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279: Getting Your Kid A Label Isn’t Enough

Last week’s conversation about ADHD got my brain firing about how what a diagnosis can and can’t do for the parents of a highly sensitive child. Getting that label can be a starting point, but our mental health system doesn’t train medical professionals – or support struggling parents – to understand what those kiddos need to adapt and thrive. Membership Coordinator (and Mastermind Co-parent) Lindsey joins me on the mic this week, to share a success story from a new Masterminder. From there we talk about why diagnosis is just the start, medication isn’t a sure fix, and what leading your pack through a tough day with a strong-willed kiddo actually looks like.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • How a disjointed mental health system often leaves parents with more questions than answers.
  • The important role of your intuition in deciding what works best for your family.
  • Why a diagnosis can be helpful, and why it’s only one piece of a puzzle when it comes to helping your child navigate the world.
  • The difference between understanding your kiddo’s big feelings and letting them hijack your household when they express those feelings.

And much more! 

 As always, thanks for listening. Head over to Facebook, where you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community. We post tips and tools and do pop-up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better. If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it!

 

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.

She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.

At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.

Randi’s Web and Social Links

Links & Resources

Thanks so much for listening to the Mastermind Parenting podcast, where we support the strong willed child and the families that love them!

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Transcription

Audio MMP 279

[00:00:00] Randi Rubenstein: My name is Randi Rubenstein, and welcome to the Mastermind Parenting Podcast. At Mastermind Parenting, we’re on a mission to support strong-willed kids and the families that love them. 

[00:00:10] Hello. Hello. Hello. Well, this week I’m here with Lindsey. If you’ve just started listening, you may not realize who The Linds is. She is my Mastermind Parenting co-parent, and we’re here kind of piggybacking on last week’s episode with the pediatric neuropsychologists. That feels like such a mouthful. And I shared some personal stories and so I invited Lindsey to come and have a conversation with me where we just sort of break down our thoughts on labels.

[00:00:55] Labels like ADHD. The various labels we have seen parents receive for their kids. Um, we’ve received even, um, accurate labels, mislabels, all things labels, um, the pros and cons of labels. Wouldn’t you agree? There’s pros, there’s cons. We have sourced many medical professionals, um, are in our personal lives and many have been valuable and finding the right medical professional can quite often be just a job in and of itself.

[00:01:39] Um, so we’re going to talk medical professionals and we’re also going to talk mama intuition, which I touched upon in that episode. And how to tap into that more and why we don’t and to understand that that it’s layered, right? There’s a reason why we don’t. And so that’s sort of my intention for today’s conversation is for us to dig in to all those things. And I told Lindsey, I want to do it in 30 minutes, so it’s a lot.

[00:02:12] Lindsey Sheinbein: That’ll be a challenge, but challenge accepted. I could talk by myself without you for an hour and still have more to say. 

[00:02:22] Randi Rubenstein: Let’s, why don’t you start by sharing the story of one of our new members. Listen to a little bit of our new member’s story, um, with also understanding like I mean, we all come to the table with, you know, um, different backgrounds and histories and our own temperament and our own stories. This new member, she happened to be a podcast listener for a while, so she came to us already speaking the language. Um, we’re like, she’s crazy smart, but really we just feel like she’s crazy with it. She’s just like a sponge, absorbing,

[00:03:02] Lindsey Sheinbein: She, she had before working with us, she had actually done Mini Masters and listened to our first core program by herself. And she was like, it’s great. I’ve learned so much, but I still feel like I need more help. So that really helped her just get a jumpstart. But yeah, she’s mastering things definitely much faster than I was able to. which is tied into intuition because, 

[00:03:33] Randi Rubenstein: there, she has been anxious. I mean, there’s been times where she’s like, oh my, you know, she came to us and she was like, oh my gosh, I’ve learned so much. Things are so much better. This is great. And then she’d have a human moment or a bad weekend or her parents all of a sudden, you know, her, one weekend her husband went out of town and her parents came to visit and it sort of all went to hell in a handbasket. So she’s also had some like really human moments and um, yeah, real stressful. 

[00:04:04] Lindsey Sheinbein: When those happen, I think she goes from confident to just doubting it just because she, she’s brand new, she’s been with us for a week. So she’s like, wait, is this working? And then very quickly she’s like, oh yeah. And we had, um, an interesting conversation this morning that she thought was really helpful because I really broke it down telling her you’re not, like the whole baby steps thing, it sounds like common sense, but I, I think when your mama intuition is shot down cause you’re filled with anxiety, it’s hard to see this clearly. Um, I’m like, it’s those baby steps. It’s 

[00:04:50] Randi Rubenstein: Let me pause cause you’re doing that thing where you’re not, you’re not giving the introduction. You’re just talking about baby steps. So what we realized was sending her into a tailspin, had she seen a lot of medical professionals before she came to us?

[00:05:05] Lindsey Sheinbein: Not a lot, but teachers and I think staff at school

[00:05:12] Randi Rubenstein: Some social skills, maybe some OT, um, and, yeah. And she was getting a lot of pressure from her kid’s school that, and he’s in kindergarten, her child, she’s got three kids. She’s got an, he’s in the, he’s in the middle. she’s got her kids at, um, a small religious private school. And, he, last year in pre K, he, the teacher wasn’t a great fit with him. And so she ended up actually having to pull him out of school at some point during the year. 

[00:05:47] And the school has really sent her the message that there’s something wrong with her kid. Like they are requiring her to sign him up for an extra social skills class. She has been scared actually to get him evaluated because the school has used so much shame with her. Right? The school’s used so much shame with her and obviously so much shame with her kid and all the freaking color charts and the think sheets and, and the teachers coming to the car at the end of the day, giving her report of what, whether it was a good day or a bad day and talking to her about her kid in front of her kid.

[00:06:30] And she was just, she felt like she was getting sent to the principal’s office over and over and over again. And it was really chopping her off at the knees in terms of her confidence. She wasn’t totally able to listen to her mama intuition because I think she was always feeling like she was getting chastised. 

[00:06:50] And so she said this morning, I think, or this message that you sent me that she was scared to get them evaluated. Because she actually was scared that an ODD, and for anyone who doesn’t know that label, which I consider to be a bullshit label, oppositional defiance disorder, which I think is really a label of this is an unreachable kid. This is a kid that is, that can’t be air quotes fixed. This is a situation where you’re just going to have to deal with a terrible existence and there is no helping these kids. It’s only a matter of, you know, managing them and getting through it. Right. And so she was so worried because of, that was her biggest fear.

[00:07:43] So she was like, I’m, you know, based on all these messages she was getting from the school, she was she was certain that that was gonna be that or that was a possibility And so she didn’t want to get him evaluated. Okay, so now go into the story that you know from yesterday that she shared.

[00:08:00] Lindsey Sheinbein: So, her kiddo came home from school and had, uh, was having a really hard time and taking out all his anger on everyone around him, and she was like, I feel like it was a breakthrough because I really felt calm in my body for the first time, even though he was disrupting the house, like, I was able to 

[00:08:29] Randi Rubenstein: She didn’t feel calm She didn’t feel calm. She felt, she didn’t feel mad at him. She felt angry. She said she felt some anger inside about her household being hijacked, but she didn’t feel anger towards her kid. Wouldn’t you say that was what she said? 

[00:08:47] Lindsey Sheinbein: That’s it. And she was able to do exactly what he needed, which, which was she like, she was like, I was a little maybe, yeah, angry when I was like this, I’m not tolerating this. It was different language, but like, this isn’t happening here. Like you’re not being mean to everyone around you. Like we’re not doing this.

[00:09:09] I was like, actually you showed up in pack leadership. And she took him to his room. I’m like, he needed that. And um, he, he was having such a big meltdown and she was like, it was the first time I was able to look at him and really feel and think, you’re like a wonderful human. I forget the word, she said like, I just love you so much. It was something along those lines.

[00:09:34] And, whereas before she, he would act this way and it would just make her angry, right? And so that in the past they would feed off each other and she would match his energy which just made the meltdown never end. But this time she was like able to keep the right thoughts and she’s like, I just kind of wrapped my arms around him and I was thinking, you know, you’re just a wonderful person. 

[00:10:02] Randi Rubenstein: Wait, let me 

[00:10:03] Lindsey Sheinbein: You’re so amazing.

[00:10:04] Randi Rubenstein: me pause you. So what she, and I think we all do this. Like, we go to the part where there was the breakthrough, and we miss the parts that led up to the breakthrough. Okay. 

[00:10:18] So she noticed she felt anger in her body and the anger in her body was not directed at her kid. It was directed at the situation and her household getting hijacked. And she was like, I will not allow you to stay down here and be mean. You’re going to take this mean behavior. You’re going to take yourself up to your room and go and, and take some space.

[00:10:40] So he goes up to his room and eventually, you know, she’s checking on him and they start talking. She said, I felt anger about the hijacking, but I didn’t, and she didn’t say hijacking, but I felt anger about the mean behavior. But I actually had implanted in my brain, this is a child. This is a wonderful child. Like he is, he is in pain. Like there is something going on with him. And so, so she stayed in the room and she said, I cannot allow you to be mean like that. But what is going on? Like, tell me how I can help you. What can I do? 

[00:11:23] And, and so they talked about it a little bit and she had gotten reports last week was a really hard week for him at school. And, and the teacher had given her a report that he was mean to friends. And, and she says this meanness towards your sister, this meanness towards me, this meanness towards friends at school, what is going on? And he’s like, well, they’re mean to me first. You know, it was classic defense zone you know, they’re mean to me first, like this, you know, somebody who’s in that state can’t see their own behavior.

[00:11:53] And she’s like, really like more than saying the words, her energy, her belief was, this is, this is my kid. This is my beautiful human being and how can I help him? And so she’s asking him and finally, you know, it’s not going anywhere. It’s like this circular conversation. He’s kind of shut down. He’s angry. He’s doubling down. So she goes and she realizes they’re not getting anywhere. So she said, well, I’m going to go back downstairs and, you know, basically like I’m leaving you to it. And when you’re ready to, you know, join us, like, but mean behavior will not be tolerated. There was her boundary. Very clear. 

[00:12:36] So he starts, going, well, I’m going to go downstairs, you know. And she even said at one point, wait a minute. I am the parent. You are the child. Somewhere you have, you are mistaken if you believe that you’re the one in charge here. I am the parent, I am in charge, and I will not tolerate that mean behavior downstairs. And he goes to start running downstairs and taking matters into his own hands, as many of us who have had a kid in this state have experienced. 

[00:13:11] And I think it puts us in a weird position, a hard position. 

Audiogram 1 In?

[00:13:14] Randi Rubenstein: It’s hard to be in that pack leadership position when you’re trying to understand, but you don’t want to blame and shame them and you’re just, and then you’re, you’re overwhelmed and then you freeze and you don’t know what to do. And then the, the power dynamic is off and the child is in charge and they go back and they hijack your household. 

[00:13:32] And she says, you know, like her version of absolutely not, you know, that’s my pack leadership term. Absolutely not. Like, I’m not gonna allow that. So she goes, and she, she, she asks him, do you wanna hug? He’s like, no. So she, she bear hugs him from behind.

[00:13:51] Lindsey Sheinbein: How’d she know how to do that? We hadn’t even taught her that yet. We hadn’t, we, I told her, side note, we don’t teach people that at the beginning, because sometimes people do it the wrong way, like take their anger out on the kid. I was like, how did you know how to do it so beautifully? Okay, continue. 

[00:14:09] Randi Rubenstein: Because she was tapping into her mama intuition because she had implanted, this is a wonderful kid. He’s in pain. How can I help him?

Audiogram 1 Out?

[00:14:18] Randi Rubenstein: How can I help him? How can I help him? She wasn’t, she was Q tipping, quit taking it personally. She was not like, why does he have, you know, she wasn’t going back to that old soundtrack of why does he make life so difficult? Why is he so hard? Why does everyone else have easy kids? Why is he not his brother? Why is he not his sister? Why is God punishing me? Whatever it is, you know, instead of blaming the kid, she was, understanding, this is a kid that’s acting on the outside the way he feels on the inside. This is a wonderful human being who is in pain. 

[00:14:51] So she, she follows her gut, she follows her intuition, she bear hugs him from behind. And what she does is she stops the talking and she taps in to the feeling. Right? She was managing her own feelings. And so she provides what we call a human weighted blanket. 

[00:15:11] She’s not grabbing him from behind and squeezing him. She’s hugging him from behind, but she’s also not allowing him, she just set a boundary. She’s not allowing him to go back downstairs and hijack the household and take his big feelings, his mean, all that meanness that he’s feeling. He’s feeling mean towards himself and the world. And so rather than allowing him to do it, she’s like, no, that is not happening here. She’s gonna, she’s keeping him safe. She’s keeping other people safe. So she bear hugs him. 

[00:15:43] And at first he’s just really angry. And she’s just, you know, she’s literally like, you know, allowing his body, to feel, it’s like a cocoon. She provided this cocoon and it’s, she’s, you know, kind of deep pressure and she’s not squeezing him, but maybe she’s like sort of massaging, like almost like deep tissue, you know? Um, occupational therapists teach, do this with kids a lot and they teach this technique. That’s how we really sort of learned it. 

[00:16:17] So she acts as this human weighted blanket and the anger, she feels it leave his body. She literally feels this. And then the sadness starts like, you know, anger is a secondary emotion. Underneath the anger is the real feeling. The sadness comes and he cries and he gets, he starts to have a release and he starts to cry and he starts to cry. But not like you’re hurting me, like a real release, like this kid that has felt like I, you know, I hate myself, everyone else’s mean to me, everyone else hates me.

[00:17:01] And so this kid that felt so imprisoned and had been receiving so much shame over his short six years, as I think so many of these highly sensitive kids do. At home, the world, everywhere, because we don’t know how the fuck else to do it. Like, that’s the way we were conditioned. So when we’ve got a kid that’s acting like a caged animal, we become a caged animal and, you know, and the cycle repeats. 

[00:17:29] So the release happens and then they go downstairs and she said, you know, he’s a little clingy. He remained close, but he was okay. And the mean behavior was done. And I said, well, of course he was clingy. You just helped him to feel safe in his body and, and and so he feels safe with you. He wanted to stay close to you. and what did she, I mean, is there anything else you want to add that she shared?

[00:18:00] Lindsey Sheinbein: Yeah. So you know, she was like, so how do, we were just talking back and forth, and I, I really said to her, like, and that’s it. Like, that’s how trust is built. That you guys, that’s how he feels connected to you. 

[00:18:15] And I told her, like, for me, when I was dealing with all of that, like, my first baby step, and this is how we started talking about it, was like, making up a hand signal with my child that we, we could both communicate with each other. Either he could ask me for help or I could say, do you need help? Like a sort of wave. And how my baby step was really letting him know, I got you. Like, just like she did with the bear hug, like you’re not alone in this. And so that was very connecting for my child. 

[00:18:50] Like you, and then I told her baby steps later, I had to like break that, and teach him that he could solve problems on his own. Um, AKA breaking up with like me being his bitch. Like that was a whole journey too, but that was the next step. The first step really was. It’s letting him know that I got you and we’re not taking over the household with your anger. Right. And so she felt, I think, relieved 

[00:19:20] Randi Rubenstein: Yeah, like, other people live here. You know, I think it’s also like, there’s so much confusion with all these gentle or conscious parenting approaches where at times we’ve thrown the baby out with the bath water. Where it’s like, yeah, other people live here. You’re allowed to feel all of your feelings and you are not allowed to hijack the household. We other people live here. It is not fair to other people. 

[00:19:52] So I got you and we’re going to, we’re going to put you in a different space where you can, you know, and maybe it’s like you can scream into a pillow. Like your anger is allowed. Anger is not a bad thing. We just, we are a family that does not take our anger out on other people.

[00:20:12] Lindsey Sheinbein: Yeah,

[00:20:13] Randi Rubenstein: And the only way we teach. I

[00:20:15] Lindsey Sheinbein: We talked about that. Like my punching bag. 

[00:20:19] Randi Rubenstein: The punching bag, like, but we are a family that doesn’t take our anger out on other people. However, kids learn by what we model. So we can’t take our anger out on our kids either. Right? 

[00:20:31] Like, so that’s what she also disrupted yesterday. She was controlling the sentences in her head, managing the feelings in her body, not making herself wrong for feeling anger that her household was being hijacked. And so what she modeled was, I am not going to take this out on you and blame you and make you my punching bag child. I’m going to manage my own emotions. And I mean, how long has she been in the program? Nine weeks, 

[00:21:05] Lindsey Sheinbein: Eight or nine weeks, I’m 

[00:21:06] Randi Rubenstein: weeks. Yeah. Eight weeks. It’s eight weeks. So eight weeks to show up in that level of pack leadership. I was like, she came to us just from listening to the podcast. And you know, for the most part had listened to the podcast, then done Mini Masters sort of in a self study way and now is reinforcing it. And I’m like, it’s pretty cool for somebody to make shifts like that in eight weeks. 

[00:21:35] Lindsey Sheinbein: Huge. 

[00:21:35] Randi Rubenstein: I mean, 

[00:21:36] Lindsey Sheinbein: Took me much longer, much, much.

[00:21:41] Randi Rubenstein: You know, the doctors that I had on last week, I’ve seen so many doctors over the years and I do think it’s important to find the right medical professionals, the ones who are aligned with, with, you know, the ones who are trained, like with the latest and greatest, I think, um, who also have some practical and personal experience. I loved the doctors last week talking about how they take eight hours to truly evaluate a child. 

[00:22:13] But I think what you experienced and what I experienced and what so many parents experience is, even when you go to the right professional, which I think is important and I do, I’m like, labels have, armed me with information to be able to help my children over the years. But these, the professionals, they are trained, in giving you the what or figuring, helping to figure out, they’re smart minds with amazing training to help identify the what, what is going on with my kid, right? What is going on. 

[00:22:55] But they are not equipped, or I shouldn’t say any of the ones I have, you know, learned about, they don’t seem to be equipped with truly the, how now do we help them beyond go to a psych? And I’m not anti medicine at all, but like we’ve pretty much got it dialed in, in our society of, well, this is what it is. And now we’re going to go to the right child psychiatrist. You know, or sometimes I guess your pediatrician, you know, now we’re going to go to the doctor that could prescribe a medication um, that might help them, but how do I help them beyond the medication at home? 

[00:23:35] I mean, that’s, I think that’s our, 

Audiogram 2 In?

[00:23:39] Randi Rubenstein: that’s the sort of problem in the system is, it’s the system that where the right hand’s not talking to the left and it’s like parents are put in this impossible… okay, great. Now I know the what. Now I know the medication that could help. But what about how do I get my kid to sleep? How do I get my kid the rest they need? How do I fuel my kid correctly when they’re now on medication and their appetite is nothing, right? How do I help my kid when the medication’s worn off and now I’m supposed to make sure they get their homework done. 

[00:24:18] Lindsey Sheinbein: The diagnosis, and I’ll, I’ll tell this to our clients all the time, like, I think they serve a purpose. It’s like knowledge is potential power, and it’s part of a piece of the puzzle.

Audiogram 2 Out?

[00:24:33] Lindsey Sheinbein: and like, the diagnosis don’t stay the same, right? I don’t hold a lot of weight in them because what I saw is, like, the first depression diagnosis my son got, the second time he did an evaluation. Because of learning this language here, he doesn’t, he did not get that diagnosis because he’s no longer suffering and dealing and living with depression. 

[00:25:04] So, parts of diagnosis can be helpful and parts of it are just like, can be confusing, right? Um, and they, sometimes they leave you with just more gray area. Like, Other Specified ADHD, which means they couldn’t pinpoint exactly what type it was. But when I think of like the therapeutic process and what we went through from age 3 to age 6 was a lot of different therapists who were all scratching their heads and not really knowing what to say to me, what they were working with.

[00:25:43] Um, and the bottom line is they’re not equipped and set up time wise to be able to look at what’s going on in the household, which is the most important. So, it was just like, like the game of whack a mole, just like, maybe you should try this, or maybe you should try this. 

[00:26:06] Um, so yeah, that process is very stressful because I didn’t, my child at the end of all of that wasn’t in a better place. He was still having outbursts. He still was angry and shut down and having meltdowns all the time. Because just like, yes, therapy can be helpful, um, but it’s not gonna be the solution. 

[00:26:43] Just like the meds. Like, I, I, you, you guys didn’t have a great experience with meds, but I have, it’s been a great tool for my child. And if I had done that alone, it would have never been the solution. He would have never be where he is today because the meds for us just allowed us to do the work that needed to get done. It was like, 

[00:27:08] Randi Rubenstein: Well, it’s like, how many of us would love just to be in amazing shape and your ideal, you know, body weight from taking a pill? I mean, I think it’s, you know, that’s why so many people who are on Ozempic right now are like, it’s the best thing ever. I mean, I know two people who have really struggled with, like a food addiction. And now they haven’t had to really deal with like facing why the food addiction was here and like what’s underneath the food addiction. It, they can’t overeat. And so they’re like, this is the greatest thing ever. This is a tool. 

[00:27:45] And I think, you know, for certain people, like these two people I know, I think Ozempic, it’s kind of like the meds, like you’re talking about. Like, it seems like it’s, it’s a really helpful bridge. I think, where that system is falling short too, it’s like, okay, great. We get our kids to a better place, but it’s not going to be sustainable long term unless we now that we’re in a better place. Okay, let’s figure out the how we stay here. beyond the meds,

[00:28:18] Lindsey Sheinbein: Well, it’s, it’s funny last, last summer. This is important. You, uh, were like, please just try not medicating him for the summer. Just see what happens. And I was like, and my head, like, I trust you a hundred percent. And in my head, I was like, love you and fuck no, not a chance. And you were like, please just try. You like got on your soapbox and you were like not giving up. Like, and I finally was just like stopped responding to you, which listen, I have followed, our, the next baby steps and plan and my son is happy thriving and doing well. 

[00:28:59] And two days ago, three days ago, I don’t know. I was like, shit, David, he didn’t take his meds today. And it was, it must have been Friday. Yeah. And I texted his teacher because we have a relationship and I’m like, did you notice that anything different? She’s like, no. 

[00:29:21] Randi Rubenstein: He’s in seventh and he’s in seventh grade, he’s in seventh grade. So like he, like it’s schoolwork time.

[00:29:26] Lindsey Sheinbein: And he’s been on 

[00:29:26] Randi Rubenstein: you know, like he’s in 

[00:29:27] seventh 

[00:29:28] Lindsey Sheinbein: years, four years, five years. And I was like, interesting. And then the next day, my other child had a baseball tournament, so I wasn’t home. I was like, again. He forgot his meds. He, he forgot his meds because he was also taking Tamiflu. So instead of like, there was like an extra pill in there and he was all confused. So it was two days in a row. And, and the evenings were a little bit like, oh my God, he was very dysregulated, but 80 percent of the day he was pretty great. 

[00:30:04] And what I, I remember thinking. Like the, the, those couple dysregulated nights, I was like, okay, I could see if like, I took him to a farm. This was a thought I had. I took him to a farm, just him and me, and the weather was nice, and we could just be with no agenda for like a week. We could kick it, right? 

[00:30:24] We could, like, I, he, because you know, when you get off the meds, he had a headache. I don’t let my kids drink soda and I got him a Dr. Pepper and I was like drink half of this and he ended up drinking the whole thing but it was like you need like you have physiological responses and so it would take time and space and and probably digging into boundary work and awareness and he would, you know, some maybe behaviors that he was, like, showing at night during the dysreg. I’m like, this would take a lot of time and space, and I need a farm. I need to call Stephanie and, 

[00:31:07] Randi Rubenstein: well, it also like, look, if he’s, if his body, if his body’s used to being on medication, he’s going to also have that sort of weaning process.

[00:31:17] Lindsey Sheinbein: Right. That’s what 

[00:31:18] Randi Rubenstein: but I, also want to point out this, no judgment. It’s not a one size fits all approach, and we don’t all have to do things the exact same way. And so like just the judgment free zone of me being like, it’s summer, I think he’s ready. How about just try not doing the meds? And Lindsey was like, love you and fuck no. Yeah, love you and fuck no. 

[00:31:40] And, and like, Lindsey’s the pack leader, I’m not the pack leader of her household. I’m not in charge of what she does, like, I’m like, encouraging, maybe, you know, like, I look at the meds as a bridge. You know, like maybe it’s time, it’s time to see. 

[00:31:57] And she was like, she tapped into her mama intuition in that moment. And she’s like, yeah, overriding your, you know, suggestion here. You’re very strong suggestion where you’re really suggesting it. 

[00:32:11] Lindsey Sheinbein: Because of that, that seed being planted, uh, it’s been in here and I’ve been, you know, wondering and, you know, observing and yeah, the seed was planted. And I was like, yeah, one day, maybe it’s definitely not now.

[00:32:28] Randi Rubenstein: But you know what? I, I don’t think that’s spoken about either. It’s like now we’ve given your kid this label. Now we’re going to send you to get the right meds. It’s going to be, you know, we’re going to mess with, find, find just the right med. But also, like, is the system talking about the meds? Really, a lot of times being a helpful tool and also being a bridge. While you’re on this med, let’s learn, let’s, let’s get things, let’s dial things in, let’s get back on the field. Let’s really work on some new habits and patterns and let’s teach this kid some amazing life schools and body awareness and all the things, right? 

[00:33:11] Because the goal will be eventually to wean off the meds. I mean, I know so many adult women who are like, yeah, I’ve been on an antidepressant for 20 years. Like no one ever asks me, should we try and wean off of it? Like how you doing? You want to try? I don’t, we don’t have answers for y’all. All we’re really doing is just probably making your brain spin, but my intention is I just want to put this on everyone’s radar.

[00:33:43] Medical professionals and labels. Yes, I think knowledge is power and we’re next leveling it. And when you’re, when you arm yourself with, with a new conversation and more information and you really move into more self advocacy and advocacy for your child. Like remembering, doctors are not the end all be all. 

[00:34:13] Love doctors, love medical professionals, love that we have people that are, you know, professionally trained on the brain and, and, and diagnosing, you know, and that we’ve got some super smart scientists that we can go and we can hire and they can help us, you know, to, to uncover what’s really going on. 

[00:34:35] But I think that’s the other problem we’re getting in our society is most of these diagnoses. It’s not a blood test. It’s a, it’s a subjective evaluation. So you are going and you are trusting that this doctor has this training and I like them and this is a smart mind and I want to pick their brain to see what they think. 

[00:34:59] And also when, you know, whenever you’re told to get a second opinion on things for yourself, like if all of a sudden you found out that you had, God forbid, you had breast cancer and you go and you get a second opinion. You know, I don’t know that a lot of people are getting second opinions when it comes to your kids. 

[00:35:18] And so when you tap into your mama intuition and you remember you are the pack leader and this, when we have a lot of members that have worked with us that happened to be doctors, that even happened to be pediatricians, right? Because what they know is they were trained to diagnose illness. They were not, they were not trained to understand behavioral issues. So they come to us to help because they’re smart scientists and they come to us to help figure it out. Just like we go to them to help figure out what the medical diagnosis is. 

[00:36:07] So I just want to arm parents with the confidence that ultimately you are, you get to become the expert. You’re the one who is creating your collaborative team. You’re finding the smartest minds like you are raising, like, it’s like the mom, the story we told at the beginning. Even though this kid is acting in all these out of control ways on the outside, because they feel out of control on the inside, this is a beautiful human being that is worthy of the best and, and like the best care possible. The brightest minds looking at their situation to help them ultimately feel better, right? Because when they feel better, they’ll just know, they’ll just be better. They’ll just know that they are a worthy human being of receiving the best care. 

[00:37:08] And so, so you stepping into that confidence, 

Audiogram 3 In?

[00:37:13] Randi Rubenstein: that was really why I wanted to have this conversation to say, um, you’re not alone. It’s a collaborative team. There’s so much about your intuition. And of course you haven’t been tapping into your intuition because the system sets you up not to, but we’re starting a new conversation here. And, yeah, that’s, those are my thoughts on the matter.

[00:37:41] Do you have any final thoughts, Linds?

[00:37:43] Lindsey Sheinbein: Just that, like, like the mom who had, this mom we’re speaking of, when she got to bear hug and witness her child move from angry to crying to then wanting mom close. It’s like, when you actually, as a parent get to experience that, that is how, your confidence comes back on board. Because it was like, damn, that worked.

Audiogram 3 Out?

[00:38:11] Lindsey Sheinbein: Okay. And when your confidence comes back on board by getting to experience these small, tiny wins and victories, it’s like confidence in that intuition. It’s like you begin to trust yourself again.

[00:38:25] Randi Rubenstein: So good. Thanks for talking about this with me. That’s what we have for y’all this week. Bye. 

[00:38:31] Thanks for listening today, guys. I hope you picked up some tips, tools, maybe some baby steps for creating more balance and boundaries in your life. And I just wanted to let you know, if you want to continue moving the needle forward in creating this for yourself, having a happier household, I want you to go to my website and check out mastermindparenting.com. We have three beginning programs, and if you need some accountability and more support then please look for the one that would be a good fit for you.

[00:39:06] And, as always, we’re on all the social channels under mastermind parenting, on Instagram it’s mastermind_parenting. And, you know, periodically I do pop up on different Instagram lives, Facebook lives where I give you teaching and coaching and I love engaging with you live to help you help your strong-willed kids so that they can feel better, because when they feel better they do better, and I love, love, love getting to know you guys. 

[00:39:39] So thanks for listening. If you like this podcast, please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review. Super super appreciative

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Creating A Happier Household

by Randi Rubenstein