144: Convo with a Mastermind Couple: Parenting on the Same Page Part 2

0 (1s):
My name’s Randi Rubenstein and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast at Mastermind Parenting we’re on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them.

1 (12s):
I was named to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast with Randi Rubenstein episode one 44. Well, hi guys, how are you doing today? Today? We are going to be going into part two of the conversation with Seth and Sarah, we’re going to talk more about their third baby that is here, and they weren’t exactly on the same Parenting page. When it came to having a third baby, we go into male privilege and vulnerability, and how Seth ended up stepping up to the play and cooking dinner on week nights.

1 (53s):
What does that matter? All of our dream. Yeah. Yep. Raise his hand to do that. So we’re going to go into a lot of different topics. And then at the end of the episode, you’ll hear me coaching them on a situation. The current situation, where there were some badgering and they sort of were about to shoot themselves when they were looking at Christmas lights as a family. Cause there was just like, wasn’t even a minute to think or breathe because it was just incessant chatter and badgering and questioning. And they just, it was not an enjoyable experience. And we talked about how we’re going to set that up for you to use that as a moment to plan for the future.

1 (1m 35s):
So that doesn’t happen again. And what the boundaries and consequences and conversation ahead of time would look like. So I think you guys are going to get a lot out of that piece too. So enjoy it. When I was coaching you guys on and very quickly, we realized that your child, that you were so worried about, it was really just holding up a mirror, you know, to Sara to say, Hey, overachiever, mom, who does everything in your life, all alone, knock it off. I guess what you’re part of a family unit. Now you don’t have to shoulder all of this and you have this amazing, you know, husband partner co-parent who is like, he’s a good guy.

1 (2m 15s):
He’s willing to step up to the plate for you. Like allow it and ask to get your needs met. So when you sat, when you first read and you were like, well, I was like, what do you, what, how late do you work? Seth and we were like, five-thirty. I was like, well, you know, I don’t even know how I set up. We were like, I could make dinner and I could do that. I could do it, but you set it and there was a little bit of an edge in your voice. Right. Okay. And I and so after you, where we were going through the logistics on how it would look and how you would, and you were like, well, okay, but if I do it, I want to be able to listen to whatever I want to listen to like a, you know, a podcast or MPR or something. And they don’t want to be made to feel guilty about that.

1 (2m 57s):
Sarah I was like, okay. And then you were like, and then you, and then there was still a little edge in your voice. And I said, what’s, what’s really still the hang up. And it was that Sarah is an amazing cook. And you were worried that you are going to get criticized by doing it differently than her, or maybe have some of the things you made didn’t come out of that, right?

2 (3m 21s):
Yeah. She’s a perfectionist. Right. So I hold myself there, the standard that she holds herself to, because I’m a perfectionist, but I’m okay with certain things I’m okay. Slacking in certain areas and she is not so sure.

1 (3m 38s):
Yeah. But what I would say is you seemed like you were sorted, like raising your in a little bit begrudgingly to tie it back to you. I want to tie it back to the people who are watching sports center, making a cocktail and seemed like total, like douchey, lazy acid. It’s okay. You were sorta seems like you were raising your hand begrudgingly, but when we dug deeper, it was really that if you’re going to go and do this creative endeavor, which is cooking for your family, trying a recipe and not being sure if it’s going to be good or not, or being, or learning how to be the main cook for the family. And so many nights of the week, it’s vulnerable.

1 (4m 21s):
It’s a vulnerable. When somebody, you know, if your, an artist and your you’re making a commissioned art piece for someone, or if you’re making dinner for your family, that’s vulnerable to do something CRE. Or if you’re writing an article for your newsletter, you know, like it’s vulnerable to do something creative and no that somebody might criticize you and especially somebody that you care about and somebody’s that you respect and look up to and you, you know, they do that thing that you are trying to do really well. Like that can feel super vulnerable. Right?

2 (4m 56s):
Yeah. I think, I think that’s right. If, if, if, if you can, you know, and you helped facilitate that conversation to sort of figure out, okay, what else do you need? And I think it’s a question of, okay, I need help. How can you help me? What is the you need in order to help me?

3 (5m 15s):
And that’s exactly, I think what you’re tying this to too, is the Parenting because even more so than cooking Parenting and you feel like you’re failing at it all the time, especially when you’re trying something new and there’s phases, ups and downs anyway, with how your kid is changing. So you have to keep adapting. And so you just feel constantly like you’re not doing it. Right.

1 (5m 41s):
All right. Like you’re not doing it. Right. And it matters so much. And am I, the bottom line news is it’s vulnerable. Like, like, just like when life had joked gotten to a place where it was smooth sailing, and now all of a sudden we’re going to go into some uncertainty, like having a new baby. Like what if you know, Sarah is not as, as involved as she has been able to do with the last two babies, you know, like all of that feels very uncertain and very vulnerable. And I guess my point is, is that, you know, we’re when we’re willing to admit that we’re just all vulnerable.

1 (6m 24s):
Human’s like, and we don’t have all the answers and you know what, it’s true. You might make some meals that are terrible. And knowing that you have that emotional safety from your partner. Cause really all it took was we were having this conversation. It’s a non-relevant time because it was before, you know, it wasn’t in the middle of y’all meeting to make dinner for your family. It was like at night we were planning for the future. So it’s a non-relevant time. And we get to the heart of the fact of like, it’s, it’s vulnerable. What if you make a meal on its terrible and you get criticized. And so we came up with some ground rules and I’m, and the ground rules were when you’re cooking.

1 (7m 5s):
And it’s a creative, like, like you need to have that space where you get to listen to whatever you want. You have a sense of freedom. You’re unwinding from the day Sarah is doing, Sarah is taking the kids outside of the puppy, outside doing that part of it. You’re gonna, you know, your providing you’re, you are doing the cooking. And then regardless of how it turns out like nobodies, you know, nobody is going to sit there and criticizing you’re cooking. Like Sarah is just going to be saying, thank you so much for cooking. And sometimes the, the meal might land and sometimes it might not. And that’s okay. And we’re a very clear on what the ground rules are here.

2 (7m 43s):
Right? Yeah. And I think, right. I mean the same could be applied to dads, jumping in to help out in Parenting of show me a little bit, little bit of grace. I’m new at this. Gonna try sometimes it’ll work. Sometimes it won’t.

1 (8m 1s):
Yeah. Well, and if you think about it, if you think about like the dad, who’s making a cocktail and watching sports center and you know, and, and, and, and male privilege has been on the scene and, and he’s been conditioned with Parenting is women’s work, but deep down, he maybe didn’t have the relationship with his dad. He always craved and deep down as a human. He is always dreamed of having, being best friends with his kids in being the dad, the hero that his boys looked up to her, his daughter, you know, felt protected by and, and so deep down, he wants that more than anything, but because he was conditioned with old-school, Parenting all he knows to do is that when his kids are having an annoying moment, as kids tend to do whining, having a fit about something, like just being a little human who’s, living in their emotional brain, as they tend to do.

1 (9m 1s):
And he jumps in to help out with the Parenting. He jumps into that old school. So he starts shaming and blaming and yelling and berating and saying things like, you must respect your mother, and then you go, so he’s trying to be helpful. And his and his wife says, you don’t do it like that stop. Why are you being so mean? And then she starts attacking him when he was trying to be helpful, but he wasn’t know what else to do.

2 (9m 27s):
Yeah, I know. And that’s a good point. I think that if, if, if you’re a dad going to the old ways or not helping at all, I think that there’s got to be a lot of regret there and disconnection from your spouse. And I think that there was a lot more connection should even if I’m doing it wrong, at least I’m trying, I maybe get some points for trying or are there yeah. I mean, even, even just listening to the podcast, I think I’ve gotten some points for bingeing them for the sorry, the, the, the Mastermind podcasts. So yeah, I think that ultimately just trying and not faking it and just making an effort, it goes a long way.

1 (10m 11s):
It is a hundred percent and now, and you know what I, cause I have, I have a specially, I mean, I have women all the time whose every once in a while, I’ll have a dad, who’s wife is not bought in yet, but most of the time it’s moms who are their main issue that they have is okay, they’re trying to grow their sea legs. They’re trying to learn new tools. It’s not the way they were raised either or conditioned with. And we have the issue on top of it that women are not conditioned with leadership skills. There, there are conditioned with really poor communication skills, like asking like people pleasing and doing things for everyone else and not, and ignoring what they really want to do.

1 (10m 52s):
And then all of a sudden, their plates are in a position where they’re expected to be a leader and so on. So these women were, are learning so much and just growing their sea legs. And then they have a resistant partner. Who’s sitting there saying this stuff is stupid. It doesn’t even work. And, and so now it’s like an added obstacle.

2 (11m 13s):
It won’t work. If if you’re only getting, if you’re getting resistance from one of the parents in and to the kids write to a leader, right. I mean, one of the parents, both parents or leaders of the family, and they are going to be looked up to by the kids as role models. And if you have one parent who’s, poo-pooing something and the other parent really trying, it’s kind of a, PRODUCTIVE,

1 (11m 34s):
It is a very, it’s a longer, yeah,

2 (11m 37s):
My mom, because you are already have to fail at it over and over again, then you start questioning yourself and it makes it very

1 (11m 46s):
Well. It’s a lot about it. Again, it’s vulnerable. It’s like this, it’s like, Seth learning to cook, it’s vulnerable and he’s learning a new skill. He’s like, can I just have some emotional safety? You know, we didn’t say it like this, but this was really it. And I have some safety that if I make a meal, that totally sucks. You’re not going to freaking, you know, like Remi for it or make me feel even stupider, you know, like, can we just, can we have some kind of in agreement, like how we’re going to handle those nights

2 (12m 12s):
Last night, she was very polite about it.

1 (12m 17s):
Yeah. I have a nice myself

3 (12m 20s):
The first and the other nights when I’m complimenting him, ’cause his meals really have been amazing. I’ve been struck at how I must, maybe I don’t compliment him more or his heart for him to receive a compliment, but he’s always just like so shocked and surprised and unbelieving that, you know, I think it’s an amazing to me.

2 (12m 44s):
No, I don’t take praise. Great. And I’ll work on that.

1 (12m 47s):
I don’t either its part, you know, it, it’s part of the, again, it’s interesting where this podcast is going to, because it’s the vulnerability piece. I think it can feel if you are a person who’s who, of who is protected yourself with a decent amount of armor. And, and for many of us that armor comes in the form of skepticism, cynicism, perfectionism, lots of isms. And because it’s like, like it, it, it can feel too vulnerable just to like receive. Yeah.

2 (13m 20s):
I was one thing that you said to me recently, and of Oxford and a private boxer was about Bernay Brown said that there are people who are kind of sit and in the, in the cheap seats up and it’s, it’s easy to criticize or to feel removed or laugh at those who are doing the hard work in, you know, on the floor of the arena. And it’s totally true. It’s, it’s definitely easier to be cynical than to be empathic. And also someone who is trying to be that person on the floor.

1 (13m 57s):
Hmm. Right. It was like that guy that, that Scott talked to recently, it’s easier for him to act like he has it all figured out then to admit that he doesn’t, you know, who wants to admit, you know, and, and Scott had told me this guy, he goes, actually I know his dad is like, like his dad who he loves, like crazy is actually dying right now and maybe battling cancer or something. So the guy is going through a really vulnerable time in his life. And I mean, I think that, that’s the thing that many of us don’t know how to lean into, especially those of us who have armored up to protect ourselves is learning something new, being a beginner at something being willing to suck at cooking or Parenting or whatever it is, or negotiating or lawyering, you know, or I talked to a handful of pediatricians recently, we were talking about terrible advice.

1 (14m 53s):
They gave parents before they became parents and these pediatricians, and they were like laughing about some of the, like the cringe-worthy things they said to parents before they actually came a parent emitting. Any of those things is very vulnerable. And because your opening yourself up to admit that you don’t have all the answers and because we’ve all been hurt at some point in our lives, by other people and the cheap seats, you know, it can be so easy just to join those other people in the cheap seats than to put ourselves down in the arena where we’re going to be possibly inviting that kind of pain and suffering it, you know?

1 (15m 35s):
Okay. Well, I want it just in terms of wrapping up these last couple of days or last couple of weeks when it has been hard, as we were adjusting to this family is changing. We just got to this whole smooth sailing kind of place. And I didn’t, it’s almost like you go on a vacation, like, it takes you to tell day four to settle in, and then you’re leaving by the new seven. And it’s like, I thought I was getting a week of vacation, but it really only got three days. Is it feels a little bit like,

2 (16m 8s):
Yeah. I mean, yeah, it really truly, I mean, I was just starting to it, its weird to say nine months into a pandemic, but it was really in the past like two months really starting to embrace and be pretty happy with where things are and where things are going.

1 (16m 22s):
You know, like understanding that of course, you know, like we got to a sweet spot and now like, you know, and I wanted more of it and I want it to just like relax and smell the roses a little bit. And, and now, you know, okay. And now we’re in a new season and also understanding like I need a little time to adjust. This does feel like a hard season. I am worried about the future. I am worried about some things and it sort of like there’s a, there’s a, a, a psychiatrist.

1 (17m 3s):
Dr. Dan Siegel is actually, it turns out if anybody’s watched any of the latest Chelsea handler stuff. She’s talks about her psychiatrist that she, that made her like have this whole evolution. She saw this famous child psychiatrist, Dr. Dan Siegel

2 (17m 20s):
On her. Talk about how her a psychiatrist

1 (17m 23s):
Changed their lives. It’s Dan Siegel. He’s like amazing. And anyway, he says, I’ve heard it. I think he coined this term. You got to name it to tame it. So just naming, gosh, Sarah is tired. She’s not feeling the best. She doesn’t have the same patient’s level that she’s had a, I have to step up to the plate. Now I’m having to like dig in and, you know, do some of this learning in this work. And you know, and I, you know, it, it, it does feel a little bit like a hard or a stressful season of life. Like just naming those emotions a lot of times diffuses it.

2 (18m 2s):
Okay. Yeah.

1 (18m 6s):
You don’t want it because I’m an optimist. I do have to leave you with this. The fact that you’ve got your family to such a smooth sailing, an enjoyable place, and neither have you were indoctrinated in a mastermind in the first years of their lives. Can we just look at, what’s it going to be like to have this new baby come into this family with two parents who have truly done the heavy lifting and learn these amazing tools for, you know, raising children with empathy and with structure and with leadership and, you know, as much as possible with, you know, without, without those pieces that make your home lack emotional safety.

1 (18m 55s):
I don’t want to say that. Like, if you yell at your kids once in a blue moon, that that’s the worst thing in the world. I think we all have to have space for being humans and that some days we are going to be short on patients and we’re going to lose our temper to, or whatever. But for the most part, being a family who is raising kids in a truly emotionally and safe environment, and you all are doing it together from the get-go like, like, what is it going to be like to watch this baby grow? And all the kind of aware that this is happening when it’s happening? Can you, can you see that at all?

2 (19m 35s):
Yeah. I mean, I truly, like, I think that it’s it it’s, it’s good that I’m moving forward. I’m on the Mastermind program because I, I think that, again, not only will I learn the tools, but I think it, it will only strengthen is in my relationship and make us happier as we go through the mud piles are the mud swimming or whatever it is. I mean, truly, I think, I think that it, you know, we’ll, we’ll, we’ll get traction and we’ll also respect each other. Right. She won’t be upset with me for not trying Mastermind for, and, and, and she’ll be, I think happier and, and I’ll be happier and won’t sit with regret at night or in the shower, or when I’m like, should I, I should have done that differently.

2 (20m 28s):
Or I wish I had known all of that tool, or I just feel really disconnected for my family and there’s chaos and I just want out, right. I’m not gonna have that.

1 (20m 44s):
And then you can feel when you feel like you drive into your garage and it truly is like your sanctuary at the end of the long day, you know, or you go into the weekend. I mean, and it’s hard to do this when you got little kids, cars, you know, little kids it’s exhausting. It just is it’s exhausting. But like when you get to that stage, just pass the little kid stage wear the weekends are truly like when you’re not working with your family time. And, and there is a piece in your home, not every, not 24 seven, but like, like your home is your happy place where you get to be a hermit.

1 (21m 27s):
And so it’s like, I’m like, you don’t ever wish that somebody else’s family was your family. There is no comparison to despair. It’s like this whole, this family is far from perfect. And it’s perfect for me. It’s my perfect, like, that is what I want for every single human, because I think that is a life without having real regrets. And I think we’re good to know.

3 (21m 53s):
Yeah. That’s what I told you. That’s what we’re working towards. That’s the goal. That’s the big goal, right?

2 (21m 59s):
Yeah. I, I definitely want to avoid ever feeling totally disconnected from Sarah or from my kids. And also sitting with that regret at the end of the night or in the beginning of a morning of how I could have done it differently or regretting that I never engaged fully. And then there, you know, 20 out of the house and I don’t really ever write it and it didn’t really ever know them. And I didn’t really ever try. That would be a really shitty feeling.

3 (22m 31s):
Well, I don’t think I realized how often Seth was doing that at the end of the night. I would always talk about when I had a bad day and that I was, you know, processing it at the end of the day, but I don’t, I think he has always done that a lot in it. Doesn’t talk about it.

1 (22m 47s):
You know, I think that’s the other side. Like, I think so often we’re talking about male privilege. Like, you know, just, you know, not, not worrying. You can go for a walk if you want to at night, because you’re not sitting there thinking, Oh, I might get raped. You know, I live in a safe neighborhood. Like I said, that’s my bad recently. I’m like, if you want to go for a walk at night, has it ever been on your radar that you can’t go for a walk alone because you might get raped. Right. And he was like, no, I was like, exactly. Like as a woman, you don’t know how to feel like we don’t know how to. I mean, Sarah, don’t you agree? Like, totally. Like I go, if I see a woman out walking at night, I can actually be mad. Like I’m like, what are you thinking? You could get a break.

1 (23m 27s):
You know,

3 (23m 28s):
We used to, when we start running, I’m in the evenings and it just part of your process. Well, if it gets dark to light that I can have, I don’t have a dog, then I can do it. It just like, it is automatic. Yeah. Right.

1 (23m 42s):
You were like, we like that. But I think that thing that we don’t think about cars, I think we’re all We we know that that’s on the scene, but when you’re a male, what are the other part of being a male? Is that if you admit you’re vulnerabilities, it’s like a part of our culture. When you met your vulnerability that seen as a sign of weakness and, and sort of femme it. I don’t know if y’all disagree with me, but it seems like it’s almost like, like, like it’s like, it’s like you’re being, you know, the P word. If you like to talk things that are like really bothering you are talking about feelings.

2 (24m 23s):
Yeah. Yeah. And really, I think that it should, I mean, in an ideal world, it’d be met with the attitude of, Oh, you’re a curious about this. Or you want to learn more about that instead of complaining or venting about, you know, your feelings. It’s it’s I think for me, at least it’s kind of just been like, as it relates to, Parenting a journey of learning Moore, which is my home on the sea of the basics and heading into the E

1 (24m 54s):
Well, I mean, it got it, right. The, the communication part of it is like communicating to yourself, but also communicating to others. And, you know, I think that This this part about being male and it not feeling safe to be vulnerable or to admit that you actually have feelings. So, you know, I mean, there is some, there’s some, there’s some, I love like, like some podcasts and, and movies and different mediums that are, I think, helping to, to, to stretch that and to kind of expand our awareness on that. Like, I’m thinking right now about Dax Shepard’s podcast and its called armchair expert and they are long Podcast.

1 (25m 42s):
They were like our, and a half long episodes where it’s like something you would listen to on and off all day when he talks. I mean, I can see why people love his podcast so much is because he is really kind of pushing that paradigm and he talks about it all like, Oh, it’s all vulnerable and it’s all real knock. And he’s a dude, how about motorcycles?

2 (26m 5s):
But I don’t think men know about how to identify the awards, what they’re feeling probably until there are parents when they have to tell their kids, okay, this is the worries you need to use for these feelings. I think like it’s, it’s ignored from age 10 through 30 something or 20 something until you are a parent. And then you’re like, okay, yeah, you do need to use your words. You do. You need to identify how you feel and talk about it. I don’t do a good job of it, but, but I know in theory how to identify that

1 (26m 36s):
We talked, but you will get better at it because that’s what this journey has been is this is what I mean. This is where Mastermind Parenting is sorta sneaky in that. It’s really, you know, I heard Eckhart totally say this one time that like, if you’re a parent and you have a wining or tantruming child and you actually are able to manage yourself and not meet them in their same energy field, having a temper tantrum to, or whining, which is adult whining is really yelling. If you’re able to hold it together and control yourself, he said, that’s the ultimate meditation. Because to be able to like, like as humans, we’re wired to co-regulate with each other.

1 (27m 20s):
So when you know this little tiny human comes to you with all those button pushing behaviors, you know, your natural go-to is going to be to meet them in that same energy field, you know, when to be exactly right. And so when you are able to not like that is huge, he was like that, like, you don’t need to do any extra meditating besides that. Like you’ve already put your meditation in for the day when you have been able to do that. And so like, I think that this process, this journey, it very quickly turns into reparenting yourself and a lot of ways, and ’cause, you know, look up the old paradigm.

1 (28m 1s):
It’s sort of like, like I said this to somebody recently, I was like, it’s sort of like, if you ever go and shop somewhere like hobby lobby, which I try not to shop at hobby lobby. Cause they don’t share my values, but in a while it’s like round the corner and I need like a craft for a school project. So I’m just like, screw it. I’m going to go to hobby lobby. And I look around the store. It and there’s so much good shit all in one store. But then I get to the checkout line and it’s like the most antiquated system. So the poor cashiers, its like a mile long, the checkout line and the poor cashiers or having to deal with like in the system from 1987. And I’m like, I’m pissed by the time I leave hobby lobby, ’cause like, it’s just know there was a better way to do it.

1 (28m 44s):
A hobby lobby. Why don’t you update your systems and your poor cashiers, then we all hate them a while, but it’s not for a fault and their problem looking like 10 bucks an hour or if they’re lucky. So it’s like a whole thing that’s going on. I think that’s how Parenting is. Its like the Parenting paradigm has been based off of a 1950s factory worker model where people were raising kids to go and get a job and punch a time clock. And like that’s not the world we live in anymore. So anybody who gets to where you guys are like you are a trailblazer, but it is an outdated system that we’re all conditioned with. So we have to put the work in to sort of recondition ourselves while we are raising them separately.

1 (29m 27s):
It’s layered, you know, it’s layered. So I’m okay. Well Dan, you guys tell him and let me just leave you with this. Are you, even though we see, we didn’t talk about specifics of what has gone on in the last few weeks and why it was so hard or what you should have done instead, do you feel like you’re in a better head space to deal with those hiccups as they continue to come up because they will. Do we feel like we’re in a better head space or do you have any final questions for me?

3 (30m 4s):
I do. And even even coming, Oh, I feel better about my Headspace and even coming into the call knowing, you know, I kind of bring them internally and just thinking a lot about what have been going on. And it would just became clear that it was about my not being his presence and patients and he was reflecting that right back on me. And, and so this is helped clarify that even more and, and, and we just don’t feel like I need specific coaching on that moment because it was just about the bigger, a picture with the

1 (30m 45s):
Only how can I also put this in, especially since you touched on the perfectionism thing and I know this from all my mom’s who are perfectionists, which is a lot <inaudible> as I do, I do attract like overachiever awesome people who have done a lot of big things in their life. And, and what I’ll say is, is can we also like, like have some holes, some space for the fact that, of course you have less patients right now, your growing a fucking human, right? Like, and you have a life and two careers it to managing in a household and children and your body is adjusting to growing a new human.

1 (31m 29s):
So like, and you know, as a doctor, like what’s going on with all your hormone levels and how much the baby is taking from you. So like, can we also understand that? Yes. Like at the end of the day, sometimes you’re gonna be like you like snippy and Starkey and snappy and like that’s okay.

3 (31m 49s):
And like you said, not all of the human experience as a positive, something like a large percentage is going to get a motion and that’s okay. And I always have to remind myself of that because I guess the perfectionism, you know, you want it to always be happy and this was a really happy time in the moment. It just, the first trimester, it doesn’t feel that way at all. And so letting go of that expectation and just getting through this short period of time helps me keep things in perspective. So

1 (32m 23s):
Yes, I agree. I agree. And what about you, Seth? Are you good? You got any final questions?

3 (32m 30s):
No, I’m sure I’ll send you questions on Voxer regarding the component later.

1 (32m 37s):
So we already went to you and you know what, it, it was good because you got a little taste of it this week, where for anybody listening, what SAS keeps referring to is during our basics bootcamp program, when you’re first learning the foundations of Mastermind Parenting, I teach you what we call the nice Wing’s to solve any problems. And, and so when you get to the E it’s all about enforced consequences and, and most people don’t know how to enforce consequences and the way that there are actual consequences, they do it in the way that the consequences are punishments, but we got there, we got there and we were talking about the consequences of what happens when you’ve got a kid is refusing.

1 (33m 22s):
You know, I think that it looked like badgering you about something, or you have to take something away or shut. What are your, what are you going to say?

2 (33m 29s):
Well, I mean, it was, for us, it was, we went to, to river Oaks to look at Christmas lights and it was just, non-stop like, Hey, we’ll at that house. That, that house is cool. Right? Look at that. That’s cool. Right. And it was like, it was attention seeking and badgering and asking about like whether and time and just everything just non-stop like for an hour and a half non stop.

1 (33m 60s):
So what would you do? What so taking this, you know, I say it was always an opportunity to learn from it so that you could, you know, going forward in the future, you’re going to have many more seasons. Where are you guys drive around and look at Christmas lights. That’s been a Rubenstein tradition for every year. Okay. So knowing that next time you guys go to drive around and look up Christmas lights, what will you do differently?

2 (34m 29s):
I will probably speed it up and hit a mailbox.

1 (34m 32s):
Oh, for real. But we do.

2 (34m 35s):
Yeah. I mean, I think it’s boundaries, right? I don’t think I’m there yet, but I think what I’ll probably do is, is lead with like an empathic statement. Like, yes, it’s very exciting to be out here looking at these lights and sing a play. That’s a real treat. You know, mom and dad are getting overwhelmed with all of the questions and the lights in the music. So we are going to have a quiet car for X amount of time. You know, I’ll, I’ll set a timer and after the timer goes off, we can talk again, but we need, we’re hitting our yellow zone and we need to just to chill out

1 (35m 9s):
And let me say this before member, how we were talking about the non-relevant time before you go to talk to one of the thing that is before you even get in the car, you all are talking about which night you’re going to go do from here on out, which is going to be many years. Cause you’re just going to be having a brand new baby. So we got like at least 18 more years ago, we’re hitting the reset button, right? So we got at least 18 more years every time before get into that car. It’s Hey guys, here’s the Christmas light car rules. Okay. You’re looking with your eyes.

1 (35m 49s):
You can view, you can go. And any time you start to Badger someone else with questions and insist that they look at the thing that you’re looking at that is actually not respecting their space. So you are going to get one morning. We’re just going to put one thing, grow up like this. If it happens again and you don’t respect that warning, the car will be going home and Christmas looking is done for the night. There will be no more conversation about it. It’s just over the car. We’ll be turning around if we need everyone on the team, following the rules and respecting the space of every other member on the team done.

1 (36m 32s):
You know why? Because that’s what the battering behavior. And I think it’s important to connect it back to your kids too. You know, we all know that we talk about bullying and bullying is not okay. And I think it’s important to tell our kids when you Badger and Badger and Badger, you’re being a space invader, and that is actually a form of bullying. And just like this family has a note bullying policy for when it comes to you and anybody, you know, treating you in a disrespectful way at school. It also goes for our home and it also goes for the adults and the kids. So anytime someone is being a space invader to someone else and, and being disrespectful that somebody needs to just like not have a conversation, not be asked questions, not be followed and you know, and badgered or begging like that is a form of bullying.

1 (37m 22s):
And we have a no tolerance policy for that. Got it. Everybody in agreement, shake hands, here’s the deal. And then you just reinforce them in as much as possible will have that conversation after this visit. Yes. Perfect. Okay guys so much fun and go and join the rest of this gorgeous day.

0 (37m 42s):
Hey, podcast listeners. I wanted to tell you about our VIP basics bootcamp program and what this is is it’s a uniquely tailored Parenting playbook and it’s our ultimate VIP white glove one-on-one experience. This is something new that we just created last summer. We’ve taken through now about 10 families and they are getting huge results. It consists of the Mastermind Parenting dream team, which is me, Lindsey, our membership manager, and our content librarian.

0 (38m 24s):
She has were all the resources are on every training you could possibly want. And then Amanda, who works as a Mastermind mentor and also happens to be a very seasoned, a pediatric occupational therapist. And we work together and coach and guide you through a personalized roadmap specific to your family’s journey. Of course, the goal is to reach our most challenging kids. And we also want to help you become a connected family that truly gets along because I believe every human deserves that. So what will you get? Well, what about starting to take vacations instead of just trips, right?

0 (39m 5s):
Like it’s hard to take a vacation with a strong-willed child. Who’s constantly moody and throwing temper tantrums. We start by getting your child out of what we call defense zone, right? Because you’re really only as happy as you are unhappy as a child. So we help you get your child out of that place of defensiveness, acting like a dictator where everyone walks on eggshells. And we put you through this 12 week experience where we nurture you. You can get you out of overwhelm. It is a Lux VIP experience, and we’re very focused on supporting you, making it easy. There’s no a website that you have to go log into.

0 (39m 47s):
We sort of hand feed you all the resources you need. We can get tons of coaching and support. We also help you and your co-parent get on the same Parenting page. And many people have described that as better than a marriage counseling. So you are interested in learning about the VIP ultimate experience. You can go to Mastermind Parenting dot com forward slash VIP access that’s Mastermind Parenting dot com slash VIP access. There’s a video of me telling you more details about it. And there is a lot that you can read about it and you can sign up right there from the page. So that’s what I encourage you to do. If you know that 2021 is your year, your year to become a family that truly truly gets along and is thriving.

0 (40m 38s):
Love to see you on the inside.