful to get to be here today. Very, very grateful. So thank you for having me
0 (14m 44s):
Well, and I think it’s, you know, look, I have come as a student and have the utmost respect for you, but I also think this is a neat conversation because like, we don’t really know each other personally so much, you know, it’s not like we hang out or we’ve become, you know, friends. So I really just have kind of come and just been a fly on the wall and have my own experience. And the neat thing about you is that I think in the personal development space there, like I was just saying to my husband the other day, I said, you know, I don’t want to go to a therapist that spanks their kids.
0 (15m 28s):
Like I don’t want to go to a nutritionist that smokes and drinks, diet Coke all day, not, you know, no judgment to people who smoke and drink diet Coke all day. Like, that’s your own personal journey. I get it like been there and I want to go to someone who actually walks their talk. And so the thing I’ve loved about, about big yoga is that when I’m in, like, I feel energy and, and I, I can just feel it. And so in the personal development space, I’ve just been around a lot of people who I think really want to believe they’re walking their talk, but I don’t believe them.
0 (16m 14s):
And, and my sense, like, like, you know, like competitiveness in there and, and just, I don’t know, just, it, it just, it’s like, they’re preaching one thing, but I’m like, are you really living this? And what I’ve always felt like from you is that this is you. Like, you’re really walking your talk. Like, I really feel like when you say in your class, listen to your body, and anytime you need to go into child’s pose, go into child’s pose and, and listen to your body and also be on to yourself if you’re in pain, or you just said this in the class yesterday, is it discomfort?
0 (16m 56s):
Or is it pain? Because if it’s discomfort, what about like, and I’m paraphrasing here, but what I took from it was, don’t be scared of the discomfort, like discomfort pushes your body to the next level, you know, and, and decide between pain and discomfort. So, so I’ve loved that you really encourage people first and foremost, to listen to their own body, you know?
1 (17m 24s):
Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, first of all, thank you. Thank you for all of those kind words, you know, that’s, I think it’s just thing. If someone was like, what’s the greatest tool that you have gotten from your teachers or from your yoga practice? It just, the thing that’s right here right now, is that communication with your body. Because that, I mean, that is the thing that helps me do, I mean, like do my best to, to, to walk my talk. And that’s why it’s super important that our, my talk at least includes it, like where I’m failing all over the place somewhere.
1 (18m 4s):
I’m just in total discovery. And that connection to my body is the number one tool that helps me walk my talk, especially when I don’t want to. And that gives me, I’ll just say that just the, the, the confidence to not know when I’m teaching and what I’m leading and when I’m living my life. Because I think, I think that’s when it matters the most is when we don’t, when we don’t know what to do. Like with the example you were giving earlier, Randi, it’s like the parenting. So, you know, I’m in, I’m a new parent. Well, my daughter is three and my son’s almost two. So I kind of got like two for the price of one real quick.
1 (18m 45s):
And, you know, my daughter just started doing this cute little thing and the heartbreaking little thing where after I leave the house, she calls me for my husband phone crying, you know, but because I left and there is the way in which I really want to beat myself up. Do you know, like have that guilt in that moment and that guilt has a really certain body sensation to it and
0 (19m 20s):
Tell me where you feel it when you feel that.
1 (19m 22s):
So for me, when I feel guilt, it’s like I’m tightening in my throat and it’s like, my energy really moves up into the space of my head. There’s like, it’s like, it’s like, I could feel it in my shoulders, my trapezius muscles, my neck, my jaw. And it’s like a very head up neck up energy and thinking, thinking, thinking, thoughts, our thoughts, our thoughts, our thoughts like that, that’s it. And when I can notice that and sense that the thing is like the guilt isn’t going to help me or her, it’s not going to help either of us. So to be able to notice that and to be there with her as myself is, is the greatest tool that, that there is because there’s nothing I can say or do in that moment to fix a situation.
1 (20m 11s):
It’s not my job to fix the situation. My job is to be there and love her. And then it goes for whatever, whatever, in whatever instance I’m in like to be with you or wherever I’m at, my job is always going to be there. My job is always to be there with that person and to love them, even if I don’t like them, I do like my daughter though, you know? So, and that, that’s all,
0 (20m 34s):
How do you refer? So she calls you get the call and she’s crying. Okay. So just walk us through, do like in your head, what, what is the sentence in your head when you hear her that reminds you to notice, like, do you do, is it like click, click, click, do you notice it in your throat? And then you take a deep breath? Like, how do you respond?
1 (20m 60s):
Yeah, let me just look and see, let me just kind of trace, trace through there. Well, you know, the mantra, the parenting monitor that I know you using some, some, you know, I might be saying it differently than you would say, but you know, toddlers and LP toddlers, this is why it’s just so genius what you do, Randy, because all people are kids, right? So, you know, they’re never giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time. Right? So when it comes to my parenting and also my wife thing, and my implement that, that when I feel those body sensations, that’s what I say to myself is like, okay, they’re not giving you a hard time.
1 (21m 42s):
They’re having a hard time. Cause my like that, that super quick, like the way that works for me is like, they’re upset. It’s about me. I’m wrong. They’re upset. It’s about me. I’m wrong. That’s a thought pattern that goes with that, those body sensations. So she’s upset. I’m a bad mom. You know, like that, my husband’s upset, but you know, I’m a bad wife. Let’s make it about me. So anyhow, in this instance, my daughter calls, I, I, that, that chain of reaction happens. I feel the body sensations, she’s upset. I’m a bad mom, dah, dah, dah like that. And then just to, just to notice the body sensations is, is enough to make the shifts.
1 (22m 23s):
But you know, that, that practice though, because what I’ve discovered over time is like, just any amount of time that I spend in that state is time that I’m not being who I’m meant to be. And when I say that state is like that physiological state of my body and that I’m in that tension. That gives me a minute. My body is telling me, Hey, you are not being your best self right now. You are not being in that, in that part of me, that is my best. That is not my best self wants me to think. I have to have it figured out and I have to fix it. So the moment that I can notice that and can relax back into my body and choose to start to make that shift.
1 (23m 10s):
I can remember that that’s not my job. My job is to love her and love that person then that, then I can say, okay, oh sweetheart, you’re sad. Oh my gosh, me too. Really sad when I have to leave you, because I love you so much. And then do you know, she’s like, yeah. You know, you know, so
0 (23m 33s):
Can I just break down what you just said? Sure,
1 (23m 36s):
0 (23m 38s):
So people come to me and they’re like, but what do I say? Okay. But my kid called me and, and you know, I’m stressed and I’m running a business and I’ve got these three businesses that I run, you know, cause Nancy, doesn’t just run a yoga studio. Like you got your hands in lots of things and lots of people want a piece of you. Okay. And so, and so now she’s calling you and it’s very easy to kind of go into the story of I’m prioritizing all the wrong things. I’m rushing out of house. I’m going on. You know, somebody’s podcasts like, like this is my child.
0 (24m 22s):
Like this is like here’s evidence right before me. I have a unhappy crying child. Who’s crying because of me, it shows evidence that I am failing at my most important job and I’m prioritizing all the wrong things. And so it’s easy to like get into your head and sort of allow that, you know, eco part of us to take over and beat ourselves up. And for many of us, the conditioning of you’re doing it wrong, you’re doing it wrong. You’re doing it. Wrong is so strong. For so many of us who were raised in a fixed mindset, culture is it’s so prevalent that we can just like stall out freeze, say all the wrong things, try to talk.
0 (25m 13s):
The child out of their feelings validate her. But you being such a master of listening to your body, this is what you do for a living. You teach people how, in a very practical way, how to listen to the infinite wisdom of their bodies, like in that class for me, when you said, just notice, are you feeling pain? Or are you feeling discomfort? There are two different things, right? So, you know, so notice if it’s pain, you got to listen to your body and you need to ease off back off.
0 (25m 60s):
That’s not going to be, you know, that’s not going to be in your best interest. It’s not going to hurt you. But if it’s discomfort, if there’s some shaking, if there’s some, you know, access to strengthening yourself, which it takes discomfort to strengthen our bodies, then don’t prevent yourself from getting stronger. Don’t stand in your own way, you know, allow yourself to feel the discomfort. So you being, you know, a master of that, Liz teaching people how to listen to their bodies. So you naturally have, now that skillset where you’re listening to your body. So you get out of your head, you go into your, you listen to your body.
0 (26m 45s):
Then you allow your body to guide you. You don’t overthink it. You take a breath, you notice the constricting feeling. You bring some ease through the breath. And then naturally, what do you do as a human that loves this little, teeny, tiny human. You don’t make her wrong. You don’t invalidate her. You just say, oh honey, you empathize, you state the obvious you’re feeling this way. And then all of a sudden, and you say me too, right? So you bring that sense of you are not alone. I miss you too. There’s nothing wrong with missing people that you love, like your conditioning, a little teeny tiny three-year-old that it’s okay to be uncomfortable to experience sadness because you miss me because you miss the people you love.
0 (27m 42s):
That’s totally fine. Like, that’s so incredibly powerful. And I don’t, I think most people, because I, me included, like, I didn’t know how to listen to my body. Like that would have even sounded like that strange concept. Yeah.
1 (28m 1s):
Right, right. Because it’s such a nuanced, right? Your body doesn’t communicate in language. It only communicates in sensation and it’s sensing a lot of things. It senses a lot. So it is, it takes, it takes something. It takes like, you know, just like, you know, Emmy my daughter in that situation or all of us as human beings. That’s what I think one of the reasons the kids are just so magical is that they’re teaching us how we all operate all the time. Just were, we never grow out of that. And we’re emotional, emotional beings. That’s a wonderful thing. We’re sensitive because we sense, right.
1 (28m 42s):
We’re we, we sense our bodies are sensing things all the time and beyond just what we touch. Right? It’s it’s, there’s emotions, vibrate, and it’s physics. It’s not like it’s, it’s physics, right? A vital sense of vibration. We sense in emotion because it is a real, real thing. And at the way that our body starts to trust us to listen is first of all, when we actually listen, right? So if I’m in that conversation or in a yoga pose, clenching my jaw, holding my breath, my body knows I am not listening and I am not interested. And I’m just there to override it. Our bodies are, are we’re.
1 (29m 21s):
We, our souls are only ever doing one or two things. One is we’re listening to our body. That’s great. That’s what we should do. The second is we’re overriding. It. It’s either. It’s one of those two things. Our body’s always, always, always telling us the truth. And then we’re either listening or we’re overriding it. And when we can bring the, so for me, I feel that job clench, like the not breathing that’s soften the jaw, soften my jaw, find my breasts. I can actually listen because sometimes, you know, the, the, the, the, the Pang of discomfort, intensity, what I’ve found that that’s teaching me as a mom and as a human being in all my relationships, including my relationship with myself, when there’s a Pang of some sort of intense sensation for first of all, like you said, Randy, like, don’t go to label it pain, just go to like, oh, I feel something there’s always, when we feel something, an opportunity to make a really powerful choice.
1 (30m 22s):
And our life is just a series of choices. So getting great at knowing when we’re being called to make a choice is super important. And sometimes like it, I am going to get that sensation where my body feels like, oh, like you shouldn’t be leaving the house. What you haven’t prioritized well know, like, and sometimes it’s going to be like, oh, I just feel discomfort because her heart is broken and like that. So, and they all have different sensations for all of us. And there’s going to be that gut feeling where I know like, yeah, I need to cancel a thing and spend the time with my child. Right. And then there’s going to be the other sensation.
1 (31m 3s):
That’s like, oh, that’s uncomfortable. And the choice for me to sh it’s, it’s an opportunity for me to, to choose love and to listen and to stay in the discomfort. You know, my teacher, her name is Suzanne when I first trained with her. So she leads a body of work called light, your leadership. And I got certified in her work about eight years ago. And it’s a body of work that’s based on the body’s innate intelligence and also spiritual principles that goes really hand in hand with yoga. And in her manual that she made for us, there is a, it’s something that you can read declare yourself, right after you, you lead a session to make sure that you are a hundred percent yourself, like projecting them your body.
1 (31m 50s):
Am I in any guilt that I override? Anyone else’s choice, all these very interesting questions that are very useful to be asking, but anyhow, it says I will not walk something, Suzanne, forgive me. I’m paraphrasing. It says, I refuse to bat, you know, battle against anyone else’s walks beliefs or attitudes. And I also refuse to attempt to become the comfort that would displace the discomfort that would allow that other person to grow. You know, so part of our job is to not, or my job with my daughter and the people in my life is to notice the body sensations of wanting to fit.
1 (32m 37s):
Yep. Cause that’s like a false sense of comfort rather than loving her enough that she can explore the discomfort, holding the space so she can grow. Otherwise I’m robbing her of that growth. And I never heard my job with my mom.
0 (32m 60s):
Look, it’s very uncomfortable to sit in with someone else’s discomfort that you love, especially I think when you’re a female in Western culture and in many cultures where you’ve been conditioned to please all the people around you and make sure everyone around you is happy at your job, not to check in with yourself, but to keep other people happy. So it’s literally going against our own conditioning. Yeah.
1 (33m 35s):
You know, you can’t even, you can’t even, please everyone, you can’t even do it.
0 (33m 39s):
No, there’s no way you can. But, but, but this is why I think it’s, you know, this is where I think it’s so cool that we can recondition ourselves because yes, by you listening to your body, you’re allowing your body to guide you in that moment where you don’t need a script for me. What do I say again? Like you knew intuitively what to say, because you’ve reconditioned yourself to actually follow the wisdom of your body. And, and I think the, the cool thing is, you know, like, well, number one, I want to say this there’s do you know who Peter Levine is? Yes. Yeah. Okay. So he’s like, I don’t know the expert, the leading expert probably on trauma.
0 (34m 24s):
Okay. And, and he, his method, his therapeutic method is called somatic experience or se right. So therapists and practitioners go through a special training with him and, and he teaches them how to actually work through and process trauma. Right. Trauma, traumatic events. So he tells a story that I think is so powerful. And he says, he was like at, I think like the senior citizens home. And there was a older gentleman and he was walking, maybe using a Walker or cane or something. And he, he falls, he trips.
0 (35m 5s):
He has a misstep and he falls on the ground and everyone rushes over to him because, you know, everyone’s concerned and they want to help him. They want to fix this his fault. Right. And they rush over to him and Peter says, whoa, wait, stop. And he gets down on the ground with this older man. And he just sits with them and he says, and he looks at him and he says, it’s okay. I’m just going to sit here with you as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere. It’s okay.
0 (35m 46s):
We’ll just sit here together. We just sat with him on the ground and just sat. And he just breathed and sat and assured him, I’m not going anywhere. Like I don’t need to hurry and get you up and make sure you’re okay. And, and, and make sure that all the drama and the chaos has got, he just a hundred percent focused on this man and sat with them. And he said, the man pretty quickly started crying and shaking. And as he was crying and shaking, Peter said, you’re okay, I’m right here. I got you right here with you.
0 (36m 28s):
And after he cried and shake, he shook for a few minutes. Peter looked at him and he said, you let me know when you’re ready to get up and I’ll help you up. And he said, they were on the floor for about five minutes. And then the man, you know, the tears were gone. They were heavy. It had the sensation, the emotion have moved through him and he wasn’t shaking anymore. And he grabbed Peter’s hand and he said, okay, I’m ready to get up. And they got up. And he said, you know, animals in the wild, when there’s a gazelle, that’s about to get attacked by a lion. And it goes into a freeze state and all the other Gazelles come and gather around.
0 (37m 15s):
And then there’s a pack of Gazelles. And so as a pack, they go and they run and they outrun the lion. And they’re in, they’re fine. Afterwards, that initial gazelle who was in a state of fight or flight, right. In a dysregulated state in its body, it will shake all over its body for about 90 seconds. Right? So that emotion, that scared emotion moves through the Gazelles body. Like he said, you know, animals in the wild don’t have PTSD because they, they know innately how to feel the sensations in their body and allow that sensation to move through them.
0 (37m 57s):
And once they shake it off, it’s done. So there’s no anxiety, no like animals in the wild are not riddled with anxiety because they know innately how to shake it off. And what he said was, was when he sat with that, man, that man is not going to have PTSD and chronic anxiety because of that incident. But if everyone had rushed over and helped him up and not allowed him to have the shake response, he would probably have, you know, less remnants of that experience.
1 (38m 32s):
Oh, yes. Yeah. I mean, I don’t know if I, I’ve seen a video of that, what you’re talking about with the Gazelles, it’s pretty amazing. And it’s a literal, it’s a, it’s an actual, just the shake and works. And, you know, I don’t know if Peter would say this and this is, this is what I’ve experienced. However, is that, you know, when we do react right. Versus respond, right. So, you know, when we react to someone else’s discomfort or like, like in this incident, our own fear, doubt, shock, panic, trauma will close in on that other person and they will not have this space to be able to process, right.
1 (39m 21s):
So our own fear, doubt, judgment need to fix kind of cuts off. And of course there are extraordinary human beings that can have choice and can sense when someone else’s bringing in that and can, but you know, when we bring that we are not facilitating someone else’s healing or right. Or our own, you know, I heard somewhere, I can’t remember who said this, and though it resonated as true for me, at least, which is, you know, in like, in that moment with this man, when we experienced a trauma or a big life event, it’s, it’s not often the physical, I mean, we still weren’t physically, but it wasn’t the physical fall that maybe causes the longterm PTSD or impact.
1 (40m 14s):
It’s more of the embarrassment, the shock on the knee, right? Like the, the, we’ll say unuseful emotion that the body then stores and isn’t able to shake out or process, cause it’s not given the correct space. Right. Cause I can imagine, or I know of my own experience when I’ve fallen or done something like that. There is that embarrassment. Or especially if someone’s trying to fix me or not giving me my own free will or my own choice or my own agency that I don’t feel like I have the space to allow it to move through, to move through and to get stuck in something like embarrassment or a self judgment or something like that.
1 (40m 54s):
That’s that just resonates true in my own experience. I don’t know if Peter would say that.
0 (40m 60s):
I mean, imagine the most loving thing I could imagine is somebody who doesn’t try to fix you and just sits with you and basically sends you the message you’re worthy of me. Just being here with you, just showing up here with you, like you are seen and heard and worthy of me, not needing to feel more comfortable by getting you to a better place. I’ll just be with you on your and allow you to process through it. There’s no rush. Yeah. No. So like when you’re talking to your daughter on the phone and she’s crying and she’s sad and you’re like, I hear you, you know, and yeah, I miss you too.
0 (41m 49s):
And it’s yeah. You’re you feel sad. And you’re just like, with her, in that, to me, that’s such a beautiful example because it’s so loving. And I think, you know, little kids live in their emotional brains and, and are very present in their bodies. Right. And then, and then, and then usually we’re spending our entire adulthood forgetting. We were, we were conditioned to forget that, you know? And so then we sent spin. Our adulthoods like, many of us are like, oh, I should meditate. Oh, I’ve heard yoga is healthy for you. Oh, I should do those things. They, I hear they’re good for you, whatever.
0 (42m 31s):
But most of us just have lost sight of that because we were, we were conditioned to turn that off. And then we’re given this child, this little teacher to help us remember the things we forgotten and what we do accidentally quite often is we then condition them to forget, right. By telling them to stop listening to their bodies. And the, the, you know, the people who I help the most are people who have a strong-willed child. And my theory is that the strong-willed ones are, are the ones who are here to really remind us, right.
0 (43m 15s):
They’re like, wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no. I am not turning it off. I can’t even turn it off my system. I can’t,
1 (43m 22s):
This is what I’m feeling. This is important.
0 (43m 25s):
There’s something to figure out. There’s something you figure out and I’m not going to let you off the hook that easy. Or, you know, my sister or my brother, they might be willing to like be shut down and not cause a whole big stink. But me, I actually have such a strong, inner knowing that I’m not going to be that easy to shut it off. And so they’re here to like shape us, to remind us, to allow them to go through the shake.
1 (43m 55s):
That’s exactly right. That, that, and if we allow ourselves, if we allow ourselves to move through that discomfort and for me, if I allow myself to move through that discomfort and let go of my own agenda, right. So when I’m thinking about like my thinking mind, that does the things like I shouldn’t go to yoga, but I’m not, or I’m, I know I should make this change in my life, but <inaudible>, or like when I live in that space, you know, that’s where the stress lives and know when I can, when I can choose to let go of the agenda and really be with what is right there and the change that wants to happen, like be with that discomfort, me, the discomfort also lives in letting go of my own agenda for that, for my child, for that other person, for my day.
1 (44m 42s):
But it’s a big practice, but until release my agenda, when I can do that and really be with that discomfort of letting go, being with what’s right here, that’s where that’s when the love emerges. That’s where the magic emerges and all of those amazing sensations that you’ll have me feel so good at the end of yoga class, because you did that disciplined, focused work and it takes work, right. It takes not hard. It’s like it’s easy work, but it takes for me like that, letting go, and this is how it should be. This is how this person should be. This is how I should be. So the circumstances should be what I am able to do. That that’s where the freedom is on the other side of that discomfort.
0 (45m 23s):
Well, let me just tell you for me yoga, what I tell most people is it’s just, it’s like the ultimate multitask in life.
1 (45m 34s):
Everything you need in one minute experience.
0 (45m 37s):
I mean, seriously, it’s like, I go and I practice. I, I mean, I have so many people who say to me, I don’t know how to do the whole deep breath, like, you know, and so I, I learned how to take a deep inhale and a slow exhale. I used to think, honestly, like I think I was a closet smoker for many years and I was, you know, a smoker smoker when I was like, you know, a teenager, whatever. And then I was a closet smoker. I battled was closet smoking for many years. And my, and I’m like, I don’t really, I didn’t realize that I was allowed to take deep inhales and slow exhales without carcinogens and nicotine.
0 (46m 21s):
Like, that’s what, to me, yoga was like, oh, when you’re feeling uptight in your body or bored or whatever, you’re feeling some kind of discomfort, you can just do this thing, which, you know, in yoga, y’all call it giant breath, but it’s really just a long, deep inhale. It’s like, it is, it’s like yoga to me is like, yeah, life starts on an inhale, ends on an exhale. I think that’s what cigarettes represented for me. And I just didn’t even
1 (46m 53s):
Right. Absolutely. Yeah. That deep, that, and that reset that letting go. Right.
0 (47m 2s):
And it’s like this relaxing, you know, it was like real. And I was like, oh, so I can go to a yoga class. I can practice my, you know, rebalance my nervous system. Like I used to use cigarettes for. I can, it feels a lot of times like a massage because I’m constantly relaxing certain parts of my body. I’m tensing and I’m relaxing, I’m tense and I’m relaxing. And I get a good sweat in my rate’s up. So it’s an it’s, it’s true exercise. I mean the kind of yoga that we do, right? So it’s like a detox, it’s a massage, it’s a metaphor.
0 (47m 42s):
It’s like a, you know, it’s like therapy, it’s a coaching. I mean, it’s the ultimate coaching metaphor because always, y’all say like, what happens on the mat is happening out in your life. And so there’s always something that happens. The second part of the practice, where I start to get an explosion usually of ideas, because my mind is now finally clear my body’s had a release. So it’s like creativity. I mean, there’s, there’s so much that happens to me. And in a, in a 45 to 60 minute class that I’m like, I just don’t understand. I feel like more people need to realize that there’s just very practical method for reconditioning yourself to listen to the wisdom of your body and to do something like this is the ultimate self-care.
0 (48m 32s):
And I just feel like more people don’t need to understand what it really represents.
1 (48m 37s):
Yeah. Yeah. You know, it’s, yoga’s so cool for so many reasons and all of those reasons that you just shared and you know what I was hearing while you were saying that I was like, yeah, it’s just, it’s all so simple and so practical. And it’s so simple. We think it can’t even make that big of a difference and it can, and we don’t know the difference until after we experience it. So it’s, you know, it doesn’t matter. It never matters what we understand. It matters what we experience and though what else is so cool about yoga is it’s been around for thousands of years. So it’s ancient, it’s time tested. So it’s got that aspect to it.
1 (49m 17s):
And you know, it can’t, you can’t have, like you were saying, like mystical, creative, other experiences where were like, wow, this amazing idea. That’s getting connected to another level where you can hear things to do and see things, see different possibilities. And it’s just so incredibly practical. Like it gives you also the, the little things are the big things, right? The moment with your child, the moment with your boss, the moment I had this moment, the other day that I was just not my best self with the person on that was not giving me what I wanted with my businesses software.
1 (49m 58s):
You know, I left that conversation. Like I didn’t feel good cause I wasn’t at my best, you know? And I feel grateful that I had the awareness that wasn’t my best self in that moment. I knew how it felt after that, to have the tools, to be able to do that. And then for give ourselves also, we’re willing to see like, oh, I just don’t feel good. What do I need to forgive myself for forgive myself. I’d like call back customer service representatives. And I’m like, Hey, I’m sorry, I wasn’t my bed. You know, you got to connect me to Steve, you know, because you know, the li it’s the little, little things that yoga helps us with.
1 (50m 43s):
And then also the little things that feel like big things like feeling strong and powerful in our bodies. And, you know, we’re designed so simply as human beings, like incredibly beautifully complex, right? Just like the universe, but also incredibly, incredibly simple, right? That most of the day, my shoulders are hunched and I’m not breathing. That’s not going to connect me to my best self because that’s not how I’m designed. It’s not going to have me be in alignment with my best self. That’s why we work alignment and yoga practice. Because being in physical alignment with how our shoulders are stacked over our hips, or like you were saying, having our nervous system be regulated.
1 (51m 30s):
And also though having an appropriately regulated nervous system, you’ve got to have the peaks and the valleys, the appropriate tension, the appropriate dips. We’ve got to be able to have both. And our breath helps us be able to know our threshold or like, am I moving into a state that is too stressful for me? And then we know to back off that’s that’s can be pain on the physical level pain on the emotional level. Nope. I’m not able to withstand this, let me back off or take a break and backing off or taking a break is not quitting. It’s part of the process. Right? So to allow ourselves to be able to ebb and flow experience the peaks and the valleys that our bodies really love that too.
1 (52m 15s):
And to be able to be able to have that easy and sustained breath, not to only relax and chill, to be able to be able to experience and navigate the most intense moments of our lives because life is not inherently relaxing in my experience. So I need to be able to have that breath and also have in my yoga practice and embodied experience of holding extended side angle, like those hard toes and like the organist point of class for 10 breaths. So I can experience myself choosing ease so I can experience myself not rounding my shoulders, not clenching my jaw, that can be in this challenging situation and choose to bring myself back into alignment and back into breath.
1 (53m 2s):
So I can have that memory on all levels, not just memory like, oh, I remember myself doing that, thinking about it. Like my body remembers my body remembers. And when we can put ourselves in a little rectangle of space, reflect use at 45 and 60 minutes, 30 minutes, 10 minutes, if we do it with consistency, because inherently, you know, a half moon pose doesn’t really matter, except that it does because it’s, it’s your life. And if you can, In this in seemingly insignificant moment, practice, train your body to breathe when you wobble or fall, or it gets challenging. You will, without thinking about it, gain that capacity when your kids are crying or when you’re getting heartbreaking news, you will feel the breath kick in.
1 (53m 49s):
You will notice your body. So it’s just so practical for those little moments of life that are also the big moments of life.
0 (53m 57s):
It is. Well, it’s just practical. It’s like you can’t master any new skill unless you practice it. I mean, it’s some repetition has to happen. And so is this practical way of, of, of being able to ultimately learn how to bring back that wisdom of your body and the thing of, I think that’s so cool about like alignment and even just noticing, like I used to have chronic neck issues, chronic neck issues, and just being in the yoga studio and noticing like that my shoulders are back. Like, I can, I can crack, like I can go like this and roll my shoulders back.
0 (54m 38s):
I didn’t know how to do that before. I remember early on, like, I don’t have the neck issues anymore. I don’t sleep wrong at least once a week and then have a Crick in my neck pretty much ever because I understand how to align my spine. I understand how to like suck my belly button in, towards my tailbone, pull my tailbone under, even when I’m standing at the grocery store in line, like, I feel like I’m doing elements of yoga because I’ve learned all this about my own physiology I can in the studio. I can do it when I’m standing in the grocery line. I used to notice that like I get home and my backward hurt.
0 (55m 20s):
Well now I know when my back starts to feel a little hurting, when I feel it in the moment, I will inherently tuck in my tailbone, you know, and, and suck in my core and give my back a little reprieve where that I have that achy lower back, because I’m just kind of listening to my body throughout the day, because I’ve strengthened that skillset from being in the class. So
1 (55m 47s):
0 (55m 48s):
It’s so cool. You know, and it’s like, and so I’m like, I’m like, God, I just want more people. It’s like, you, you know, people come to me and they’re like, I got this little kid who’s just melting down and melting down and I’m like, you can’t give what you don’t have. So we have to learn how to listen to our bodies, to be able to bring that back. And that’s why I really wanted just to bring you on and to give people a little introduction. And now with zoom and virtual, everything, even people who are listening to this podcast outside of Houston can have access to your classes. So people how they can find you and start learning from.
1 (56m 26s):
Yeah. Sure. Yay. Thank you. So we, my studio is called big power yoga. We’ve got a physical location here in Houston. We have one in Denver. We also own another studio, myself, my business partner, Laura Russ. She owns big with us and we with me with us, we do it together. And we also have a studio in Steamboat, Colorado. That’s called out here yoga. So those are three physical locations. And if you go to big power, yoga.com, you can click on our virtual membership is just 40 bucks a month. And we’ve got at least five to eight live classes a day, every day. And tons of on demand classes from 25 minutes to 90 minutes, depending on how much time you have you use the on-demand.
0 (57m 11s):
I do. I love it. It’s
1 (57m 13s):
Awesome. That way you can do it whenever you want. Whenever you want, while your kids are napping or whatever, we’ve also got meditation.
0 (57m 21s):
I mean, I do it in my, I mean, sometimes I do it outside on my patio, but sometimes if I have a house full of people, I do it in my closet, literally. So it’s, you know, it’s just so accessible. Well, thank you. Thank you for talking with me. And it’s, you know, I hope, I hope that the listeners got a good intro and maybe we, I don’t know, dispelled some myths that they had about yoga or I’m not a yoga person. The other one other thing I want to say, anybody who feels like I’m not built, I’m not built the right way for yoga. I’m not flexible. One of the things I have loved about big yoga, one of the main things is that it is truly a diverse population that comes to big yoga.
0 (58m 11s):
Like there are all shapes, sizes, ethnicities ages. It’s like, and a lot of your instructors also, I like that. They’re like Nancy does happen to, you know, it’s cool. I didn’t Nancy class. Cause she does all kinds of cool tricks. And you’re like, she’s a true, I mean, you look like you were maybe a gymnast at some point
1 (58m 33s):
In your life growing up. Yep.
0 (58m 35s):
Yeah. Yeah. So like you’ve got that muscle memory and it’s super cool to see you kind of show like, this is what it could turn into and here are the different stages. But I also like that you have instructors that like aren’t built like you and aren’t like, aren’t the typical, you know, cool yoga trick people.
1 (58m 55s):
Yeah, totally. Yes. So important yoga is for every body you work with your breath and your body. Yeah. It’s like that. And you know, whenever Randy, whenever I hear someone say that I’m not X enough to come to yoga. Whether like, you know, I’m not flexible enough or I’m not strong enough or I’m not able to breathe deeply enough. Like you said, I’m always like, well, that’s like saying you’re too dirty to take a shower. You know? Like that’s why you do yoga is to get access to your breath, your body awareness, your flexibility. You’re not supposed to already have it. Then you wouldn’t need to do it. Right. It’s it’s it’s to gain greater access to it no matter where, no matter where you’re starting.
1 (59m 37s):
It’s for everybody.
0 (59m 39s):
Exactly. Okay. So fun to talk with you. I know you’ve got a lot going on and a busy day, busy mama, busy business owner. So appreciate it.
1 (59m 50s):
Yeah. Randy, thank you so much for having me such a gift. Thank you. Thank you. Okay.
0 (59m 54s):
See you soon. Bye bye. Thanks for listening today, guys. I hope you picked up some tips tools, maybe some baby steps for creating more balance and boundaries in your life. And I just wanted to let you know if you want to continue moving the needle forward in creating this for yourself, having a happier household. I want you to go to my website and check out Mastermind, Parenting dot com. We have three beginning programs, and if you need some accountability and more support, then please look for the one that would be a good fit for you. And as always, we’re on all the social channels under Mastermind Parenting on Instagram, it’s Mastermind, underscore parenting, and you know, periodically I do pop up on different Instagram lives, Facebook lives, where I give you teaching and coaching.
0 (1h 0m 50s):
And I love engaging with you live to help you help your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better because when they feel better, they do better. And I love, love, love, getting to know you guys. So thanks for listening. If you liked this podcast, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review super, super appreciative.