Look out, listener, I have another new book crush, and I can’t wait to discuss her work with you! I’ve recently been captivated by Lindsay C. Gibson and her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It spoke to so much of my experience with my own parents and their resistance to reflecting on how they raised me, and it also explains the conditioning that so many of my Mastermind parents are struggling against! I’m ready to start a whole conversation on the topics this book raised. I’m glad you’re here to be part of it!
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why it can be so hard for our parents to face the mistakes they made raising us, and how we can learn from their resistance to self-reflection.
- How the concept of emotional immaturity can help you understand your own healing, and help you keep that behavior out of your own parenting.
- Why highly-sensitive kids are uniquely equipped to see through the pretense and performance that we use to mask our insecurities as parents.
And much more!
As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!
About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.
Randi’s Web and Social Links
Links & Resources
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626251700/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents/
- Author and podcaster Glennon Doyle https://momastery.com/
- Our 12-week Basics Bootcamp program is now available as a 100% online self-study course! https://mastermindparenting.com/minimasters/
- Live assessment: https://mastermindparenting.com/live-assessment/
- Join our Free Facebook Group
Thanks so much for listening to the Mastermind Parenting podcast, where we support the strong willed child and the families that love them!
If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the share button in the podcast player above.
[00:00:00] Randi Rubenstein: My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast. At Mastermind Parenting, we’re on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them.
[00:00:10] Hello. Hello. Hello. Welcome to this week’s episode. I have some ideas percolating, and so I’m just going to talk about it and maybe you guys will follow me. Maybe not. I don’t know, my brain has been in um, thinking about certain things and a different way and a new way. And I just decided I’m going to process it here on the podcast.
[00:00:42] I’ve gone through some changes over the last year where I have sort of been, going through this process of unlearning and relearning and remembering, in terms of like the way I did things when I first started my business, the work that I do, you know.
[00:01:07] I’ve been doing this now officially as Mastermind Parenting for like 10 years. And when I first started doing this work, I didn’t have a big team. I didn’t have a slick business. I just started writing these blog posts, um, and really it was like these ideas that I was thinking about and I started putting them out on paper and then I would publish them on my Facebook page. And I wasn’t even a big social media person. I really only started using social media back then, when I, I started writing these blog posts.
[00:01:47] And so when I started writing these blog posts, it was really just like I would sit down with a blank page. I wasn’t a writer. I had never written anything beyond what I had ever written in school. I think it was just like there was all this information in my brain and I just, I don’t know, needed to get it out. And so I started putting it on my public Facebook page and, or on my personal Facebook page. I didn’t have a business Facebook page back then. And I didn’t realize how many people were going to judge me, um, because I really, it was almost like ignorance was bliss.
[00:02:24] And I started noticing pretty soon after I started this, um, because I just, there wasn’t a lot of method to my madness. I really just did it because I, I think I just was exploding and I wanted to have conversations about these things and no one in my personal life wanted to have these conversations. So I started writing these blog posts.
[00:02:49] And I started noticing that, when I was out in my community and people started sort of, I don’t know, I started feeling like there was a weirdness, um. And, you know, once I started learning about social media and how people use social media, I now understand that people weren’t just like sharing all their most vulnerable truths with their friend network on social media. And so people were like, whoa, settle down, sister. Like show us pictures of your kids and like their latest milestones, but we don’t need to know about all the deep, dark corners of your mind.
[00:03:32] And so slowly, but surely over the years, I was like, oh, I have to learn how to like be a business owner and, and there’s this word it’s called marketing and you write things and you’re supposed to constantly be teaching one concept and there’s a right way to do things. And, when I started my podcast, even though I knew a lot more about, business and all of those things, the way a real grownup does business, I started the podcast really from a place, you know, cause I’ve, this podcast has been going for over five years. Really it was just, uh, an experiment.
[00:04:11] I kind of think it would be fun to start a podcast. Really. and I also liked the idea of being able to talk about things that I like to talk about with people that, that can just listen for free. And so that’s why I started the podcast.
[00:04:27] And so over the years, um, I’ve had different podcasts, producers, editors, helpers, people who have advised me, there’s a right way to do things and, and what I’ve been getting back to is from, you know, writing of my newsletters, recording these podcasts is getting back to the reason I started doing any of it in the first place, which was really, it was, I wanted to have conversations. I wanted to share ideas and it was like, it was a creativity outlet for me.
[00:05:07] So I’m getting back to that. And sometimes I might be recording episodes for you guys where my ideas aren’t perfectly formulated and I’m really just sort of sharing my own sort of brain dump or brainstorming session.
[00:05:27] I do have something exciting that is going to start happening soon. I invited my favorite, Michaeleen Doucleff, the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent, my friend, um, I invited her to come on the podcast once a month. And really I said to her, let’s just have these conversations.
[00:05:47] I was catching up with her the other day and literally like it was like a two hour conversation where each of us was like, wait, I just got to tell you one more thing. you know, and she’s like telling me all the things she’s so excited about with the latest book she’s, she’s writing and this article and this research and, and we’re, and I was like, wait, I gotta tell you one thing. And we’re listening and we’re learning and we’re having so much fun. And then both of us are like, okay, we really have to go. Cause we really have to like make dinner for the people that are expecting us to feed them.
[00:06:15] And I said to her, let’s just do this on the podcast. Like, let’s just have these kinds of conversations and see if the listeners enjoy being flies on the wall of whatever this is or whatever it’s becoming. Let’s just have fun, let’s just fuck around and find out and have some fun.
[00:06:33] And so that’s coming and we’re gonna be having our conversations and talking about all the things that light us up and excite us about parenting and humaning and you know all the things that we’re learning, and, and we’re continuing to fall on our faces and then unlearn and relearn and get back to what it is that we all love to do. And I’m like, who do we want to be? How do we want to raise our kids? Who do I actually want to be? What do I like? What do I enjoy? Um, we’re just going to talk about all the things.
[00:07:13] So, in that vein, this week I am recording an episode where I’ve been talking a lot about this book that I read a while back and, um, it keeps popping up. It’s sort of like Michaeleen’s book, which I kept referring to her book, Hunt, Gather, Parent, Hunt, Gather, Parent. Like there was something about that book that I was just like, I understand now. Like, I understand what there was an inner knowing in me about how there was something that we were getting wrong in our weird Western world, but I couldn’t exactly, like, I didn’t have the research and I didn’t really understand what the inner knowing was.
[00:08:01] And then I read Michaeleen’s book and I was like, okay, it all makes sense. This whole nuclear family model and the intense frustration, loneliness, all the things that I felt as a mom all those years ago. It was for hundreds of thousands of years, like this is not how humans raise kids. And um, I’m not crazy. Right, like I’m not crazy, this weird Western world is crazy.
[00:08:28] And so her book brought a lot of clarity and sort of felt like the opposite of gaslighting. And for those of us who were raised in households where, um, there was a big gaslighting pattern. If you don’t know what gaslighting is, it’s when you tell someone what you think and how you feel and they don’t believe you. They try to convince you that you shouldn’t feel that way, you shouldn’t think that way, oh don’t be silly. That’s ridiculous.
[00:09:04] One mom told me recently that she had a memory from when she was about eight and she comes home from school and she was venting to her mom that there had been this teacher that was mean to her that day, and somehow it turned into well, you must have done something. Oh, please. What did you do?
[00:09:25] And so here was this little kid coming to to her mom to be her soft place to land, telling her about her shitty day. And, next thing you know, she was being shamed and made to feel even worse. So not only did she not get she was making a bid for love and support and she got the opposite of that. And like that really stuck with her. And like not on a conscious level, but on an unconscious level.
[00:09:51] And so when I read things that explain patterns that have been in my life and that I’ve seen in, you know, lots of the parents that I’ve worked with, it makes sense of their patterns as well, in a book, I just sort of can’t stop talking about it because it feels like the opposite of gaslighting. Like, yeah, I knew I wasn’t crazy. I knew there were terms for this stuff. This explains everything.
[00:10:19] So there’s this book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. My really close friend who’s a therapist, she was like, you gotta read this book, Rand. And I’m like, I’ve been self helping for like 25 years, like, I’m done talking about that stuff. I don’t, like, I, it’s, it’s an old soundtrack. And what would I possibly learn that I don’t kind of already know about myself? Like I’m sick of studying myself and my own patterns, like it’s enough already. And she was like, yeah, this book is different. Just read it.
[00:10:57] So I read it reluctantly and I’m about to read it again. I’ve definitely gone down now a million rabbit holes of listening to the author of this book. Her name’s Lindsay Gibson and, um, I sort of feel a little obsessed with her kind of like how I felt about Michaeleen. Um, I may have to hunt her down and have her on the podcast and become friends with her. I’m not there yet, but, um, right now I’ve just been sort of being friends with her from afar. It’s like a one way friendship.
[00:11:30] Like I’ve listened to all these podcasts she’s been on and all these conversations and I’ve read her words. And now I’m about to read her words again, um, and her words are sticking with me and I just have to say, there is something really powerful about reading your situation and hearing your situation described through someone else’s story. And there’s such a resonance, um, it feels like a warm hug. It feels like I’m not the only one. It feels validating. Um, there’s something that I think is really powerful.
[00:12:17] And so I wanted to read a little bit from her book about this concept of adult children of, it’s really emotionally immature parents, and I’m saying emotionally immature parents or grandparents. Okay. because I think understanding this concept and also understanding, how the cycle will repeat if we don’t look at this issue with eyes wide open. Right?
[00:12:55] If we allow this issue not to be discussed, if we don’t bring awareness to it, if we don’t sort of study it, look at it, even this is the hard part because it’s super cringy to look at it even within ourselves, um, then we just keep repeating the cycle. And I actually think this thing that I keep talking about with this performative parenting, I think it is rooted in this concept of emotionally immature adults. Okay. So I’m going to read you a little bit from the book and then we’ll, we’ll discuss.
[00:13:37] So the introduction says,
[00:13:38] “Although we’re accustomed to thinking of grownups as more mature than their children, what if some sensitive children come into the world and within a few years are more emotionally mature than their parents who have been around for decades? What happens when these immature parents lack the emotional responsiveness necessary to meet their children’s emotional needs? The result is emotional neglect, a phenomenon as real as any physical deprivation.
[00:14:05] Emotional neglect in childhood leads to a painful emotional loneliness that can have a long term negative impact on a person’s choices regarding relationships and intimate partners. This book describes how emotionally immature parents negatively affect their kids, especially children who are emotionally sensitive, and it shows you how to heal yourself from the pain and confusion that come from having a parent who refuses emotional intimacy.
[00:14:30] Emotionally immature parents fear genuine emotion and pull back from emotional closeness. They use coping mechanisms that resist reality rather than dealing with it.”
[00:14:40] Resisting reality rather than dealing with it. Gaslighting. They don’t welcome self reflection, right? So they don’t welcome self reflection. So if you had a parent that, you know, and maybe even still do where you’re like, yeah, well you did this thing and you know, this is how it felt to me. And they’re like, what are you talking about? You always make things up. You always blow everything out of proportion. That didn’t happen. Oh please. Like, there is no self reflection. They absolutely. can’t go there. They don’t have the capacity to ever do self reflection.
[00:15:26] They rarely accept blame or apologize. Their immaturity makes them inconsistent and emotionally unreliable, and they’re blind to their children’s needs once their own agenda comes into play. In this book, you’ll learn that when parents are emotionally immature, their children’s emotional needs will almost always lose out to the parents own survival instincts.”
[00:15:48] I thought that was very interesting and, I resonated with that.
[00:15:53] “Myths and fairy tales have been depicting such parents for centuries. Think of how many fairy tales feature abandoned children who must find aid from animals and other helpers because their parents are careless, clueless, or absent. In some stories, the parent caretaker, the character is actually malevolent and the children must take their survival into their own hands. These stories have been popular for centuries because they touch a common cord, how children must fend for themselves after their parents have neglected or abandoned them.
[00:16:20] Apparently, immature parents have been a problem since, since forever, and this theme of neglect by self preoccupied parents can still be found in the most compelling stories of our popular culture. In books, movies, and television, the story of emotionally immature parents and the effects they have on their children’s lives make for a rich subject.
[00:16:40] In some stories, this parent child dynamic is the main focus. In others, it might be depicted in the backstory of a character. As you learn more about emotional immaturity in this book, you may be reminded of famous characters in dramas and literature, not to mention the daily news. Knowing about differences in emotional maturity gives you a way of understanding why you feel so emotionally lonely.”
[00:17:01] Lonely, okay? That’s a theme.
[00:17:05] “In spite of other people’s claims of love and kinship. I hope that you, that what you’ll read here will answer questions you’ve had for a long time, such as why your interactions with some family members have been so hurtful and frustrating. The good news is that by grasping the concept of emotional immaturity, you can develop more realistic expectations of other people, and accepting the level of relationship possible with them instead of feeling hurt by their lack of response.”
[00:17:31] I want to touch upon this piece. Number one, what she says about sensitive children? What if some sensitive children come into the world and surpass the emotional maturity of their parents, right?
[00:17:52] Emotionally immature parents negatively affect their children, especially children who are emotionally. sensitive. Okay. Emotionally sensitive. And what if… this is the new thought that’s coming into my head?
[00:18:11] Like I’ve said forever, you know, my highly sensitive son who’s my first born, he introduced me to myself essentially. Like if I had had my other two kids, I think I would have just repeated the cycle and done things exactly as they were done for me, there would have been, um, nothing that really propelled me to do anything different. But my son came into the world highly sensitive and I couldn’t get him to be happy. I couldn’t get him to stop crying. Like I was, you know, I had to figure something out.
[00:18:47] But I’m wondering if his high sensitivity in some way was connected to…
[00:18:58] like all of a sudden I was becoming someone’s parent, but I was a super wounded human being who had a lot of armor, who had never looked at any of my own stuff.
[00:19:12] I mean, I had an early childhood trauma. I definitely now realize I had, two parents that love me and were emotionally immature, um, who had no clue how to, you know, I was lonely. Like I came into adulthood and becoming a parent, and I had no fucking clue what I was doing or, or I didn’t have the self awareness yet. Like I had armor, I had developed coping mechanisms. But there was a lot to heal from.
[00:19:50] I mean, me and my husband kind of joke now, 27 years into our marriage where I’m like, if you had had any idea that there was going to be this many layers of figuring my shit out, seriously, would you have run for the hills? He’s like, um, yeah, he’s like. It’s a lot.
[00:20:12] And the more parents I get to know and who work with me and join my groups and I really get to know, I’m like, man, we’re all so much more alike than we’re different. Like I’m so fascinated by everyone’s stories. Um, even though no one’s story is exactly the same and some people have little T trauma, some people have big T trauma, and yet so many of us struggle with the same things, you know?
[00:20:38] And there was an intense deep down loneliness that we didn’t know how to course correct. We didn’t know how to, you know, I mean that feeling of loneliness is just like the worst. And so you figure out ways to not feel lonely, but deep down there’s still that longing. There’s still that loneliness.
[00:21:04] So the part that I’m thinking about that I when I was just reading this was
[00:21:11] did I just happen to have a highly sensitive child? Or was my child wired with a high sensitivity and that high sensitivity was just reflecting how, like, I, I couldn’t fool him. Like he was picking up on my energy. He was picking up on my loneliness. He was picking up on all my pretending and performing
[00:21:42] and Michaeleen and I will be talking about, um, a lot of our own cringy stories when it comes to this, um, in our, in our conversations because we’ve been talking about it, like, I’m just going to save some of it for that conversation.
[00:21:56] Randi Rubenstein: But it’s almost like I feel like he was this sensitive little Yoda who came into the world and it was like, oh yeah, you’re my mom, but shit lady, you got a lot of growing up to do. you might look like you’re in a full grown mom body, but I think you might, um, be a super wounded child who has got some work to do. Right.
[00:22:25] it’s almost like these, these highly sensitive little beings, they’re, they’re like, I’m not falling for your performance. Like please go do the work. I’m going to cry and cry and cry or kick and scream or, you know, wreak havoc to force you to do the real work so that we can break this cycle of emotionally immature parents, right?
[00:22:56] Because if you had an emotionally immature parent, that was your conditioning. So why would you not do the exact same things?
[00:23:07] Like, you know, cold shoulder when your kids get upset with you, you know, you’re making mommy sad, you know, stop talking to them or berate them, shame them, try to, shame them into doing the right thing. How would you feel if someone did that? Like that’s what emotionally immature people do.
[00:23:29] And if all that sounds normal, I mean, I think that has been the norm. And so when, when we’re backed into a corner and we’re being triggered because our kids having a meltdown and we were raised by emotionally immature parents, that familiar conditioning is going to be what we automatically do too. And then our kids are going to be raised with emotionally immature parents. Like this is why the cycle repeats.
[00:23:58] And so, I don’t know, there was just like a light bulb that went on where I was like, I thought I needed to just figure my kid out, but really I think my kid was here holding up a mirror for me, you know, picking, absorbing it all because he was this highly sensitive little Yoda. And that forced me to have to face my own stuff. I don’t know if that’s making sense.
[00:24:26] Um, so I’m kind of like
[00:24:27] , what’s the chicken and what’s the egg, right? Like, was my kid extra difficult because he just came into this world extra difficult and then I had to go figure him out and then I had to go figure myself out so, or was my kid extra difficult because I was performing and pretending and really had some like deep stuff to contend with within myself and heal from. I sort of think it was that second one, right? I sort of think it was that second one
[00:25:03] Randi Rubenstein: So, I think this is a very difficult topic to discuss, to look at. I’ve heard
[00:25:13] Glennon Doyle use the term, she calls it parent fragility, sort of like white fragility, you know, so she’s, she calls it parent fragility. So like if you, I guess she, you know, has maybe, I shouldn’t put words into it, but maybe she’s, she’s tried to have conversations with her parents and they’re not open to having conversations or looking at, you know, whatever it was that she went through and she’s healing from.
[00:25:42] And I experienced this too, like, if I ever tried to talk to my parents, like only tried to do it a couple of times, but I got the memo quick that my mom, she, she did not have the capacity to go there. She wasn’t willing to, all it was going to do is just add to my pain. So there was really no point.
[00:26:02] But, if you try to have an honest conversation as part of your healing process and have this open conversation with your parents, I have had some of, you know, some of my masterminders have really beautiful healing conversations with their parents who were open to looking at what their adult child experienced, they were willing to own it. They were willing to have an honest conversation. So I don’t think that it’s out of the realm of possibility.
[00:26:35] And also I think for many of us, we have tried to have these conversations and we’ve been met with, um, with a lot of gaslighting, a lot of shaming, and it’s just like, they can’t go there. There’s this fragility. It’s, it’s kind of like when you’re doing things differently with your kids. I just had a mom recently where her mom was like, you need to spank him. they delude themselves that the way they did things, it really worked. and they were the greatest parent ever.
[00:27:07] And so when you try to call ’em out, yeah, well, when you spanked me, this is how it made me feel. Well, then you got with the program, you knew what to do. You never did that thing again. And it’s like, yeah, I did. I just started lying to you and sneaking.
[00:27:23] And frankly, um, you know, that eating disorder that I just healed from five years ago? I was a kid who was struggling or in pain and, or made a mistake and needed you to help me through it. And you hit me, right? And you scared me. Oh please. You know, that’s ridiculous. You, well, I don’t think you turned out so bad.
[00:27:48] That parent fragility because underneath all of it, it’s like every parent wants to believe that they’re a good parent. And so when, when your kid, your adult kid is telling you, there were times you weren’t that great of a parent, and this is, this was my experience. Um, it’s like too painful. They can’t even go there.
[00:28:13] Like I’ve had parents say the thought of thinking that their parent wasn’t like I had a magical childhood and like the thought of everything not being their fault, the thought of thinking anything negative about their parents, I’ve heard it described like it feels disloyal to even think that their parent wasn’t the most amazing parent.
[00:28:39] So I think this can be a really hard topic to even look at. It might look disloyal and you know, I think it’s the case for many parents, um, who don’t have adult children yet who have actual children, like it’s super painful. I just had a mom the other day who was, you know, she was crying, she had a lot of tears and, you know, she’s just started working with us and she was so upset cause she’s like, I was doing this wrong. And I just feel so bad.
[00:29:16] And I said, yeah, but you didn’t know what you didn’t know yet. And now you know. And now, so you’re of course correct. And guess what? When you realize you did things, you made mistakes, you were operating from a place of emotional immaturity. Well now, like, you know what emotionally mature parents do? And the author talks about this. They self reflect. So you being here, getting coached by me, seeing how you want to do things, us role playing how it might sound, right?
[00:29:55] And this was an interesting thing. It was like her kid’s teacher, you know, or the assistant to the teacher coming to the car and then giving her an update of the day and basically talking badly about her kid in front of him. And she was feeling so badly because she was like, I used to be so anxious every day when I picked him up. I would ask the teachers to give me a daily update. So I’ve literally prompt them to talk badly about my kid in front of my kid.
[00:30:27] She goes, and now I realized how damaging and wrong that was, you know, cause I kind of, I walked her through. I was like, imagine if like you were you and your husband, it was like a family holiday and your mom came up or your dad came up to your husband and just started talking smack about you.
[00:30:44] Can you believe? Don’t you hate it when she does this thing? Oh my God. The other day she was in a mood and I was so frustrated and she was so disrespectful. I was like, can you imagine if your husband just like agreed with them or stayed silent? Doesn’t that sound crazy that he wouldn’t automatically have your back?
[00:31:06] So when we’re sitting there and another adult is wanting to talk badly about our kid in front of them, it’s like that. She was like, and so she was really upset. She was reflecting on it and she was like, oh my gosh, I can’t believe. And I was like, but you’re self reflecting. See, so now here’s that emotional maturity that we’re talking about.
[00:31:29] And the course correction’s not that hard because you’re learning how to have a productive conversation. So when you realize, oops, screwed up there. You go back when it’s relevant and you, and you say to your kids, you know, I’ve really been thinking about this thing I used to do with you. Did that hurt your feelings or how did that make you feel?
[00:31:51] Because I’ve really been thinking about this thing and I don’t like that I used to do that and I’m really seeing it differently now and I wanted to check in with you and see how it felt for you. And your kid might say. Yeah. I hated that. You’re like, yeah, you hated that. What else? And your kid’s like, well, I don’t know, it used to make me feel bad. You’re like, yeah, of course. I don’t really know what I was thinking. I’m so sorry for doing that. I’m not doing that anymore. I love you so much.
[00:32:29] Can you imagine if your parents were like, you know, I was thinking about all the times that I spanked you, remember that time? Like what was I thinking? How on earth did we think back then that that was being a good parent to like literally hit your kid to teach them a lesson?
[00:32:50] Like we’re over here telling you, you know, be nice to your sister, be nice to your brother. Don’t be a bully. You know, how would you feel if you were treated that way? And then we’re hitting you right like so crazy like we didn’t know we didn’t know yet. There’s no excuse like this. It’s asinine. I’m so sorry I wish we would have known what you guys are learning now as parents.
[00:33:15] Like I think most of us can’t imagine our parents saying things like that. But can you imagine if they did? It’s almost like, okay, forgiven, really? Like you just owned it. Okay. Forgiven. Like that’s our tool.
[00:33:32] So this whole parent fragility, God forbid, it’s like we want to live in delusion. We want to forget every time we’ve lost our cool. We’ve said things that we swore we would never say. We want to like perform and pretend that we are the perfect parent. We’re going to memorize just the right script. We’re going to constantly, be as gentle as possible, but really, really, really until we face like, that’s why I think it’s really powerful to read a book like this and to look at, were you raised by, was there some emotional immaturity from your adults when you were growing up?
[00:34:19] And I guarantee if you, I mean, I think it’s highly unlikely that, um, you didn’t at least have one parent that displayed some of these symptoms, giving you the cold shoulder, icing you out, shaming you, berating you, you know, just like, or constantly, it was like team adult versus team kids. So anytime there was a situation at school, you must have done something. It had to have been your fault. They didn’t have your back. I mean, there’s a number of different things.
[00:34:50] But I think identifying if you had this and if you really do have a desire to change this cycle, you were given, you know, a highly sensitive child who came in and decided that, you know, it’s like somewhere the universe, whatever you believe in, it’s like, and this child is going to come and help you to break this cycle.
[00:35:22] Because it’s not the way humans live their most healthy, fulfilling lives. Like this is how people and the pattern of loneliness continues on. We want to have connected, beautiful families. We’ve got to break these cycles, but we got to see it. I think we got to pull it out of our blind spot before we can truly break the cycle.
[00:35:57] So I am endorsing Lindsay Gibson’s book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. If you haven’t read it, I think it’s fantastic. And I also want to say, along the topic of performing, perfection, like pressure to be the perfect parent, trying to pretend or prove that we know what we’re doing here, we really know what we’re doing. Right?
[00:36:31] Like what if it all links back to this cycle of emotional immaturity? What if that’s really where it’s all rooted in? So let’s pull up the roots, let’s pull up the roots together. Let’s look at the hard things. I know I’m looking at the hard things in me and that’s what I got for you this week. Okay. Thanks for listening. Bye.
[00:37:01] Thanks for listening today, guys. I hope you picked up some tips, tools, maybe some baby steps for creating more balance and boundaries in your life. And I just wanted to let you know, if you want to continue moving the needle forward in creating this for yourself, having a happier household, I want you to go to my website and check out mastermindparenting.com. We have three beginning programs, and if you need some accountability and more support then please look for the one that would be a good fit for you.
[00:37:36] And, as always, we’re on all the social channels under mastermind parenting, on Instagram it’s mastermind_parenting. And, you know, periodically I do pop up on different Instagram lives, Facebook lives where I give you teaching and coaching and I love engaging with you live to help you help your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better, because when they feel better they do better, and I love, love, love getting to know you guys.
[00:38:09] So thanks for listening. If you like this podcast, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review. Super, super appreciative