In this bonus episode, I give you an unexpected assignment. I want you to watch more t.v. with your kids. I realize this sounds kinda ridiculous. Who said connecting more with your kids can’t be unexpected and non-traditional…AND fun!
I love my “t.v.make believe” friends. This is fun. We are allowed to have fun because guess what? WE are the grown ups now. We deserve to have some fun. Dontcha think?
As always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community, where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!
About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
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My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast at Mastermind Parenting, we’re on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them
Is I want to tell you a story. So last night at dinner dinner now just consists of me and my husband and my 15 year old son. Cause he’s our last child at home. My son said to me, mom, I think you need to start lifting weights, which was very out of character for him to say. And, and I said, you do really? And I, and he said, yeah, I think you need to start lifting weights. And I said, okay, you don’t think like walking and doing yoga is enough. He’s like, well, it’s important for bone density.
And he’s recently started, he’s not playing any sports right now. So he’s started working out like for 30 minutes, twice a week with a friend at a little gym near our house. And, and I said, well, I don’t, I don’t love lifting weights. And he’s like, well, do it with you. I was like, you would. And he was like, yeah. And I said, I said, okay, well then I’m all in. So I didn’t know where it was coming from. And then he said, you know, so my mom’s been having some health problems. He’s like, well, you know, Mimi is, you know, her bones are weak. And so something, as you get older, that’s really helpful to keep your bones strong is to lift weights.
1 (1m 42s):
And I was like, okay, that’s a good point. All right, sold. So, and I was like, especially if you’ll actually hang out with me, I’m in like, you know, is that so fast forward to last night, he were, he, I had been bugging him to watch a show with me. He used to watch this as us with me dumped it last season got too dramatic for him. And I like to bond with the people that I love over television shows. And I’ve never really thought much about it, but I love television. I’ve always loved television. I live vicariously through the characters. I’m very invested.
1 (2m 22s):
Like there’s audible, gasps, there’s tears. Like I’ve been like this my whole life. I love, I get very hooked on television shows. So he said, I just started watching. And you show that. I think you’ll like, I think you’ll really like this coach. It’s this it’s a reality show. It’s about a basketball team and it’s on Netflix. So I said, okay, so last night he’s like, I couldn’t help myself. I’m already on like episode four and I couldn’t stop watching it. So you were going to have to catch up. I said, no, no, no. I’ll just jump in. I’m really an advanced television watcher. I was like, I’ll just jump in where you’re at. And I’ll just watch the you’re on tonight. So we watched an episode and a half last night of this basketball series.
1 (3m 5s):
I don’t know the name of it anyway, inner city, LA community college basketball team, and is very involved in it. My son. So as we’re watching it, we watch an episode and a half I’m totally hooked and we’re having conversation during it. And, and it was interesting because, you know, he’s like, oh, that’s, so-and-so, he that’s Joe, he’s the best player, but he’s got, he’s got temperament issues, which turned out he had anger issues. And then he’s like, yeah, that’s my only, he’s my favorite. He’s like six foot nine, but they’re always pressuring him because he’s not very aggressive.
1 (3m 45s):
And anyways, we’re talking as we’re watching in the show and at the very end, you know, the show, I said, I think Joe’s my favorite. I said, he’s so smart. And you know, Corey said, yeah, he hasn’t had many anger issues in this episode. And I said, well, you’re now like probably halfway through, you know, they’re halfway through the season and I bet you anything. He’s so smart. He’s so well-spoken, he’s so gifted kids like that, that present with anger issues. Usually it’s because like they’re feeling misunderstood on the inside. There may be a parent with anger issues like that, anger.
1 (4m 29s):
Isn’t just here for no reason. And he may not be showing the anger issues because that’s what good leadership does like this. Cookie’s so connected to this team and the coach, and maybe it’s like, he’s coming into himself, he’s coming into this smart, you know, just healthier version of him. And at the very end, end of the episode, he’s Corey says, you know, you need to go back and watch the episode with Deshaun talking about his mom who died. And I was like, I was like, why don’t you just show me that scene? He said, well, it’s a whole episode, but really important because Deshaun is my favorite character.
1 (5m 10s):
And you need to understand who he is. And it’s all about like his mom dying and what he went through. And all of a sudden I realized where that comment at dinner came from was, you know, Hey mom, I, I like I’m 15 and I’m starting to understand that like, like people die, you know, like it was his way. So it’s, it was interesting to me because I think so often I just started thinking it was like, I’m like, there’s so much that can be communicated through story. And, and so I think so often we don’t think about like watching our favorite shows or watching our favorite movies, or like, we don’t think of it as an art form and way to, to connect with our kids or even reading a book, reading the same book.
1 (6m 4s):
We don’t think of it as a way as this amazing bridge to connect with your kids. That doesn’t feel confrontational. That doesn’t feel like we have this agenda. Like, listen, I need to, this is the time that I need to teach you some, you know, character building value’s, you know, like it’s like we can do this through this shared experience, this shared artistic experience. So it made me kind of laugh because I was like, I think I might be the first parenting, you know, professional who gives people the assignment to watch TV and movies with your kids. And I think it’s this way of sort of role-playing.
1 (6m 47s):
I was watching these two parenting professionals yesterday doing this interview and they were the ex teachers and they were talking about our most challenging kids and how in the classroom, quite often they would use play therapy basically to connect with these kids. And so this coach on the show last night was talking about taking the kids on a, on a little light camping retreat. And he said, yeah, we need to get off the court and do some bonding. And he said, what did he say? He said, because rules without relationships, equal rebellion. Okay.
1 (7m 27s):
Rules without relationships equals rebellion. So he’s basically saying something that I say all the time we got to connect before we correct. So, so often with our kids want to tell them all the things we’re doing wrong, but they don’t feel like we’re on their team. They don’t feel like we’re on their side. And the teachers were saying the same thing when they’re in the classroom. And they’ve got a difficult kid. They, you know, these teachers understand they got to connect. They got to connect through play kids, learn through play. So the, the really challenging girl that has the temper tantrums all the time with this one lady was talking about, she saw her doing a lot of dramatic place. And next thing you know, she was in the dramatic play area and she has this puppet that she uses and the puppet was dressing up.
1 (8m 12s):
And she was talking about all these ways to basically build a relationship with this kid, because there’s no way that you can correct. You can have rules without doing the connecting part. But I think so often connect before you correct play therapy, say this then that if, you know, when you do this, then that it’s like, we want to put all these rules down and we haven’t done the relationship building part and, and, and bridging that trust. And so one of the professionals said, you know, a lot of the parents that I work with, they want to know how to do role-play and this, this other professional who was using this, and it was really cute.
1 (8m 57s):
She was like, you know, how do I tell parents to do this? And they were talking about how some parents can use a puppet at home. And I was thinking all the parents, I know not many of them are going to use a puppet to play with, like, they’re gonna go to a play therapist. And I was thinking, that’s what I was doing. Play therapy last night with my kid, we were just watching a show. Next thing you know, we’re talking about the storyline, we’re talking about the characters talking about when someone’s angry, what it really means, but we’re talking about it, not in his life or not in my life, and I’m not trying to teach him anything. We’re talking about it through this character experience that is play. That is, I think an amazing way to connect with your kids is through having a shared experience, especially, you know, look with little, I mean, my problem with Luma and my kids were little is that I don’t like I don’t like animation and they all, they loved cartoons and Disney movies and all that.
1 (9m 51s):
Like, I can listen to those soundtracks, but I’m not into cartoons. But watch when your kids are little, like watching some of the, I mean, I like to Tarzan and the lion king, I like some of them actually, I do like frozen. I just have like a bias against animation, which I need to get over. But watching some of these movies with your kids and not forcing the conversation, but just sort of letting it organically happen. I want to tell you guys a sweater I want to leave you with. That is an amazing way to start connecting more and to start having these conversations. And it just sort of organically happens. And when your kids become teenagers and they want nothing to do with you, which is normal, finding some shows, and maybe even, you know what, I watch a basketball reality show about a community college on my own, like is that my, you know, binge of choice now it’s not, but it was a way to sit next to my kid and connect with him.
1 (10m 53s):
So finding a show you could watch together and allowing the conversation to organically happen, I think is an amazing way to do the whole connecting piece so that when the correcting piece comes, where you got to place the rules down, the boundaries of curfews at this time, and if you don’t make curfew, then here’s the consequence. Before you go to that place, you’ve put the time on the front end, building the relationship. So I just want to share that with you.
0 (11m 21s):
Thanks for listening today, guys. I hope you picked up some tips tools, maybe some baby steps for creating more balance and boundaries in your life. And I just wanted to let you know, if you want to continue moving the needle forward in creating this for yourself, having a happier household. I want you to go to my website and check out Mastermind, Parenting dot com. We have three beginning programs, and if you need some accountability and more support than please look for the one that would be a good fit for you. And as always, we’re on all the social channels under Mastermind Parenting on Instagram, it’s Mastermind, underscore parenting.
0 (12m 6s):
And you know, periodically I do pop up on different Instagram lives, Facebook lives, where I give you teaching and coaching. And I love engaging with you live to help you help your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better because when they feel better, they do better. And
1 (12m 27s):
I love, love, love, getting to know you guys. So
0 (12m 29s):
Thanks for listening. If you liked this podcast, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review
1 (12m 36s):
Super, super appreciative.