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Who wants to be surrounded by Assh%les?

Who wants to be surrounded by Assh%les?

By Parenting the Strong Willed Child, Uncategorized No Comments
Who wants to be surrounded by Assh%les?

Emotional intelligence is a term that started popping up in the mid 90’s.

EQ is about managing your emotions compared to IQ which is referring to intellect.

I’m gonna just level with y’all…emotional management is really about not being an assh%le.

And teaching our kids not to be assh%les.

Again, I’m gonna just say it – we all pretty much have each other’s numbers.

When you behave like a selfish assh%le, don’t fool yourself.

People know.

This is why we get the barfy feeling when we see that “perfect” FB pic of THAT kid.

You know the one – that little sassafras with the attitude and the pink bow.

The stories abound about that child’s mean girl behavior and she’s only in 2nd grade.

Uhhhh, ya – something doesn’t pass the smell test.

My hunch would be that the perfect Facebook pic poster is a closet yelling mama.

When we find ourselves in the Parent Gap and screaming at our kids, our EQs are pretty much at rock bottom.

It’s stressful for a mama to live up to the perfect image.

Here is my remedy if this is you:

Stop.

Seriously, stop it.

No one likes fake perfect you.

Be real. Look in the mirror. Work on your unfinished business still lurking in the shadows.

This is how we become more emotionally intelligent.

I know it doesn’t sound fun.

No one willingly signs up for this work.

It takes a trailblazer willing to spend time and energy getting really honest and working hard to have a super life.

One of my Mama tribe mamas told me recently that a “perfect” mom in carpool line said, “Why do you work with Randi?!? I mean, don’t you know what to do?”

Ya, that lady’s poor kids…she’s for sure screaming her head off at them night and day when no one’s looking.

Everyone has each other’s numbers.

Our kid’s triggering behavior is a hot track to our own unfinished business.

They are literally like little treasure maps to our own emotional freedom.

It’s worth it to work on yourself.

When you do, it directly affects your kids.

Their behavior will eventually reflect your unfinished biz so you might as well get to it.

You can run but you can’t hide.

This is why patterns repeat in families – even when we think we are doing things the opposite way of our parents.

I teach you how to retrain your brain to replace those outdated patterns.

Kids raised in emotionally intelligent families are part of the solution…not the problem

Kids that have high EQs are upset by injustice even when it doesn’t involve them.

They don’t like it when teachers yell.

They don’t like it when kids bully other kids.

They are loyal and loving friends.

They are team players.

They are graceful winners and losers on the sport’s field.

They value kindness in others and show up kindly and compassionately in the world.

Experts say that high EQ is the biggest determinant in relationship, career and life success rather than high IQ.

EQ can be acquired and improved by learning skills that basically foster being kind, empathetic, self aware and able to regulate your negative emotions.

EQ is not taught typically in traditional schools.

It should be.

We can teach it in our homes.

When enough of us do, the schools will catch on.

The NEW parenting methods are all about strengthening your family’s EQ.

Most of us were not raised in emotionally intelligent homes.

It was a different time.

It takes a minute to learn the new way.

Raising kids with high emotional intelligence is a constant practice AND will make the world a better place.

It will also set your kids on a path for health, happiness and a life that feels fulfilling.

EQ may seem intangible compared to IQ AND I invite you to really consider what you want for your kids…

Personally, I want a life where my kids aren’t behaving like and surrounded by a bunch of assh%les.

To check check check out the Carpool Convo about this topic on FB Live, click here.

FB Live Carpool Convo about teaching your kids to have a high EQ

FB Live Carpool Convo about teaching your kids to have a high EQ

Are you turning the ORDINARY moments into EXTRAORDINARY memories?

Are you turning the ORDINARY moments into EXTRAORDINARY memories?

By Parenting the Strong Willed Child, Uncategorized No Comments
Are you turning the ORDINARY moments into EXTRAORDINARY memories?

Parent/Client:  I feel guilty that my favorite time of day is when I put my kids to bed at night. Does this make me a terrible person?

Me: You love them to pieces. Is it that you want the ordinary moments as a family to feel extraordinary?

Parent: Yes. Exactly. And yet THAT feels impossible. If only I could ditch my smart phone and limit the distractions in my life, then maybe I would be able to relax and enjoy regular ordinary moments with my kids.

Me: Why is this important to you?

Parent: Every time I’m around a really close family, there are a million inside jokes about ordinary moments.  I want that family. I know that the ordinary moments turn into extraordinary memories.

Me: Did you come from one of those families?

Parent: No and I’ve always been so envious of people that have those families.  I want that even though their posts on FB make me want to barf.

I’m realizing that I have no idea how to be that mom.  It feels overwhelming and weirdly I feel like I’m failing because I don’t know how to just BE with my kids.

Me: We will reprogram your brain so you are able to just BE with your kids.  You WILL have the close knit connected family that enjoys ordinary moments together and you won’t be bored outta your mind.

I will help you and your kids enjoy each other more so you can celebrate the ordinary moments.

ordinary extraordinary.jpg

The parent in the scenario above gets it more than she realizes.

It is the ordinary moments in a family that create extraordinary memories.

I work with parents that are truth seekers. Action takers. Heroes that are ready to learn how to own their journey.

I don’t invest myself in blamers, victims or excuse makers.

Families are experiencing profound transformations.

I am in love with the parents I work with. All I have ever wanted is to be surrounded by action taking badassery.

I experience that on the daily. Parents are digging in and changing stubborn patterns that keep accidentally being passed down the family tree.

I teach parenting strategies that cut the tension in your home and help your kids to be more enjoyable.

This is an important part of the ordinary-extraordinary moment making equation.

It’s hard to enjoy ordinary moments when you’re constantly battling with your kids and everything feels like a power struggle.

When parents learn how to treat the ordinary everyday moments as extraordinary events, it sends your kids the message that they are worthy of your time, attention and love for simply BEING.

No blue ribbon prerequisite needed for a kid to hang out and be enjoyed by her mama.

I dare you to argue with the importance of that message.

P.S. If you want support turning ordinary moments into extraordinary memories, I have just the program for you. Conscious Parent Mastery (Course 1) opens soon. Reply to this email and I will be in touch about it. 

Your Hero's Journey

Your Hero’s Journey

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Your Hero's Journey

Star Wars, The Lion King, pretty much all stories considered “Disney”…what do these movies have in common?

They are all based on The Hero’s Journey theory by author and philosopher, Joseph Campbell.

The Hero’s Journey framework is comprised of 3 parts:

1.     The Call: the hero gets “the call” to go on an adventure because of a crisis or a challenge in her life.

2.     The Road of Trials: She heads down the road and there are many obstacles or dragons to slay.

3.  The Return Home: She returns home transformed and ready to impart her wisdom on others and live a more meaningful life.

I think it’s super fun and empowering to see yourself as the hero of your own exciting journey and to see your life as a great adventure.

Maybe you just got the call to adventure?

Maybe the call came in the form of your son’s dyslexia or your daughter’s frequent meltdowns?

You know that something needs to change and you’re searching for remedies and solutions down your road of trials.

The sequence of the steps in the Hero’s Journey theory are so accurate when I apply them to my own life and the parents I work with.

¾ of the way down the road of trials, the biggest dragon possible appears and you believe that you are going to die trying to slay that monster.

Like literally, no matter that you have already slayed 3 other scary dragons along the road, you convince yourself they were nothing compared to this scary snarling fanged beast before you.

You think you can’t do it and that you will surely suffer a tragic death at the hands of this final dragon.

You wish that you could return home and forget that you ever received this conscious parenting call to adventure.

In the Lion King, when Simba gets the courage to go home to fight his uncle Scar and retake the throne, he faces the scariest battle yet.

One of them is getting thrown off the cliff and Simba could die.

The life or death scene on this call of adventure is just a cartoon in the Lion King example.

And in our own lives, when it comes to our kids, it’s easy to try and minimize his lack of athleticism or her problem fitting in as trivial issues as if it’s just a cartoon in the big scheme of life.

However, your mind continues to ruminate over these issues night after night and your body is worn out and sleep deprived.

It’s affecting how you are interacting with your child and you notice her self confidence is plummeting.

Or your son seems so angry.  Everything you say is all wrong in his eyes and you’re just trying to help.

Your kid’s obstacles represent scary dragons down your road of trials.

Find your Yoda.  Tap into your strength.  Arm yourself with resources that will support your victory.

I believe that parenting is our road of trials and each and every conscious parent is a true hero on their family’s journey.

The dragons are the key puzzle pieces of your life.  Figuring out the lessons behind each dragon piece is how the magical vision of your life is able to come into focus.

Learn new stuff that will help you slay the dragons.

Change destructive familial patterns.

Improve the relationships in your family.

Find the magical elixir and return home transformed and ready to share your wisdom.

How to Get More Sleep While Also Raising Respectful Kiddos

How to Get More Sleep While Also Raising Respectful Kiddos

By Parenting the Strong Willed Child, Uncategorized No Comments
How to Get More Sleep While Also Raising Respectful Kiddos

Dear Mama,

I’m writing to you today to discuss something many of us have worried about.  This worry is not something we typically cop to. Chances are, you may be unaware that this worry keeps you up at night as your mind replays all the mistakes you made that day with your kids. We don’t talk about this at play group or while coffee-ing or taking a walk with our mom friends. Instead, the convos are often about our baby’s milestones, the latest breaking news/gossip and surface chit chat.

Before you know it, the years have flown by and your babies have turned into toddlers, active kids and will soon be teenagers.  And now it just feels sorta awkward to change the conversation to start talkin’ about real stuff with your mama friends.

These days you find yourself with an extremely busy life – possibly working part time (I say part time b/c as we moms know, being a mom is a big job so any “real” job comes second when your kid is barfing), driving carpool, volunteering, schlepping kids to after school activities, stressing about what to feed everyone for dinner or justifying why you have no time to think about it, trying to fit in time for exercise, and possibly losing that 10 lbs that you think is the real reason why happiness eludes you. This is all happening while fielding friend texts, commenting on social media postings and maintaining your social currency with a never ending calendar of coffee, lunch and Saturday night couple’s dates.

No wonder you’re mentally and physically exhausted.  And adding to that mental exhaustion is the underlying worry about getting it right when it comes to raising your kids. You’re a strong woman, a feminist. Strong women raise great kids, right?!? We raise kids with good manners while looking cute in our FB pics who grow into winners on the sport’s field and in the classroom, right?!?

Wrong.  The pressure to uphold this strong woman/super mom image while making it look effortless is freaking exhausting.  And if you are that self deprecating super mom that pretends you have opted out…using lots of jokes about your kids being on some therapist’s couch 20 years from now…uhhhh, ya, I hate to break it but we’re onto you.  Don’t pretend you aren’t worried about the same thing we are. Enough with the jokes.

You love your kids so much it hurts your heart to consider that all the mistakes you are making in raising them – yelling, constantly being on your phone, constantly letting them be on a device and feeling like you are on opposing teams leaves you awake at night unable to shut off your brain and actually get some much needed rest…so you can do it all again tomorrow.  The thought that you are getting this mom thing wrong and your kids might suffer and possibly resent you in the future is just too much to think about.

So you busy yourself with social plans, over eating, drinking, over working, over social network scrolling, over committing, prescription drugging, gossiping, shopping and other forms of escapism as an attempt not to think about screwing up raising your kids. You probably feel guilty for these behaviors and haven’t connected the dots between worrying that you aren’t making the most out of these years and numbing out not to think about it.

But it’s there.  Lurking just below the surface.

Wouldn’t it be easier if it went away?  Like went away for real?

Most parents will continue to live with this reality and ultimately, their kids will rebel, disconnect and the family team will never be realized.

Those families will suffer greatly.

This makes me incredibly sad for them.  Especially for the kids.

It doesn’t have to be this way.  You can change this reality beginning today.

The remedy involves baby steps.  All you have to think about is the next best step forward.

I help parents build your family dream team without using threats, blame, bribes or name calling to motivate your kiddos.

Who ever heard of name calling being an effective motivator anyway?

This new way of raising really emotionally healthy people is not for everyone (unfortunately)…only TRULY strong women need apply for the job.

Strong women own their mistakes and learn from them.

Strong women apologize.

Strong women have hard convos.

Strong women learn stuff to help improve their lives and families.

Strong women release the frenemies and surround themselves with folks that feel good.

Strong women treat their children with respect and in turn, raise RESPECTFUL KIDS…kids learn the most by what we model. When we model respect, they learn to treat others with respect. 

A strong woman does whatever she needs to do to be the best parent SHE can be for her kids rather than blaming her co-parent for all he’s doing wrong.

STRONG WOMEN TAKE ACTION.

Take action to raise your kids in the way your heart desires.

As a truly strong woman, begin today.

I have a gift for you! You can receive a free copy of my book, The Parent Gap. It’s my signature recipe for keeping your cool.  You gotta be cool to change the convos in your family so it can stop feeling like a war zone and more like a TEAM that works and plays together. Life is meant to be more fun… you may have a strong willed kiddo and your home may feel intense…like everyone’s walking on eggshells. Trust me, I get it. That’s why I wrote you a book to help with all of this!  Order it at https://mastermindparenting.com/book

YOU are an original masterpiece

YOU are an original masterpiece

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YOU are an original masterpiece

I want to share a quote by author and poet, Oscar Wilde, in honor of my Cory’s 11th bday:

Like Cory, you probably share a bday with millions of other people.

However you are the only YOU.

YOU are a true original recipe.

Maybe like me, you have felt frustrated at times with people that seem like they want to copy something that you feel is yours…an idea, a saying, a mannerism, the way you dress, the content you teach, etc.

The truth is that when someone seems like they are trying to rip off your identity, remember that:

  1. You’re on to somethin’! It serves as validation that something you have shared with the world is really great or “theft-worthy”.

  2. There is a reason we are identified by our fingerprints. Anyone trying to emulate you will always be considered an imposter.  Period.

  3. Posers are exposed eventually and lose credibility in an instant. Karma may take her time but she always comes through in the end.

Sharing your true self with others is brave, builds confidence and attracts the right people into your life.

Focusing on who you were born to be feels really good inside – like you are coming home to yourself.

One of my favorite things about the work I do with parents is piecing the puzzle of your life together.

I see everyone’s life as a Hero’s Journey as the great philosopher, Joseph Campbell, describes.  I plan to tell you more about this in an upcoming blog post.

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The gist is that you are the (s)hero in your story and your life is a great adventure – rich with tests and trials.

Everything you’ve endured has been part of the process in the making of the YOU masterpiece.

Seeing your life as a great adventure speaks to you on a primal level – as humans we are wired for story and it’s truly the way we are meant to learn.

By nature, I am fascinated by people and love learning about the real person behind the social media posts.

Engaging in real conversation with other parents, often leaves me feeling like a kid who has to wait until tomorrow night to hear the next chapter in the story of your life.

I could stay up until 2 a.m. reading under the covers with a flashlight learning about you.

This is why I encourage my clients to take the Kolbe Index A assessment – it is like a window into your brain.

It is a quick and easy online assessment.  I have no affiliation at this time with the company.

Scott and I, as well as Alec and Avery, have taken the test – Cory is still a bit young I think.

Personally, I refer to my family’s Kolbe test results daily and it has helped us become a really amazing team.

I’m a high fact finder and higher quick start.  I love doing research and welcome taking risks.  Scott is a high fact finder and a high follow through.  This is why he researches like a mo fo and makes sh!t happen.

I think knowing our Kolbe results has truly helped strengthen our marriage as well as help us support our teenagers to understand their brains and achieve their goals.

As a fun way to share the benefits of how the Kolbe has impacted my life, I want to pay it forward to you guys.

I am offering a 30-minute free session discussing and assessing YOU and the way you are born to be –  to the first 5 people that take the Kolbe A and email me your results with the message, “I wanna discuss”.

Send your results and don’t forget the subject line, “I wanna discuss” to randi@randirubenstein.com and I will send you a link to my calendar.

What You Resist...Persists.

What You Resist…Persists.

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What You Resist...Persists.

This morning, my husband and I went to an early morning yoga class before our kids were awake.

This is a new thing for us.

I love yoga.  I love being with Scott.  It feels a little bit like a dream come true way to start my day.

Scott resisted starting yoga.

In fact, he put it off for a whole year.

At the end of 2015, he told me he would begin yoga in 2017.

I asked, “What’s wrong with 2016?”

He replied, “Uhhhh ya – I think I will wait a year to start.”

A few weeks ago, I urged my yoga resistant hubba hubba to sign up for the 40 Days of yoga program at my favorite studio, Big Yoga in Houston.

He is now halfway through his six-week deep dive into yoga.

This morning, Jenny, our yoga teacher referenced a scene from Harry Potter.

I am probably 1 out of only 2 people that hasn’t read or watched anything Potter related so I did not expect to find her reference relevant to my life.

Evidently, there was a scene where the characters were entrapped by some scary vines.

The more the characters resisted and fought to break free, the tighter a hold the vines had on them.

Eventually the characters learned that they had to stop struggling to become free from the deadly vine’s hold.

The metaphor was about relaxing to find strength rather than resisting when facing a challenge.

She used this metaphor to teach how to handle the resistance you might feel during certain yoga poses.

Jenny taught us to breathe and calmly lean into the discomfort rather than making it more intense by telling ourselves how hard it is.

Scott resisted signing up for yoga for a year.

Over the last year, it has been hard at times to spend as much time together as we used to.

My schedule has become busy in a different way than it used to be when the kids were little.

Sometimes I can sense that Scott wants me to watch a mindless show with him in the evening as I catch up on emails and busy work.

I encouraged him to come to yoga with me as a great way to exercise and spend time together.

He didn’t wanna.

He wanted things to be the way they used to be involving lots of T.V. binge bonding…also super fun I gotta say.

I doubt he would admit this but I felt his resistance to embracing our new normal most evenings.

I felt a little tension between us.

However, just like magic, 3-weeks into his yoga journey and the air feels clear.

We spend more time coordinating and going to classes together.

We began today with a 6:15am yoga and coffee date.

We are having fun.

He stopped resisting and positive movement is happening.

What persists in YOUR life that you would like to change?

For many of the parents I work with, it’s challenging kids that behave like little entitled dictators.

These parents sometimes feel like they are walking on eggshells in their own homes – moments away from a meltdown.

“What you resist…persists.”

The resistance shows up as being unwilling to look deeper at the roots of your little Napolean’s behavior.

Is it mama guilt that prevents you from assertively putting your foot down the second the demands begin to fly out of your kid’s mouth?

As long as you avoid looking at the real reason you feel guilty and fixing that, the dictatorial demands will persist.

Lean in.  Surrender the struggle.  Breathe.  Relax.  And let the magic happen.

If this sounds like hocus pocus to you, the magical life you want will remain out of arm’s reach.

I want a magical life for you because like me, you really deserve it.  Take action and make it happen.

Reach out to learn about Conscious Parent Mastery.  It’s a magical program.

Are You a Family Story Fondler?

Are You a Family Story Fondler?

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Are You a Family Story Fondler?

Story Fondler:  Repeatedly talking or thinking about a problematic situation in your life – possibly for years and years.  

 

Eventually this becomes your defining “struggle story” and it serves as hours of entertainment…similar to a toddler fondling one of those mesmerizing discovery toys.

Do you frequently have negative thoughts about your kids, other people’s kids, parenting…humanity?

ENOUGH!

Life is too short.

Your kids are growing quickly.

This time is too precious to waste one more second fondling a struggle story involving the people you love the most.

You deserve more.  Your kids deserve more.

Whether your struggle story is about your “challenging” kid that constantly zaps your energy.

Or maybe it’s your tension filled marriage because you and your spouse can’t seem to get on the same page when it comes to raising your kids.

Or maybe it’s a home filled with more yelling than you care to admit and you feel crazy guilty.

If you are ready to replace the struggle story with your family dream, it is time to put your moola where your mouth is.

Enrollment in the parenting program that will help you accomplish that dream, Conscious Parent Mastery, is closing in 2 days.

2 DAYS, PEOPLE!

Class begins January 19th.  The enrollment form has a money back guarantee because I deliver for my people.

It is not a typical boring parenting program.  I invest in you 100% when you invest in YOURSELF.

This program is not for the lifelong story fondlers.

This program is for the life livers; the action takers.

Families are being transformed – THIS is the most important thing you could do for yourself and your kids.

I don’t take this lightly – this is important.  This is about your kids.

If you are ready, click here and scroll to the bottom to enroll.  The cost is per couple and you WILL get HUGE results in 6 weeks.

6 MEASLY WEEKS!

Come to class – the rules are…there aint no rules!

You can chew gum, bring contraband, whatever floats your boat.  Besides, most of it happens virtually so knock yourself out while you listen and learn from the comfort of your own bed (like I do most of time.)

Stop talking and talking and talking.  It’s time to DO!

P.S. Here is the link to enroll in Conscious Parent Mastery and check out the FB Live from last Friday if you want to here the carpool convo all about it.

The Yellow Brick Road to a Happier Home in 2017

The Yellow Brick Road to a Happier Home in 2017

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The Yellow Brick Road to a Happier Home in 2017

2017…UGH…I mean, YAY!

My kids will turn 19, 16 and 11 in 2017.

Even though I love many elements of this stage of family life, there is always a part of me that wants them to be 7, 4 and fresh outta the oven.

Last night I got a little teary while watching a funny sitcom, The Goldbergs, with my family.

I tried to hide my surprise attack of tears by thinking about EVERYTHING else.

It was the Hanukkah episode and there was a moment between Beverly, the mom and her teen daughter at the end of the episode.

Beverly decided to be honest and admit how much she missed the days when her little girl just wanted to dress up and perform for her mama.

Erica, the surly but good hearted teen daughter, empathized with her mom. They had a heartfelt moment quietly remembering back on the childhood magic of yesterday that the two of them shared.

You could sense the beautiful memories between both mother and daughter in that quick scene on the show.

Right now, you may feel far away from being a parent of a teen child.

I know some of you might feel mired down in the not so beautiful moments with your kiddos in your current reality.

Trust me, I have those not so great moments too.

As I try to embrace the next year involving 19, 16, and 11, I invite you to join me as we work together to make 2017 the best memory making year yet.

If your home is filled with tension, harsh words and loneliness, this is your year to kick that less than awesome vibe to the curb.

It may be time to transform your household.

It can be hard to face a difficult reality and get honest with yourself.

The truth is – you and your kids DESERVE a happier home environment and need it to do all the magnificent things you are meant to do in this life.

Next, it’s all about the plan and taking baby action steps to improve things.

I’ve got your back – Read my stuff.  Connect with me on Facebook.  Listen to my free resources.  I’ve created “not boring parenting courses” (Say what?!? Does such a thing even exist?)

Enroll if you feel called to do so.

We all have areas in our lives where we want to improve.

Personally, I’m always a student in a coaching program.

The more I learn, the more I have a desire to experience even bigger results in my life.

Expanding your mind does that.

Welcoming your natural curiosity allows dreaming, manifesting and ultimately an even better life to present itself.

What baby action steps will you take this week to lead your family down the yellow brick road of happiness into 2017?

And like Dorothy always reminded us, “There’s no place like home.”

Let’s do everything possible to fill that home with positive, loving, hilarious and warm memories in the coming year.

What IF Your Child Is Gay?

What IF Your Child Is Gay?

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What IF Your Child Is Gay?

I was watching The Hunger Games with Cory, my 10 yr. old son, the other evening.

He finished the book a while ago and has been hawking us to rent the movie.

We kept hoping to tape it on regular T.V. rather than spring for the $4 Itunes rental.

Needless to say, his anticipation had been mounting.

He was excited to see the characters in his head on screen.

As he commented on each character aloud, I got stuck on the adjective he used to describe Gale, Katniss Everdeen’s best friend and hunting partner, played by Liam Hemsworth.

He said, “Oh Gale is cute”.

This prompted an interesting convo between the two of us.

Randi: “Have you ever considered whether you would marry a boy or a girl?”

Cory: “That’s a weird question to ask me.”

Randi: “Why is it weird?  Some boys marry boys and some girls marry girls.”

Cory: “Ya I know that.  Remember we have Wawa & JJ and Kaka & Jen in our family.”

Randi: “I was just curious if you have an idea of who you will want to kiss one day.”

Cory: “Uhhhh, GIRLS…of course!”

Randi: “Why OF COURSE?”

Cory: “Because girls are beautiful and hott.”

Oy…

The “hott” adjective triggered a whole new thought in my mind.

I don’t want my baby to become a teenager but I will save that topic for another day.

I share this story with y’all because I think it’s interesting that a simple thing like saying, a boy is cute by my son, triggered a little bit of panic within me and caused me to bring a mature topic to his attention prematurely.

You see, I consider myself very comfortable with “the gay” factor.

Both my brother and sister are gay.

My children have been raised to not only have awareness, tolerance and acceptance for all types of loving partnerships…it is familiar and normal to them.

My family is very close and both my brother and sister and their spouses are super involved in my kid’s lives.

I love my sibs exactly as they are and would never wish them to be different.

So why was it triggering for me when Cory called a boy cute?

He probably just used the wrong adjective or maybe he was simply noticing that the character on screen was better looking than the one he imagined when he read the book.

I notice other women’s beauty all the time and I’m heterosexual.

I know it would not make an ounce of difference whether my kids are gay or straight in terms of my love for them.

I know I am fully supportive of their entire beings.

I believe that most parents feel the exact same way about their kids even though most of us wouldn’t choose for our kids to be gay.

However, my triggered response makes me inquire and look within in regard to this issue.

I think that many of us worry about the pain, suffering and disappointment our children may be subjected to – if they are “different” than the norm.

The thought of the people we love the most, enduring future pain at the hands of others can cause great anxiety in parents.

And this fear of perceived future pain affects our behavior towards our kids.

My behavior played out by bringing up a subject matter that is too mature for my 10-year old son.

He flat out told me it was weird – code for, “What the f%&k are you talking about” and still I chose to proceed.

The real pain for our kids usually occurs because of our actions rather than at the hands of others.

How often does a mom police the food intake of her overweight daughter, causing her to feel weak and flawed?

That mom is fearful that others will make fun of her daughter or that her girl will suffer as a result of a larger body size than some of her friends.

How often does a dad use harsh words towards his little boy that would rather play video games and draw than play baseball?

That dad knows that athleticism holds loads of social currency in “boy world” and he wants his son to grow up feeling confident and happy.

Even sharing this story about the Cor makes me feel nervous that some of you might jump to conclusions about him and he could suffer from untrue gossip.

I feel like I need to provide evidence of all his “macho” qualities because the truth is, I am 99.9% sure he is all hetero.

Okay – I guess I just did and I will spare you the specific details and evidence of all the ways Cory is most likely not gay.

I’m human.  I worry about my kids just like you worry about yours.

Our world is changing…evolving.

Boys can play baseball, draw AND love taking baths with yummy smelling fizzy bath balms.

Girls can run fast, enjoy fashion & make-up, excel at math & science and expel disgusting smells from their bodies equivalent to their brothers…unfortunately.

And Mamas can raise our kiddos, the next generation, to have a non-stereotypical definition of “N-O-R-M-A-L”.

What Defines a "Good Parent"?

What Defines a “Good Parent”?

By Parenting the Strong Willed Child, Uncategorized No Comments
What Defines a "Good Parent"?

I often hear a common theme with parents:

“It seems like everyone else has their sh!t together while I’m in survival mode trying to make it from breakfast to bedtime in one piece.”

This week I spoke to a group of parents of young kids.  They shared a few challenging scenarios and we had fun problem solving together.

I thought it might be helpful to share a little bit from our discussion in an effort to show that most of us are having a similar experience even if no one is posting about it on social media.

Even if you are far past the little kid era, you might enjoy reminiscing about the good ol’ days of diapers and meltdowns before hormones and homework took center stage.

Or maybe you have a friend or relative entrenched in the whirlwind of parenting a toddler that you could share this info.?

Here was the dilemma of one of of the moms at my talk:

Mom participant:  My 4-year old son loves playing with his Legos and when I suggest another activity like building a puzzle together, he refuses.  He insists on doing only what he wants to do. How do I get him to be more flexible?

Randi:  Why do you want him to build a puzzle instead of playing Legos?

Little kids learn through creative and imaginative play.  Your son is doing EXACTLY what he supposed to be doing.  He is learning and using the most brilliant part of his brain by creating his own little Lego world. He resists shifting gears because a structured activity like putting a traditional puzzle together probably feels stifling to him.  He is making his own original Lego “puzzle” masterpiece. Why would you ask him to take a step back and shift gears?  He sounds confident, clear and knows what his 4-year-old brain needs right now to grow.

This mom seems like a very engaged mom.  For God sakes she sits and plays Legos with her little boy?!?

She kept attempting to interrupt her son’s 4-year-old playtime because she was concerned that he needed more variety so he could be a well rounded Pre-k student.

And as we all know, a well rounded Pre-k student becomes a well rounded kindergartner, 5th grader, 8th grader, 12th grader and then watch out…

HARVARD BOUND!

Woohoo, impressive college acceptance…FINALLY some tangible evidence that you succeeded at the job of parenting!

How often do we accidentally pressure our kids because of our “good parent” agendas?

  • Good parents teach their kids the alphabet before kindergarten (2 out of my 3 kids didn’t have this down – please don’t ask me to name which 2)
  • Good parents teach their kids how to read at an early age; how to write; how to hold a pencil properly; how to build puzzles
  • Good parents teach their kids to ride bikes, swim; how to play sports; how to fit in socially
  • Good parents teach their kids how to BE WINNERS IN LIFE?!?!

Jeez, People – this is too much pressure on us and our kids.  Can we make a pact in our little parent tribe to just lay off and let them play with Legos?

Personally, I feel pretty solid and I can’t stand building puzzles.

Some of us are “out of the box” thinkers.

Some of us are traditional puzzle builders…Scott, “baby daddy” Rubenstein loves a good 1000 piecer.

There’s room for all of us and frankly, we need each other to balance our home teams.

Want to hear and learn more about topics like this? 

Were you ready yesterday to create the family you crave? Check out my 6-week Close the Parent Gap course. It begins in October and I’m offering a great savings if you enroll now: Click to get the deets!